Burger 21, Mall at Millenia Area

I had lunch at this burger joint on Conroy near the Mall at Millenia on Thursday. I had $7 chesseburger. It was ok. Fatter than a Burgerfi burger. Much less flavor than one (and I'm not in love with the Fi). It was grey inside and out (did a vampire bat get to this before me?). It was strictly formed. And even though it was probably never a frozen hockey puck, the molded form put that impression in my sub-conscious. I guess I prefer hand formed "house burgers" now. Oddly, the patty split in two while I was eating it. A sloppy cook checking for doneness? They put it in a brioche bun. I never liked that concept. It overpowers the beef flavor with a cloying sweetness. And in this case that was all too easily accomplished. The place looks hip. It's decked out in monochromes. They have a "shake" bar. Rejoice all ye fatties. Valhalla has surfaced. It sits about seventy. It was packed at 1pm. I think it's a northern Florida chain. There is a war for hamburger supremacy going on. Why? I have no idea. This is one of the contenders. Now if they can concentrate on the focal point. That would be nice. Don't rush to overpay for 50 cents worth of ground chuck anally formed and clumsily cooked. Hopefully, the fad will be over soon. They also serve some gross looking seafood burgers.

Tacos El Rancho, Belle Isle

I stopped at this Mexican restaurant near the Publix on Hoffner and Conway on the way to the airport two weeks ago. I had a lengua (tongue) soft taco for $2.35 and a shredded pork soft taco for $2.35. Both were huge and delicious. Maybe a pound of meat each. They were topped with crema and hot sauce and salsa. The tongue wasn't as tender as some that I have had. It's something about peeling off the top layer or not. Still good. This place is no nonsense. It isn't a looker (but more than respectable and clean), but, the trim menu is the real deal. The prices are good too. The tacos are the cheapest. They have been in business for four years. A great find if you want a snack in the area (ie on your way out of town on an airline that doesn't serve meals). Real Mexican food. Not Tex-Mex.

Grub Crawl - Winter Park: Tiffany's Deli (Closed), Avenue and Matilda's (Closed)

I visited these places on Park Avenue in the middle of the week for lunch about two weeks ago (then went on a trip).

Tiffany's Deli - I had some sort of chocolate mousse pie with a crushed oreo crust for $5. It was ok. They tried. Just a bad recipe. Too much oreo. They really don't know how to make mousse. Too sweet. The whipped cream was the high light. This is a chick restaurant. Pretentious deli salads and sandwiches at inflated prices aimed at girls with daddy's or hubby's credit card. Not bad. Just not necessary. Perfect for a place like Winter Park. Across from Mary Magdalene Church/School.

Avenue - The same exact Thai/Sushi experience that the last ownership offered up. And the one before that. And the one before that. Ad inifinitum. This place has been around four iterations of the same theme. I don't know why this one will be any more successful (for ownership). How much fat can you cut off a continually failed business model? I just ordered a Tom Yum Soup to go for $5 because I've done this dance too many times before. They gave me a half of a to go bowl. Of sour piss water. How much would it have cost you too fill up the bowl? 1 cent? Just water it down. Avoid so we can see who the next Thai/Sushi afficiando will step up to claim it. It's like an Asian Sword in the Stone. It's near the 7-11.

Matilda's - Speaking of retreads. This place is on the far end near the Tiffany museum and has had to have been through a dozen ownership changes since the millenium (and an equal amount in the days before). I just reviewed the last turkey a few months ago. I predicted failure and was correct again. They had no real unifying theme. This version is Australian themed. A quizzical move because they really have few idiosyncratic dishes (as the menu illustrates) to draw from (calling an American dish Aussified or a single Kangaroo burger hardly qualify), but, I guess they are going for attitude. The funny thing is the food was very good and the portion was monstrous. I had the fish (mahi-mahi) tacos for around $11. It may have been the first time I was served what was promised in a fish taco - fresh fish that was what it was supposed to be and had flavor and texture. They also stuffed the soft tortillas (double wrapped) with vibrant vegetables (including avocado). Three of these bad boys were a challenge to consume in one sitting. Great job. The place looks great (it usually does). They opened up the front room so it is more of a waiting area/bar. They put in a middle counter, a new bar area and lots of TVs. Good flow. I would hide the high chairs though. The wait staff was good. Mostly pretty, little (semi) things in tight shorts and informal tops (not slutty though). I still say the location at the end of the avenue is a killer. Everyone gets sucked up before they see this option. Not good in a town half filled with day trippers. However, maybe they can do some advertising so people will come looking for them to begin with. I hope they aren't hanging their hopes on walk ins. Good luck because I'm sick of milking the same cow. To put it politely.

Matilda's failed and now has the audacity to put up a sign that says they are just remodeling. I hear some Tampa group is the next to wiff. Can't wait to waste my time - AGAIN.

Sizzling Grill, Longwood - Closed

I had lunch at this diner/cafe on 434 (across from Ali Baba, Korea House and La Fonda) in the old Apna location on Saturday. I could provide a case study on what I would do, but, I spoke at length with the owner and I understand his vision. He is wants to offer a diverse menu (influenced by his work in similarly inspired restaurants in the Mid West (where he trained). He suggested the idea was inspired by his niece who prefers spaghetti and meatballs to the traditional food her immigrant parents force on her. They are Indian. The new owner bought Apna (Indian) from a cousin and is trying to appeal to an Americanized generation of Indian-Americans. Now this reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry gets the Pakistani owner (Babu) to change his menu after his similarly inspired menu fails to find an audience. I'm not going to make the same mistake as Jerry. I will question the name though. The name is pretty nebulous to begin with and isn't evocative of the selections on the menu. There isn't much on the menu that is grilled. Plus it sounds like a better name for a churasscaria. That aside, the owner seems to have a handle on costs. He is the kitchen and he has one server. That's low overhead. Basically no salaries. They said they did refurb, but, it looks the same to me. He is eschewing marketing costs. That's the real reason I'm writing about this. I would risk my credibility if I encouraged you to go out of your way to dine here, but, I would like to give a little free PR aimed at people who live in the area and want a simple experience. The owner is in for the long haul. He wants the audience to assemble through word of mouth. He has a road construction issue anyway, so, he is doing a slow burn until it is completed. Now the meal I had (Chicken Tikka charbroiled Tandoor style with Basmati Rice or Naan for $9) was overcooked, but, it was a small sample size and I think he can do better. The rice seemed like it had been sitting (dry and crunchy) and the chicken was tough and dry. It didn't help the presentation that they just gave me a can of soda (no glass or ice). The dish I had is part of the remenants of the Indian menu (about 5 dishes). The rest of menu is diner-esque. Think Greek diner without the Greek add ons just Indian. Once again, I can't recommened it for foodies, but, the owner is great and he has his head on straight and he just wants his little no-frills piece of the market. If this appeals to you, you know where to find him.

World Gourmet, Altamonte Springs

Here comes the dreaded "day of" review. The one that means that they disppointed me so badly that I couldn't keep myself from reporting on it immediately. I had lunch at this buffet house on 436 (in the old Sam Seltzer's location) today. The buffet cost $8. It was, at best, like every other mediocre buffet option in town and, at worst, really off putting. I had some mediocre sushi, chicken fingers, a deplorable butter salmon and one greasy salt baked shrimp (or larvae). The sushi was mostly scraps and fake crab. They didn't replenish it the whole time I was there and it needed to be. The selection was sparse to begin with. The salmon tasted rank and was hard as a rock. Lord knows how many days it had been there. The butter sauce tasted like a sweet and sour sauce. I had one bite and quit. The salt baked shrimp was tiny. Not as small as the freeze dried shrimp I feed my fish, but, close enough. It had to be frozen and straight out of the freezer aisle in a hypermarket. The chicken fingers were the high light. That's all you need to know. Even the plastic wrapped, fortune cookies were stale. The inside is spartan and dingy. Little money went into the refurb. They must have spent half their budget on the sign outside. It's the only decent thing they have brought to the area. Avoid.

Istanbul, Lake Mary - Closed

I had lunch at this fairly new (one month) Turkish restaurant on 46A on Tuesday. It's in the spot formerly occupied by the know-it-alls at Finesse. And since I, single-handedly (to listen to them) ruined their prospects with that most unwelcome of all actions - unsolicited advice, I will try and avoid that in this review. The place looks nearly the same. It still has the floor plan that Wine Down brought in. They repainted and erased the quotations on the wall. It looks fine. It seats the same amount of people (100+). They serve Turkish food in the style of Istanbul (derr). The menu is pretty compact (about ten entrees and a few less appetizers and desserts). They serve lamb, chicken, seafood and even booze. The dinner menu is similar to the lunch. I had a lamb donner (revolving) kebab (roast meat) lunch special for $10. Most meals are plus or minus two dollars of this price point. It came with a half a potato, buttered rice pilaf and carrots (I think). Everything was fresh. The lamb (carved in what most people understand as gyro style) was freshly made in house. I had the first trimmings for the first time in my life. I know this because it was the first time the outer layer of fat was ever visible on my plate. It was a healthy portion. The rice may have been a little fattening with the butter, but, it does impart flavor. The vegetables were fresh. I probably wouldn't serve starch with starch (there goes the unsolicited, enterprise collapsing advice), but, it did provide filling. The service (2) was great. Although, the soda refill tasted odd. Maybe they were trying to poison me. I'm sure they would receive plenty of acclaim if they had. The place was serving about four others when I walked in (early - close to 11am). The owners were receptive. I don't think much of the Greek place in Lake Mary, so, let's say the neighborhood really needed a Mediterranean entry. It's always good to be best in class in an area. It helps when you are the only one in class. I'm not sure if people around here will go for this class of ethnic cooking, but Bosforous (among others) thrives in Winter Park, so who knows what will appeal to the Irish Pub and Mediocre Southern Italian set. It's not a low level, grab and go place. It's higher end. I'm making a regular appointment at Istanbul (when not traveling). I'm all over some chicken liver appetizer when I go back. I wish they had more ambitious stuff, but, it probably better to take smart, conservative baby steps. You wouldn't want to scare away the yokels by being to "authentic" out of the gate. Fun fact - Istanbul was Constantinople until 1923.

*As promised, I returned today for the chicken livers. It was a ridiculous serving of of around 40 pieces! I have no idea why this is an appetizer. It cost $12. It was worth it. However, I was disappointed to see (and want to warn you) that they already raised prices by what appears to be 20%. That kebab I had last time was now $12 and so on down the line. What's worse is my waiter lied to me about it when I called him on it. I went back and checked my receipt. As such, it is out of the rotation. I'm not dropping over $10 bucks (regularly) for a niche lunch. Mediterranean food is not that good. It's a whim. A diversion. It already was $15 a meal (tax and tip). You can get a better lunch bargain at every restaurant surrounding them. I suggest they read my review of their predecessor. I think they are pricing themselves out of the sweet spot. The food and drink price must come in under $10. Do what you will at dinner. You can't have uniform pricing all day. It's a different market.

PSA - Bite Free Dining Guide

I picked up this free magazine at Belle Isle Bayou. It is awesome. The best free, printed resource in Orlando for things food related. It breaks down restaurants by category and gives smart, pithy blurbs about each place. Plus they write concise info-bits about things like types of beer and definitions of Italian cooking terms. It's put out by Orlando Weekly. You don't get the sense that it is a pre-requisite to advertise with them to be included in the periodical. On a side note. Does Winter Park birth a new restaurant every week? I thought I was out, but, they keep pulling me back in. Two more new ones.

Spoil Me Sweet Party Creations, Oviedo

I had an order of what I believe were Neapolitans for $3 at this bakery in the Oviedo Mall on Friday. The idiot behind the counter said they were cake, but, I'm pretty sure this was almond paste or Marzipan. They were tri-layered, multi-colored squares covered with chocolate and sprinkles. They were good. A ridiculous 10 pieces for only $3. The place was, until recently, called The Glass Slipper. The receipt still bore that affiliation. They said they changed in February. They sell custom cakes and cupcakes and cookies (etc). A decent bakery in a mall with one of the most moronically designed ingress and egress formulations.

Belle Isle Bayou, Belle Isle - Closed

I had dinner at this Cajun restaurant in a shitty strip mall on Conway and Hoffner (I'm pretty sure that was it - it's the one off 436 that has the Mobil station on it and I think is the last right you can make before the airport that goes back into Orlando) on Thurday. I had the shrimp and grits for $12. It was excellent. The grits seemed freshly made for this portion. I asked and they said they were. They were saturated with cheese. In addition to the shrimp (around eight, pretty fresh 24 size), they added andouille sausage, fatback bacon and mushrooms (they said those were fresh too). The bowl full was huge. It was flavored with a lot of black pepper. The service (4) was great. The dish took a little while to appear, but, I think that is evidence of its freshness. The place has the appropriate decor. It seats abot 80 in the main room and 30 in a card room (they have poker on Thurday nights). It was about a third full at 7pm. It was a family environment. I would urge them to hide the high chairs and junk around the kitchen. The menu was traditional New Orleans. There is even a spiel about their mission statement and the purveyors resumes in the menu. The one disappointment was that they only do crawfish boils once a week (Friday I think). The pricing was respectful. I recommend a visit if you are in the neighborhood or coming or going to OIA. I think Yelp had some mixed reviews on the place, but, I liked what I had.

*Note - I apologize if there are misspellings in the future. This stupid site isn't loading right and the spell check button is now overlapped by some Post Settings layer that I can't get to right justify.

Fish On Fire, Belle Isle

I had lunch at this seafood restaurant in a podunk area of town near the airport about a month ago. I was on my way to Europe. Let's see what I remember. To get there, you have to get off some exit before the airport on the Beach line or (as I did) get off 436 near the TGIF and go towards Fast Park and Relax Parking and continue on the road until it ends. Then you make a left (on Conway) and the first right (before the highway) and it's next to a La Quinta. The place was cute. It's like a place a Parrot Head would enjoy. It has a comfortable maritime feel. They have the steering column of a fishing boat as the hostess desk. The decor was fishing related. I think it sat around 100. It was empty at 11 am. They have live music some of the time. There is a bar area that also opens onto the patio. I think they said they've been there for a while. I remember something about a fire and a rebuild ten years ago. I had a yellow fin tuna sandwich for $8. It came with a bag of chips. The tuna was fresh, but, they shined me with a bad cut. It was all full of thread (cartlidge). It came on a buttered and grilled bun. The service (4) was good. The staff was pure native Florida. The pricing was reasonable and the selection was seasonal. They had some turf with the surf. Not a bad alternative to the restaurants around the airport. An authentic entrant in a world that tries to co-opt this kind of atmosphere.

Clancey's Cantina, New Smyrna Beach

I had lunch today at this Mexican restaurant on Flagler Ave. I had the Wild Bunch for $14. It was a chicken flauta, cheese enchilada, tamale and taco al carbon (steak). The flauta was thick, but, the tortilla tasted odd. It's like they fried it with all the other dishes they serve or the oil is old. The enchilada or tamale had beef on it. It gave me a sharp pain when I ingested it. I let it be. Probably rancid. The tamale's corn base was not cooked long enough. The taco was wildly salty. I didn't touch the beans and rice. The place sits about eighty. It was probably a surf bar that they switched to Mexican. The food took a while to come out. I guess you need a reminder of what 90% of the country thinks Mexican cooking tastes like every once in a while. I wouldn't go for the food. Who would have thought that a place called Clancey's couldn't cook Mexican food?

Grub Crawl - I Drive: Terra Cotta, BBQ Tonight and Marlowe's Tavern

I tried these places on I Drive on Saturday night. Terra Cotta is in the Premium Oulets. BBQ is in a strip mall on the corner of ID and Kirkman. Marlowe's is at Pointe Orlando.

Terra Cotta - I had a small pizza for $6. It was damn good for a place that said Red Brick Pizza on my receipt. I'm not sure if they took over for one or this is an upscale version, but, they have a brick pizza oven and though it's gas powered, it worked. The place is colorful and clean. They have TV's in the booths. They serve gelato and other hot foods. I bet it's better than the main Italian restaurant with the plastic menus that is across the parking lot.

BBQ Tonight - This is a Pakistani restaurant that also serves Indian and Chinese food. I had a Chicken Jalferezi dish for $9 and naan for $2. It was fine. A big helping of a chicken in a tomato and pepper ragout. I can't recall if I've ever had Pakastani food before, but, my limited take on it is that it is Indian food without the spices. Not really surprising. They are neighbors. And Muslims like to keep life bland. There was some confusion about whether or not I needed naan. I thought the girl said I needed it to scoop up the meal (eat with your fingers), but, they brought me silverware so maybe it's so customary that they couldn't see why anyone would not order some. The place is halal so no booze. The crowd was 90% sub-continent (black, straight hair) with a few Englishers thrown in. There was one black couple who probably saw the BBQ and misfired. Seeing all the head scarfs originally put me on edge, but, they couldn't have been nicer. Everyone spoke English. They have an extensive menu and everything was affordable. If you have eaten Indian and Middle Eastern food, you can expect similar dishes here. They have a lunch buffet and I think I read that they serve breakfast. The place is divided into into two sections. One looks like a deli and the other like a long hallway. They put the tables against the wall. The buffet area is in back. The decor looked like it was from a time when the place was an Italian place (with added Chinese wall art). It's a little run down. The place was 2/3rds full at 9pm. Indians and Paki's seem to eat late. This is good to know because alot of the places on I Drive seemed to have been winding down at this time. I don't recall hearing of any other Pakistani restaurants in town, so, I guess you have to try this if you want to stamp your food passport. I think you'll be glad you did.

Marlowe's Tavern - I was expecting something and received next to nothing. It's a chain from Georgia. The menu tries to be contemporary, but, it just shoe horns in some buzz words into your average pub menu. The place was closing/empty at 10pm. Hit the ignore button. If there was still doubt about if the shark has been jumped, you know it has when it has been co-opted by big business. Plus you get the benefit of having to pay and wait for parking.

*Side Note - I tried a new place called Hash A Go Go in the old Matteo's locale. They were such idiots about the seating (once again corporate a-holes - the bar is for drinks not food and it isn't the same experience) that I left and have given them a one year time out before I review their formulaic and stupid (Southern) endeavor. I doubt they will be around by then anyhow. And another time out goes to Santo's for being empty and closing at 9pm and not taking Amex.

Grub Crawl - Winter Park: Fresh (Closed) and Italio (Closed)

I sampled these two places for lunch on Saturday. Fresh is in Hannibal Square in the old Chez Vincent locale and Italio is on 17-92 near Fairbanks.

Fresh - If the shark has not already been jumped then this place is the point where I am exhausted by the self-satisfied, hippy-dippy, locally sourced food movement. You just buy from a different vendor. You aren't curing cancer. Nobody needs cucumber water. I hope a professional food service location doesn't buy from a supermarket. I had a She Got Seoul sandwich for $10. It's a beef sandwich with Korean flavors. They said the beef was tenderloin cut, but, it was kind of tough and flabby for that. Plus they also have a beef sandwich for $2 more on the menu and I doubt they would use the same cut and sell it at two prices. In any case, the meat ratio didn't equal the bread ratio. They need a much thinner (and fresher) roll. The meat was covered in a spicy terryaki sauce. I forget if Korean BBQ beef has terryaki, but, if it doesn't it shouldn't and this one had way too much terryaki. The kimchi in it was good. They served a side of recently pickled cucumber/carrot salad. It was good. The place has 12 tables for two (including those outside) and 8 counter seats. There were five others there at lunch time. The decor is minimalist. It reminded me of a Tapas bar. They serve wine (no soda). The menu had about 6 appetizers, 6 salads and 8 sandwiches. The prices were around the $10 mark. The dinner menu had a similar distribution. The sandwiches were replaced with entrees. They leveled out at a ludicrous $30 range. The service was fine, but, way too impressed by the mission statement. Again. Not curing cancer. My big mouth may have garnered my meal a little "special attention". I've had the squirts since then and I was getting way too many surreptitious little smirks while I ate. If you have seen some of the third world street food I've eaten, you would know I'm not terrified of your expectoration. I think the owners are/were caterers. I didn't hate the place, but, I'm not sure I needed it. Maybe it will get a LGBT following. It had that sort of vibe.

Italio - Imagine Chipotle. Now imagine they serve Italian food. That's exactly what it is - a Chipotle rip-off. It even looks like one. The menu is a carbon copy. Pick a pasta or wrap (piadino) or a salad. Pick a meat. Pick a sauce. Pick toppings. I had a side of fried calamari and peppers for $5. It was a bargain and fairly well prepared. The squid was obviously frozen, but, it could have been worse and it was atypical. The place seats around eighty. It was about a third full. Most meals were around $8. They are the second of a possible empire. This place is blatantly formulated to get VC money from Chipotle advocates. The original is in Boca. I will say that for all the transparent mimicry, it is the best attempt (non-pizza) at fast foodifying Italian that I've seen. Now someone just has to explain why they put pasta in their paidinos.

Grub Crawl - Longwood: Upper Crust Desserts, Kosher Kitchen (Closed), Island Sizzle and Bianco's Mona Lisa

I surveyed these places on Ronald Reagan Blvd on Thursday afternoon.

Upper Crust Desserts - I had a chocolate chip cookie and an oatmeal raisin cookie ($1.50 a piece) at this little shop on the road that goes past Lake Mary High School on the way to or from RR Blvd. It's next to the 7-11. The CC was full of Ghiradelli chocolate chunks. It was shaped like a muffin top or tiny scone. It was good. It may have sat for a few days (a little dry), so, the fresh ones must be really good. The OR was good as well. I believe the shop has been there for a little while, but, has just started selling to the public (no pre-orders required). They sell a variety of baked goods.

Kosher Kitchen - This place is off 434 near the tropical fish store. I believe it has opend fairly recently. They were out of almost everything. The owner said it was because of Passover (cleaned them out), but, that was a month ago. The things they were to have had seemed mostly like pre-cooked items that you take home and reheat. They also sell some packaged items from Israel. The decrepit look of the place and lack of inventory made me wonder if it is a front. A front for what, I can not imagine.

Island Sizzle - This Jamaican place is in a little strip mall next to Kosher Kitchen. I had a Jerk Pork meal for $8. It came with some sort of cabbage salad, rice and beans, sweet plantain and a little hush puppy. The hush puppy was sweet and seemed fresh. The cabbage salad was slightly vinegary. The rice and beans were savoury. The plaintain was soft. The pork was plentiful and just shy of uncomfortably spicy. There was a lot of pork. It was a little dry (overcooked), but, at least it wasn't fatty. There were about two little bits that were not eatable. The place is more of a takeout joint than a sit down establishment. I can't remember if they had any seats. One of the better Jamaican places I've tried around CF. They serve breakfast items too. They have a lot of authentic options. The menu is reasonably priced. They said they have been there a year.

Bianco's Mona Lisa - They are near that little nook of reconditioned buildings near where the train tracks cross RR Blvd. The restaurant has been there forever. I last went there when it was just Mona Lisa's. I'm not sure if adding the Bianco's several years ago indicates a change in ownership or some trademark altercation. In any event, it's what I remembered looking like and tasting like from before. I had a meatball parmigiana sandwich for $8. It was ok. The meatball was a little hamburger helper-y. They sliced two baseball sized meatballs into rings so it would flatten out in the roll. The tomato sauce and cheese was a little scarce. It also came with a side of cold pasta salad. It was ok. The tomatoes in it were rubbery (old) and the past was a little soggy. They also served some really good, home made garlic bread with the meal. It was probably the best thing. The rest of the menu was predictable. Pizza, pasta, chicken parm, etc. It is priced in that annoying zone of mid-quality Italian that I always rant about. The place seats about 80 in four separate rooms. It's an old house and each room was repurposed as a dining area. There were around 7 people (3 tables) eating there for lunch - all women. It's odd, but, they looked like they belonged there. I've often found that customers sometimes resemble the place they eat at. In this case, that means - a little frumpy. The service (1) was good and polite. The food came out quickly. It's cute little joint with a safe menu.

Club Crawl - Downtown: Harry Buffalo (Closed), Native, Rok Room, The Woods and Loft

I had drinks at these bars downtown on Saturday.

8-8:30pm: Harry Buffalo - They replaced Mojo's Cajun at the end of Church Street. Same exact layout. They now serve some bison burgers. The menu is Denny's like in look and substance. I bet it only gets people because it's the last place you see going to the game and the first place you see when you are coming out. It was semi-full. It seemed to be the first stop on some kind of fraternity scavenger hunt (they were all costumed up) or pre-rape...I mean formal. The rest of the crowd were just dudes watching sports.

8:30-9pm: Native - The new Mako's. Thank you for doing away with the hookers...I mean shot girls. The place looks great, but, has no theme. And they allow smoking. It's just a bar that looks nice.

9-9pm: Rok Room - I just took a peak inside because I had been in the spot before when it was called something else (Martini Lounge?). It looked the same. Some guy was stinking up the place with cigar smoke.

9pm-12am - The Woods - The time flew by at this relatively new bar above The Lodge (take the steps). It's owned by the same people. It's a place where they do mixology. If you knew how much I hate that word and what it stands for then you would shocked to hear that I loved this place. They have three bartenders making funky mixes. I had a Beet it Collins that has moonshine, St Germain, lemon juice, muddled beets, plum bitters and egg white. It was like a dare. It was worth the price to see it made. It tasted like tonic water and smelled like dog, but, what fun. Hilly billy juice and a concoction like my brother and I used to make on airline trips (out of the in flight meal liquids) when we were kids. It cost $11. I also had a beer for $5 and some absinthe for $10. The absinthe didn't do what the one I had in Latvia did, but, it did totally mellow me out. The place has a decent size front area. The rest is a little tight. It's bar and room to pass. They have a little area in the back. The decor is preppy chic. The crowd was pretty high end. A lot of dressed up people. It wasn't a dude fest. I think smoking was forbidden. It's my new favorite place. It was pretentious, but, didn't feel pretentious. Cool is cool when it's not forced. The one negative was that they played a little too much Motown on this particular night.

12-1am: Loft - A club above what now houses Urban Flats. It has a beautiful and sensible layout. The decor is sharp. The crowd is a little sketchy. The music was good. They separate the bars and VIP well. They have a patio area. It would be the best club if they could get the best people. Cover was $5.

Here's a quick list of defunct clubs - Bliss, Touch, the club that was across from Touch (now Urban Flats), Mako's, Antigua (thank god) and the club across from Gibson's Guitars (it now is called Tier and has a white audience now). I know there are other changes, but, that is what I remember.

Shakai, Downtown

I had dinner at this Japanese restaurant on South Orange Saturday night. It's in the spot where another (I forget the name) Japanese restaurant had been for years. I won't get too involved in my description because I hear they are moving around the corner to a spot on Pine and things may change. The sushi was bad. The rice was starchy (unwashed) and overcooked (mushy). The fish was badly cut, used pieces that should have been tossed out, was penuriously portioned and alternately dry (on things that should be moist) and soggy (on things that should be dry). I had conch and surf clam sushi. Both were $6. These were the dry ones. They had little taste and were cut very thin. 6 bucks is a dollar or more than usual. It also had a yellowtail and a salmon roll. Both were $7. They were the soggy ones. The rolls were cigar width. You could barely taste fish. Once again a dollar or two above average and in this case even the rice portion was below average in size. They have a Philippino and Korean preparing the meals. Maybe that is the problem. The interior design may be the best I've seen in a while. It's wood on wood. They have beautiful ornamentation created out of entwined branches throughout the restaurant. The service was good. The place was a little dirty (scratched tables and shmegma on the soy sauce bottles). Go for a drink. So you can suck in the decor.

Grub Crawl - Antiques District: Wolfies Pizzamia (Closed), Teal's Twisted Bliss and The Hideaway

I ate or drank at these spots on or off North Orange Ave Saturday night.

Wolfies Pizzamria - I had a pea soup to go for $3. They couldn't seat me at a table I wanted at 7pm, so after looking at the menu and the environs, I knew I should cut bait. The soup was awful. It tasted like lemons. The menu is over priced and under represented. If you go, go for pizza and hope it's good. A basic small was $15. Most things cost that much or more. The decor is something Macklemore and Ryan Lewis would sing about. The AC was inadequate (and it's only April). It seats about 35. It was a weird mix of retirees, mo's and noisy families. Pass.

Teal's Twisted Bliss - It's an ice cream shop run by stoners/hippies at the end of the row. I had a small cup of soft serve vanilla (possibly called a Flower Child) for $2.50. It was fine. They have some whimsical offerings like ice cream tacos and they serve some paninis. They also have hard ice cream and gelato. Like the woman in line behind me said, "there isn't any other soft serve place in the area".

The Hideaway - I had two sips of a $2 PBR here (on Virginia). It didn't meld well with the ice cream I had just eaten and the place was a cloud of smoke (inside and out) so I left. I don't get why you would want to expose yourself to toxins. It was a weird crowd of seemingly normal (if low class) people and homeless looking night crawlers. They had food, but, you have to have smoker's tongue to contemplate it. Parking is almost non-existent. Pass.

Eurydice, SSC

I saw this play by Sarah Ruhl on Friday night at 7:30 pm. It's a retelling of the Greek myth of Orpheus (his song wins his dead love's liberation) from Eurydice's perspective. The theme is now supposed to revolve around her relationship with her father as she replaces her love for him with that of her lover. It's not very poignant or thought provoking. It was probably chosen because the author is a woman and we have to have diversity or the earth will tilt on its axis. And since her most familiar play deals with masturbation, they settled on this. Old enough to beat the drum for a quasi-Electra story, but not old enough to handle a story about playing with your dingaling. Ah, campus politics. In any case, the run is over so you'll have to see it elsewhere. The acting was ok. The older actors were predictably better and more assertive. The young woman playing Eurydice seemed a little unsure and out of place among the adults. Her diction and presence was ok, but, she seemed like she was reciting lines instead of acting. Most of the actors seemed to be playing to the rafters (the audience was sparse), so, maybe they director wanted that kind of detached musing. The stagecraft was effective. They used some planks, an elevator door, string and some drapery to dress three locations (apartment, Earth and Hades). It was worth the $10, but, the impact was what one should expect when they shoehorn in inferior material under the guise of progress. 

Pub Crawl - Sand Lake: Miller's Field and Rocco's Tacos

I had a beer at each of these bars Saturday night. The first is in the complex that has Bravo on the corner and the other is in the one with the Publix.

8-8:30pm: Miller's Field - I am not sure if they have have anything to do with the Brewers or Miller's Ale House, but, it's your standard sports bar play. It's a little nicer and the menu is a little more interesting, but, you won't see anything you haven't seen before here. It seats about 100 and was 100% full. I'm not sure if it was lack of imagination (customers') or the NCAA tournament that packed the house. The crowd was pretty presentable. The work staff consisted of the higher end of the lower spectrum of society. I think they just opened in Winter Park too. Thank God. What this area really needed was a sports bar.

9:30-10pm: Rocco's Tacos - I hadn't been here yet because I was there when it was Samba Room and I've been going to the one in Palm Beach since it opened (about two or three years ago). I think I went to opening night. The place kept the Samba Room layout and added their distinctive tchochkes. The feel is Mexican voodoo. They use all that native art work (masks, stars, etc) to give it a sinister patina. You feel like you are on or in a Disney ride. It's fun. They also have a lake view. It's a great location. The guac is usually great (50 cals a chipful). It seats ALOT. It was 110% full at 9pm. It had it all - families, cougars, singles, human fanny packs - you know that thing when you hire a midget to grab you around the waist... I stole that last part from SNL. But, it was a hodge podge. A big draw. I'm not sure if it is conducive (limited mingling areas) to hooking up though. It's loud and hard to sidle up to a group at the bar(s).

BTW - Timpano's Chop House is torn down.

Raga, Sand Lake - Closed

I had dinner at this Indian restaurant (which means a "series of notes on which a melody is based") on Sand Lake Rd on Saturday. It is in what I believe was the old Antonio's space in the strip mall that has Moon Fish (so parking is a bitch). It's on the second floor. It may have the most ambitious/inspired menu of any of its competitors. The fact that the menu doesn't use a shot gun approach to achieve this designation is also laudable. It is a carefully constructed tour of south central Asia with a few day trips to the Mediterranean. I believe the chef's bio on the menu mentioned something about working in high end Arab Penisula hotels and developing a familiarity with the western dishes favored there. I had Raj Kachori from Rajasthan (the menu tells you from what region your dish comes from and even has a map) to start with. It cost $6. It (like many of the dishes on the menu) was something I had not seen before. It was what we know as a taco bowl (they call it a puffed wafer and I think it is poorly described on the menu because I wouldn't describe such a bowl as "puffed" and it did come with some kind of puffed Rice Crispy looking things but was not stuffed into them as the menu says) filled with sprouts, potato cubes, yogurt and chutney. I also had chick peas and walnuts in mine (not listed on the menu and maybe a lawsuit waiting to happen from a nut allergy victim). It also seemed to have some kind of puree had accumulated at the bottom, but, that may just have been an amalgamation of juices from the elements on top. It was very tasty. The one killer was that it was stone cold. It was obviously pre-prepared. I'm not sure if they do this for speed or to keep the yogurt solid, but, stop the practice. I (everyone) wants freshly prepared items. I don't need it in 30 seconds. I get enough assembly line food during the week. I don't want it on my night out. I then had Handi Lazeez from Bihar for $16. It was chicken cubes (different sizes and colors and tastes and textures so it was probably not adulterated, mass produced, saline injected corn) cooked with chilis, coriander and cardamom. I chose a medium heat. It came with basmati rice. The portions seemed small (I must be doing too much buffet dining at Indian restaurants) when they came, but, I can tell you I could have stopped half way through and been full. As it was, I left looking like Alfred Hitchcock. The flavors were good. Chili peppers were the dominant taste component and coloring agent. The rest of the menu (entrees) is broken down into kebabs, chicken, lamb, seafood and vegetarian. The meats are about half the choices. I'm not sure what they consider a kebab, but, it seems like they define it as anything grilled. The menu represents the whole region of India and Nepal, Afghanistan, Italy, Morocco, Thailand, Spain, France, Greece and Pakistan (I'm not sure about the last one). Prices are around $12-$14 for Veg and $16-$28 for Meat. They have a lunch menu that averages in the mid-teens. The menu is mostly different from the dinner menu. The place is nice. It aims for a modern, kitsch luxury. It has an Ian Schrager feel. The space is large and divided into four sections. There is a large (mostly unused) bar in between the main room and the entrance. The main room is separated by columns and group seating into two long, skinny areas. They have an enclosed patio outside of the main room. The main room seats about 80+ in total. The patio seats about 20. The place was about 80% full at 9pm and didn't let up. The mix was about 60-40 Indian to Other. Who knew Indians ate so late (for here). The decor was re-imagined Indian thrift store/antique dealer items. The two opposing walls were decorated with long, green, sofa-like, continuous seating that reminded me of an unhooked Burger King crown. The predominant color tone was white. They accent the ceiling (brick painted white) with black paint to give the illusion of shadows from the chandelier (clear plastic). The chairs were mostly white and basic. They throw in some high backed outliers here and there for contrast or fun. The table cloths were white over yellow. The kitchen is on view at the rear. The service (8ish) was great. They handle you as a unit. You aren't one on one with anyone. The person who takes your order does maintain a continuing relationship with you throughout the meal. You know who your main go to guy/girl is. They could answer questions. They were nicely and uniformly attired.

All in all, I was well pleased. They hit (at least partially) on all notes. The service was fast. The environment was trendy/comfortable. The menu had purpose. The food was good. The portions were generous. The pricing was affordable. It probably would be the number one seed in the Indian restaurant bracket for Central Florida if such a thing existed. My only complaints are: the scarcity of parking and the need to use the valet (I didn't even bother because I know better and parked across the street), the pre-prepared appetizer, the uninspired wine list (supermarket wine)and the noise. I could hear every word from every table near me. I suggest they glue noise dampening material under the tables. It hides the cure (which can be unsightly) and absorbs some of the reverberation. If I lived nearby I would return until I had tried the whole menu.