Tortas El Rey, OBT

I had lunch (it's a drive thru) at this Mexican ex-Checkers location in between I-4 and Sand Lake on Tuesday. I had a chicken soft taco for $2 and a carnitas soft taco for $2. Fine. A little plain. Should have stopped there, but, I was starving after trying and failing to find another place and the place said it was the "king of Tortas". The Torta al Pastor I had was disappointing. I liked the roll and the toppings (mayo, lettuce, tomato, beans, etc), but, the "sweet pork" was mostly absent and tasted like bad Chinese food. They have a nice menu of sopes, hurraches, tacos, burritos, etc for a little place. It did take inexplicably long to get the food (you slap a scoop of pre-cooked meat on a bun). It's authentic. It has that going for it. Which is nice. They said it was Tijuana-style (insert donkey joke here). I wouldn't make a day of it, but, if you are in the area looking for crack whores and the crystal meth (or that new one - Molly) hasn't silenced your appetite, then by all means go for it.

Woodlands, OBT

I had a Mixed Vegetarian Pakora to go from this Vegetarian Indian restaurant in between I-4 and Sand Lake Rd on Tuesday. It cost $6. It was fine. It's fried veggies. The frying was ok. The portion was small and further disappointing because half of it was peppers (I don't eat) and half potatoes (boring). The place gets very good reviews so I'm not telling you to avoid it. I'm just saying what I had was average. I wasn't expecting to be blown away (why I didn't sit in) and it was about what I expected. A mostly Indian crowd in a re-purposed, old, cafe like environment that saves the extra penny by not taking AMEX. A food only play.

Hotto Potto, Winter Park

I had dinner at this Chinese "hot pot" restaurant at the intersection of Aloma and 436 (old strip mall with Friendly Confines) on Monday. I had: meat stock for $3.50, pork slices for $2.50, pork stomach for $2.50, duck feet for $3 and cuttlefish for $3. If you are wondering what goes down here, this is how it works. You order a broth (3 types) and then some animal parts to boil in. You can also get veggies and noodles too. You get a little bowl full of the aforementioned and drop them in the boiling stock. It's like The Melting Pot or Colorado Fondue Company (at a much lower price point). As you can deduce by my "unusual" melange of tidbits, they have a large variety of components. They are good for timid and ambitious appetites. You can replicate most of the standard Asian hot pots with a little creativity (they have a Tom Yum broth for example). So, it should appeal to any Asian "undocumented" immigrant and/or those who want to eat like them. No need to run to the eponymous section of town to partake. I won't bother listing the options. Go and get your mind blown. It's an episode of Bizarre Foods. I had never had duck feet (duck tongues, yes). They turned out to be fine. Alot like the delicate cuttlefish (the webbing) with extra crunch (the toes). And cuttlefish are basically squid. The pork stomach (had only had cow stomach to my knowledge) was predicatably chewy. The pork was fine. Thin slices of pork (not sure of the cut). The broth was good. It changes in taste as you add elements. I was confused a little by the suggested cooking times. I personally believe they are way too long. You'll turn all the meat into rubber. But, I guess they are worried about lawsuits. I was told - when it floats, it is good to go. Consult your nearest Google task bar to see who is right. I bet they say divide the baby in half (like all indecisive ajudicators). The decor is bland. I've yet to see a compelling disciple of interior design emerge from Chinese roots. It's all silk and gold and a nauseating obsession with a roccoco past. The orange seat covers instantly told me this place was Chinese. And if it wasn't that, it would have been their lack of awareness of what is appropriate and what is not. Industrial fish tanks - inappropriate. Children's high chairs - inappropriate. Etcetera. Hide that junk. Your dining room is not your store room. This isn't your home. This is a place of business where people want to escape from the troubles of their day. Don't ruin the illusion. The place seats about eighty in an older space (old strip mall). Most tables are tables of four with a hot plate in the middle. They have a bar up front and a private room down a hall that has a door that should remain closed. The crowd was mostly hipsters with their frumpy girlfriends. There was one table with Asian Dragon Ladies and another with muscled up, small time Korean Gansters and their white, stripper girlfriends. The service (2) was ok. A little slow (it's raw meat on a plate) and scatter brained (they brought me beef and forgot the cuttlefish and had to be asked for a soup ladle and bowl). All in all I liked it. Good pricing and variety. I think I can categorize it as a destination spot. But, only for the novelty of the experience. It's like a freak show. It's not high art, but, you know you'll leave with a queer look on your face and a smile in your heart.

Dylan's Deli, Winter Park - Closed

The final stop on my tour today was this "deli" near The Ravaneous Pig. It's another oversell by Bite magazine (so were the places in the preceeding blogs). The owner bragged about how eagerly his brisket was received by expert palettes. How the owner of 4 Rivers came to learn how it was done. I hate to be (actually don't mind at all) the bearer of bad news, but, it was dry, had no flavor and could have been regular roast beef based on its texture. He said they smoked it. No smoke flavor. He also "warmed" it for the sandwich. That turned the pieces exposed to the griddle into beef jerky. The french roll had the little "braille balls" on the bottom that you get from machine made bread. It was probably bought at Publix. Just amateurish. It came with some cheese and grilled onions. The high lights. It cost $7 and came with nothing else. It's a shame because the guy seemed nice and talked a good game. He seems to know what he should be doing. I guess that being French doesn't ensure you will be good behind the stove. Maybe this was an aberration. But, you can't talk such a big game and then "come weak" like that. The place is a little drab. It's like a dirty pub. Maybe it was because there were no lights on. It was empty at 2pm. It's really more of a sit down spot than a deli.

Yalaha Bakery, Antiques District - Closed

I bought two desserts at this German bakery near the ballet on N.Orange today. The "levain" store is in Yalaha (bakers will get the reference). I had a pecan square for $5 and a "sinkhole" for $4. The pecan part of the square looked like a rice krispie and was good. The pastry shell bottom was a little stale and unnecessary. The "sinkhole" was a circular brownie with a ganache/frosting puddle in the center. It was ok. A little stale too. The place looked promising. They had German preserved meats and bread and all manner of pastries. I just question their obsession/commitment with freshness. I would wager they don't toss out merchandise on a daily basis. Maybe you will time it right (or not notice).

Grub Crawl - Michigan Street: Mediterranean Blue (Closed) & The Sandwich Shop (Closed)

These two restaurants are on E. Michigan about a mile off 1-4. It's kind of a run down part of town that I doesn't have a restaurant that has ever knocked my socks off or been worthy of destination status. These two were not outliers. I ate lunch there today.

Mediterranean Blue - Everytime I have Greek food I lower them down a notch on the worldwide tennis ladder. It's a travesty that they are associated (diners) with food in so many parts of the country. Who encouraged this? I tried to go off page (Gyro is really the only thing they can do) and ordered the daily special. It was a Mahi Mahi "sandwich" in a pita. I was assured the fish was fresh. It wasn't It was frozen. It had freezer burn marks and tasted like bait. It didn't even look like Mahi. It must have been a baby based on the filet widths. Lots of people are accused of substituting this fish. We may have found proof. They put some unseasoned raw cabbage on it and an awful, pungent, salty tapenade. It accentuated the burnt residue of the pita. This thing was poorly conceived. The flavors they did offer didn't compliment. There were no levels of flavor. Sad. The pita was good. I ate a few pieces. Didn't want to ruin my appetite by eating more than I had to. It cost $8. The place is equally unassuming. It's a run down, square, low celinged remenant from the 70's. I've heard they "modernized" it. That means a coat of paint, some signage and a few framed photos. The menu is small (single digits) and basic. They have some "Italian" sandwiches (thinks cold cuts or caprese) and a "French" sandwich. That is the tour of Europe. I'd never go back. I can get a Gyro at Miami Subs.

The Sandwich Shop - They, sort of, salvaged the trip down here. I had a half of a Steak In The Grass sandwich for $6. It was roast beef and sauteed spinach and maybe some cheese (I had it to go and wasn't really paying attention as I wolfed it down driving away from the area). It was served warm. The sandwich did have levels of flavor (some garlic butter too). The portion of beef was large. I was going to question the pricing until I saw the portion size. A half is a real sandwich on its own. It came with an acceptable red potato salad (a little cup). The egg salad you could also choose from looked a little "filmy". The place is drab. It is part of an old strip mall complex. It is mostly kitchen. They have an alley space that seats about eight and another small space in front that may seat four. There is no effort given to interior decorating. It's a "business card on bulletin board" sort of place. They try to be creative with the sandwiches, but, most are staples given pithy names (and not to many of those). It's fine if you live in the area. 

Grub Crawl - Downtown: Benjamin French Bakery & Hyppo Gourmet Ice Pops (Changed to Pop Parlour - Closed)

I went to these two places around Lake Eola last Friday.

Benjamin French Bakery - This place is on Washington near Grafitti Junction in Thornton Park. I had a Tarte Chocolate and a Cannele. Both were very good (and I just came from Dominique Ansel in SoHo, Francois Payard and Maison Kayser Uptown). They used a nice bittersweet dark chocolate in the nice sized tarte shell. They added an artistic flourish to the top. The cannele was a little dense, but, it was my first one ever so I have no reference. I think they described it to me as a bread pudding. It looked like a mini Bundt cake. The place is small, but, they have a lot of dessert and non-dessert items crowded into the space. There is room to sit. The owners are from Bordeaux. The cannele was $1.89 and the tarte was $4.

Hyppo Gourmet Ice Pops - Thought I would roll my eyes at it, but, THE BEST POPSICLE EVER! I had a Riesling and Pear Pop for $3 (maybe $3.50?). Lots off pear shards. Fresh. Excellent. Great insouciance. It's after Metro Pizza acroos from Publix on the south side of the lake. Much better than the paletas I had in Nashville. *7/2/14 - now called Pop Parlor. I'm not sure what else changed.

Marsh Hammock BBQ, Downtown - Closed

I went downtown Friday after lunch because I had a rental car until 5pm and I hate driving my tank around there looking for a parking spot. On my way to my intended location (next blog) I spotted a new place on Orange. It turned out to be another barbeque place, so, I doubled down. I had a pulled pork sandwich for $7. It came with a side (I chose potato salad) and a drink. Excellent deal. Less than that shit hole Subway (you've got to see Jim Gaffigan's concert dvd on that topic in Mr Universe). The sandwich was good. A little over cooked/dry. The pork was marinated in sweet sauce. A big serving. Although, my spider sense did seem to think it may be prepared off site and served here. If that sort of thing bothers you. If it does, I hate to break it to you what most food trucks do. The potato salad must have been made with yogurt instead of mayo. It was too bright. It also had a lot of dill. The Diet Coke was fantastic. A real triumph. They should call this place 4 5 6 because they have 4 salads, 5 entrees (chicken salad, turkey/swiss, BBQ chicken breast, chicken legs and the PP) and 6 sides (beans, cole slaw, chips, broccoli salad, corn salad and PS). It small. It seats about thirty. It's counter service. It's clean and new. It's near Leo's Diner in the strip mall near the courthouse. It is a perfectly adequate substitute for any sit down meal option and a step up from any usual take out place in the neighborhood. I wonder if they have a place near Oviedo based on the name.

Cave Inn BBQ, Winter Garden - Closed

I had lunch at this new (June) barbeque spot on Old Winter Garden Rd at the southern end of Winter Garden last Friday. I was a bit apprehensive since it is so far from where I live and I didn't want to waste a day searching for bad barbeque. I'm glad I didn't chicken out. It's definetly a destination spot. Maybe my new number one barbeque place in Central Florida. 4 Rivers is still excellent, but, it traditional. This place is boundary pushing. Like an iron Chef judge, I give extra points for that. First off they don't smoke. I've only heard of one other place that doesn't sport wood (doesn't mean there aren't others) and that is Maryland. The owner isn't from there (Massachusetts) so we'll have to chaulk it up to ignorance or prejudice. I'd wager it's a life style choice. A preference for this style. You'll be questioning your own barbequ-ality after you try this. You might just turn bi (smoked and non-smoked). The brisket sandwich I had for $9 was delicious without the smoke taste. Just a cleaner beef taste. It came with a coarse chopped, vinegared, red cabbage slaw on Naan bread. The soft Naan wrapped itself around the slightly firmer meat like a pillowy blanket. It's charred sides competed a little with the meat, but when you dipped it into the bright jus they provided (can also get sauces), it was a perfect sum. The jus and slaw negate the char residue. The bread is also better than a roll because you can rip it into pieces and make small little finger sandwiches/gorditas that dip easier. They give you 8-10 centimeter thick pieces of meat (compared to 4-6 in some places). And it came with a side. I chose a baked potato. They serated it with a knife all over the top half. It looked like a bouquet of potato chips in a potato boat vase. The potato was a little under cooked and I'm not sure if toppings were extra, but, it made the asking price go from slightly expensive to a total bargain. The service was great. It seats about fifty. There were three others there. It looks like a barbeque place/hunting lodge. They have a bar and host live music. The menu has things like pulled pork and turkey drumsticks. It's small, so they have every opportunity to repeat a successful lunch or dinner service. It's the real deal. Inventive, unique dishes served well at reasonable prices. The one problem is that it is hard to find (in a strip mall behind a Walgreens) and it is small. Hopefully, that means they will have to open up additional locations across the county (or country).

Carmel Cafe, Winter Park - Closed

I had dinner at this oddly named Mediterranean chain from Tampa (it is at least not the first one) across from the old Houston's on 17-92 on Thursday. They opened in June. I had a small portion of beef short ribs and polenta for $11. I think the full portion was $17. The beef was very flaky and moist and the polenta was ok (a little loose). The portion WAS small. One little sqaure of beef and a coaster sized, centimeter high puddle of polenta. They have a range of African and European coast dishes. The most obvious ones. Prices stray towards the twenties. The parking lot and most of the restaurant was full. I had to sit at the bar. I probably could have sat at what looked like communal tables, but, I didn't see them until I sat down. The place seats about ten at the bar, thirty at the communal tables (in the middle), fifty in the back and sides and twenty on the patio. The place is reductive modern. You've seen this floor plan in a factory show room. It's from the chain restaurant handbook (modern section). The service was fine. The food came out really fast. They did the old "wait until the check comes before offering a refill" move. Not that I wanted one. It was a an ok "date". No sparks, but, no complaints either. Maybe we can be friends. They just opened for lunch a few days ago.

Grub Crawl - I Drive Area: Pizza Extreme and Giordano's

I bought pizza from these two restaurants on recommendations in Bite magazine. I'm starting to think that they pander to businesses that advertise in it or are not that discerning.

Pizza Extreme - Thank God I just bought a slice and not a whole pie here. The cheese was a salt flat. The dough had a 30 degree slope. Never have I seen a slice have such a discrepency between crust height and tip height. If it were a road, a semi would have run off its terminus. It would have suffered the extent of my wrath had I not then gone to the next place rated. In its defense the slice was only $1.75. The place looks like the American Pie type place I took for (and avoided) all these years. It's in a strip mall past Santo's before Universal (road not park). Pass.

Giordano's - Or should I say Red Baron's. This $13 small pie is an insult to Italians everywhere. A worse blot on Italian dignity than The Jersey Shore. I know they can't do thin crust in Chicago, but, this was bottom of the barrel bad. Refrigerator case bad. Places that use a conveyor belt hide their heads in shame when they talk of the G spot. The guys at Domino's and Papa John's point and laugh. It didn't help that they probably rushed it and it could have used a few more minutes in the ? - microwave? I tried it hot. I tried it warm. I tried it cold. The one thing I can say for it is that the cheese was better than Pizza Extreme's. Maybe they can share recipes and come up with a mediocre entrant. Or band together to battle the world for The World's Worst Pizza. The place looks ok in a parodical sort of way. I hesitate to tell you it's where Sand Lake and Universal meet. Deep dish pies take 30 minutes. Ignore it and hope it goes away. I'm going to put the pizza in the freezer for a month and hope it gets better.

FYI - they are doing a ton of rebuilding on I Drive. Should be a lot of new places on the horizon.

Santos, I Drive Area

I had a buffet lunch at this eponymous Brazilian restaurant on Kirkman (the Wet 'n Wild side). It's owner/chef is Ailton Santos. The meal far exceeded expectations. I had originally come down for an Indian meal at a restaurant I saw in Bite magazine called Shamiana. Watching Michael Cook's History of India on PBS had put me in the mood. Unfortunately for me, (as the office park manager related) it has been closed for years. Nice job Bite. So I audibled and decided to retry Santos to knock it off my list. I tried to try it a few months ago, but, they closed at 9pm. And I thought Brazilians start then. I'm glad I persisted. The buffet only cost $11. The other Brazilian buffets are two to three times that. Now the place is a little rattier, but, choose here if you don't care about faux ambience. That's for the faux rich anyway. The buffet had a cold, salad area. I ignored that. It had a hot area. I tried half of that. And it had a churasscaria window. I was force fed that. In the hot area they had rice, beans, etc and ribs, chicken in a creamy tomato sauce, chicken in a yellow sauce, and beef stroganoff as well as a left over type stew called fajouado, etc. I tried the ribs, the chicken and the beef. The ribs were tasty (no rub or sauce) and delicate. The chicken and the beef weren't over cooked (rare for a buffet) and I think shared a similar sauce base. I think the three sauces started with a roux and cream and then sour or sweet or nothing was added to develop the three options. All were good. Who knew Brazilians knew stroganoff? After changing plates, I ventured to the meat window just to sample a sausage. The man acted like Sam the Butcher giving Alice the meat. He gave we two sausages (a tad overcooked), three strips of sirloin, two top pieces and four pieces of top sirloin. So much for my recently unimpacted colon (thanks to yesterday's ass curdling meal from Thai Thani). I felt I had to finish to be polite. Thankfully, it was mostly medium-ish and had good flavor. In addition to the food, the service was good. Plates were bused and soda refilled lickety split. I chatted up the owner nad his wife and they were amiable. You could see they really care about putting out a good product. The place seats about sixty. It was about 3/4 full of countrymen. I'll bet this is the call for real Brazilian ex-pats. As I said, it's not a looker, but, they recently invested in a new, big sign out front so you can tell it is in operation and it's clean. Like most places that are run or cater to a foreign clientele, they eschew American Express. I recommend the value here over all other Brazilian restaurants in the area. Great find.

*2/27/2016 - I think they are just remodeling, but, they knocked the old structure down and it is not serving now.

Cheddar's, Sanford

I had lunch at this branch of the Texas based chain in what had been the largest undeveloped tract of land around the Seminole Mall on Friday. You remember the "goat farm" wink wink. Not a tax dodge at all. Anyway this is one of the first locations to open there. I think it opened two weeks ago. I had their chicken and waffles for what I think was $9. They don't itemize it on your copy. What purpose this accomplishes I'm not sure. It has to be pernicious and deliberate though, I'm sure. The waffle was hard as nails and cold. I wouldn't be surprised if they made them in advance. The chicken was three, large tenderloins/fingers. The outside crust was nice and flaky, but, the inside was a little sticky/under done. I just came from eating Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles in LA, so needless to say, they paled in comparision. You wouldn't know it by the scores of hayseeds lining up to what for them must be New Year's Eve - another nationwide slop house. I didn't even argue over sitting at the bar. I just went. The waiting period must have been thirty minutes. At the bar, I was ignored by two girls and what I term a Southern gay. I don't think he actually chases men, but, his effete, pompousness comes off as swish. He seemed more concerned with talking to his friends. We had a guy like him in the marketing department of my previous employer and he had a hot girlfriend. Maybe she was a beard or maybe she was confused and wanted a hybrid shim, but, the guy was seen in public with her. I'm digressing. I had to appeal to the one adult (who I surmised was the manager) to get a menu and some attention. The party next to me had a worse time because they weren't as proactive. They sat there, like ghosts, for twenty minutes. The plate came fairly quickly. The manager did get me a refill (though the mix was off or glass was tainted). Paying took as much effort on my part. Needless to say this isn't my cup of tea and even if the service wasn't (semi-understandably) distracted, I would not likely go back. It's just the same mid-level effort you get at Chili's/Applebee's. The prices were pretty low. If you are the typical Joe Blow with little enthusiasm for adventure, this is your Eden. It seats about 120. There is a main dining room and a bar area. It's decorated like a steer house mixed with a Bahama Breeze. It has island type fans circulating in the main room. If it is born of Texas I don't get the fusion. The menu has ribs, chicken, sandwiches, snack foods. Destined to become infuriatingly popular.

The Nou, Altamonte Springs

I had lunch at this Venezuelan restaurant in a crappy (proper use of the adjective low class British people) strip mall on 436 nearing Apopka yesterday. It had housed a fish and chips place and an excellent taco place that I think predate this blog. It's a small little sliver that ownership has done its best with a small budget to beautify. I had a bowl of lentil soup with beef chunks for $5 and the Reina Pepiada arepa "sandwich" for $5. The soup was overly salted. I had trouble getting whatever broth was attached to the beef pieces down my throat. I've vowed to stand up to the salt stampede. Do people really have such bad palettes now? You realize it's bad for you? It's not inocuous. Anyway, the beef was tender (as were the lentils). The arepa was fine (slightly mushy inside/undercooked). The contents were mayonaised shredded chicken, avocado, carrots and peas. It could have used a contrast. And this is my problem with most of the cooking from this part of the world. It's one dimensional. They just keep hitting you on top of the head with more of the same components. The peas and carrots added a little sweetness (although they were probably frozen), but, this dish was begging for brightness. Add some citrus or vinegar. Add a spicy pepper. Do something to counteract the pastyness. Especially in summer. That said, you could see it was made to order and the serving size was large. I didn't need that soup. They said they were going to change the menu soon so I won't go into detail about it. There were about twenty items. Things were reasonably priced to cheap. They were adding breakfast. The place seats about thirty. It was half full of what appeared to be Venezuelans. The place was white with black elements. They have the traditional Polar beer. Food from this locale is no longer a rarity in the area, so, purveyors will have to compete on quality. I think there is enough passion and hopefully enough talent in the kitchen to let them compete. Not a destination spot, but, a hidden prospect. BTW - they comped me on the soup on their own. How's that for respect for their clientele?

Grub Crawl - OIA: Matt's Latin BBQ and Kyoto

I had lunch at these two restaurants near the airport three weeks ago. They are in a strip mall on 436.

Matt's Latin BBQ - I had a 1/4 roasted chicken for $2.50. Fine. A little tiny. I'm not big on Puerto Rican food even when it can't jump up and grab me at 30,000 feet. The place seats about seventy. It was a quarter full (of latinos). Not bad for the 4th of July. They have fish, mofongos, chicken, sandwiches, cracklins, pork, etc. The place is new looking if basic.

Kyoto - A branch of the UCF sushi staple. Almost fast food. I had an avocado roll for $4. It was fine. The take out menu I received seemed to have different prices than those in the store. The menu prices were in line with most places. The in store menu was a buck or two over fair market value. The place is brand new looking. They had four waitresses for no customers. It's an order at the counter place. I guess order taking has become too strenuous for that 15% extortion.

Mi Bandeja Paisa, Orlando

I ate lunch at this Columbian restaurant near the Ritz on John Young Parkway about three weeks ago. It's in the back of a strip mall before 417. I had the Bandeja Platter for $18. It came with some skirt steak (they call it lomo, but, lomo in Spain was loin), deep fried pork belly (chicharron), sausage, rice, beans (a special kind that I can't recall the name of), arepa, sweet plaintains and half an avocado. I couldn't eat it all. It looked like no one in the restaurant could either. I saw a lot of to go bags. The meats were overcooked. The chicharron was like a crow bar. The beans and sausage were the high light. Very flavorful. The plating was nice (wood plank with banana leaf). Bandeja means " a landscape" or "a tray of different objects' in this context. This dish is a good primer into Cloumbian cooking. The menu has about twenty options. The price range is $10-$20. It's upper scale Columbian. The clientele and staff were mostly Colombian. The service (3) was pleasant. The place seats around fifty. It has a tiny bar area. The color scheme is odd. It looks like it was altered from an Italian place. The ceiling is black. The walls are red and orange. They employ wood accents and screens. It's a fine place. I'm not sure it's trek worthy. However, if you live in the area, you will receive a good exchange for your money. Just hope they get the timing right on the meats on the day you arrive.

Burger 21, Mall at Millenia Area

I had lunch at this burger joint on Conroy near the Mall at Millenia on Thursday. I had $7 chesseburger. It was ok. Fatter than a Burgerfi burger. Much less flavor than one (and I'm not in love with the Fi). It was grey inside and out (did a vampire bat get to this before me?). It was strictly formed. And even though it was probably never a frozen hockey puck, the molded form put that impression in my sub-conscious. I guess I prefer hand formed "house burgers" now. Oddly, the patty split in two while I was eating it. A sloppy cook checking for doneness? They put it in a brioche bun. I never liked that concept. It overpowers the beef flavor with a cloying sweetness. And in this case that was all too easily accomplished. The place looks hip. It's decked out in monochromes. They have a "shake" bar. Rejoice all ye fatties. Valhalla has surfaced. It sits about seventy. It was packed at 1pm. I think it's a northern Florida chain. There is a war for hamburger supremacy going on. Why? I have no idea. This is one of the contenders. Now if they can concentrate on the focal point. That would be nice. Don't rush to overpay for 50 cents worth of ground chuck anally formed and clumsily cooked. Hopefully, the fad will be over soon. They also serve some gross looking seafood burgers.

Tacos El Rancho, Belle Isle

I stopped at this Mexican restaurant near the Publix on Hoffner and Conway on the way to the airport two weeks ago. I had a lengua (tongue) soft taco for $2.35 and a shredded pork soft taco for $2.35. Both were huge and delicious. Maybe a pound of meat each. They were topped with crema and hot sauce and salsa. The tongue wasn't as tender as some that I have had. It's something about peeling off the top layer or not. Still good. This place is no nonsense. It isn't a looker (but more than respectable and clean), but, the trim menu is the real deal. The prices are good too. The tacos are the cheapest. They have been in business for four years. A great find if you want a snack in the area (ie on your way out of town on an airline that doesn't serve meals). Real Mexican food. Not Tex-Mex.

Grub Crawl - Winter Park: Tiffany's Deli (Closed), Avenue and Matilda's (Closed)

I visited these places on Park Avenue in the middle of the week for lunch about two weeks ago (then went on a trip).

Tiffany's Deli - I had some sort of chocolate mousse pie with a crushed oreo crust for $5. It was ok. They tried. Just a bad recipe. Too much oreo. They really don't know how to make mousse. Too sweet. The whipped cream was the high light. This is a chick restaurant. Pretentious deli salads and sandwiches at inflated prices aimed at girls with daddy's or hubby's credit card. Not bad. Just not necessary. Perfect for a place like Winter Park. Across from Mary Magdalene Church/School.

Avenue - The same exact Thai/Sushi experience that the last ownership offered up. And the one before that. And the one before that. Ad inifinitum. This place has been around four iterations of the same theme. I don't know why this one will be any more successful (for ownership). How much fat can you cut off a continually failed business model? I just ordered a Tom Yum Soup to go for $5 because I've done this dance too many times before. They gave me a half of a to go bowl. Of sour piss water. How much would it have cost you too fill up the bowl? 1 cent? Just water it down. Avoid so we can see who the next Thai/Sushi afficiando will step up to claim it. It's like an Asian Sword in the Stone. It's near the 7-11.

Matilda's - Speaking of retreads. This place is on the far end near the Tiffany museum and has had to have been through a dozen ownership changes since the millenium (and an equal amount in the days before). I just reviewed the last turkey a few months ago. I predicted failure and was correct again. They had no real unifying theme. This version is Australian themed. A quizzical move because they really have few idiosyncratic dishes (as the menu illustrates) to draw from (calling an American dish Aussified or a single Kangaroo burger hardly qualify), but, I guess they are going for attitude. The funny thing is the food was very good and the portion was monstrous. I had the fish (mahi-mahi) tacos for around $11. It may have been the first time I was served what was promised in a fish taco - fresh fish that was what it was supposed to be and had flavor and texture. They also stuffed the soft tortillas (double wrapped) with vibrant vegetables (including avocado). Three of these bad boys were a challenge to consume in one sitting. Great job. The place looks great (it usually does). They opened up the front room so it is more of a waiting area/bar. They put in a middle counter, a new bar area and lots of TVs. Good flow. I would hide the high chairs though. The wait staff was good. Mostly pretty, little (semi) things in tight shorts and informal tops (not slutty though). I still say the location at the end of the avenue is a killer. Everyone gets sucked up before they see this option. Not good in a town half filled with day trippers. However, maybe they can do some advertising so people will come looking for them to begin with. I hope they aren't hanging their hopes on walk ins. Good luck because I'm sick of milking the same cow. To put it politely.

Matilda's failed and now has the audacity to put up a sign that says they are just remodeling. I hear some Tampa group is the next to wiff. Can't wait to waste my time - AGAIN.

Sizzling Grill, Longwood - Closed

I had lunch at this diner/cafe on 434 (across from Ali Baba, Korea House and La Fonda) in the old Apna location on Saturday. I could provide a case study on what I would do, but, I spoke at length with the owner and I understand his vision. He is wants to offer a diverse menu (influenced by his work in similarly inspired restaurants in the Mid West (where he trained). He suggested the idea was inspired by his niece who prefers spaghetti and meatballs to the traditional food her immigrant parents force on her. They are Indian. The new owner bought Apna (Indian) from a cousin and is trying to appeal to an Americanized generation of Indian-Americans. Now this reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where Jerry gets the Pakistani owner (Babu) to change his menu after his similarly inspired menu fails to find an audience. I'm not going to make the same mistake as Jerry. I will question the name though. The name is pretty nebulous to begin with and isn't evocative of the selections on the menu. There isn't much on the menu that is grilled. Plus it sounds like a better name for a churasscaria. That aside, the owner seems to have a handle on costs. He is the kitchen and he has one server. That's low overhead. Basically no salaries. They said they did refurb, but, it looks the same to me. He is eschewing marketing costs. That's the real reason I'm writing about this. I would risk my credibility if I encouraged you to go out of your way to dine here, but, I would like to give a little free PR aimed at people who live in the area and want a simple experience. The owner is in for the long haul. He wants the audience to assemble through word of mouth. He has a road construction issue anyway, so, he is doing a slow burn until it is completed. Now the meal I had (Chicken Tikka charbroiled Tandoor style with Basmati Rice or Naan for $9) was overcooked, but, it was a small sample size and I think he can do better. The rice seemed like it had been sitting (dry and crunchy) and the chicken was tough and dry. It didn't help the presentation that they just gave me a can of soda (no glass or ice). The dish I had is part of the remenants of the Indian menu (about 5 dishes). The rest of menu is diner-esque. Think Greek diner without the Greek add ons just Indian. Once again, I can't recommened it for foodies, but, the owner is great and he has his head on straight and he just wants his little no-frills piece of the market. If this appeals to you, you know where to find him.