Grub Crawl - I Drive Area: Pizza Extreme and Giordano's

I bought pizza from these two restaurants on recommendations in Bite magazine. I'm starting to think that they pander to businesses that advertise in it or are not that discerning.

Pizza Extreme - Thank God I just bought a slice and not a whole pie here. The cheese was a salt flat. The dough had a 30 degree slope. Never have I seen a slice have such a discrepency between crust height and tip height. If it were a road, a semi would have run off its terminus. It would have suffered the extent of my wrath had I not then gone to the next place rated. In its defense the slice was only $1.75. The place looks like the American Pie type place I took for (and avoided) all these years. It's in a strip mall past Santo's before Universal (road not park). Pass.

Giordano's - Or should I say Red Baron's. This $13 small pie is an insult to Italians everywhere. A worse blot on Italian dignity than The Jersey Shore. I know they can't do thin crust in Chicago, but, this was bottom of the barrel bad. Refrigerator case bad. Places that use a conveyor belt hide their heads in shame when they talk of the G spot. The guys at Domino's and Papa John's point and laugh. It didn't help that they probably rushed it and it could have used a few more minutes in the ? - microwave? I tried it hot. I tried it warm. I tried it cold. The one thing I can say for it is that the cheese was better than Pizza Extreme's. Maybe they can share recipes and come up with a mediocre entrant. Or band together to battle the world for The World's Worst Pizza. The place looks ok in a parodical sort of way. I hesitate to tell you it's where Sand Lake and Universal meet. Deep dish pies take 30 minutes. Ignore it and hope it goes away. I'm going to put the pizza in the freezer for a month and hope it gets better.

FYI - they are doing a ton of rebuilding on I Drive. Should be a lot of new places on the horizon.

Santos, I Drive Area

I had a buffet lunch at this eponymous Brazilian restaurant on Kirkman (the Wet 'n Wild side). It's owner/chef is Ailton Santos. The meal far exceeded expectations. I had originally come down for an Indian meal at a restaurant I saw in Bite magazine called Shamiana. Watching Michael Cook's History of India on PBS had put me in the mood. Unfortunately for me, (as the office park manager related) it has been closed for years. Nice job Bite. So I audibled and decided to retry Santos to knock it off my list. I tried to try it a few months ago, but, they closed at 9pm. And I thought Brazilians start then. I'm glad I persisted. The buffet only cost $11. The other Brazilian buffets are two to three times that. Now the place is a little rattier, but, choose here if you don't care about faux ambience. That's for the faux rich anyway. The buffet had a cold, salad area. I ignored that. It had a hot area. I tried half of that. And it had a churasscaria window. I was force fed that. In the hot area they had rice, beans, etc and ribs, chicken in a creamy tomato sauce, chicken in a yellow sauce, and beef stroganoff as well as a left over type stew called fajouado, etc. I tried the ribs, the chicken and the beef. The ribs were tasty (no rub or sauce) and delicate. The chicken and the beef weren't over cooked (rare for a buffet) and I think shared a similar sauce base. I think the three sauces started with a roux and cream and then sour or sweet or nothing was added to develop the three options. All were good. Who knew Brazilians knew stroganoff? After changing plates, I ventured to the meat window just to sample a sausage. The man acted like Sam the Butcher giving Alice the meat. He gave we two sausages (a tad overcooked), three strips of sirloin, two top pieces and four pieces of top sirloin. So much for my recently unimpacted colon (thanks to yesterday's ass curdling meal from Thai Thani). I felt I had to finish to be polite. Thankfully, it was mostly medium-ish and had good flavor. In addition to the food, the service was good. Plates were bused and soda refilled lickety split. I chatted up the owner nad his wife and they were amiable. You could see they really care about putting out a good product. The place seats about sixty. It was about 3/4 full of countrymen. I'll bet this is the call for real Brazilian ex-pats. As I said, it's not a looker, but, they recently invested in a new, big sign out front so you can tell it is in operation and it's clean. Like most places that are run or cater to a foreign clientele, they eschew American Express. I recommend the value here over all other Brazilian restaurants in the area. Great find.

*2/27/2016 - I think they are just remodeling, but, they knocked the old structure down and it is not serving now.

Cheddar's, Sanford

I had lunch at this branch of the Texas based chain in what had been the largest undeveloped tract of land around the Seminole Mall on Friday. You remember the "goat farm" wink wink. Not a tax dodge at all. Anyway this is one of the first locations to open there. I think it opened two weeks ago. I had their chicken and waffles for what I think was $9. They don't itemize it on your copy. What purpose this accomplishes I'm not sure. It has to be pernicious and deliberate though, I'm sure. The waffle was hard as nails and cold. I wouldn't be surprised if they made them in advance. The chicken was three, large tenderloins/fingers. The outside crust was nice and flaky, but, the inside was a little sticky/under done. I just came from eating Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles in LA, so needless to say, they paled in comparision. You wouldn't know it by the scores of hayseeds lining up to what for them must be New Year's Eve - another nationwide slop house. I didn't even argue over sitting at the bar. I just went. The waiting period must have been thirty minutes. At the bar, I was ignored by two girls and what I term a Southern gay. I don't think he actually chases men, but, his effete, pompousness comes off as swish. He seemed more concerned with talking to his friends. We had a guy like him in the marketing department of my previous employer and he had a hot girlfriend. Maybe she was a beard or maybe she was confused and wanted a hybrid shim, but, the guy was seen in public with her. I'm digressing. I had to appeal to the one adult (who I surmised was the manager) to get a menu and some attention. The party next to me had a worse time because they weren't as proactive. They sat there, like ghosts, for twenty minutes. The plate came fairly quickly. The manager did get me a refill (though the mix was off or glass was tainted). Paying took as much effort on my part. Needless to say this isn't my cup of tea and even if the service wasn't (semi-understandably) distracted, I would not likely go back. It's just the same mid-level effort you get at Chili's/Applebee's. The prices were pretty low. If you are the typical Joe Blow with little enthusiasm for adventure, this is your Eden. It seats about 120. There is a main dining room and a bar area. It's decorated like a steer house mixed with a Bahama Breeze. It has island type fans circulating in the main room. If it is born of Texas I don't get the fusion. The menu has ribs, chicken, sandwiches, snack foods. Destined to become infuriatingly popular.

The Nou, Altamonte Springs

I had lunch at this Venezuelan restaurant in a crappy (proper use of the adjective low class British people) strip mall on 436 nearing Apopka yesterday. It had housed a fish and chips place and an excellent taco place that I think predate this blog. It's a small little sliver that ownership has done its best with a small budget to beautify. I had a bowl of lentil soup with beef chunks for $5 and the Reina Pepiada arepa "sandwich" for $5. The soup was overly salted. I had trouble getting whatever broth was attached to the beef pieces down my throat. I've vowed to stand up to the salt stampede. Do people really have such bad palettes now? You realize it's bad for you? It's not inocuous. Anyway, the beef was tender (as were the lentils). The arepa was fine (slightly mushy inside/undercooked). The contents were mayonaised shredded chicken, avocado, carrots and peas. It could have used a contrast. And this is my problem with most of the cooking from this part of the world. It's one dimensional. They just keep hitting you on top of the head with more of the same components. The peas and carrots added a little sweetness (although they were probably frozen), but, this dish was begging for brightness. Add some citrus or vinegar. Add a spicy pepper. Do something to counteract the pastyness. Especially in summer. That said, you could see it was made to order and the serving size was large. I didn't need that soup. They said they were going to change the menu soon so I won't go into detail about it. There were about twenty items. Things were reasonably priced to cheap. They were adding breakfast. The place seats about thirty. It was half full of what appeared to be Venezuelans. The place was white with black elements. They have the traditional Polar beer. Food from this locale is no longer a rarity in the area, so, purveyors will have to compete on quality. I think there is enough passion and hopefully enough talent in the kitchen to let them compete. Not a destination spot, but, a hidden prospect. BTW - they comped me on the soup on their own. How's that for respect for their clientele?

Grub Crawl - OIA: Matt's Latin BBQ and Kyoto

I had lunch at these two restaurants near the airport three weeks ago. They are in a strip mall on 436.

Matt's Latin BBQ - I had a 1/4 roasted chicken for $2.50. Fine. A little tiny. I'm not big on Puerto Rican food even when it can't jump up and grab me at 30,000 feet. The place seats about seventy. It was a quarter full (of latinos). Not bad for the 4th of July. They have fish, mofongos, chicken, sandwiches, cracklins, pork, etc. The place is new looking if basic.

Kyoto - A branch of the UCF sushi staple. Almost fast food. I had an avocado roll for $4. It was fine. The take out menu I received seemed to have different prices than those in the store. The menu prices were in line with most places. The in store menu was a buck or two over fair market value. The place is brand new looking. They had four waitresses for no customers. It's an order at the counter place. I guess order taking has become too strenuous for that 15% extortion.

Mi Bandeja Paisa, Orlando

I ate lunch at this Columbian restaurant near the Ritz on John Young Parkway about three weeks ago. It's in the back of a strip mall before 417. I had the Bandeja Platter for $18. It came with some skirt steak (they call it lomo, but, lomo in Spain was loin), deep fried pork belly (chicharron), sausage, rice, beans (a special kind that I can't recall the name of), arepa, sweet plaintains and half an avocado. I couldn't eat it all. It looked like no one in the restaurant could either. I saw a lot of to go bags. The meats were overcooked. The chicharron was like a crow bar. The beans and sausage were the high light. Very flavorful. The plating was nice (wood plank with banana leaf). Bandeja means " a landscape" or "a tray of different objects' in this context. This dish is a good primer into Cloumbian cooking. The menu has about twenty options. The price range is $10-$20. It's upper scale Columbian. The clientele and staff were mostly Colombian. The service (3) was pleasant. The place seats around fifty. It has a tiny bar area. The color scheme is odd. It looks like it was altered from an Italian place. The ceiling is black. The walls are red and orange. They employ wood accents and screens. It's a fine place. I'm not sure it's trek worthy. However, if you live in the area, you will receive a good exchange for your money. Just hope they get the timing right on the meats on the day you arrive.

Burger 21, Mall at Millenia Area

I had lunch at this burger joint on Conroy near the Mall at Millenia on Thursday. I had $7 chesseburger. It was ok. Fatter than a Burgerfi burger. Much less flavor than one (and I'm not in love with the Fi). It was grey inside and out (did a vampire bat get to this before me?). It was strictly formed. And even though it was probably never a frozen hockey puck, the molded form put that impression in my sub-conscious. I guess I prefer hand formed "house burgers" now. Oddly, the patty split in two while I was eating it. A sloppy cook checking for doneness? They put it in a brioche bun. I never liked that concept. It overpowers the beef flavor with a cloying sweetness. And in this case that was all too easily accomplished. The place looks hip. It's decked out in monochromes. They have a "shake" bar. Rejoice all ye fatties. Valhalla has surfaced. It sits about seventy. It was packed at 1pm. I think it's a northern Florida chain. There is a war for hamburger supremacy going on. Why? I have no idea. This is one of the contenders. Now if they can concentrate on the focal point. That would be nice. Don't rush to overpay for 50 cents worth of ground chuck anally formed and clumsily cooked. Hopefully, the fad will be over soon. They also serve some gross looking seafood burgers.

Tacos El Rancho, Belle Isle

I stopped at this Mexican restaurant near the Publix on Hoffner and Conway on the way to the airport two weeks ago. I had a lengua (tongue) soft taco for $2.35 and a shredded pork soft taco for $2.35. Both were huge and delicious. Maybe a pound of meat each. They were topped with crema and hot sauce and salsa. The tongue wasn't as tender as some that I have had. It's something about peeling off the top layer or not. Still good. This place is no nonsense. It isn't a looker (but more than respectable and clean), but, the trim menu is the real deal. The prices are good too. The tacos are the cheapest. They have been in business for four years. A great find if you want a snack in the area (ie on your way out of town on an airline that doesn't serve meals). Real Mexican food. Not Tex-Mex.

Grub Crawl - Winter Park: Tiffany's Deli (Closed), Avenue and Matilda's (Closed)

I visited these places on Park Avenue in the middle of the week for lunch about two weeks ago (then went on a trip).

Tiffany's Deli - I had some sort of chocolate mousse pie with a crushed oreo crust for $5. It was ok. They tried. Just a bad recipe. Too much oreo. They really don't know how to make mousse. Too sweet. The whipped cream was the high light. This is a chick restaurant. Pretentious deli salads and sandwiches at inflated prices aimed at girls with daddy's or hubby's credit card. Not bad. Just not necessary. Perfect for a place like Winter Park. Across from Mary Magdalene Church/School.

Avenue - The same exact Thai/Sushi experience that the last ownership offered up. And the one before that. And the one before that. Ad inifinitum. This place has been around four iterations of the same theme. I don't know why this one will be any more successful (for ownership). How much fat can you cut off a continually failed business model? I just ordered a Tom Yum Soup to go for $5 because I've done this dance too many times before. They gave me a half of a to go bowl. Of sour piss water. How much would it have cost you too fill up the bowl? 1 cent? Just water it down. Avoid so we can see who the next Thai/Sushi afficiando will step up to claim it. It's like an Asian Sword in the Stone. It's near the 7-11.

Matilda's - Speaking of retreads. This place is on the far end near the Tiffany museum and has had to have been through a dozen ownership changes since the millenium (and an equal amount in the days before). I just reviewed the last turkey a few months ago. I predicted failure and was correct again. They had no real unifying theme. This version is Australian themed. A quizzical move because they really have few idiosyncratic dishes (as the menu illustrates) to draw from (calling an American dish Aussified or a single Kangaroo burger hardly qualify), but, I guess they are going for attitude. The funny thing is the food was very good and the portion was monstrous. I had the fish (mahi-mahi) tacos for around $11. It may have been the first time I was served what was promised in a fish taco - fresh fish that was what it was supposed to be and had flavor and texture. They also stuffed the soft tortillas (double wrapped) with vibrant vegetables (including avocado). Three of these bad boys were a challenge to consume in one sitting. Great job. The place looks great (it usually does). They opened up the front room so it is more of a waiting area/bar. They put in a middle counter, a new bar area and lots of TVs. Good flow. I would hide the high chairs though. The wait staff was good. Mostly pretty, little (semi) things in tight shorts and informal tops (not slutty though). I still say the location at the end of the avenue is a killer. Everyone gets sucked up before they see this option. Not good in a town half filled with day trippers. However, maybe they can do some advertising so people will come looking for them to begin with. I hope they aren't hanging their hopes on walk ins. Good luck because I'm sick of milking the same cow. To put it politely.

Matilda's failed and now has the audacity to put up a sign that says they are just remodeling. I hear some Tampa group is the next to wiff. Can't wait to waste my time - AGAIN.

Sizzling Grill, Longwood - Closed

I had lunch at this diner/cafe on 434 (across from Ali Baba, Korea House and La Fonda) in the old Apna location on Saturday. I could provide a case study on what I would do, but, I spoke at length with the owner and I understand his vision. He is wants to offer a diverse menu (influenced by his work in similarly inspired restaurants in the Mid West (where he trained). He suggested the idea was inspired by his niece who prefers spaghetti and meatballs to the traditional food her immigrant parents force on her. They are Indian. The new owner bought Apna (Indian) from a cousin and is trying to appeal to an Americanized generation of Indian-Americans. Now this reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry gets the Pakistani owner (Babu) to change his menu after his similarly inspired menu fails to find an audience. I'm not going to make the same mistake as Jerry. I will question the name though. The name is pretty nebulous to begin with and isn't evocative of the selections on the menu. There isn't much on the menu that is grilled. Plus it sounds like a better name for a churasscaria. That aside, the owner seems to have a handle on costs. He is the kitchen and he has one server. That's low overhead. Basically no salaries. They said they did refurb, but, it looks the same to me. He is eschewing marketing costs. That's the real reason I'm writing about this. I would risk my credibility if I encouraged you to go out of your way to dine here, but, I would like to give a little free PR aimed at people who live in the area and want a simple experience. The owner is in for the long haul. He wants the audience to assemble through word of mouth. He has a road construction issue anyway, so, he is doing a slow burn until it is completed. Now the meal I had (Chicken Tikka charbroiled Tandoor style with Basmati Rice or Naan for $9) was overcooked, but, it was a small sample size and I think he can do better. The rice seemed like it had been sitting (dry and crunchy) and the chicken was tough and dry. It didn't help the presentation that they just gave me a can of soda (no glass or ice). The dish I had is part of the remenants of the Indian menu (about 5 dishes). The rest of menu is diner-esque. Think Greek diner without the Greek add ons just Indian. Once again, I can't recommened it for foodies, but, the owner is great and he has his head on straight and he just wants his little no-frills piece of the market. If this appeals to you, you know where to find him.

World Gourmet, Altamonte Springs

Here comes the dreaded "day of" review. The one that means that they disppointed me so badly that I couldn't keep myself from reporting on it immediately. I had lunch at this buffet house on 436 (in the old Sam Seltzer's location) today. The buffet cost $8. It was, at best, like every other mediocre buffet option in town and, at worst, really off putting. I had some mediocre sushi, chicken fingers, a deplorable butter salmon and one greasy salt baked shrimp (or larvae). The sushi was mostly scraps and fake crab. They didn't replenish it the whole time I was there and it needed to be. The selection was sparse to begin with. The salmon tasted rank and was hard as a rock. Lord knows how many days it had been there. The butter sauce tasted like a sweet and sour sauce. I had one bite and quit. The salt baked shrimp was tiny. Not as small as the freeze dried shrimp I feed my fish, but, close enough. It had to be frozen and straight out of the freezer aisle in a hypermarket. The chicken fingers were the high light. That's all you need to know. Even the plastic wrapped, fortune cookies were stale. The inside is spartan and dingy. Little money went into the refurb. They must have spent half their budget on the sign outside. It's the only decent thing they have brought to the area. Avoid.

Istanbul, Lake Mary - Closed

I had lunch at this fairly new (one month) Turkish restaurant on 46A on Tuesday. It's in the spot formerly occupied by the know-it-alls at Finesse. And since I, single-handedly (to listen to them) ruined their prospects with that most unwelcome of all actions - unsolicited advice, I will try and avoid that in this review. The place looks nearly the same. It still has the floor plan that Wine Down brought in. They repainted and erased the quotations on the wall. It looks fine. It seats the same amount of people (100+). They serve Turkish food in the style of Istanbul (derr). The menu is pretty compact (about ten entrees and a few less appetizers and desserts). They serve lamb, chicken, seafood and even booze. The dinner menu is similar to the lunch. I had a lamb donner (revolving) kebab (roast meat) lunch special for $10. Most meals are plus or minus two dollars of this price point. It came with a half a potato, buttered rice pilaf and carrots (I think). Everything was fresh. The lamb (carved in what most people understand as gyro style) was freshly made in house. I had the first trimmings for the first time in my life. I know this because it was the first time the outer layer of fat was ever visible on my plate. It was a healthy portion. The rice may have been a little fattening with the butter, but, it does impart flavor. The vegetables were fresh. I probably wouldn't serve starch with starch (there goes the unsolicited, enterprise collapsing advice), but, it did provide filling. The service (2) was great. Although, the soda refill tasted odd. Maybe they were trying to poison me. I'm sure they would receive plenty of acclaim if they had. The place was serving about four others when I walked in (early - close to 11am). The owners were receptive. I don't think much of the Greek place in Lake Mary, so, let's say the neighborhood really needed a Mediterranean entry. It's always good to be best in class in an area. It helps when you are the only one in class. I'm not sure if people around here will go for this class of ethnic cooking, but Bosforous (among others) thrives in Winter Park, so who knows what will appeal to the Irish Pub and Mediocre Southern Italian set. It's not a low level, grab and go place. It's higher end. I'm making a regular appointment at Istanbul (when not traveling). I'm all over some chicken liver appetizer when I go back. I wish they had more ambitious stuff, but, it probably better to take smart, conservative baby steps. You wouldn't want to scare away the yokels by being to "authentic" out of the gate. Fun fact - Istanbul was Constantinople until 1923.

*As promised, I returned today for the chicken livers. It was a ridiculous serving of of around 40 pieces! I have no idea why this is an appetizer. It cost $12. It was worth it. However, I was disappointed to see (and want to warn you) that they already raised prices by what appears to be 20%. That kebab I had last time was now $12 and so on down the line. What's worse is my waiter lied to me about it when I called him on it. I went back and checked my receipt. As such, it is out of the rotation. I'm not dropping over $10 bucks (regularly) for a niche lunch. Mediterranean food is not that good. It's a whim. A diversion. It already was $15 a meal (tax and tip). You can get a better lunch bargain at every restaurant surrounding them. I suggest they read my review of their predecessor. I think they are pricing themselves out of the sweet spot. The food and drink price must come in under $10. Do what you will at dinner. You can't have uniform pricing all day. It's a different market.

PSA - Bite Free Dining Guide

I picked up this free magazine at Belle Isle Bayou. It is awesome. The best free, printed resource in Orlando for things food related. It breaks down restaurants by category and gives smart, pithy blurbs about each place. Plus they write concise info-bits about things like types of beer and definitions of Italian cooking terms. It's put out by Orlando Weekly. You don't get the sense that it is a pre-requisite to advertise with them to be included in the periodical. On a side note. Does Winter Park birth a new restaurant every week? I thought I was out, but, they keep pulling me back in. Two more new ones.

Spoil Me Sweet Party Creations, Oviedo

I had an order of what I believe were Neapolitans for $3 at this bakery in the Oviedo Mall on Friday. The idiot behind the counter said they were cake, but, I'm pretty sure this was almond paste or Marzipan. They were tri-layered, multi-colored squares covered with chocolate and sprinkles. They were good. A ridiculous 10 pieces for only $3. The place was, until recently, called The Glass Slipper. The receipt still bore that affiliation. They said they changed in February. They sell custom cakes and cupcakes and cookies (etc). A decent bakery in a mall with one of the most moronically designed ingress and egress formulations.

Belle Isle Bayou, Belle Isle - Closed

I had dinner at this Cajun restaurant in a shitty strip mall on Conway and Hoffner (I'm pretty sure that was it - it's the one off 436 that has the Mobil station on it and I think is the last right you can make before the airport that goes back into Orlando) on Thurday. I had the shrimp and grits for $12. It was excellent. The grits seemed freshly made for this portion. I asked and they said they were. They were saturated with cheese. In addition to the shrimp (around eight, pretty fresh 24 size), they added andouille sausage, fatback bacon and mushrooms (they said those were fresh too). The bowl full was huge. It was flavored with a lot of black pepper. The service (4) was great. The dish took a little while to appear, but, I think that is evidence of its freshness. The place has the appropriate decor. It seats abot 80 in the main room and 30 in a card room (they have poker on Thurday nights). It was about a third full at 7pm. It was a family environment. I would urge them to hide the high chairs and junk around the kitchen. The menu was traditional New Orleans. There is even a spiel about their mission statement and the purveyors resumes in the menu. The one disappointment was that they only do crawfish boils once a week (Friday I think). The pricing was respectful. I recommend a visit if you are in the neighborhood or coming or going to OIA. I think Yelp had some mixed reviews on the place, but, I liked what I had.

*Note - I apologize if there are misspellings in the future. This stupid site isn't loading right and the spell check button is now overlapped by some Post Settings layer that I can't get to right justify.

Fish On Fire, Belle Isle

I had lunch at this seafood restaurant in a podunk area of town near the airport about a month ago. I was on my way to Europe. Let's see what I remember. To get there, you have to get off some exit before the airport on the Beach line or (as I did) get off 436 near the TGIF and go towards Fast Park and Relax Parking and continue on the road until it ends. Then you make a left (on Conway) and the first right (before the highway) and it's next to a La Quinta. The place was cute. It's like a place a Parrot Head would enjoy. It has a comfortable maritime feel. They have the steering column of a fishing boat as the hostess desk. The decor was fishing related. I think it sat around 100. It was empty at 11 am. They have live music some of the time. There is a bar area that also opens onto the patio. I think they said they've been there for a while. I remember something about a fire and a rebuild ten years ago. I had a yellow fin tuna sandwich for $8. It came with a bag of chips. The tuna was fresh, but, they shined me with a bad cut. It was all full of thread (cartlidge). It came on a buttered and grilled bun. The service (4) was good. The staff was pure native Florida. The pricing was reasonable and the selection was seasonal. They had some turf with the surf. Not a bad alternative to the restaurants around the airport. An authentic entrant in a world that tries to co-opt this kind of atmosphere.

Clancey's Cantina, New Smyrna Beach

I had lunch today at this Mexican restaurant on Flagler Ave. I had the Wild Bunch for $14. It was a chicken flauta, cheese enchilada, tamale and taco al carbon (steak). The flauta was thick, but, the tortilla tasted odd. It's like they fried it with all the other dishes they serve or the oil is old. The enchilada or tamale had beef on it. It gave me a sharp pain when I ingested it. I let it be. Probably rancid. The tamale's corn base was not cooked long enough. The taco was wildly salty. I didn't touch the beans and rice. The place sits about eighty. It was probably a surf bar that they switched to Mexican. The food took a while to come out. I guess you need a reminder of what 90% of the country thinks Mexican cooking tastes like every once in a while. I wouldn't go for the food. Who would have thought that a place called Clancey's couldn't cook Mexican food?

Grub Crawl - I Drive: Terra Cotta, BBQ Tonight and Marlowe's Tavern

I tried these places on I Drive on Saturday night. Terra Cotta is in the Premium Oulets. BBQ is in a strip mall on the corner of ID and Kirkman. Marlowe's is at Pointe Orlando.

Terra Cotta - I had a small pizza for $6. It was damn good for a place that said Red Brick Pizza on my receipt. I'm not sure if they took over for one or this is an upscale version, but, they have a brick pizza oven and though it's gas powered, it worked. The place is colorful and clean. They have TV's in the booths. They serve gelato and other hot foods. I bet it's better than the main Italian restaurant with the plastic menus that is across the parking lot.

BBQ Tonight - This is a Pakistani restaurant that also serves Indian and Chinese food. I had a Chicken Jalferezi dish for $9 and naan for $2. It was fine. A big helping of a chicken in a tomato and pepper ragout. I can't recall if I've ever had Pakastani food before, but, my limited take on it is that it is Indian food without the spices. Not really surprising. They are neighbors. And Muslims like to keep life bland. There was some confusion about whether or not I needed naan. I thought the girl said I needed it to scoop up the meal (eat with your fingers), but, they brought me silverware so maybe it's so customary that they couldn't see why anyone would not order some. The place is halal so no booze. The crowd was 90% sub-continent (black, straight hair) with a few Englishers thrown in. There was one black couple who probably saw the BBQ and misfired. Seeing all the head scarfs originally put me on edge, but, they couldn't have been nicer. Everyone spoke English. They have an extensive menu and everything was affordable. If you have eaten Indian and Middle Eastern food, you can expect similar dishes here. They have a lunch buffet and I think I read that they serve breakfast. The place is divided into into two sections. One looks like a deli and the other like a long hallway. They put the tables against the wall. The buffet area is in back. The decor looked like it was from a time when the place was an Italian place (with added Chinese wall art). It's a little run down. The place was 2/3rds full at 9pm. Indians and Paki's seem to eat late. This is good to know because alot of the places on I Drive seemed to have been winding down at this time. I don't recall hearing of any other Pakistani restaurants in town, so, I guess you have to try this if you want to stamp your food passport. I think you'll be glad you did.

Marlowe's Tavern - I was expecting something and received next to nothing. It's a chain from Georgia. The menu tries to be contemporary, but, it just shoe horns in some buzz words into your average pub menu. The place was closing/empty at 10pm. Hit the ignore button. If there was still doubt about if the shark has been jumped, you know it has when it has been co-opted by big business. Plus you get the benefit of having to pay and wait for parking.

*Side Note - I tried a new place called Hash A Go Go in the old Matteo's locale. They were such idiots about the seating (once again corporate a-holes - the bar is for drinks not food and it isn't the same experience) that I left and have given them a one year time out before I review their formulaic and stupid (Southern) endeavor. I doubt they will be around by then anyhow. And another time out goes to Santo's for being empty and closing at 9pm and not taking Amex.

Grub Crawl - Winter Park: Fresh (Closed) and Italio (Closed)

I sampled these two places for lunch on Saturday. Fresh is in Hannibal Square in the old Chez Vincent locale and Italio is on 17-92 near Fairbanks.

Fresh - If the shark has not already been jumped then this place is the point where I am exhausted by the self-satisfied, hippy-dippy, locally sourced food movement. You just buy from a different vendor. You aren't curing cancer. Nobody needs cucumber water. I hope a professional food service location doesn't buy from a supermarket. I had a She Got Seoul sandwich for $10. It's a beef sandwich with Korean flavors. They said the beef was tenderloin cut, but, it was kind of tough and flabby for that. Plus they also have a beef sandwich for $2 more on the menu and I doubt they would use the same cut and sell it at two prices. In any case, the meat ratio didn't equal the bread ratio. They need a much thinner (and fresher) roll. The meat was covered in a spicy terryaki sauce. I forget if Korean BBQ beef has terryaki, but, if it doesn't it shouldn't and this one had way too much terryaki. The kimchi in it was good. They served a side of recently pickled cucumber/carrot salad. It was good. The place has 12 tables for two (including those outside) and 8 counter seats. There were five others there at lunch time. The decor is minimalist. It reminded me of a Tapas bar. They serve wine (no soda). The menu had about 6 appetizers, 6 salads and 8 sandwiches. The prices were around the $10 mark. The dinner menu had a similar distribution. The sandwiches were replaced with entrees. They leveled out at a ludicrous $30 range. The service was fine, but, way too impressed by the mission statement. Again. Not curing cancer. My big mouth may have garnered my meal a little "special attention". I've had the squirts since then and I was getting way too many surreptitious little smirks while I ate. If you have seen some of the third world street food I've eaten, you would know I'm not terrified of your expectoration. I think the owners are/were caterers. I didn't hate the place, but, I'm not sure I needed it. Maybe it will get a LGBT following. It had that sort of vibe.

Italio - Imagine Chipotle. Now imagine they serve Italian food. That's exactly what it is - a Chipotle rip-off. It even looks like one. The menu is a carbon copy. Pick a pasta or wrap (piadino) or a salad. Pick a meat. Pick a sauce. Pick toppings. I had a side of fried calamari and peppers for $5. It was a bargain and fairly well prepared. The squid was obviously frozen, but, it could have been worse and it was atypical. The place seats around eighty. It was about a third full. Most meals were around $8. They are the second of a possible empire. This place is blatantly formulated to get VC money from Chipotle advocates. The original is in Boca. I will say that for all the transparent mimicry, it is the best attempt (non-pizza) at fast foodifying Italian that I've seen. Now someone just has to explain why they put pasta in their paidinos.

Grub Crawl - Longwood: Upper Crust Desserts, Kosher Kitchen (Closed), Island Sizzle and Bianco's Mona Lisa

I surveyed these places on Ronald Reagan Blvd on Thursday afternoon.

Upper Crust Desserts - I had a chocolate chip cookie and an oatmeal raisin cookie ($1.50 a piece) at this little shop on the road that goes past Lake Mary High School on the way to or from RR Blvd. It's next to the 7-11. The CC was full of Ghiradelli chocolate chunks. It was shaped like a muffin top or tiny scone. It was good. It may have sat for a few days (a little dry), so, the fresh ones must be really good. The OR was good as well. I believe the shop has been there for a little while, but, has just started selling to the public (no pre-orders required). They sell a variety of baked goods.

Kosher Kitchen - This place is off 434 near the tropical fish store. I believe it has opend fairly recently. They were out of almost everything. The owner said it was because of Passover (cleaned them out), but, that was a month ago. The things they were to have had seemed mostly like pre-cooked items that you take home and reheat. They also sell some packaged items from Israel. The decrepit look of the place and lack of inventory made me wonder if it is a front. A front for what, I can not imagine.

Island Sizzle - This Jamaican place is in a little strip mall next to Kosher Kitchen. I had a Jerk Pork meal for $8. It came with some sort of cabbage salad, rice and beans, sweet plantain and a little hush puppy. The hush puppy was sweet and seemed fresh. The cabbage salad was slightly vinegary. The rice and beans were savoury. The plaintain was soft. The pork was plentiful and just shy of uncomfortably spicy. There was a lot of pork. It was a little dry (overcooked), but, at least it wasn't fatty. There were about two little bits that were not eatable. The place is more of a takeout joint than a sit down establishment. I can't remember if they had any seats. One of the better Jamaican places I've tried around CF. They serve breakfast items too. They have a lot of authentic options. The menu is reasonably priced. They said they have been there a year.

Bianco's Mona Lisa - They are near that little nook of reconditioned buildings near where the train tracks cross RR Blvd. The restaurant has been there forever. I last went there when it was just Mona Lisa's. I'm not sure if adding the Bianco's several years ago indicates a change in ownership or some trademark altercation. In any event, it's what I remembered looking like and tasting like from before. I had a meatball parmigiana sandwich for $8. It was ok. The meatball was a little hamburger helper-y. They sliced two baseball sized meatballs into rings so it would flatten out in the roll. The tomato sauce and cheese was a little scarce. It also came with a side of cold pasta salad. It was ok. The tomatoes in it were rubbery (old) and the past was a little soggy. They also served some really good, home made garlic bread with the meal. It was probably the best thing. The rest of the menu was predictable. Pizza, pasta, chicken parm, etc. It is priced in that annoying zone of mid-quality Italian that I always rant about. The place seats about 80 in four separate rooms. It's an old house and each room was repurposed as a dining area. There were around 7 people (3 tables) eating there for lunch - all women. It's odd, but, they looked like they belonged there. I've often found that customers sometimes resemble the place they eat at. In this case, that means - a little frumpy. The service (1) was good and polite. The food came out quickly. It's cute little joint with a safe menu.