Darmani's, Sanford - Previously Salt n' Sugar Pizza - Closed

I had a pizza to go at this pizza/crepe/wing place on 46 on Saturday. It was a small (8 inch), cheese for $6. It was fine. A little undercooked and they use too much oregano. I went by on Wednesday, but, they weren't open yet. They were, however, in the place and offered me a slice of a "fancier" pie (with cream in it). That slice was unsurprisingly better. Although, the crust was a little tough (maybe kneaded for too long). It's a small place. It might seat 25. The decorations are minimal. They are going for a hip vibe. They have two guys from Nice to make the pies and crepes. Not sure if that makes them any more capable, but, it a point of differentiation. They are in the strip mall that houses Beard Papa's. There was already Gio's in the neighborhood, but, maybe there is room for two. It's a tough price point. Terra Mia has a really good (the pizza and the price) pizza special (drink and salad) for under $10. I'll go back because the people seemed nice and variety is the spice of life.

Ichiban, Lake Mary - Closed

I had lunch at this Hibachi Buffet on 46a on Friday. It was $8.50. I mostly had sushi. Chinese food is greasy and salt ridden. And that's the good stuff. The sushi was passable. It was mostly rolls, but, they had the tuna, salmon and a white fish trio. The white fish used to be snapper, but, now I think talapia is often substituted. Alas, I remember when tuna was actually tuna (blue fin) and not a large mackerel (yellow fin). The pieces were small. That's fine with me. I hate it when they try and load you up on rice. They did a fairly good job at restocking the supply. They definitely don't waste any part of the fish (or they suck at trimming fish). You get all sorts of crunchy bits mixed in with the flesh. I did try the salt baked crab. It was overcooked. Think warm paste. I never understood why the Chinese flavor shells. How about we take the crab out of the shell and then season? Or use soft shell crabs. I also tried the Har Kow (Shrimp dumplings). They were also overcooked. Pasty and the shrimp were tarred and feathered with some sort of sarimi slurry. Gross. And finally, I had a clam dish. Not bad. The place is big. They took two office spaces to the right of the coffee place and added it to the restaurant space (some Asian fusion place most recently). The buffet is in the office space area. There are about one hundred seats in front and to the left of the entrance. The sushi counter is on the right in the back. They left the restaurant room as it was. The place is decorated basic plus. It's pretty bare except for some modern Japanese decorations. It's not meticulously appointed, but, it's not a dump. It's like a cut rate Koy Won. And that's where I put it. Slightly below Koy Wan and maybe on par with East-West Buffet. It is a little more expensive than EW. I'm going to go often, but, I love "almost free" sushi. I think that has to be your attitude too if you come. Quantity. Not quality. They took Amex and they are giving a 10% discount. They just opened two weeks ago. A soda was $1.75.

Ethos Vegan Kitchen, Winter Park - Closed

I had a Hippie Wrap (hummus, sprouts, cucumbers, tomatoes, banana peppers, and lettuce in a spinach tortilla to go at this vegan kitchen on Fairbanks on Thursday. It cost $7. It was fine, but, possibly the only thing on the menu that is palatable (did you know the palette is the roof of your mouth) to me. It is all that fake meat and vegetable nonsense. I think I've discovered why this (really) appeals to a certain segment of society. The people that eat this way are sickly. They obsess about their health because it has always been suspect. As such, the answer to the "what do all the "emo's" and neurotics do when they grow older" question is - they work at Ethos. The place is nice. A step up from their old location on N. Orange Ave (now closed). I think I went their pre-blog. I mean I know I went there, but, it was pre-blog. It must seat 100+. It has that unfinished, industrial look (exposed everything) with farmy knick knacks. They have a long bar on the back wall. I saw a turn table, so, I guess they do douchey "events" at night. The crowd was surprisingly mixed. There were some suits in there with the co-eds and pierced chubby guys in camo shorts and black t-shirts with a wool berets. Look, it's not my kind of place, but, it seems to be run well. I've had my share of girlfriends who tried to stay skinny...err...I mean "healthy" going to places like this so I am familiar with the lifestyle. I guess I should be grateful they serve pizza. I've been left with fewer options. Try it or don't try it. I'm too weak from lack of meat to care. 

La Chiva, Winter Park - Closed

I had lunch at this self-described Latin (mostly Colombian) restaurant on Thursday. I had the special of the day for what came out to be $10 with a can of soda. I think it was called Chicken Ajiacco. It was a stew. It had a thigh and few pieces of the outside part of the breast plus potatoes and onion and a quarter ear of corn. It was served with white rice and a third of an avocado. It was fine. Very rustic. Maybe not the most balanced dish (two starches and a raw vegetable thrown in). The menu has arepas, sandwiches, Colombian dogs and burgers, meat dishes and daily specials. Prices can reach $20. It's on 436 in a strip mall between the road that goes to Maitland and the one that goes to Winter Park. It was a Puerto Rican (Sazon) and an Ecuadorian place before. It's has been open under these owners for eight months. The place is cute. They have all the proper decorations. It looks like a souvenir shop. They use cut up coffee bags to carpet the ceiling. There are two rooms. The front room houses the kitchen and looks like a takeout/bar area. They have a side room ( with wooden tables) that is the main dining area. It seats about 25. It also has a bar counter. There were two others there when I visited (Colombians). The service was good. The food came out promptly. Communication was a slight problem. The place has a casual vibe. You can tell from their cartoon logo that they don't take themselves too seriously. If I have it right, a "Chiva" is a loud food truck that people assemble around to eat and drink and dance. It's not gourmet. And it's not seedy. It's a nice family restaurant (you can tell by the highchairs) that happens to serve food you probably don't think much about. If you are curious, I suggest you try this place. It has a nice variety of dishes. Some dishes for the adventurous and some dishes that are universally recognizable.

New York Diner, Orlando - Closed

I had lunch at this diner on 436 near the airport on Wednesday. I had a corned beef on marble rye for $9. It came with fries, slaw and a pickle. I didn't like the corned beef. It had a sweetness that I associate with ham. They also sliced it too thin. It reminded me of the deli meat they sell in individual servings in the supermarket for 79 cents. It was almost devoid of fat. They say they trim and slice it in house. I say try a different setting on the slicer and leave some fat. It was served hot. The rye was cut thick and it was the highlight. The slaw was way to sweet too. The fries had that horrible batter on them. The pickle was mediocre. The main problem I see here is that it is not run by Jews. Maybe the non-deli items fare better, but, authentic this place is not. It is a shame because they seem to be making an effort to be authentic. They import alot of items from the NYC area (ie Junior's cheesecake). They just don't have it in their blood. Even Too Jay's is better. The menu is large and diverse. They have alot of desserts and coffees and even beer and wine. They even have matzoh brie (if you don't know what I am talking about - investigate). It is "diner overpriced". The place seats about 120+. The majority of the seating is booths, but, they have a counter, some group tables and a take out counter. Parking is no problem. The space is painted a yellow and a weird shade of blue. The kitchen is not visible. They have some similarly colored tiles behind the counter. The walls have print murals of NY landmarks. It is bit cheery for a diner. Think Miami diner. The service was great. They have enough staff. I wouldn't make a special trip here, but, if you need a "nosh" on your way out of town give it a whirl. You might not know the difference.

*Now an IHOP.

Laspadas, Sanford

I had lunch at this Delaware County, PA-style grill on 46 (in the old Quizno's) across for the 46 food and bar village. I had a bacon cheeseburger for $5 and some cheese fries for $2.25. A drink was $1.70. The burger was fine. They even gave the appearance of being concerned with what temperature it came out at (not a guarantee at some places). The meat was a little "loafy", but, it survived that impediment. The bacon helped. It was a big patty. The fries were great. Well done and loaded with Whiz. Love the stuff. Both were served in paper containers/plastic baskets. No pretensions here. The place looks like a joint. It's not the cleanest and not the nattiest, but, it passes code. It's decorated with Philly team logos on the wall. There is one TV on the wall. It was showing football. They have a few tables (8) on the window side of the structure and the counter and grill are positioned to the back. Their specialty is cheesesteak sandwiches. I found them a little expensive at $9 for a ten inch. That is the medium size. Maybe the quality is that superior, but, I wasn't going to risk it before I had some additional evidence. The last thing my hungover stomach wanted was a bad cheesesteak rotting inside of it and clogging the exit door. They said they had/have a decades old following up north and some other locations around here (at least one on Lee Rd). The staff was gregarious and polite. It's a fine little dive for this type of cuisine. I wouldn't go out of my way for it, but, if you crave a taste of your hometown (should it be Philadelphia) or have been indoctrinated into the hysteria by someone for whom it is and you don't have the power of teleportation, this may be a must do for you.

Breezeway, Sanford

I had lunch at this American restaurant on the main street. It is the latest in a series of efforts (lastly Two Blonds and a Shrimp). I had come to the area in hopes of finding a food truck event, but, I searched far and wide and never found it. It is home to one of the lamest farmer's market in the country (10 stalls? - most not selling food). So it has that going for it. I really wasn't expecting much from the place. The menu seemed unoriginal and overpriced. I was originally going to cut my loses and just order a salad, but, I overheard the owner telling another table about how meticulously he prepares his specialty pork sandwich. It sounded interesting and since it came with a salad for $9, I bit. Fortunate for me. It was a huge, pounded (cubed twice), cutlet (I forget which part) covered with panko and expertly fried. It was light. Good thing because it was massive (six times the size of the roll). It came on a roll that was a step above the usual hamburger roll. It was a little stale though. The lettuce, tomato and onion were superfluous and were of medium quality and freshness. The sauce (mayo, sour cream, hot sauce and horseradish) was excellent and necessary to counteract the dryness of the cutlet. I suggest that they challenge Hollerbach's to a Schnitzel-off. I chose a Caesar salad as an accompaniment. It was properly made. The place looks like it always did. It has that bar to the left and some tables (5 or 6) on the right. It is a narrow, rectangular shape. Most seats are outside (60). There are TV's both inside and out. The crowd is disparate. It seemed like most people were just passersby who said "how bad can it be?". I do think it's odd that they choose a sport fish as a mascot. The menu had more turf than surf. I think they are just trying to evoke some "fun in the sun" sensibility because we are in Florida. Maybe they are trying to differentiate themselves. The service (3) was ok. My waitress seemed the least engaged. It wasn't as if there was a lunch rush going on. All in all, it's a slightly overpriced, me too American version of pub with a really good fried pork sandwich. I'm not sure that's enough for me to tell you to waste the gas getting here. However, if you are in Sanford and don't want to be a cliche (by going to Hollerbach's) you have another option. Although, to be honest, I would go to the aforementioned's market before doing that. Marco Dino's or Cafe Rouge may also be potentially more gratifying, but, they are inconsistent.

Texas de Brazil, I Drive

I had lunch at this Brazilian Steakhouse last Friday. It's near Fun Spot. The buffet costs $27. It is only open for lunch on Fri-Sun and Friday is the cheapest day. It was fine. Actually better than I expected. They said the "cold" buffet had sixty items, but, really only a few were worth sampling. I had shrimp in a tasty pesto sauce, some smoked salmon, some manchego cheese and some salami. I was most surprised that the majority of the shrimp were not mushy and had a little snap. I think I tried one piece of all the things they bring to you on a sword. I remember filet mignon, bacon wrapped filet, pork sausage, chicken sausage, parmesan pork, chicken, sliced pork and I'm sure there was more. The meat could have been of better quality. Parmesan does not work with pork. I don't know who eats the limp, half cooked bacon. I know they use it for lean cuts of meat, but, can't you toss it before you serve it? The service was fine. I still don't know why I need a waiter when either I'm getting my food or someone else is bringing it to me. They did try and hose me with a service area adjacent seating assignment. I kind of understand because most seating was for four and up, but, I still have to bitch. Who's to say the guy in flip flops isn't a mover and shaker. I must take time out to remind everybody that only poor people (social climbers) dress to impress. Those with means (for at least more than one generation) do not care what you think of them. They also do not carry their life savings in the wallet. Back to the review. The place is huge. It must seat 200+. The place has a bar area, a private room and a dining room that is intersected by the cold buffet. The decor is mix of iron (chandeliers) and backlight marble. The wine "cellar" and the kitchen are enclosed in glass an visible to the diners. The wine selection was substantial. It's a fine place. We used to go to other outposts on the company dime back in the day. It's that sort of place. It attracts the convention set. And fat people. Saw a lot of fat people. Or are they just called "people" now. Has everyone given up? I don't have anything bad to say about this place. It's fine. It may be a little pricey if you aren't fomented with gluttony. I don't think I would struggle to go back, but, it's off the list - finally.

Piada & Piada, Lake Mary - Closed

I went to this tiny, Italian cafe in the strip mall on Rinehart and Lake Mary Blvd last Wednesday. It's near the Blockbuster (which I think is becoming a Burger Fi) in the spot that was a diner then a Peruvian then a burger/dog place. I had a Piada (thick crepe like circle) Classic for $7. It was filled with a Livornese soft, cow's milk cheese that I can't remember the name of and had never heard of before (it started with a sfz I think) and arugula and prosciutto de parma. It was good. About the size of a large quesadilla. They said they serve this style of "bread" so that the ingredients stick out. I would say that is accurate and the ingredients were of a good enough quality to make that a sound business decision. Probably good for calorie counters too. They have six versions of this sandwich. The rest of the majority of the menu is made up of something they call Piadizza. I believe it is the same piada base served open faced with pizza toppings. There are eight versions of this all priced at $7. They also serve a couple of soups, desserts, coffee, wine and a pasta or risotto of the day (only $5). They have authentic (hard to get) Italian brands of the aforementioned items and some others items are only sold as retail. The coffee machine is the real deal. They did a nice job renovating. This spot has never looked so good. It's hip and comfortable. They put six booths against the wall and are the first to do outdoor seating (about 30 seats). They have a glass counter that separates the dining area from the kitchen. It sits on a layered stone base. The serve yourself soda machine (the really unauthentic thing here) a dessert refrigerator, a wine refrigerator and the retail goods are the only things on our side. The art work was mainly pithy, Italian sales art (posters from suppliers). I understood that the menu is inspired by Livorno, Italia (think 3/4 up the front side of the boot). I believe that is where the cook/owner said he was from. It's always a good sign that the boss man is in the kitchen. I have to say that this place is right up my alley. It serves something unique to the area and something most people have probably never had. That's two reasons to go. They also seem to be cognisant of quality without being pedantic about it. I trust this guy to always do right by his customers (even if it bankrupts the place in the process). I don't see quality being an issue - ever. He seemed to be very concerned with it (the correct way to make an espresso in this case) while I was there. They had only been open for six days when I went there. There were three other people there. One looked like a foodie and the other two were talking about how they had read about the place. It may already be on everyone's radar, but, I think it's the best thing to happen to Lake Mary this year. It's affordable and transporting. It's simple luxury. I am reticent to impugn all the heavy, working class dishes that most people associate with Italian cooking (it's fine in it's obvious sort of way), but, this type of Italian I find superior. It is more refined. It's a single red rose instead of a bouquet of wild flowers. I suggest you give it a try (should my new catch phrase be "do" or "don't do"?). It's one of a kind (at least to my recollection or experience) in Orlando.       

Dixie Crossroads, Titusville

I had lunch at this Seafood restaurant at Exit 220 last Friday. I was on my way to Miami (some great dishes at the Taste of Miami food court in Marlins Park) to see the final baseball stadium I hadn't been to. I had something called red shrimp (12 for $16). It seems they live amongst the other shrimp and are a little sweeter. It was hard to tell. The cook didn't know what to do with them. He even managed to over steam them. I think they steamed (more likely boiled) in some sort of salt bath. They were unforgivably salty and limp. I was glad I could try something new though. I did taste some residual sweetness underneath the brine. It came with a baked potato (fine). They also serve everyone corn fritters topped with powdered sugar. They were light and tasty and freshly made. They do get a little more heavy as they cool. I was also informed that they are 90 calories a piece. The waitress also let me sample some rock shrimp (2) on the house. I've seen them on menus (usually fried) but never in the shell. It's a hard shell (similar to a spiny lobster). They also comped me a dessert of my choice. I chose a Key Lime Pie made by a baker in town. It was excellent. I stopped here because I always see the sign when I am on I-95 and I never made it to the location on I-Drive when it was open. I'm glad I made the effort. You have already read how generous they can be and they have an interesting selection of seafood. It's on the right side of the street before you get to A1A. They have been in business for over thirty years. The prices are in line or lower than most seafood place's mark-ups (teens to twenties). Side note: I saw a special this summer that said lobstermen were getting $3 a pound from wholesalers this summer. Think of that the next time you have a $20+ lobster roll. The place looks like what chain seafood restaurants copy to seem authentic. It's mostly wood inside. It has four separate rooms. It must seat 150+. The room I was in was almost full. I would guess most of the diners were regulars (older). The place is run and supplied by family. One of the brood actually catches some of the shellfish for them and their seafood market. I suggest you try it if you are nearby or have to check out what red or rock shrimp are all about. If you live in North Orlando you can take 46 to the coast and be there in 45 minutes. Maybe you can take in an airboat ride or do some fishing while you are at it or hit up the Space Center.

Thai Thani, Lake Mary - Closed

*This was originally a review for Blue Elephant. There is now a sign that says they are partnering with Thai Thani (the name on the plate now). I am assuming that what I said for BE is about what can be said for TT. But, I don't care to verify it.

**7/30/13 - I wish I had listened to myself. I went back today for lunch before a movie. I had chicken with baby corn and mushrooms. About one hour into Wolverine the rumblings started. Barely made it home before my ass threw up. It was just the exclamation point for an atrocious meal. The Thai Thani folks have destoyed whatever good will the old place had. The chicken quality was like you get at a to go Chinese restaurant. The rice was thoroughly overcooked. Even the Coke tasted funny. Avoid. The ownership change has had a very negative impact.

I had lunch at this Thai restaurant in the strip mall across from the Westin last Wednesday. I had chicken in a lemongrass and pepper sauce for $9. There was a mistake in the menu regarding what vegetables are served with the dish, but, the flavor was good even if the vegetables (peppers) were not to my taste. The rice may have been a tad overcooked. The plating was nice. It came out fast. The menu has most of the things you have come to expect from a Thai restaurant ex patria. They sprinkle in some other Asian dishes. There is a lunch menu and a dinner menu. A fair representation of options. Most things hover around $10 and a few dishes grow to a max of $25. It is very reasonably priced. The thing that separates them from other Thai options is the ambiance. It's a huge space tastefully furnished. They have appropriate art, fountains, and a stonework bar. Some serious money was invested for your bemusement. Not that it may matter. Several high end endeavors have failed at this location. Some even appeared to be doing well. It sounded like the owner (from Tampa) is fairly new to this type of enterprise, so hopefully he will have the patience to see it through. It's a competitive marketplace and I saw a sign that promised a Grafitti Junction at the old Metro Burger location. The place seats 100+. I believe that there were around thirty people there for lunch. There is: a bar area, a dining area, a patio and a large party area. The dining area is where it always is and the layout is more like the high end Latin restaurant it was before the Carlos and Charlie's redesign. It means that they separate the room into length wise halves. Two rows of tables (some booths) facing each other per side and an unseparated area at the back wall. The large group area is to the right of the entrance (where the dance floor was at C&C). The bar is in the same place it has always been. The patio to the left of the entrance is the lone portion of available outside space to be made accessible. I really liked my lunch here. My waitress (3) was very polite and attentive. The manager was very engaged. I even was able to submit a coupon I found in a circular for a gift card in the amount of meal. I guess that ensures I will be back. I would have anyway. That just made me happier about it. I like everything about the place. The layout, the decor, the service, the food, the generosity and the attitude more than meet you half way. I'm not sure it's a destination restaurant in terms of experiencing something gastronomically idiosyncratic, but, it is if you are looking for a holistic dining experience. It's a great example of how you can still find a fine dining experience without feeling fleeced. I recommend that you put it in your rotation if you live anywhere near Lake Mary and seek it from farther away if a value proposition appeals to you more than a singular experience.

Grub Crawl - Apopka: Roc City Diner, Heber's Cuban Cafe, Golden Wok Buffet

I tried these restaurants out yesterday. Thankfully, there seemed to be the few restaurants I hadn't tried in A-poop-ka and now I don't have to go back again for a while.

Roc City Diner: I went her because the fat lady at the Sentinel did a piece on them a few weeks back. What a waste of ink. This place blows. It sounded mildly interesting because of a Rochester connection and I didn't eat there the last time I was in Northwestern NY. I had a Zweigles hot dog (which I guess is a regional specialty) for $5. It sucked. It tasted like bologna. They compounded the problem by grilling it. Mmm... burnt bolgna. I topped it with sauerkraut. They grilled this too and changed the brightness of the pickling into a soggy mess. It came with chips. They were the best part. It was about $3 too expensive (as is everything on the menu). I only had the hot dog because I could see from what other people were being served that everything was bad. I even left my seat and had it to go because the place is so dingy. They have shoddy memorabila for decoration. The ceilings have water stains. The tables a chairs looked like they came from the thrift section of a supply house. I know it's only supposed to be a diner, but, I think you would do better at a fast food restaurant. I was going to order some specialty called a "Beef on Weck" for $7, but, it looked worse than an Arby's sandwich (definitely less meat). I suggest you save gas and avoid this place. And punch the fat lady in her stomach if you see her.

Heber's Cuban Cafe: This place is in the same strip mall (Wekiva Riverwalk Plaza on 436) as Roc. It has a weird menu of Cuban dishes and pizza, pasta and breakfast that they say is Cuban style. I had a half Cuban sandwich for $3 (a 12 inch is only $5). It was fine. They pricing is cheap here and they do have a wide variety. I wouldn't make a special trip for them, but, if you live in the area you could do worse. The owner said he has been there four years.

Golden Wok Buffet: This place has always been at the boundary of how far I would explore in the area. It's at the western end of Apopka. I could swear it was called 369 or something similar the last time I went this far. However, they said they have been there for six years. Regardless, it stinks. I had the shrimp and broccoli lunch special for $5. It caused me anxiety. I thought for sure it would end in food poisoning. The shrimp were the mushiest possible. The rice might have been mushier. The sauce was tasteless. This may have been the worst Chinese food I have ever had. The buffet looked equally unappetizing. They had a sign that said "Voted Best in Apopka". I presume that means they are the only one in Apopka. Avoid.  

Gordon's Be Back Fish House, Eatonville

I ordered some items to go from this fish house near to the Zora Neale Hurston House (don't know who she was or that there is a museum dedicated to her...well how about the Birds of Prey sanctuary...heard of that) on Wednesday. I so wanted to be able to assuage my white guilt by championing the only remaining restaurant on that side of the tracks, but, a luke warm report is the best I can do. And I can only do lukewarm because my delay in sampling the food may have caused some of its unpalpability. I had a "trout" sandwich for (daily special price) for $4 and chicken wings for $5.50. I say "trout" because the skin didn't look like trout skin. It had a diamond shaped pattern more typical of the Basa on the menu. It was six pieces on white bread (this Southern affectation is the biggest insult to the culinary world on the planet). Some pieces tasted ok. Some seemed rancid. I have a feeling that the fish was old. It was definitely frozen. The batter had little taste. The skin was soggy, but, I already explained that I may have let it sit long enough to lose it's texture. The wings were average. The sauce was a little tart. The skin wasn't crisp (could have steamed while it sat). It was supposed to be five wings, but, they gave me eight. So there's that. It came with crinkle fries (also not crisp - maybe sat too long). It's hard to recommend a place in which the best thing you had from them was the fries after you topped them with some home cooked chili and left over cheese from your Subway sandwich. I only encourage you not to totally write them off because of my miscalculation on eating time (I was going to eat it with something from one of the food trucks in WP, but, they seem to be all closed down for lunch now) and the fact that the owner couldn't have been nicer. The place is small. It seats about twenty. It is in a little white shack near the new welcoming pillars on Kennedy Blvd (in between the strip mall that houses Copper Rocket and the new condos). It serves fried fish (6 types), wings, shrimp and some interesting desserts. I recommend you lower your expectations and make a day out of visiting the two places of interest on this street and rolling the dice that the food is better hot out of the grill. The neighborhood is often overlooked and can deliver a diversion. Plus you can see where they spent some of your TARP money.

Burgerfi, Winter Park

I had lunch at this burger joint that opened over the summer on Wednesday. It is near Rollins College on Park Ave across from the 7-11. I had Single Cheeseburger for $4.50 and a Cry and Fries for $5. The burger was pretty good (like 5 Guys quality). It was a tad overcooked. The patty was a little bulbous (press your thumb in the middle like Rachael Ray to flatten it out). It made it appear to be (as Dave Attell quips about penises) "tiny, Tiny" at first glance. It wasn't huge, but, bigger than a McDonald's burger. They gave you a large choice of free toppings. The ones I chose (lettuce, tomato, raw onion and catsup) were fresh. The bun was sweet, fresh, spongy and came branded. The Fry and Cry was an order of fries and onion rings together. The fries were what I like to call "dark meat" fries. They have the skins on them and like dark meat tend to be a little gamey and soft. In fries, they seem to be harder to get crispy than their pale brethren. These were predictably soft. The onion rings (3 large) were crisp. But, I really only have one place where I like the rings - Carl's Jr. These were to cut too thick for me to enjoy. I want more crust to onion. I basically want a Funion. That's me. The menu has variations on burgers, dogs, ice cream/custard, beer and wine. The dogs are a little expensive at $3.50+. They have an interesting kobe beef dog and a chicken apple dog.  They have quinoa, angus, brisket burgers. The booze is marked up three times retail (pretty usual). They have a "secret" menu that is so secret the print it on the back of the take out menu. The place is comfortably hip. They have a video menu. The place is light wood and steel. They have an outside patio (on the sidewalk) decorated with high quality colored, plastic chairs and tables. It was clean. It must seat 100+. There were about 30 people there at 2pm. It was a rainbow coalition. They played music. There is a large fan outside that looks like it came off a B52. The service (you order at the register and they bring it to you) was friendly and prompt. It didn't seem like a tip was expected. I expect it to be a giant hit. It's so close to the college that they can exist on that market alone (until the first fraternity drunken brawl). But, it also will appeal to hipsters and the usual Winter Park crowd. It has sister locations (4) in south Florida. I wouldn't cancel your plans elsewhere to experience it, but, try it at some point if you long for 5 Guys or In and Out Burger. Parking is an issue. Also didn't love the $3 sodas.

PSA - Papaya Seeds

After escaping purgatory for the summer (in which I added Persian, Burmese and other ethnicities to my food vocabulary), I'm ready to bore you with more local reviews. However, I'll start you with a health tip.

I saw this segment on Dr. Oz in which he says a huge majority of people have intestinal worms and don't realize it. They anchor themselves in your intestines. They sap your energy, give you "issues" and bloat you, etc. Many people ascribe the symptoms to gluten allergies or ciliac disease or certain foods or just plain lethargy. You can get rid of them by eating 1/4 cup of papaya seeds a day for two weeks. I'm pretty sure you have to chew them up for it to work. Do a search of it online for more info. You Tube has some testimonials.

I already feel much better and I've only been doing it for 3 days. They taste like pepper. Even if you don't have this issue, they work great to flush your system (in about 12 hours) and trim your waistline. You don't get diarrhea, but, it does make you poop. Make sure you have easy access to a rest room while you are on this regime. It's cheap (a big guy at Walmart cost like $3 and gives four days worth of seeds), natural and effective. At worst, you force yourself to eat some lovely papaya. Supposedly, the rise in imported foods, eating raw/organic food (like sushi) and increased travel to foreign lands are the causes.

Fish Tales, Longwood - Closed

I had lunch at this seafood restaurant on 434 near I-4 in the strip mall where the original Terra Mia is (they seem to be closed for lunch of the weekend) last Friday. I had a shrimp Po' Boy for $9. It was the cheapest thing on the menu. One thing I hate almost as much as high priced, mediocre Italian is high priced, mediocre Seafood. The bun was stale. It had visible streaks of what I like to call white mold. I'm not sure if it is mold, but, it is a sign of stale bread. Not that the bun was probably top notch to begin with. The shrimp seemed frozen. They (8) were very mushy. The coating was ok. It came with "half and half" fries. I say "half and half" because half were fried and half were undercooked. I've heard this happens if you fry cold/frozen fries before they defrost. It seems to be an epidemic. Can no one tell they aren't done when they lift the basket? It happens everywhere. Drop them back in the damn grease! I'll wait. It also came with a ramekin of mayonaise based cole slaw. It was fine. The service (3 on duty) was fine. Pleasant and informative. The place is a little weird looking. It has three areas. The front area is a little sparse. It has some a wooden floor and maritime decoration. The bar has a loungy, blue light counter top. They said it was put in by this owner. It is totally gauche and out of step with the other interior decorating. It takes up most of that room. There are some high tops around the perimeter and an area for live music. The lights were off for some reason. I hope it wasn't to flaunt the neon.The room I ate in was three toned (orange, green and yellow) with a black ceiling. You can say that this melange either gives you three unique dining environs or you can say nobody thought this through. The place seats around 70. It was a sushi and an Italian dinner theater spot (Pal Joey's) in a previous life. They didn't wow me and neither did this place. It's fine if your idea of fine dining is where the locals go after playing a round on the public golf course. The prices are all around $20 and I would have no faith that you are getting fresh seafood for the price. I would also bet that the person cooking the food has had no formal training. It's the kind of place Gordan Ramsey would go to and find a myriad of issues to blow his top over. It has been open for a month. Since it is so hidden and the value proposition is low. I wouldn't expect it to be open long. Yet, it was only one po' boy and I am assuming alot. Try it and let me know if my presumptions were right. I have nothing against the owner or the place. She seemed nice. I don't want to get into one of those pissy tiffs like the guy from Finesse (now closed as predicted) wanted to initiate. I'm scared she chose one of those terrible locations and hard food categories that just kill businesses. I wanted to say there is no happy ending to this Fish Tale, but, I won't. It would be too precious.

Francesco's, Maitland

I had lunch on Wednesday at this Ristorante - Pizzeria in Maitland. It is on 17-92 in the old NYPD Pizza location. I had a Pollo Mianese Salad for $9. It was good. The spring mix was fresh and bountiful. The chicken was not greasy. It was cut into strips. It probably had a panko crust. The tomatoes and onions were fresh. The Italian dressing may have been a little bottle-y. It was good enough that I sampled a dessert (Cassata al Forno) and ordered a pizza (10 inch) to go for dinner. The cake was made by the head chef's (part owner) father. It cost $6. It was good. It was three desserts in one. The crust was thick like a biscotti or a Snickerdoodle. The filling was like cheese cake (ricotta). The bottom was drenched is syrup like Baklava. It was infused with chocolate. I don't know how the attained such chocolate-osity with what appeared to be a minute amount of product. The family is Sicilian, so, I guess that explains the various influences in the cake. The pizza was ok. They say they have a 700 degree oven. It kind of came out like a tire. The hub cap area had cheese. The tire area was crust. There was a little too much crust and the whole pizza was a little fat. I'd bet they take the same amount of dough the use in a regular pizza (13 or 16 inch) and just didn't knead it as thin. The cheese wasn't great either. Not the freshest it could be. They provided you with some slices of bread that I think were made in house. They didn't have much taste. The menu is a little me-too and small. Under ten options for each course. Oddly, they have panini, but, don't list them on the lunch menu (dinner only). The chef is from Terra Mia and they offer a little more diversity. Maybe some of those interesting items will make it onto the menu as specials. The place is dressed in black and tans. It is meant to look like a rustic enclave like a farmhouse. It is mostly booths. There is a private room and a small area aside it with tables. Unfortunately the bimbo hostess they hired for the summer seated me there and I had a wonderful view of the ticketing computer. There were plenty of other tables on offer and the place wasn't full and it was past the rush. There is a bar area aside the open kitchen. All in all, I can recommend it. It isn't as big or visually appealing as some of its competition and the menu and ingredients could use a nudge, but, it is good. It has opened recently. Try it and then take a trip into Eatonville to see the improved city planning, bird sanctuary and the Zora Neale Hurston home.

Ceviche House, Orlando - Closed

I popped in for dinner at this newly opened sister station of this Peruvian restaurant on OBT on the way back from the airport on Monday. It is on 436 in between the Beach Line and 50. I believe the original is well received. I had the Chilicano Soup (Fish broth with fish pieces) for $6. It was a huge bowl loaded with a ton of fish. I think they said it was Baca as in Bacaloa. I'm not sure what it translates to in English. It was white, light and buttery. The broth was outrageous. A meal in itself. I wish I had made it that because I was already tapped out from a trip to the Midwest where I did as many Travel Channel joints as possible (think Foie Gras dogs, Cheese curds, Brats, Juisy Lucy's, etc). I also ordered some ceviche. It is the Ceviche House after all. I ordered the Ceviche Mixto (octopus, squid, shrimp, fish) for $17. I was expecting one of those little, glass sundae containers with some poorly vinegared bait (I know it's lime juice, but, they never do it right). I received a hip, white plate with a mound of delicious seafood and red onion (enough for 4). The seafood wasn't over seared. The searing liquid was a tasty amalgamation of citrus juice and leche de tigre (dairy based). They served a sweet potato square and some Land of the Lost sized corn kernels with it. I wasn't that keen on the last two items, but, I guess it is traditional. I just don't see how they compliment the ceviche. The menu is huge. You could take a course in Peruvian cuisine here. They had chaufa (fried rice dishes), every kind of beef, chicken or seafood dish, some dishes using mashed potatoes as a base. Too many to name. I used to have no respect for South American cuisine, but, I'm gaining more respect for it. Orlando is a good place to sample the diet of most of the countries south of us. In my limited experience Peru is to South America what Japan or maybe Vietnam is to Asia. It is the best and most diverse cuisine in the region. The flavors are more subtle, complex and refined. The owner of the restaurant told me that it started with the Incas, but, the Asians, Italians, and Spanish have influenced the growth. I'm not sure who to thank. Let's thank them all. Back to the review. The place is in a sketchy neighborhood. The building is nothing to look at. The interior is very bare. It's a square room that seats about 80. There is not much for decoration save the tables. It's a dark wood color scheme. There were about 10 people there when I ate. They mostly seemed like ex-pats. It's not fancy. Nobody was dressed up. People brought their kids. They had a TV showing ESPN in the corner. The wait staff was pleasant. They probably should have known not to bring out both dishes at the same time. The menu is priced in the mid-teens to twenty. I though this might be a bit pricey for the customer base when I first looked at it and the clientele, but, it is more than reasonable when you see the portion size and quality. Just remember to reduce your order in half to adjust for the huge servings. Other than that, the only problem I can see you having at this place is choosing what sounds the most interesting. I suggest you seek either location and test what has to be the best cuisine in town of the best cuisine in South America. They even have Peruvian wine (which I was told is prodigious, but, doesn't have the distribution network of Argentina or Chile).

Grub Crawl - Sanford : State Market, Great Wall, Montego Bay

All these spots are on 17-92 in or around the Seminole Town Square (think around The Barn). I ate there on Saturday.

State Market Restaurant - I had a Turkey Triple Decker Club (also available with Ham or Roast Beef) for $5.65. It came with fries. It was acceptable. The turkey was a little "loafy", but, the rest was fresh. The shoestring fries were good (hot and crisp). Service (2) was a little flustered to begin with. They were pleasant, however. The place has been in existence for over 50 years. I don't know how I missed it before now. Perhaps the unlighted "Open" sign has something to do with that. It's a small place. It seats about 40. The crowd seems very local. I think half the patrons were off duty cops. They seem like the go there regularly. The menu is diner food. Breakfasts, burgers, sandwiches and some interesting down home desserts (ie pies). They have a signature dish. It's called a breakfast boat. The place was a little dirty (unbused tables) and not much to look at. However, they must be doing something right to be in business that long. I wouldn't make a special trip for it, but, if you are in the area and you order right, I can see it being a slightly ironic hoot. They are closed on Sunday. They close at 3pm during the week and 2pm on Saturday. The menu accepts/displays ads for local businesses. I'm not sure if that is good business or tacky. This is the one place that was not in the strip mall. There is a truck depot behind it. One of the loading docks said it was a farmer's market. Maybe that will make it more enticing an option? I also overheard the customers saying that the Barn goes off with college kids on Thursday starting at 10pm.

Great Wall Chinese Food - I had a lunch special of something I think was called sliced chicken for $5. It came with fried rice and a soda. A deal. The meal was more sweet than spicy. It came with carrots, cabbage and green peppers. The fried rice was better than what I have been complaining of. It may even have been cooked that day. It was more yellow than brown, so, perhaps I avoided alot of soy/sodium. It had a sprinkling of peas, pork and onions. It was buttery. The place is Chinese take out. The menu is cookie cutter and the decor is meal signage. They say the do it "New York Style". Since it was cooked by Chinese and not Mexicans, I have to argue that point. It's probably above average for it's class. Probably something better than the neighborhood deserves. I would trade out my local purveyors for it. Not worth a special trip, but, ok.  

Montego Bay Caribbean Takeout - I had a small Jerk Chicken meal to go for $8. You have to watch out because they are sneaky genius's when it comes to pricing. They do extra small, small and large. They nailed me for the larger price. The chicken was predictable. Good spice, but, not a lot of meat and boney. It was basically a drumstick and thigh cut into hunks. It came with rice and peas. They sure looked like beans. I'm getting sick of rice so I just nibbled. It was your basic dirty rice dish (no flavor). It also came with sauteed cabbage and carrots. Not my thing. The last side was sweet plantains. They were sweet. Too much starch/carbs and once again not my thing. But, I do this for you. If you like this food then I think you will like this place. They have been open for four years. They do puffs, goat, oxtail, shrimp, ackee, saltfish, snapper, etc. They even brew some of their own drinks (sorrel and ginger beer). It has 3 seats. The decor is made up of newspaper pullouts and advertising posters pertaining to Jamaica.

Grub Crawl - Altamonte Springs : Just Fork It, Viet House, Luna Station - Closed (2 of 3)

I sampled these spots on 436 this Wednesday. One of the first two (or a combination of) caused explosive results the next day.

Just Fork It - I had the daily special of meatloaf, mashed potatoes and a cucumber salad for $7. The meatloaf was made with ground chuck. It was a little stringy. They gave you three slices. It was bland. The mashed potatoes were bland. It had chunks of potatoes, so at least it wasn't powdered. The gravy was bland too. The cucumbers were too thickly sliced and the brine seemed to be Italian dressing. I don't want to crush this place because the people were nice. They are from Wisconsin. Their old location was on Lee Rd. The have been open for a year (old Del Dio's location). I can't recommend it to anyone who has an average or better palate. It's probably ok for the old people who were also eating there. Very road side diner in the boonies. The place seats about 70. It resembles a road side diner (non-Greek). The menu is all over the place (typical for this sort of endeavour). The are open 10:30am - 10pm. Closed on Sunday. They are hidden behind an oil lube place, so, you can't see it from the road. I have to give them some credit for trying to incorporate some fun by having a burger that they saw on Triple D.

Viet House - I had a special combo Banh Mi at this little takeout window next to a gas station at 1006 East Altamonte for $4. It had pate, pork roll, jambon, bbq pork and head cheese with mayo, cilantro, cucumber, pickled carrots and daikon on a baguette. It's amazing that most of these things can taste/look/feel horrible on their own, yet, combine into a tasty whole. The place was once a Cajun place and then a Cuban place. Now it's the only Vietnamese for miles. You can't eat inside anymore. Officials made them close that area because of some ordinance (size). It's all take away now. I'd roll the dice on the gastrointestinal roulette wheel if you have to have Vietnamese and are in the area. It's right by where the train tracks cross over 436.

Luna Station - I had a pineapple and ham empanada for $1! It was baked dough with pineapple jam and a few scraps of ham. It was ok. Mostly air. At least it wasn't greasy. The place is mostly an ice cream, dessert and hot drink spot. The do serve arepas too. It is right next to Viet House (closer to 436). It is also take away only. The have a bench with an umbrella outside. Update - I believe Luna Station is the only survivor. 11/18/2013