Falcon's Fire, Disney

I played 18 on this golf course on 192 on Friday. It was my third time. It's fine. Not much water. It shows some wear and doesn't have any dramatic vistas. I'm not sure if it belongs in a guide like this, but, I guess people "do" golf so I should include it.

Cookes of Dublin, Disney

I bought a "Doh Bar" at this attached cousin of Raglan Road at Downtown Disney on Friday. It was $3.50. It is a Snickers bar covered in batter and deep fried. Surprisingly, I have never had the pleasure. It was great. The place serves an Irish menu. It seats about 20, but, is kind of geared towards takeout. Alot of the Queen's loyal subjects were ordering here. And they make fun of us for ordering hamburgers while on vacation. The menu tops out at $12. It has meat pies, fried seafood items, chips (fries), burgers, salads, etc. It was spotless. Very white. You can also eat on the outside tables at Raglan Road. Not bad for theme park chic. Amusing to me, I originally thought it read "Cookies of Dublin".

Earl of Sandwich, Disney

I had breakfast at the sandwich place in Downtown Disney on Friday. I had a ham and egg and cheese sandwich for $4. It was fine. A little better than a Dunkin Donuts representative. They serve sandwiches at around $6. They seemed ok. The place seats about 60. It's Disney so of course it is clean and new. I expected to be ripped off more because it is in Disney. The prices were pretty reasonable. I would recommend it for families in the area. It is decored like the library of some fictitious Earl of England. It's mostly kitchen behind a tray line. I always laugh when I see people enamored with British (any) royalty. If they only knew how most of these guys attained their titles.

Billy's Cafe, Winter Springs - Closed

I ordered two items to go at this cafe in the Villagio shopping complex on 434 in between Longwood and Winter Springs on Thursday. I had a turkey sandwich on white toast for $5.50 and Swedish pancakes for $5. The sandwich was fine. Like any other turkey sandwich you would get at a diner. It came with lettuce and tomato and maybe a touch too much mayonnaise. The Swedish pancakes (3) were fine. I little more like crepes than Swedish pancakes. They serve alot of breakfast items. It's just lunch and breakfast. And it is more like an IHOP than a cafe, but, I don't know how to describe that. It seats about 70. The service (1) was polite and fast. It's fine for what they do.

Senor Tequila, Winter Springs

I had lunch at this Mexican restaurant in between Longwood and Winter Springs on 434 on Thursday. I had the three item combo for $8 ($7.50 on the takeout menu) so I could sample the most items for you good people. I had a chicken tostada, a chicken burrito and a beef enchilada. It's pretty much those two options or cheese. The tostada was huge (toppings wise). The shredded chicken was good. A little salty. It also had cheese, lettuce and tomatoes on it. Fresh. The burrito was made from the same chicken (so same story). It was covered with melted cheese and looked (and was wrapped) like the enchilada. It had no other filling. The beef in the enchilada was ground beef. It was very salty. The worst of the three. It came with rice, steamed vegetables and pureed beans. The veggies may have been a component of the rice. It was all jammed together on the plate so it was hard to tell. All were satisfactory. They also served chips and salsa. Not bad. It was a huge platter. Too much for a normal person. I had to go "Man Versus Food" on it. They have a pretty large selection. They try to go beyond the basics. Prices top out at $18. Most things are around $10 at dinner. Lots of lunch items around $7. The place is huge. It must seat 100 in two sections. There is also a bar area. It was an upscale Chinese restaurant before. The decor is modern and understated. The most glaring weakness was the service. I had the distinct feeling that the mostly Hispanic staff had disdain for the customers. The waitress didn't even feel it was necessary to bring me back the change due on the bill. She just rounded it up to the nearest dollar. Of course that just made me take it out of her tip so I don't get the angle. The waitresses also disappeared from the dining area when not employed with a task. The food came out really fast, but, you will be at their mercy the rest of the meal. I can recommend it as a place to get a chain style (it may be one) Mexican food with a touch of authenticity. I'm not sure it's good enough to go too far out of your for. It did attract a fair number of people. Then again there isn't much choice in the area.

Pub Crawl - Lake Mary : Stonewood Grill, Tilted Kilt

Saint Patrick's Day

8-9pm: Stonewood Grill - I popped in to grab an app and some drinks. When I saw that the apps were as much or more than the burger ($12), I had to be sensible. The burger was thick. The toppings were fresh. The Parmesan wedges were good. The main flaw was that the burger was well done. I asked for medium. I've been here many times (but never reviewed it) and I don't want to expound on it in a pub crawl timeline. It's a "fine dining" spot for the middle class. They don't do anything out of the box so it appeals to the guy who thinks Tommy Bahama is couture. It's fine if all you know is chain food. I just find the whole concept of these places dull. It's not bad if the cook on duty is paying attention and not a retard. But, it's like hearing a cover band. There were no singles here except the staff. I really only went because they sent me a sweet discount that was about to expire and it was on the way to my ultimate destination.

9pm-11pm: Tilted Kilt - I went here with the hope that it would be better than the Promenade celebration. I seem to always forget to show up early on this night. If timing is the issue then showing up early at this place was not the solution. It was mainly old crows. It seemed like more people were here to have dinner than to Get Green. It never became better. Maybe it picked up by the time I left, but, I doubt it. The first to leave were the desirable. Maybe they went to the the Promenade? Serves me right for trying to avoid downtown and a DUI in the first place?

Magnolia Square Market, Sanford

I bought some food products and a sandwich to go (Liverwurst) from this offshoot from the people at Hollerbach's on Saturday. It's near the theater. It brought back the smile I lost at lunch. It is the best thing that has happened to Sanford - ever! It deals mostly in German items, but, they have things like a whole home brewing section too. It's like a good Whole Foods (like they have in SoHo) opened up in Sanford. If Whole Foods only sold German things. In addition to the supermarket like items, they have a whole deli. They were making corned beef to go for people on St Patrick's Day. They have a bunch of sandwich options. I went with the wurst because my mother used to eat it when I was a kid and I thought it was foul. But, that fat bastard Andrew Zimmern has me trying all kinds of disgusting things nowadays. It wasn't bad. I can say it's added to the rotation. It was under $5. They have wine and beer from Germany. Lots of cheeses. Music. Apparel. Just go try it. It's brand new and looks modern (except for the wall menu handwriting) and spotless. They seemed to have a loyal following. I believe it has been open for a year, so, I whiffed on bringing you a scoop.

Marco Dino's, Sanford - Closed

I had lunch at this latest adaptation of Stone's Throw Bistro (now Italian) on Saturday and I'm conflicted about what to tell you about it. On one hand, my experience is that the hullabaloo over this chef and his contributions are a little exaggerated. On the other hand, I'm not sure I've received his best punch. On one hand, I'm irritated that I had to go re-review this location for the third time. On the other hand, I can see why he had to abandon the old plan. On one hand, I'm happy that he has returned to his roots. On the other hand, I'm pissed because wild game was the only thing that made the last place interesting and the last thing I want is another over priced Italian comfort food place reliant on some untrained grandma's idea of gastronomy. It's like some underground local rock favorite (who you never thought much of, but, appreciated that they stood for something internal) started playing Pop (or in this case Sinatra). It's just displeasing. Onto the food.

I had Chicken Siciliana for $10. It was a pounded chicken patty (or two) breaded (pan fried) and covered with fried eggplant, prosciutto, mozzarella and a Marsala sauce. The chicken was well cooked (tender). The eggplant shed it's coating too easily (poorly coated or wet chicken or the pan wasn't hot enough) and somehow transmogrified into something tasting like cornmeal (though I was assured it could in no way be cornmeal). The prosciutto and mozzarella were lost in the dish. The Marsala sauce was too thick and too abundant. The meal came with a Tomato Basil soup that was spicy enough to be called Dry Italian Pepper soup. I didn't mind it, but, I wasn't expecting it and softer palettes may be overwhelmed by it. It also came with spaghetti with what supposed to be some extra special red sauce basted with meatballs, ribs and sausage. I didn't get any of that. It tasted like sour tomatoes. And yes I know the difference between fresh tasting sauce and sauce from a can. I'm not saying it was a bad sour just the sour you get when you don't do anything to it but warm it up. So, well cooked chicken is what you are left with when you rate this wunderkind of the kitchen. I can only tell you what he was serving up at that time of day on that particular day. Don't blame me. I really was hoping to like it/him. It's the one area you aren't expecting a mess up if you are going to see (re-see) a "headliner". The place itself looks much the same even though they are touting "significant" changes to local media. (*search for my review of Stone's Throw for more detail). It is still below par for a gourmet restaurant. The chairs are all notched and scarred. The windows are dirty. They have weird outlets exposed everywhere. There was a speaker by the hostess stand. They say there is a new bar, but, it didn't register. And trust me there were more pressing needs (unless you have changed direction in the clientele and reputation you are fishing for). Additionally, there are little flaws like the backs of the wall banquets being too high. The service (1) was fine. I was the only one there throughout the meal. They mentioned something about having to be there anyway to prep, so, they might as well serve lunch. They also didn't have anyone at the hostess desk and wouldn't display their lunch menu. I saw many customers look at the dinner prices and blanche. Maybe that is the problem. They don't really want you to be there at lunch. I would avoid it at that time. Then again I would avoid it at dinner because; the prices jump, it's another Italian offering that I don't want or need, I haven't seen a virtuoso performance from the chef in two tries and since I was the only one there and gave it a review like this I will definitely have my food spit in (if I wasn't recognized and that didn't happen already).

Grub Crawl - Longwood : Romansa (Closed), Papa Bees (Moved), Papa Tony's (Closed), Frank-O's

Romansa - It's across from Gateway To India on 434 close to 17-92. They refer to themselves as a restaurant, wine bar and cafe. I had lunch there on Tuesday. It's a place that serves alot of things you would see on American and Italian menus and a few Yugoslavian dishes. The owner's are Serb and Croatian. The restaurant means "Romance" in Serb (and for some reason a dialect of the Philippines) if you believe Google. I had two of the "regional" offerings. I had Cevapi for $7. It was a sandwich of five little link sausage looking pieces of what they call meat. I'm not sure if I can be more precise. I was going with beef until I looked at how they describe it on the menu. I had a taste there, but, had to wrap it up because the next dish filled me up. The Cevapi was predictably dull. There was nothing added. It came with a bland red pepper puree and some raw onions. We are talking the rudiments of gastronomy. The bread was a mix between focaccia and pita. It was good. The main course was a similar dish called Pljeskavica. It was one large log that they list as ground beef (tasted like the Cevapi) stuffed with bacon and cheese. It cost $12. It came with the same accoutrements and tasted about the same as the Cevapi. I couldn't really taste the bacon. Perhaps it was subsumed by the char on the log. Not to say it was overcooked. It was semi-moist inside. The cheese seemed like a form of string cheese and I believe I saw more on top than inside. It came with some well cooked shoe string french fries, a basic salad and garlic bread. They also have : weiner schnitzel, goulash, Raznjici (skewers), Punjena Paprika (stuffed peppers), Sarma (stuffed cabbage rolls) and Pork Medallions. I'm not saying that these are the tastiest dishes from the most renowned culinary region on the planet. I'm saying it's a change from the ordinary. The space is similarly, aesthetically, dull. A little gauche. It's a step down from Jersey Shore Italian. It's that horrible confluence of Arabic and Mediterranean tastes. Think of the people who brought you the velvet track suit and shaved head look and you'll get the picture of what you are in for. It's a rougher Goomba aesthetic. These guys haven't created something as bad as some of things I've seen out of the immigrants from former Soviet Republic, but, it is still a notch below tasteful. I'm not blaming Communism. These tastes have been passed on for generations. The sad thing is this will come as a big surprise to the owners and the patrons. I believe that they believe it is a triumph. Back to the room. It seats about 50. It has two booths in the window and the rest are fours. It takes up half of the space. The other side is a dance floor and bar. The bar looks ok. The dance floor is an eye sore and cheapens the presentation. They have a ghetto patio outside in the parking lot that seats about forty. They probably need it to seat the smokers. There were about a dozen people there. All seemed Slavic. The service (1) was polite. They could probably use a second set of hands. I recommend this place as place to pick up Eastern European women and food. If you have no interest in either then this is a "me too" restaurant in a remote location. You can probably don't need to venture this far for the usual food and women. They have been open for over a year.

*They moved to the old Fiesta location on 434 and 17-92. Now closed.

Papa Bees - This place is next to Romansa. They said they have been there for twenty years. It's a coffee shop that claims to have the best wings in town. Because I ate them the next day, I will not confirm or deny that. But, if I had to bet, I would bet against. Even when microwaved, they weren't crisp. I'm not sure if they steamed in the bag or lost crispness in the fridge. They weren't bad. Just ordinary. The place is lack luster. It has some sports inspired decorations and a claw machine. They had a sign that said they now serve beer and wine at $2. The wings cost $8 for 10. I'm sure it's fine for an everyday pick me up, but, it is not a destination.

*They moved to Ronald Reagan Blvd near Hourglass Brewery.

Papa Tony''s - This place moved to 17-92 from their place in a gas station on 434. I think it used to be a Bavarian place. I looked at my review of their last locale and I ripped them. Hopefully, the new location will mean better food. The pizza I had was good. It was under $2. It was thin with a non sweet tomato sauce. They didn't change much inside.

Frank-O's - I'd like to say more about this little deli on 17-92 near the old Range Rover dealership, but, the sandwich I had was average at best and the inside is very minimalist. I had a NY Slammer for $7. It was corned beef and pastrami on marbled rye. The quality of the meats were like the stuff you get in those pouches for 89 cents. I'd say it tasted like a latex glove, but, then you will say how do you know what a latex glove tastes like and then I will have to tell you something you don't want to know about your mother. I'm sure they will say it is Boarshead, but, Boarshead quality isn't what it used to be and isn't good enough for these two delicacy meats. That said, it was better than the corned beef I had at Firehouse on Monday, so maybe most yokels won't know the difference. Then again would anybody but a devotee order these meats. The people inside were nice. There is a Frank O. He is from Crook-Land. They serve breakfast, smoothies, soups, sandwiches, salads and even latin food on special order. The place seats about forty on sterile plastic benches like I think you see in the hospital. I haven't been to a hospital in a while (maybe after these reviews), but, that is all that comes to mind. I can't recall any decoration. I wouldn't make an effort to find it, but, if you are close it is an option. They have been open for nine months.

Lakeside Cafe, Lake Mary

I had lunch today at this cafe inside the AAA building. It is there to serve the people in the building, but, it is open to anyone. Parking is not a problem. The draw isn't food. I had a cheeseburger deluxe for $4 and a small salad bar salad for under $2. The burger was fine for $4. It tasted like meatloaf and was probably partially cooked in advance, but, it filled me up and the toppings were fresh. The salad bar was like any fast food or supermarket salad bar. The draw is the space (a large atrium on the golf course) and the prices. It's huge room with plenty of seating. The menu includes food stations that do the aforementioned plus sandwiches, desserts, drinks, etc. All the prices seem designed to give the office workers a reason to stay in and eat. The opposite of what most businesses do to a captive audience. The atmosphere was "flirty". I suggest you add this to your weekly rotation if you live around here. It's a better proposition and crowd than fast food. Plus you can pick up some theme park tickets and a travel guide while you are there.

Grub Crawl - Winter Park/Casselberry : Cafe de France, Gokudo Food Truck, Ravalia's (Closed)

Cafe de France - This is one of the first restaurants I ate at down here. But, it was pre-blog the last time I ate there so I wanted to make sure they were included in the annals with the virgins. I had lunch there on Wednesday. It is across from the 7-11 near Fairbanks on Park Ave. I had a Sandwich au Gigot d' Agneau (Leg of Lamb) with Pomme Frites (FF) for $9. It was a cute little thing. I wish I had time to watch it grow up. I think they realized this and tried to compensate with a half plate full of fries. The lamb was a little overdone and as is the case with lamb -certain pieces are tougher and more rancid than others. This was a fifty/fifty split. You pulled out whole pieces of carcass with every bite. It came on slices of a baguette that were soaked in oil (I don't want to presume butter). The sauteed onions were similarly molested. The mound of potato stick thin fries made it a three way of grease. The healthiest component may have been the Brie cheese. It came with a side of lamb jus that gave the item some complexity. You can eat it crunchy (as is) or dip it into jus to soften the bread and ratchet up the savory component. Two different textures in one selection. Nice. The place seats about ten outside and forty inside. Most tables or two's that can be put together for larger parties. The outside was full. There were six others inside. The place isn't fussy. It has a pretty forgettable profile. There is not much that tells you it is a French restaurant. The lunch menu has eleven appetizers from $6 to $10 and eight entrees from $9 to $16. The dinner menu has the same apps and nine entrees running from $22 to $32. It's a fine choice. It's more romantic/casual than "event" dining. Don't be discouraged by what seems like a negative review. It was tasty. Just very fattening and a little penurious. Don't take my word for it. They have been in business since 1982. I believe that the current owners aren't the original owners, but, I don't know when the change occured if at all. The current owner's are surnamed Gutierrez and the chef''s is Russell. That doesn't connote authenticity, but, at least the wife and the chef are faking a French first name (maybe not faking). So, that may sooth the bigoted Francophiles out there.

Gokudo Food Truck - This is a new food truck in the parking lot near Tom and Jerry's on 17-92 near Lee Rd. They serve Asian food (five appetizers and four entrees). I had two apps. I had the Taiwanese Glazed Sausage for $3. It's a garlicky, pork sausage cut in slices and covered with a sweet, ginger, lemon grass glaze. It was fine. I'm not that hot on sweet and savory. The second app was a Malaysian Roti for $3. It is a buttery, croissant/pie crust dough that is made into a circle and cooked on the grill. It is covered with a mellow curry sauce. It's very greasy and probably very fattening. The curry was a little to liberally applied. If you give it just a thin schmear it (the taste of the curry) won't become so overpowering. This was probably a case where trying to be to generous/accommodating resulted in a lesser outcome. A topping might help balance the ratio too. They sell one with chicken or pork or tofu or steak as an entree (OG) for $9. Most entrees are $7 and up. The guys who run the truck are friendly and generous (they gave me a free ice tea - $2 value). They just moved their truck here for Kissimmee so let's show them some love. One of the partners is at least part Malayasian (not sure about the other's ethnicity). Where else are you going to find some one around here who can make any claim to having any legitimacy/ability in this type of cuisine? The rest of the menu has a Japanese vibe (so maybe the partner is Japanese). Plus the options are dwindling at this food truck outpost so you may not have a choice.

Ravalia's Pasta Bar and Rotisserie - I bought a Rotisserie Cooked Pork Grinder at this place across from the old strip club (Diamond's?) on 17-92 near 436 in Casselberry/Fern Creek. I had it to go. When I returned home, I tried a bite and continued to eat the whole thing right there and then. The pork is delicious cooked this way. It had hints of fennel seed that made it taste like sausage. And this way you aren't eating lips and dicks! Most of the pieces were fat free. They said they use pork butt which is actually shoulder. They also cook chicken and sausage (I think together) in the rotisserie. The owner's husband is Italian and they are trying to emulate the Italian way. The grinder was a little short at about eight inches. It was loaded pretty well. The bread was fine. Not the greatest roll and not the worst. They had a misprint on the menu so I'm not sure if it was supposed to come with tomato sauce and provolone. There was a hint of provolone but no sauce. I didn't care I just wanted the taste of the pork in all it's porcine glory. It did come with a jus. It was fine with it or with out it. I think what they have done is create something that brings the sausage hero guys from NY together with the shaved meat guys from Chicago and the BBQ/Grill guys from the South and the roast pork guys out West (depending on how you dress it). It came with fresh made and cut pasta that I haven't tried yet. I know I ruined it by waiting, but, I was too full. Have you been reading this article? It cost $9. So that's me. Back to them. The have six types of homemade pasta for $5. They have six kinds of sauce. They have five grinders and three deli sandwiches. They have soups, salads, desserts, meals to go, and the aforementioned rotisserie items. The place seats about fifty. It is pretty basic. The people were friendly. From the Syracuse area. I recommend you find it for this one of a kind rotisserie opportunity. Then go shoot some guns at Shoot Straight or see a dog race. *This branch closed, but, they are still open in Lake Mary.

* 11/9/14 - The last two times I went to the Lake Mary location I had bad spaghetti (way overcooked) and chicken on greens. The cooking area is a sty. They make fresh pasta and I witnessed portions of it soaking in warm water for at least a whole serving. The cook was slopping things together. He would our three quarters of a pan of sauce on one plate and a quarter on the next. No consistency or pride/concern. My salad was wilted and the chicken was obviously cooked long before hand. It's packed, but, it isn't because the food is superior anymore.

Grub Crawl - Sand Lake Rd : Cariera's (Closed), Flame Kebab, Dragon China

I sampled three restaurants for lunch around Sand Lake on Friday. I also tried to find a food truck on I Drive. I never found it. I believe it was supposed to be around Fun Spot. It wasn't. They did have a sign that said they were hosting a food truck event after 5pm (FYI).

Cariera's Cucina Italiana - I'm not sure how I let this one fall under the radar for so long. They say they have been operating in the complex that WOB, Mortons, etc for 16 years. I ate there (in another life) when it was Enzo's. The inside was largely the same. They said the take out area was new. It is obviously a little more "seasoned" than the last time I ate there. They have also decorated the walls with hundreds of framed photos of customers. Cheesey or endearing according to your outlook. I had the 10" pizza for $7 not because it was the cheapest thing on the lunch menu, but, because the menu said it was award winning. It was good and more than enough for one. However, I wouldn't give it an award. Many places (Armando's, Enzo's, etc) serve a better pie. This had too much crust and not enough char. It could have used a little more time in the oven. The cheese was also pedestrian. It solidified quickly (fresh cheese has more water content and doesn't congeal in minutes). The service was pleasant and mostly efficient. They dropped the ball at a crucial stage - food delivery. I saw it sit on the counter for over seven minutes before another server noticed and came to the rescue. The place is big. It must seat 100+. It was pretty full. Most of the patrons seemed like volume shoppers. The dress was very informal. This is a working mans place. They have all your usual, over-priced Italian favorites. The meatball sub looked good. Dinner pastas start at $16 and go to $21. Dinner entrees start at $18 and go to $28. Appetizers hover around $9. I still say it is too much for this level of complexity, but, I'm obviously the only one who does. There doesn't seem to be a more popular dining proposition in the CF area for most of you (if we are to judge by the amount of these places doing business). I don't think Italians eat this much Italian food. I wish you were being charged a little less for this level of quality or expertise. But, it's your money you are throwing away and then complaining that taxes are too high. At least this place isn't a chain.

Flame Kebab - I visited this spot (same complex as Cariera's) when it was Indian. Now it's Middle Eastern. I believe the owner's are Lebanese. I had a Shish Tawook (wrap of marinated chicken cubes, lettuce, onions, tomatoes, peppers and garlic sauce) for $6. It was good. It had some good Middle Eastern spices in it. It came with fries and a soda. The fries were horribly undercooked. The place seats about 50 in tables of four. It was empty. They added a wall facade that creates some Middle Eastern mystique. The wall art consists of French provincial landscapes (from the place that provide motels with art) that the artist has labeled with Italian names. I would guess he has never been to either place. I'm not sure how they help the Middle Eastern theme. The place seems acceptable. I'm not sure why it was empty. The people were nice. Most entrees are $15-$22. They have a pretty traditional menu.

Dragon China - This place is another I have obviously walked right past for years. It's in the complex that has Season's 52, Timpano). They said they have been there for ten years. I just recognized it when I went to that Crawfish place a few weeks ago. It's "slightly above average" for take out and "average" for sit in. They also serve sushi. I had the Moo Goo Gai Pan lunch special for $5. It was fine. It came with fried rice. I have to say that I think it is time for us all to say no to fried rice. Not because it is bad for us, but, because it seems it has become common practice to prepare mountains of this stuff in advance and let it sit until it is done. This can't be healthy. I seem to get "after effects" every time I eat Chinese takeout and I think I can pinpoint this as the culprit. I know it's risky to try and decide what in Chinese takeout is potentially poisonous, but, I am zeroing in on that mountain of pre-prepared fat. It can't be poor storage, spoiled meat and dirty hands in all these places. The place seats about 60 in a wood paneled room. It could be a little cleaner/unencumbered.

Ichigo Ichie, Sanford

I endured this buffet (on 17-92 in the Wal-mart shopping center) for you yesterday. It's near the closed Mexican place (I think it was an El Potro). The people who run these places are always a bunch of penny pinching little weasels. Suffering through them and the mass of inhumanity that eat here is always a lesson in perseverance. These guys, literally and figuratively, left a bad taste in my mouth. The literal "bad taste" was an undercooked pizza. It is the common thread through all buffets. Raw pizza. The figurative "bad taste" was the fact that they refuse to take American Express and their evident disdain for the customer. The first one I can live with. The second I should understand because I just similarly insulted them a few sentence up. However unlike the people that work there, they are not subsidising my Get Out Of Jail Free card (life in whatever shit hole they sailed out of). These shameless, round eye gluttons make your life possible. Treat them with a little reverence. I know an engaging personality may be too hard to affect, but, at least try to not look hostile. The buffet cost $7 and $2 for a soda. They have a lot of items. I went for sushi. The name sounded Japanese. They had about eight rolls and two nigiri. The nigiri (salmon and what they said was fluke, but, was more likely talapia) was paper thin. They never, ever replaced it once the one plate was gone. Same with the rolls. This was the strictest non-replenishment code I had ever encountered. If I was there after I was there, I would not have had any sushi. I was lucky that I seemed the only one interested in it. The only roll worth eating was the salmon roll. The other rolls were just riffs on fake crab and diced up, spicy fish remnants. Cheap stuff. I had two warm things (nuggets and pork loin). The pork loin was good. They didn't provide knives to cut it though. Try cutting a loin with a spoon. The nuggets were nuggets. The place has three seating areas and a private room. The tables evince the lack of aesthetic sensibility common to the milieu. It includes faux marble table tops, black chairs and a crystal chandelier inside yellow and orange trim. They all flank warming stations. The guys at Caesar's Palace think it's tacky. Tacky and unfortunately too common. But, it takes a while for people, like food, to absorb taste.

I just searched online for what the name means and it means "Each Moment Only Once" in Japanese. That just makes me madder about the sushi and more confused as to why all the staff looked Chinese. It is a fit name. That was the one moment I will spend there. It is an average buffet. It has more than the Sun Valley Buffet in Sanford or the one in Lake Mary. I think I would recommend the one in Longwood (East-West) over all of them (for that area) - especially if you are looking for sushi. None of this would be necessary if Crazy Buffet hadn't gone under.

February Food Truck Round Up - Lake Mary : Firehouse BBQ, Louie's Bistro

On Sunday, the Firehouse BBQ Food Truck and Louie's Bistro On The Run Food Truck replaced Chutzpah, Baxter's, Beard Papa's and the Empanada Trucks in the lineup at the Lake Mary City Hall. I tried the newbies. I had a "Hero" at Firehouse for $8. It was a sandwich of beef brisket, pepperjack, cole slaw, banana peppers, pickles, sauteed onions on buttered toast. It was rich and oily. The brisket was fatty. Too much unnecessary fat and calories for my taste (plus I don't like peppers). How can any hillbilly still think white toast is an acceptable sandwich component for anything other than grilled cheese, pb&j or a club sandwich at this point in time? We have interstate commerce now. I know it is tradition. But, evolve! They said they were competitive cooks who decided to branch out into retail. I believe they are out of DeLand. They said they had just won a contest in Kentucky. They have a sharp, new, red truck with a smoker attached. That and the BBQ mystique must be why you are still paying a premium for roofless, seatless and serviceless service. They had some kitschy products aside from the usual BBQ fare - BBQ Sundae (beans, slaw, pulled pork), BBQ Wangs (no sp) and Fried Apple Fries. They have ribs, but, sold out in the first hour. The food came out reasonably fast.

I also sampled Louie's Bistro. They took forever! At least ten minutes ordering and twenty five expediting. I switched at the last minute from beef tips in a cream peppercorn sauce over fries for the chicken tacos. They were very good. A good audible (the tip sauce looked coagulated and dreary). It was three soft shell tacos for $6 (the low end of the pricing). The chicken must have been braising in liquid all night (possibly in something with green olives). It was infused with a wonderful flavor. The taco came with fresh lettuce and a pungent lime sauce. It was a generous portion. The taco shells would be better served if they grilled them a little besides a squirt of water. This would take some of the raw flavor out of the shell and keep them pliable. They currently taste like raw dough and they split in half during ingestion. They also had a jerk pork something or other and a pork loin (about 6 items). It was an eclectic menu. The big difference in value they had versus some of the other trucks was that they gave a side (fries) with most meals.

Both trucks were good and were the most popular at the event. I'm not sure if this was because they were new or best. It was only my second rodeo. It was going pretty well until the rain came.

La Nueva Arepera, Orlando

I bookended my trip to the airport (a gastro-copalypse of Vail and Denver that hit almost every Guy Fieri, Anthony Bourdain and Adam Richman recommendation and climaxed with me eating bulls balls at the Buckhorn - like a virgin, munched for the very first time) with a stop at this Venezuelan restaurant on Friday night. It is on 436 in between 50 and 408. It is a rectangular space that is mostly counter top (they have some seats up front). It seats about 40. It was about half full at 10pm. It is a plain, white walled space with the grills against the wall. I had an Arepas (white ground corn bun) stuffed with shrimp for $5. They gave me an ungodly amount of shrimp. I used most of it to make an extra sub with the next day's Subway tuna sub carcass that I ate the tuna out with chips. Subway should really consider selling a shrimp salad sub. The part of the Arepa I left "as is" tasted ok. A little bland with either the garlic are ultra hot sauce they served as a condiment. I grew some jalapenos a few years ago and made a salsa out of them when they turned red. Maybe this was what they use. Maybe it's habaneros? It's an ass burner. The shrimp looked like the ones you buy at the supermarket in one of those shrimp cocktail trays. Quantity versus quality. I also had a mixed Cachapas of shredded chicken and cheese for $8. I made the double mistake of not reading the menu thoroughly enough and getting two things I didn't really need on something I had never had. That made the price go from $3 to $8. A Cachapas seems to be a thick, sweet, yellow corn pancake. It came with the aforementioned shredded chicken and cheese. The chicken was fine. I didn't specify which of the four (white, yellow, guayanes and mano) cheeses I wanted, but, I received the one that looked and tasted like mozzarella. It was a huge slab. Too much for this dish or your bowels to process. I ate some of the plate "as is" and transferred most of the cheese to the Arepa to make a "Caracas" grilled cheese. That is purely from my imagination. I'm sure there was nothing named that until right now. Feel free to run with it. The Cachapas is good, but, the sweetness wears out its welcome fast. You definitely don't need it and an arepa. The restaurant was more than I expected. I expected just a few Arepas and maybe some grocery store items. They had a pretty extensive menu. The things I have already mentioned (with many iterations) plus breakfast plates, empanadas, empanadillas, soups, chicken cutlets, fried fish, steak, pork chops, sides and desserts. They are open 24 hours. Parking is limited. They speak English. The menu is in English. I have no problem with you trying this place out. The neighborhood is scary, but, the people inside are nice. Plus how many restaurants can you choose from that deliver a Venezuelan experience? It may be the only way many of us get to experience the culture.

Riviera Maya, Orlando

I had lunch at this Mexican restaurant on 436 near 408 last week on my way to the airport. It is in that strip mall (Royal Oak Village) with the Sonic that has the Jetson-esque nameplates out front. It is the only restaurant still serving in that complex. Can we not have an ordinance that requires old places to rip down their signage when they file? I had a cup of the tortilla soup (which seemed to be a house specialty) for $4 and a plate of Chilaquiles (because I like saying Chilla-kill-ayssss) for $6. The soup was very good. It had lots of good white meat chicken and fresh avocado and cheese and sour cream. The tortilla strips were thicker than usual (3x). The broth was good. There wasn't much room for it. It is a little expensive at $8 a bowl, but, a cup is a nice portion and the soup is really good. They describe the Chilaquiles as "stewed" in a homemade sauce. I've always had the sauce poured over the chips before serving. The chips here were very "saturated" with the sauce so maybe they did cook them together. It was a big portion. It came with eggs, cheese, onions, avocado, and cream. I'm not sure if they understood what "over easy" meant because they came "sunny side up". However, they at least had a liquid yoke to spread around the plate. The place is non-descript - not trendy - oldish. Its interior tries to resemble a cantina brought indoors. One side serves as a dining room. The other side is an area for the bar. There were two other people in the dining area while I was there (Orlando's finest). There were some people in the bar area, but, I wasn't sure if they were customers or friends and family. The dining area seats about 30. I believe it had a mural on the wall. The menu is mostly Southern Yucatanian. They have some Latin/South American dishes (ie Ropa Vieja, Cubano, Tripleta) and even a Cheeseburger. It is "authentic" despite the occasional departures. The Yucatan is mostly coastal, so, they have and claim to cook fish well. They have a kids menu, desserts, wraps, sandwiches, salads and many traditional dishes. The high water mark is $16 for seafood stews. Most things cost around $8-$10. Breakfast items cost less and are served all day. They are open from 7am to 9pm on weekdays and 9am-8pm on weekends. They are open on Sunday (which can be rare for Catholic run businesses). I forget if the "Cloth" did well converting Mayans. I absolutely recommend the place. I was pleasantly surprised by the quality of the food. It far outpaces the look of the place. It is in an oasis in what can be a scary part of town. It has lots of parking. The service is polite and fast. They even are "hip" enough to have an online presence on Facebook and the web - http://www.rivieramayacafe.com/ while offering free Wi-Fi.

Truffles, Winter Park - Closed

I had lunch at this Grill/Cafe (depending on the receipt or card) in the Winter Park Village next to Chamberlain's on Orlando Ave (17-92) yesterday. It is a division of Applebee's. I had the Chicken Pot Pie for $12. The pie came in a clean, white bowl with a pie crust top hat. I, originally, was disappointed by its modern look (I cut my teeth on messy, unruly crock pots of imprisoned components) and gave the waitress an "anhh" when she asked if I thought it the most delicious CPP I had ever had. I think I may have said (in fact I know I did) that it was like cream of chicken soup with pie crust crackers. No sooner did I open my big mouth (I should disclose that I vowed to myself as a teen to give honest, thoughtful answers to even the most pointless small talk as a reaction to the pointlessness of small talk) than I started to rethink and regret my reply. As I tasted the still firm carrots (man that sounds gay) and broccoli, I understood the benefit of reconstructing Grand Ma's Chicken Pot Pie. It's not a mushy mess. And while you still miss the bottom and side crust, it is a reasonable price to pay for toothsomeness. And besides they usually undercooked that part of the dish anyway. So I admitted my mistake and asked for Absolution from my waitress and received more than that. They comped the dish. I didn't ask for it. I tried to dissuade them. But, they wouldn't let me hear of it. And that is why this review switched from - a rather generic, overpriced, ordinary American McRich-staurant - to what I have to say about it in the next, few lines. It is true that it is part of a chain (all be it a small chain aiming at the higher end of American casual). But, some people are comforted by that. It is true that the menu is a "Greatest Hits" album. But, some people are comforted by that. It is true that the prices are a little high considering the first two concessions. But...well everbody hates that (except maybe the baby in the Jimmy Fallon credit card commercial). However, this is what most unadventurous Americans want and what most adventurous Americans can put up with.

The place is clean with a forced elegance. It looks like everything was bought at Pottery Barn or wherever they sell faux French advertisement posters and mass produced works of art. You just sense the conformity. Aside from that, we already established that the service is beyond reproach and multitudinous. There must have been eight, corporately dressed attendants on call for lunch (plus a host and a bartender or two). This is the benefit of having big, corporate dollars paying the bills. The place seats about: 20 in booths of two on either side of the bar/dining room divider, 10 at the bar, 40 in two rows of tables for four in between four person booths for 20 in the dining room. They also have a patio that seats around 50. I was there late so the inside was almost empty. It was "waiting room only" two Saturday night's ago. All in all, it's ok. I still don't get why they call it Truffles. I didn't see any on the menu. I didn't see any French or Italian food. It's perplexing. I am more familiar with the jokes about Applebee's than the food, but, I know I've been there at least once and I think I think of them as I do of Truffles. It's a little basic. It's a little safe. It's a little overpriced for what you get. I can't say I will fight to get back here, but, I wouldn't whine if I was forced to. And let every other restaurant manager take note. What could have been a very sour and uncomplimentary report on a lunch service turned into a semi-laudatory review. In addition, I feel a certain debt to and affinity for the place. A debt that I tried to repay by giving the waitress most of the cost of meal (I didn't have all the cash required) as a tip and an affinity for the place so that I am more likely to return (even though I prefer to try uncharted waters) or tell others to. Finally, I didn't mention the "tip" to garner sympathy. I did it so you wouldn't think I'm the type of person that goes around complaining about my meal to get a discount. I just complain about it out the sheer love of the complaint.

BTW - a McRich-staurant is a cookie cutter chain of "luxury" dining (ie Houston's, Flemings, Seasons 52). Slightly different from a Mc-restaurant (ie Chilis, Applebee's, TGIF)

The Piano Lesson, SSC

I saw this edition of the August Wilson retrospective last Sunday afternoon. It had many of the usual suspects and the quality has remained constant through the years. I don't know how they remember the dialogue. Wilson never shuts up or finds the most direct (yet believable) way to the point. I don't know if he was like Mamet and tape recorded or transcribed real arguments by people in his life who apparently have no ability to find the center of a philosophical argument, but, his characters just keep rehashing the same misguided logic and preferences/prejudices. If this is how black people really live, it most be exhausting to be black. I could barely take three hours of it with an intermission. It's just "oh no you don't" versus " oh yes I do". It's like hearing children bicker. The central question posed by this play is if a heirloom should be kept for its intrinsic or extrinsic value. Sell your past for your future. They spend 3 hours arguing around it and the only way Wilson can solve the enigma is by introducing a tie breaker. He adds some ridiculous element of the supernatural to the equation at the last moment. It is like he just had to finally put something down so he could get this thing out of his door. The play ends with the piano in place, but, the question unanswered. I would have preferred that he left the dilemma festering if he couldn't resolve it. I'm not sure how I resolve it. At any rate, it is still a good key hole in which to view an unfamiliar social dynamic and period in time. There is a lot of humor and home spun wisdom in the exposition. It will only cost you $10 to peep. The playhouse was almost full. A mix of all ages and other arbitrarily defining adjectives. It runs through the 12th. Putnam County Spelling Bee is next.

Grub Crawl - Longwood/Lake Mary : Bite Hot Dog Company (Closed), La Parada Criolla (Closed), Joy Luck (Closed), Mikado

This is a combo from today and yesterday. I had lunch at one of the places then came back and bought some thing to eat while watching the Superbowl at the others. The first three are on 434 between I4 and Ronald Reagan Parkway. Mikado is on Lake Mary Blvd.

Bite Hot Dog Company - I had a Bloody Mary Basket here for $6.69. It was a hot dog with tomato, olives, celery, horse radish pepper sauce and celery salt. It came with fresh cut fries and a drink. The dog was ok. I'm not big on these Mid West "salad" dogs. It's $3.49 on its own. I think anything over $2 is too much for a dog. This turned out to be just 20 cents over the cheapest available dog ($3.29). They top out at $4.29. The have some interesting combos (mashed potato dog). The fries were undercooked. They gave you a large (half the basket) portion. I would advise them to relax on order fulfillment speed and concentrate on quality. They seemed understaffed, so I will chalk it up to that. The place seats about 50. It was pretty full. It's mostly counter top seating. They have four tables inside and more on a patio. It is similar to Moe's in that they have rock 'n' roll quotes on the wall. The wall is bright red. The place is clean. They are not a chain. They have been open for ten months. I would go back if the traffic around the place weren't so bad or if they weren't inconveniently in the middle of the morass of 434.

La Parada Criolla - I ordered some chicken wings and fries to go for $5.50. I really wasn't in the mood for "island" Spanish food (Puerto Rican), but, I wanted to knock this place out while I was in the neighborhood and traffic was lighter. It's in a strip mall where they have some night club. The new owner took over a hamburger joint that was run by the nightclub's owner. They have the expected fare. The soups and entrees (like most of these places) seem a little expensive, but conversely, the sandwiches and desserts seem too cheap. They have lunch specials starting at $5. They serve breakfast. The owner was very nice. Try it out so she can quit her other job and concentrate on school and/or her kids.

Joy Luck - I could have sworn I ate her before, but, it isn't in the search. They said they have been open for three years. I had a Kung Pao dinner for $10. It came with a huge amount of pork fried rice, a good egg roll and wanton soup. It's still not the Kung Pao I was raised on. They use a black sauce. Alot of it. It wasn't very spicy. The chicken they used was mostly dark meat scraps. It seats about 60. It's behind Bayridge sushi. Nice owners.

Mikado - I made the mistake of eating here on a Monday (I hope for their sake). I received fish that was probably delivered on Thursday. As such, my sashimi platter for $12 wasn't very fresh. It was ten pieces. The tuna was bland. The salmon was pasty and tasteless. The white tuna was soft. The tough fluke ironically had the most flavor. It came with a salad (or soup) that was drenched in dressing. I needed something healthy after the Super Bowl junk fest. I should have reconsidered. The place is the old Fuji. They jettisoned the hibachi tables (they do that in the back now). Other than that it is similar. I had similarly bad experiences at Fuji. I will put these guys on the black list as well. They think they are high end (and charge that way), but, I don't have them in my top twenty. I would suggest Samurai sushi instead. They have better pricing and know better than to try and pimp the sushi bar when the whole restaurant is empty.

Tamarind, Winter Park

I had a late dinner at this Indian restaurant in a decrepit strip mall on the corner of 17-92 (Orlando Ave and Lee Rd) last Monday. The parking lot is so devoid of illumination, I don't know how the landlord or proprietors in this area haven't been sued for some sort of malfeasance that such an environment engenders. I had the Chicken Xacuti for $13. It was good. Kind of like Tikka Masala, but, with coconut. It was a big portion (enough for two). It came with basmati rice. They provided me with a complimentary basket of the thin Indian "crackers" (I'm spacing on the name) with three accouterments to snack on. One was a salsa-esque salad. One was a sweet, black, thick liquid. One was a hot, green puree. I can't believe I'm still struggling with the terminology after eating it for so long. It doesn't help that the food is so fattening I can only allow myself to have it once a month. In any event, the food seems mostly higher end. The fat lady at the Sentinel gave it good marks. It is run by the people who do Ashirwaad (sp?). They have some dishes I haven't seen labeled as such at other Indian restaurants, but, they seemed to think they were common enough when asked about them. They do tandor, soups, salads, naans, dosas, desserts and "stews" of chicken or vegetables or lamb or seafood. Most are in the $13-$16 range. The most expensive thing is $20. They are on Idine. The place is in the old Cuban location. They dressed it up in Indian luxury. The design is very rococo. They have plush tapestries, chandeliers, ornate accents and a big mural of a village scene on one of the walls. It has: two booths that seat six, four that seat four, two tables that seat four and two tables that seat eight. Service (1) was good. The meal came out in minutes. There were three others there at 9pm. There was a wait for a table on first attempt to dine there the Saturday before. I would guess it is popular. They are open every day (take that lazy Americans). They are open for lunch. No buffet, but, a pick 'em menu is offered. I forget the price on that. It's a good spot for value.