Monday, July 12, 2021

Grub Crawl - Winter Park and Altamonte Springs: The Bridge and Las Lomas

Here are two places I've been apprehensive to try. It seems with good reason. Both are in spots that have seen multiple failures. Which leads one to contemplate whether a location has a Siren's call to "loser birds" (About Last Night reference) or losers just share the same brain. Regardless, we have two new entrants into the "soon to fail" club.

The Bridge - If you've never seen a non-Greek try and emulate a NY diner, this is your chance. There are more of these faux-similes popping up with every new non-Greek immigrant invasion of the Big Apple. Not that diner food is particularly good, but, these places can't even reach that low bar. This one smells of a Russian diner. Maybe it was just my Eastern European waitress, but, the overly formal (gauche) decorations and club music (at noon) brought up Brighton Beach memories. Not that I've had many. Never wanted to end up in a trash bag in a dumpster for mouthing off to the wrong gangster. Mostly things I've seen on tv. But they are white, so, I won't be criticized for lampooning their culture. Anyway. The menu is soooooo perplexing. It doesn't match the vibe. It's cheap diner food. It's equally disjointed. Branzino, mussels, filet mignon or burgers, grilled cheese, wings. Pick a lane! I'd drop the low end. Especially if you are going to overprice everything anyway. My cheeseburger was $17. And it was one of the cheaper things. A pale, machine pressed yawn that I'm not sure would beat a Whopper in a taste test. And I hate Whoppers. The brioche bun was stale and too cloying (they all are). Plus it was much bigger than the patty. L,T,O. Semi fresh. It came with coated fries. Hate those. Low class. And that's the feel. It's tacky. From the burger with gold leaf to the velveteen drapes. It's tacky. The table next to me had some ok looking calamari and tomato soup. Maybe there is some hope? My half a can of soda cost $3.50. No refill. The table next to me got a full can. Not sure if they paid extra for it. An iced tea is $5. I got off cheap. The place seats about forty. The have a bar. Breakfast all day. It's on Morse. Off Park. I think it was a vegan place before this. Opened at the end of February. Probably beyond hope. Maybe they can get a book deal though.

Las Lomas - On 436 near the Sunrail station. I think it was a buffet place last. The less said the better. Open for five weeks. The worst kind of Americanized Mexican. Think big lumps of pre-cooked, shredded chicken and ground beef on a grill and slapped together in seconds. I had the three chicken enchiladas for $6. Raw tortillas. American cheese? Bland sauce. I chose to freeze the beef taco ($2) for later. Not hopeful. The enchiladas made me fell nauseous. Not because they were off (possibly), But, because they tasted so bad. The place is a dark, open square. It seats many. Only three tables of dumb gringos eating. The most interesting thing was the ceramic backing on the seats. Don't infer that the long build resulted in a beautiful interior. Skip this one too.

*Some things I forgot to write about in the last post. La Tizon sold cezo tacos (brain). Had that before. Alambre was grilled beef with bacon. Suadero was brisket. Had that before. Tlayuda translated to "plate". It was like a tostada. Never seen that before. Frank's Famous also had two hot dogs wrapped in bacon and fried. Never seen that exact combo before. Also learned on tv that basmati rice needs to be aged for 9 months to be good. US growers rarely do that. Daawat is a good brand from India. Also that whiskey sent down river and onto the northeast via boat aged in their barrels and got better and more amber as a result. Dumb luck. And Cognac is just brandy from the region of Cognac. White grapes. Don't know why the whole sherry, port, brandy thing throws me. But it does.


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