Club Crawl - Lake Mary : Carlos and Charlies (Closed)

10-11pm: Carlos and Charlies: You know a place sucks when I immediately go home and slam it. This place was peopled with the same crowd that probably went to it on Spring Break 1990. What a disater. It took forever to get a drink (The 4 bartenders couldn't keep up). As if it's not bad enough that they young girls in Lake Mary are fat and ugly, the cougars that prowl this enclave are pawful. I can't wait to leave this cesspool for a real city in a couple of days. I will be on leave for a month. Good riddance social oblivion.

3 6 9, Casselberry - Closed

Today I had lunch at this Chinese restaurant on 436 near Rachel's. I had the Brocolli with Chicken for $6. It came with rice, tea, water, and wonton soup. The wonton soup was rich and chickeny. Two large dumplings in a thick coat. Question. Is Chinese food salty because the need the salt for manual labor or is it how the preserve things? I'm not complaining. It was salty but good. The entree was enormous. I felt guilty being charged the same amount I usually pay at my local fast food Chinese place for half as much. The chicken wasn't overcooked. Very moist. The sauce was a bit cloying. They need to learn that less is more. The rice was well cooked. The service was good. But, I have to learn not to make eye contact because they think it means I want something. The place is done up with black laquer tables and chairs. Chinese art adorns the walls. They have a little section that offers Chines items for sale. It was clean and empty. A great value. I think they have another place closer to Apopka.

Hu Hu Hot, Florida Mall

I had lunch 2 (the real object) at this Mongolian restaurant outside the Florida Mall on Wednesday. It's an all you can eat buffet for $9.79. You choose your meat, veg and sauce and they cook it on a big, round, metal grill. What can I say about it? It's a value buy. The results depend more on your ability to match ingredients than their culinary skill. It is a chain so the restaurant is clean and new. It was mostly empty. There's not much service beyond the clean up. They have a bar and flatscreens (tuned to CNN). Question: why do restaurants choose a political channel to show? You're going to piss off half your clientele.

Salsa, Florida Mall

On Wednesday I had luch 1 at this Mexican restaurant near Macy's in the Florida Mall (John Young and Sand Lake). I had a steak quesadilla for $7.99. It was kind of tiny. The steak was kind of hamburgery. It was topped with a little guac and some strings of sour cream. This was one of the cheaper things on the menu. I would say it's overpriced for a mall restaurant. While the place is modern and clean, I wouldn't recommend it. It's part of a national conglomerate that runs Samba Room, etc. You are paying big boy prices for McFood. The staff was nice. Try authetic Mexican at realistic pricing at any eyesore over this. Unless you think Outback is a good steakhouse and non-gringos scare you.

Grafitti Junction, Thornton Park - Closed

I had dinner at this bar in a tent past Dexters on Friday night. I had a cheeseburger with avocado for $8.50. It came with a lot of fries. I was surprised when it came close to medium rare as requested. All seemed well until about 10 minutes after eating. Can you say indigestion? I think it was the spicy rub they put on it. I would lose it. The service was good. The place is trying to channel Austin, TX. It is a fenced in "porch" with grafitti all over the place (including the servers). I bet it gets a fun crowd (Zooey Deschanel not Emily) later on. They have Widescreens and video games. I wouldn't be surprised if they have live music. A good place to get annihalated and puke up that shitty burger seasoning in the corner. They probably just hose it off.

City Diner, Downtown

I had breakfast at this diner behind the court house on Friday. Let's just say I think I overpaid for a one egg on a muffin with cheese and a DC for $5. I asked for no grease on the muffin. Got it. The egg must have been from a quail. The cheese wasn't melted. The DC tasted like rust (no re-fill). The waitress had on a wig. The place has shitty parking. It closes at 2. I feel bad for all those cons and lawyers who have to eat here before trial.

District Five, Downtown

I had lunch at this hotel restaurant in the Crowne Plaza on Friday. I had a turkey club for $7.99. It had only one slice of turkey and two pieces of bread but it was tasty. They served it on some thick whole grain type bread with a spicy mayo. It came with a side of potato salad and chips. They were both above average. The service was pretty much order and delivery (no check). But, that may be because they were serving a seminar at the same time. The place is very modern. It has windows for good light. The whole hotel (which was a condo) was very nice. I would stop by (before a Magic game or Carr performance) for at least a drink at the bar and a look around. The parking was free too.

Golden Thai, Longwood

I had lunch at this Thai place on 434 in between 1-4 and 17-92 on Tuesday. I had the Masaman Chicken for $7. It's white meat with a yellow curry with peppers and white rice. Everything was good. No surprises. The place is small (10 tables). It was full. They have a small staff (3 including management). The service was adequate. The decor was authentic Thai with lots of bling. It's a fine spot for a casual Thai meal.

Club Crawl - Longwood & Sanford : Harmoni (Closed), Mulligans, Route 46 (Closed)

10-11pm: Harmoni. Had some nice wine but the scene was slow. One foursome of New Yawkers and 2 couples on dates at the bar. Should have stayed at Hurricanes. At least they had eye candy. I call the brunette.

11-11:30pm: Mulligans. All dude-fest. How do people in non-club towns every get laid?

11:30-11:59pm. Route 46. Went to the new Garage Bar. Two married girls at the bar. Maybe five non-descripts outside. This is the second time I've been to this multi-space vortex and the second time it was beyond suck. I think it's out of mind until I get a Harley and start day drinking in my leather vest.

Hurricane Grill and Wings, Longwood

I had dinner at this Surf themed American restaurant in that strip mall right at Wekiva Springs Rd and 434 on Friday. I had the Mahi-Mahi Platter for $10.99. It was a grilled rectangle of fish with fries and a mini-cup of slaw. The fish was actually well prepared (not dry). Although the shape screamed frozen, it was fine. It wasn't hidden under any rub or sauce. The fries were very good. They were covered with a salt and pepper rub. The cole slaw had a lot of fennel or coriander seeds in it (I forget which is which). The place was packed. They had adequate staff (all girls) for the traffic. People seemed to move in and out quickly. It was full throughout the night. They have a bar. They have flat screens. Surfboards and surfing murals provide the visual stimulus. A family friendly place. Especially for Dad (see the line about all girl staff).

Circa, Winter Park (Closed)

I had lunch at this what they call American Classic (I call it themeless) restaurant on Park Avenue on Wednesday. I had the Tortellini in a Tomato Chianti Cream Sauce (very American, right?) for $7. It was delicioso. It came with sweet english peas. The portion was large. The pasta was well cooked. The sauce was savory. I laughed to myself when I looked across the street and saw those saps getting a Panera sandwich for the same price. The service was good. Although, it better have been since only two others were in attendance. The staff was all dressed in costume. The waiter gave me a good table and refilled my drink without provocation. He was always attentive. They served a little unleavened cracker in lieu of bread (very cost conscious). The butter was a little stinky. It had either been melted and reformed too many times or tainted by something in the refrigerator. The place is art deco. They have fresh flowers. There is a mirrored bar, piano and an upstairs night club (all white). They have a banquet room in the back and a pub next door. The food ranged from meatloaf to alligator bits to seafood. The place was clean and has good views. They have put a lot of care into this operation. The value is great (especially at lunch). Let's hope they can succeed where many others have failed.

Club Crawl - Tastings and Ember

10-11pm: Tastings. Mostly empty except one table of girls there for the $20 ladies night tasting. I was only there to try some wine and watch the Magic.

11pm-1am. Ember. Very full. Mostly guys (because of the game). Good atmosphere (because of the game). Back bar smelled of puke the whole night. Someone should be accountable for this mess (literally). I can't believe there could have been a manager on duty and this escaped them. Can I also request that douche bags don't take ownership of a bar stool when the whole crowd is looking to get a drink. I know you dragged $4 out of you bare trap like wallet for that beer you've been nursing for half an hour but some of us who came to spend money on real man drinks would like a drink too. You probably tell the girls that you're a high roller too. Don't ya? Left early because of that damn DUI law and the wisdom that you don't play when the odds are stacked against you. Live to cruise another day. No use fighting over the fat chick and the cougar. Orlando Tip - their boyfriend is at the bar and just trying to get out of paying for their univited and undesired company.

Nagoya Sushi, Sand Lake - Closed

On Saturday I had an after-thought second meal at this Japanese restaurant. I was in the neighborhood and wanted to kill time before clubbing. I had some conch (fresh and meaty), baby octopus (same), sea urchin (rich and served with a sliver of lemon), surf clam (cut in two for easier nibbling), and a grilled half of a baby homard lobster tail (a new one). All but the lobster and urchin were under $2,50. $5 for the urchin and lobster (and once again that's real Maine-style lobster not frozen langoustine or Australian "lobster"). Unbelievable prices. Urchin is usually $8. The owner had promised that they serve more fish than rice and she wasn't lying. The rice was even properly vinegared. The staff was great, young and cute. The owners were attentive and knowledgeable. Even the house sake was good enough to be served cold ($5). It's great when the establishment gets it. The place is small enough to allow attention to detail. It's not a sushi factory like Amura (also good but impersonal and expensive and sometimes impolite). The decor was Japanese casual. It was about half full. It probably seats 50. Parking was free and close. I would ask you to find this little gem tucked in an alcove behind Christini's. You'll become a fan even if you stick to your California Rolls and Tuna Sushi. They even had Toro.

Tang's, Sand Lake

On Saturday I had dinner at Tang's restaurant on Dr. Phillips. I had the Red Curry Chicken for $14. It was unlike any Thai dish I've had before. An uncut, grilled chicken breast was placed atop length-wise sections of carrot, squash and zucchini in a pool of red curry. It was decorated with strings of carrot and an orchid. The waiter came by with jasmine and curry rice and portioned out contents in a separate ritual. The meal was excellent. Extremely tasty! The service was great. Every member of the staff (including owners) aided in the task. They showed great care in my satisfaction. They were stylishly dressed and reverent. The waiter even went as far as to replace the orchid on my plate before serving because it had moved slightly on its way from the kitchen. The restaurant itself had the requisite Thai decollatage. But, they added elements that made it thoroughly modern. They even had booths (which struck me as funy because I just saw a Chris Rock special in which he observed that girls always want a booth. They were indeed peopled with women). The wine list was great. Not the usual best sellers and distributor influenced dreck. Someone has taken this upon themselves. The place was immaculate. I was given a good seat. Everyone dining (aside from one table of yokels) was dressed well. The place was about half full, but getting fuller as the night went on. They had alot of courses that you won't find on a traditional Thai menu. All improvements in conception. Parking was easily found across from the entrance. An unbelievable surprise. I can't understand how anyone wastes their time with greasy Chinese take-out when you can do Thai or Vietnamese. It's so cheap. I order you to realign your sensibilities. Thai is the new (always was) Chinese.

Spice Modern Steakhouse, Downtown (Closed)

On Wednesday I had lunch at Spice Steakhouse Downtown on Lake Eola. I had the cheddar burger with fries for $9. The burger was plump and pefectly cooked at medium rare. The chef even refrained from leaning on the spatula in the false hope that it would cook faster, therefore, it was moist. Good job. The burger came on a rectangular piece of with china in what is referred to as a deconstructed state. It was appointed with a fresh slice of tomato, onions and lettuce. Catsup and mustard were provided in steel tins. The bun was large, artisinal and fresh. The cheese was well melted. The french fries were mostly crispy (I still don't get how some fries can fry limply). The service was excellent. Even the hostess didn't ruin the experience with an insulting table placement. The place is styled in a modern deco motif. Very clean and enervating (in a pleasant way). The space is broken up by booths, etc so that most have a private area. They have an outdoor patio that overlooks the lake and two bars. The space was very clean. I can suggest no improvements. You can even find free parking on the street.

Tuscany's, Winter Springs

On Saturday night I went to this Italian eatery on Winter Springs Rd. I had the special for $14.95. The special was four cutlets of chicken covered in ham, mushrooms, provolone, goat cheese and a sherry reduction (I thought the waitress said Cherry. Now that would have been creative). It came with a generous bowl of angel hair on the side. It was not overcooked. The main dish was enormous. I walked out like a pregnant Buddha. It's hard to complain when they serve you so much that you wonder what their margins are, however, I must disclose that it was a bit rich at these levels. I must have received two ice cream scoops of goat cheese. That said, it's better than the alternative and I could have pushed away the plate at any time. The entree came with a Caesar Salad (a little pasty) and warm bread. Did I mention that I think I ordered the most expensive dish? The prices here are great. Most pasta entrees were under 10$. I saw mammoth sandwiches coming out of the kitchen. The owner was gregarious and seemed to have a lot of regulars. They had 4 or 5 waitresses for about 15 tables. The service was prompt and communicative (although another victim of the correct pronounciation of the dish - chicken francese). The decor is bad. Plastic vines, grapes and plants. The place was a little loud. A drunken party with kids and low ceilings combined to assault my temples. The owner was overhead discussing expansion plans. I'm not sure if that will close them down so call before you go. The one negative was the small selection of appetizers and their cost. They are almost as much as the entrees. But, who needs two courses when one is more than enough here. Don't ever think Carrabba's or Macaroni Grill if you live anywhere near here. I curse you if you do. But if you do, you are probably already cursed with a small brain. You know how I feel about most mid-level Italian restaurants. This place is the antithesis. Even the liquor was below the usual mark up.

Takeyama, Oveido

On Tuesday I stopped by this little sushi restaurant at the end of Red Bug Lake Rd and Lockwood. I had the sushi lunch for $8.95. It was a tempura roll and 4 pieces of sushi (Red Snapper, Tuna, Salmon, White Tuna). The roll was penuriously filled with CC and tuna. Fried kind of defeats the purpose of raw food. The other sushi was adequate. The place seats about 40 in a narrow setting. There is one big mural. The rest of the place is sparsely decorated. There were two other customers dining at the time. The service was prompt (it would have to be wouldn't it) from the solitary server. They didn't take AMEX.

Numero Uno, Orlando

Today I had lunch at Numero Uno on S. Orange (south of the city and before Kaley). It's a 30 year old Cuban restaurant. I had the Asopado de Camarones for $12. It was a stew like dish with rice, shrimp in a tomato/beef stock broth. It reminded me of a wet risotto. It came with fried plantains and a garlic/vinegar dipping sauce on the side. The asopado was tasty. The shrimp were fresh 24's. There were six of them. The portion was large. It came in a cute wooden bowl. It could have used a little more chopped fresh onion for texture and taste (in the summer fresh vegetables would probably give it more life). It was very savory. The plantains (4) were not too oily and weren't essential to the dish.

The place seats about 40 and was packed. Nevertheless, I was energetically ushered into a table for 4 in the middle of the restaurant without complaint or flippancy. The food did take a little longer to come out than the waitresses seemed to care for. I thought it was fast, but, they must really keep the kitchen on its toes. All the waitresses were friendly and had each others back. The ball was not going to dropped at this service (at any table). They were constantly delivering updates or inquiring as to my well being. An additional bonus. You have to go to see a true vision of the feminine form. It seemed like many of the men were there to do just that. The Ford Modeling Agency should send a scout. The place is lacking in decor and parking, but, the experience was great. They had many cheap sandwiches and lunch specials. The bread was a little boring and the silverware a little worn, but, it deserves its fine reputation. They were quick, timely and proactive with refills and accepted Amex. The place drew all kinds. No one should feel as though they wouldn't be accepted.

Paxia, College Park - Closed

I had lunch at this Mexican restaurant in College Park on Wednesday. I had the Chicken Soup and the Enchiladas Lunch. The soup was a tomato based broth with vegetables and shredded chicken. It came in a tiny cup (the same one they use for salsa) but was mostly chicken. It was only $3. The enchiladas (2) were full of chicken and covered in melted cheese. It came with beans (black or refried) and rice. It was $7. They seem to be trying for a nuevo-Mexican feel. The place is hipsterish and the prices reflect that sensibility. I ordered off the lunch menu. Most of their entrees are in the mid-teens. Appetizers can reach near double digits. I wouldn't flinch at those prices if the experience was vastly superior. However, the place looks hastily constructed (bad caulking and paint). It's not terribly clean for a new place (the ceiling already looks worn and the floors were dirty). There is a bar and a lounge on the right. The place is done in burnt oranges and muted reds. The floor is black. There are walls that break up the dining area into two sections. The service (2) was good. The chips were not greasy and plentiful. They were served in a funky cone. The salsa was mild. Still don't get how you are ok giving what is basically an appetizer away for free yet go on to expect one to order say a $9 tostada. Why would one do that? But, I'm not complaining.

I would advise them to sweat the details. It's so easy to go from upscale to average if you aren't meticulous. The food was good. The outside was good. But, if you want to charge big boy prices for peasant food, make sure I'm eating it in a fastidious setting. Get a toothbrush and start scrubbing. You want to be better than Don Pablo's, right? The place has to be the draw if you serve this food at those prices. It's tortillas and cheap cuts chicken and beef for christ sake.

Oh Que Bueno, Orlando

I had lunch at this Columbian restaurant past 50 on 435 last Monday on my way to the airport. I had Carne Asada y Arepa con Queso for $9.95. The flank steak was not overcooked, tough or dry. The arepa was crunchy. Eating it all together was the way to go. It actually felt like more of a breakfast than a lunch. The place must be a reconfigured bar. They still retain an enclosed bar up front and an open patio out back. The decor is sparse. It was about half full (30). The service was quick and polite. The place was clean. They took AMEX.