Grub Crawl - Belle Isle: Conway Cafe and Bronx Pizza

I got a few things to go here on my way to the airport on Wednesday afternoon. I was going to try a Turkish place on 436, but, they were closed (Ramadan?) until August. These places are on Hoffner Ave (Belle Isle).

Conway Cafe - I had a BLT for $4 at this prototypical cafe because I feel that these kinds of places are usually a tad overpriced for the level of food. It was fine. The place is a little old. It's in a strip mall before you get into Belle Isle from 436. They said they have been in business for fifteen years. It seats around fifty. It was pretty empty. I think the breakfast/lunch rush was over.

Bronx Pizza - This is right next door to Conway. It was the reason I chose this area. I saw the sign on a previous trip to a Cajun place nearby. It was very authentic NY pizza parlor pizza. The cheese is mass produced and the sauce was almost non-existent, but, I've had worse down here. The place seats about fifty. It was empty. They have NYC themed posters, etc on the wall.

Donut King, Winter Park - Closed

I had a glazed donut here on Wednesday for like 90 cents. I believe they have another location (or locations) somewhere in Florida. I think they just opened this branch a few weeks ago. It was damn good. Very fluffy. The rest of the options (bear claws, etc) looked good too. They even have a version of that Voodoo Doll that they make at Voodoo Donuts in Portland. The place isn't much to look at, but, who cares. It's in a strip mall a mile or so of 436 on Howell Branch Road (the Oviedo side). I reviewed a few places (pizzeria) here a while back. Good find.

The Chef's Table, Winter Garden

On Tuesday I ate dinner in this exclusive area of what is now a two experience dining entity on Plant St. I made a reservation, but, it was unnecessary. There were seven others dining while I was there at 7pm. Even though they label the area as a "chef's table", there are actually two other "privy" rooms back there. The main room I was in seats fourteen. An annex seats around twelve. And they have a private "wine cellar" that seats around a dozen. The decor is a bit "rustic". It's in an old hotel. That can make it either charming or declasse depending on your disposition. I would suggest that they iron the table cloths. If you are going to do the scraping the crumbs with the metal implement thing then take two minutes and steam or iron the cloths. It's also not great that the "busing" station and the orders are posted back there. The place has been open for six years. A married couple with work experience from the higher end Disney restaurants opened it. They aren't involved in the day to day operation anymore and I got the sense that there is some tension on the direction the menu should take. It seems like the owners or maybe the head chef want a more traditional fine dining experience and the people who actual run the kitchen want to do what is au courant. I think the way they compromise is that they choose an old fashioned base component and let the sous chefs "experiment" with the accompaniments. I could be way off, but, some of the dishes seemed to lack a consistent voice and this is how I reconcile it. There were some strange combinations. I had the salmon tartare, rack of lamb and peach or apple and blueberry crumble. It's around $55 for the tasting menu. There were around three or four choices per course. They change the menu as things are made available. The salmon was recommended to be Copper River and very fresh. I found it bland. They added alot of fresh mango and cucumber to the mix. The mango thoroughly overwhelmed the salmon. They also plated it with a  mismatched remoulade sort of sauce and a wasabi sauce that worked better with the fish, but, did not help the "remoulade". I'd drop both sauces. If you have to get your creative juices pressed, then do some finger painting or clay modeling before you come to work. Leave the food alone. When I responded (to a direct question) that the salmon was "over (sea) salted", they sent over their "famous" mushroom crepe tort as an apology. This seems to be their oldest and most renowned dish and this is why I think the original menu was 70's style traditional. It was ok. The mushroom and brandy sauce lacked flavor. The crepes were ok (a tad thick, but, probably necessary in this preparation). They fill it with whatever mushrooms are in season. They say the reduce forty pounds of them. I think all they had that day were button. They didn't have alot of flavor. They cover the "pie" with Gruyere from Austria. The rack of lamb was perfectly cooked. There were probably five chops in two pieces. I think they were from New Zealand. They accompanied it with two (in my eyes) mismatched sides. It was as if they just wanted to use these things or this what you get when you handcuff your creativity to seasonality. Side one was some kind of non-olive tapenade. It was superfluous at best and reductive at worst. Side two was a similar (this made side one even more questionable) compote/ragout of Sea Island Red Peas (Beans) with sauteed red peppers and dates or figs. All you tasted was some bitterish bean mixture with a hard texture. I was going to continue to ramble on how this whole sustainable, seasonal, locovore movement is sometimes a bridle to chefs who aren't able "choose a lane" with their menus, but, I'll move on to the dessert. The crumble came with vanilla ice cream. I really just wanted the ice cream. The crumble was served in a small flat iron pan. The fruit was a little sourish from the heat. The wine list was a little underwhelming. Their hard liquor menu was better. The bread and butter was fresh. The service was excellent. Knowledgeable and presentable. They have opened up a small dish (actually mostly full dishes without sides) area up front that they call a tapas menu. That room seemed nicer to be honest. It was pretty empty. It must seat around sixty. They could tidy it up a little. I can't say that the experience rates as highly as I expected it to. It's not in the CF Top Twenty. I need more in terms of execution and menu synergy. That said, they really try and that means that my next experience could be totally overwhelming. They care about the quality of the ingredients and want to make you happy. I'd still give it a try if I was you. $55 (really $70+ after tax and tip) won't kill you and the experience is still a holistic aberration in Central Florida. What I mean by that is that is a unique experience in its entirety.

Grub Crawl - Sanford: Docktails and The Deli

I ate lunch at these two place near I-4 and the St John's River in the Port of Sanford at Boat Tree Marina. I had been to them a while back when they were different entities. Docktails has been three or more things since then.

Docktails - Imagine that you could transport six am at a strip club to noon at low priced condo's pool. This place has everything - single stripper moms, mixed race-fatherless children who can barely swim, meth addicts, hillbillies, muscle heads, pot bellied white guys dancing to Michael Jackson, anorexic and not at all-orexic waitresses in biker shorts... You get the picture. This is everything that is wrong with Spring Break in Daytona with ten to twenty years added to it. The real issue though was the service. You can not have Skinny Pete (Breaking Bad) as the face of your organization. I don't now if he is a relative or a friend who fell (caused himself to fall) on hard times, but, he needs to be washing dishes not serving them. I changed my order just because I thought he'd F with it or he'd get the cooks to F with it. If this what the wait staff looks like, I can't imagine how frightening the line is. SP just had that look. That petulant cowardice of a prison chicken head. That look became even more devilish half way into the meal. Think Jose Guzman or Dane Cook in Waiting. He may just have gotten more stoned in the interim, but, he was nearly giddy when he asked me how I liked my food. He asked so many times that I stopped eating. He may just have been out of his head, but, it set off alarm bells. What I did order was a semi-decent hamburger with a side for $8. They came pretty close to medium rare and the 1/2 lb of meat was pretty good. I wiped the outside and the veg (lettuce was wilted), so, if they got me they would have had to have done something to the meat before cooking. They charge an extra $1 for any topping. The side I chose was cheese grits. I had a small sample off the top just in case they went to town on it. It was pretty good. And that is the shame of it. The whole meal may have been fine, but, that Depression Era train hobo made me very uncomfortable. I can't believe I left him more than a dollar tip. I forgot to add that he was all over me the second I sat down (No I don't know what I want. I am looking at the menu for the first dime, dipshit) and then was no where to be seen when I was ready to order. They (or one of the three previous owners) did a good job making the space more modern. They kept the pool. It seemed clean enough. They had a band playing. I thought it would be more crowded on a July 4th weekend. I guess their type of crowd is just waking up at noon. I didn't like that they charged nearly $3 for a soda. I'll venture that all drinks are overpriced. They had a few "different" items on the menu. It was a fairly typical American selection. I would only go if you think of it as a sociology field trip.

The Deli - This place is across the parking lot from Docktails and I assume it's used mostly by boaters for take out. I had a 1/4 lb CHEESE burger for under $4 and an egg salad sandwich for under $4. That's less than what I paid for one burger at Docktails. The beef was better at Docktails and there was ostensibly twice as much, but, I felt way better about eating the burger cooked here in front of me by two kind looking women. It came with whatever toppings I wanted. They serve a 1/2 lber (two patties) for just over $5. The egg salad was fine. Probably fake eggs. It also came with whatever I wanted. If I went back to this area I would choose the deli every time. Not just because it's half the price. Because of Skinny Pete. Sodas here were 75 cents. They also have breakfasts until 11am. They clain their Philly is the best in town. Alot of marina delis act like places at the airport. They overcharge. This place does not.

Riverwalk Pizzeria, Sanford

I went to their new outpost on 46 on Monday. I had a two slice (one topping) and one soda special for $6. The pizza was pizzeria pizza. It had chemically based cheese on top of under cooked dough. I know they under cook to make sure it isn't overcooked when they reheat a slice, but, this was under cooked even after the reheat. The dough was also over floured. I'd guess the cook is sloppy with the flour during the kneading process. It's a shame because they did a create job with the refurb. It was a Gio's for years. It looks great now. They have flat screens galore and real bar area. I'll have to try some of the other dishes before I totally write them off. Not a good start though. They were generous with the slice sizes and the topping was fresh.

Cafe Mineiro, I Drive - Closed

I was really hoping this place would be bad so I could write a short review. Wish granted. This place (across from the CSI Experience) was bad. They only offered four types of meat (chicken, ribs, steak and sausage), some hot stews, some vegetables, some salads and a soup. The chicken was just drumsticks. The "sirloin" was more like "sous-loin". I think it was chuck. It was tougher than leather and worse tasting. The sausage was ok. The ribs were tough. They were not cooked long enough. I tried the chicken stew. Disgustingly salty. I tried the beef stew and it was the same. We all know why people oversalt, right? The salads were all cat food. This buffet cost $16, so, I was ready to cut them some slack. But, not this much. Santos around the corner on Kirkman was much better and (I think) cheaper. They had a much more generous spread. This place is in, what looked like, an old steakhouse location. It was about half full of Brazilians. I can only imagine how much they hate this place. Then again, they do wear dental floss as swimwear. I went here on Monday at lunch.

Grub Crawl - Downtown/Thornton Park: Mingos (Closed), Qarma Crepes (Closed) and Artisan's Table

I went to these places around Lake Eola on Sunday afternoon.

Mingos - I wanted to knock out these remaining missing pieces around Thornton Park (this is a block away across from Mucho Tacos) and figured this would be the cheapest way (afternoon pricing). This place is only open for dinner. However, they do a brunch on Sunday's. A brunch that was way more expensive than I expected. I believe it started at $30 or $40 for the non alcohol version. I eschewed on principle alone and had a fairly prices eggs benedict at $10. It wasn't the prettiest plate of eggs that I have been served, but, it was ok. The muffin and the canadian bacon were very thin. The hollandaise was a little thick. The home fries (more like nuggets) were accosted with that white trashy flour coating. They did also charge almost $3 for a narrow glass of soda. Thankfully they did refill it three times so I did receive a full glass in the aggregate. The service was good. I think the buffet is so much because they have it WAY over staffed. It didn't seem like it was because of the food. I saw an omelet and waffle station and some cold stuff. The regular dinner menu was much more reasonable. I think it topped out at $30 and most things were near $20. Pretty good for fish and steak. The selection didn't have much for the curiosity seeker. Marlin tacos were by far the most intriguing. I won't go into much detail about the space. I have reviewed the location around five times. Hearken back to my Prickly Pear review if you want more info. They really haven't changed the decor since then. It seats around forty on one side, thirty on the patio and thirty on the bar side. The service was very amenable. It has been open for over a year. It was around half full at 1pm. it's not a destination spot, but, it is serviceable.

Quarma Crepes - This place is across from Wildside around the spot that housed Hue. I had a $3.50 lemon crepe with caramel and butter. It was ok. The crepe guy seemed a little green. They have savory crepes too. The pricing was pretty good. Nothing over $9. Then again I have California pricing in my head from the last month and may be warped. They charged my nephew $6 for lemon crepe in Encinitas. They also serve wine, coffee, beer and dessert. They place looked nice. everything is straight from an IKEA catalog. They have a little upstairs area. They have a $8 lunch special and I think Wednesday had some special at $6.

Artisan's Table - This place is in the old Pine 22 spot across from NV in Downtown. It is another location that I have been forced to revisit around five times. I had a Fried Chicken Sandwich for $7. It was the best meal of the day (even after I ate it cold for dinner). It was dressed with mayo, pickles and boursin (I think). Very simple. Very effective. They didn't do much with the decor. I think they swapped in some rusted farmhouse implements. The menu isn't overflowing with ambition, but, they are trying to keep it fun and evanescent. Expect modern pub fare. The pricing is very reasonable. I'm not sure how many of these types of restaurant one area can support. It was better than Avenue though.

Pub/Grub Crawl - Milk District: Pho K5, Lou's Lounge, Barley and Vine Biergarten and Bull and Bush

I went these places on Bumby and on Livington (I think) for dinner last Tuesday. If Livingston is wrong then it's the main street that has all the bars. It was their food truck night, but, all the trucks were unappealing. They only had a dozen trucks to begin with.

Pho K5 - This Vietnamese place is new (1 month) and is a pun on the island the owner hails from. I just had some snacks because I thought I was going to have to sample a list of places. I had Shrimp Soup with Noodles for $2.50 and Beef Guides (sp?) for $3.50. The soup was really a chicken broth with two shrimp. It was a small bowl, but, it did the trick. It was nice not to have to buy a huge Pho to satisfy a soup craving. The guides were little bundles of beef steamed in a leaf. I forget what kind. There were five pieces to an order. They were good. The service (1) was good. They food came out fast. The place is clean and bigger than most Vietnamese places. The decor is minimal. There were around five people there at 7pm. They had adequate parking. The menu was mostly phos, noodle and rice dishes. Prices are low.

Lou's Lounge - I went to this dive bar next to Pho after my snack. I asked for a shot of Jack and they served me a glass. I actually think he stopped the pour when my eyes dilated from the shock of the glass getting fuller and fuller. The shot cost $4. Now the down side is that the clientele (at that time of the day) was mostly bar flies and the smoke is excessive. I think the place has been there since the Eisenhower administration.

Barley and Vine Biergarten - I came down here for this new bar. It's more of an American Craft Brew Pub than a German biergarten. It is next to Pho (on the other side). Look for the rub out room in front of it. It was cool. They have a beer garden and an enclosed area. The beer selection was pretty good.

Bull and Bush - I had a beer at this old Irish Pub now next to Gringos Locos. It is another relic. I think it opened in 1987. It's a reproduction of an Irish Pub. It's small.

If you come down here, you can also try Sportstown Billiards, Space Bar and Sandwich Bar. The last two have little to no signage. Look for black doors. They are in the middle of the block. I was going to try Se7en Bites (a dessert place on Primrose that I tried once when it was a restaurant), however, they close at 3pm. I may try these at another time, but, parking is pain and the food truck selection isn't the draw I was hoping for. It's on the back burner again.

Grub Crawl - Ocoee: Red Eye Bar and Grill, Rusteak (Closed) and House Blend Cafe

I'm going to review these two places in Ocoee together because they are psuedo-competitors and close to each other. I went to them last Tuesday for lunch.

Red Eye Bar and Grill - This place is more of a barbeque/steak place than a gastro pub. It's in a strip mall near a Publix on Maguire Rd (about a mile south of 50). I had their brisket sandwich platter (1 side) for $9. It was good. It came on a monstrous brioche bun. It was fresh. They allocated four strips of 3/8th inch thick brisket to the order. It was above average. Maybe a bit dry. They have a smoker on site. I think they said they smoke for nine hours. I chose mac and cheese for the side. It was a very "loose" cheese sauce with fusilli pasta in a small bowl. It was good. The menu is mostly barbeque, steaks and burgers. The desserts seemed to be the most original components offered up. The wine and beer selection seems like it was "suggested" by their liquor distributor (nothing too obscure). The place seats about 60 in a ranch like setting (wood paneling). There were three others there at lunch. It has a rectangular floor plan with booths and tables. They have a beer garden. It has been open for two years. The service (1) was a little uneven. I think it was being done by a partner or a relative of a partner. There was also only one cook on duty, so, the food took a little time getting to the table. It was first come first served and it didn't matter if your order could have been taken care of in a minute. I can't really recommend it as a destination spot. If you live near there then enjoy it. If you don't, I'll bet you can find something equivalent in your area. They don't have a signature dish that is one of a kind.

Rusteak - This is another place that gets alot of press and word of mouth. It's on Maguire Rd just past the turn you'll make on 50. It's more of a artisan venture. I had their short rib sandwich so I could compare it to the sandwich I had at Red Eye. It cost $12 and came with a guava bbq suace, goat cheese, dried cranberries, crispy potato strings on a pretzel bun and a side. I chose Imperial Bacon Brussel Sprouts. I found it a little "much". The sauce was too sweet and prevalent. There was too much goat cheese and potato strings. Pretzel buns are played out. The short ribs were a bit dry. I have no doubt that some people will say "what's the problem with more of everything". I just prefer balance if I'm dining at a ostensibly gourmet establishment. The sprout portion was huge. It also suffered from too much dressing (sweet and caustic). If I recall correctly, the owners took over the name and relocated this place from a guy in Metro West. I think he is still involved somehow. The owners are CIA graduates from NYC. To tell you the truth, I expected more from that resume. The menu has a few idiosyncratic or interesting dishes (Curry Short Rib Pasta, Scallop BLT or Lobster Roll with Mozzarella). However, it's mostly "me too" apps or burgers or sandwiches. I do applaud them for serving grouper or listing it (they were out). It's a little pricier than Red Eye. They do have a nicer decor and larger menu though. Service was great. They train and clothe their staff. The have enough staff (4-5). The place is smaller than I expected. They have a bar room up front and the main dining area seats around 50. Alot of hightops. There were about ten people in there when I came in and more came and went while I ate. The crowd was hipsterish. The decor is earthy/modern. It's the sort of place where they write on chalkboards. They had an educated wine and beer list. It has been open for two years. The name is a play on the word "rustic". I wouldn't put it on the top of your "to do" list, but, it could be worth while if you order the right thing. What the right thing would be, I couldn't say. It may all sound better than it tastes or I could just have been served by someone a little too over exuberant on that date and time.

House Blend Cafe - I just had an iced coffee for $2 here because it was on my way home. It's in some triangular strip mall with a Dan's Fans outside of Ocoee on 50. It has been there for 8 years. I think they are aligned with a charity. It had more than coffee. They had a full breakfast and pizza and paninis and specials. It seemed like a reasonably priced lunch option.

Pub Crawl - Audubon Park and Mills: Winter Park Beer Company, L'il Indies and Matador

I went to this one bar in the old Taps From Scratch location in Audubon Park and these bars on or near Mills Ave two Friday nights ago.

Winter Park Beer Company - It's exactly like Taps except now they brew watery beer. Same owner. It's been open for a few weeks. They were playing trivia games. There were about twenty people there. Boring like before.

L'il Indies - They added this free entry bar next to Will's Pub. It's cute. Who wouldn't like old Playboy centerfolds on the wall? It's more of a craft cocktail place than it's ubiquitous craft beer cousins. It's pretty small. It was full-ish. Parking is a pain. I parked behind Hawkers on a residential street. Will's Pub was having a concert so I couldn't try that for you. I think they still demand a $5 cover. They had a food truck parked outside.

Matador - This place is next to the Bodega Santiago on Virginia. It used to be downtown. I parked in the new condo parking lot. Some people told me that they tow there. Parking is a pain. They have a valet. It's just a bar bar. It was pretty empty. I think you have to have a hipster mustache to work there. Pass.

I had to jump a cruise the next day, so, I couldn't linger.

Txokos Kitchen, Audubon Park - Closed

I grabbed a light dinner two Friday's ago after my large lunches at this new (three weeks) Basque restaurant in the new food market on Corrine. I had a fig and manchego offering for $5 or $4. The manchego was slightly aged. They put the components on skewers. I also had braised oxtail with a cheese spread (forgot what kind - probably bleu) and a marmalade (forgot what kind) for $4 or $5. They (2) were served on crostini. They were good. The place seats about seventy in the two inside room and twenty on the patio. It was packed. It was an upper class group of people. They serve a modest menu of fish, steak and other entrees. I sat in front of the wood fired grill. The decor is hot. It is theme appropriate. Service was great. They didn't make you feel bad for nibbling. Things came out fast. The owners own some popular fish restaurant in New Smyrna. I recommend it. I'm anti tapas, but, this is more than that. It's a little on the expensive side.

Bombay Cafe, OBT

I was trying to parlay an Indian adventure to my Chef Eddies afternoon two Fridays ago, but, only this place was open. It's in a building of all Indian stores on OBT near to Sand Lake. Look for the more obvious House of Spices billboard. It's clean. It's owned by the people who own Aashirwad and Tamarind. It's vegetarian. I had some wild dish that I can't remember the name of. It was puffed rice with some bits of onion and peanuts that you toss a spicy sweet black sauce on. It was interesting. It cost $6. I tried to save it in the fridge for when I got back from my cruise, but, something in there went bad in a week. I had to toss the leftovers. I'm not sure I love vegetarian dishes enough to go back. The Orlando Weekly said to try a sampler platter that I forget what the Indian term is.

Chef Eddies, Orlando

I had lunch at this Soul Food restaurant two Fridays ago. You get off I-4 at John Young and head back towards the city and make a left about a mile up on Orange Center Blvd. It's about 400 yards ahead on the left. There's a great view of a lake and the city on the way. I had pig tails with rice and two sides for $9. I was cursing myself for having to be adventurous and eschewing the far more palatable items like chicken and waffles or the burger in a waffle when I tore into the first pig tail. It's nature's own little sausage. It's a little fatty, but, I found a new obsession. The (3) tails were succulent and meaty. My waitress says she eats the bones too, but I like my teeth, so I abstained. There's alot of meat in those stumps. They must braise and bake it. The rice was cooked correctly and smothered with a chicken based gravy. Excellent. Huge portion. I tried the mac and cheese and cheese grits. The mac was good. They broil the top so it gets crispy. The noodles weren't overcooked. The grits were good, but, I was so full be that time I got around to them that I could barely muster a few spoon fulls. It took a little while to get the food. I felt a little unwelcome at first, but when I told me waitress that I had just been to Jamaica and we spoke about her homeland, I became her pet. The place seats about sixty. There were three tables of black patrons when I arrived and those tables were replaced by foodies/hipsters when I left. The inside isn't posh. They have some obsession with unfilled aquariums. There was a certain amount of clutter that could be put away. The seats and tables are old. The menu is great. I think it may be the best in class in Orlando and maybe in the top twenty of all restaurant choices. One of those Food Network shows should use them and 4 Rivers if they come to Orlando. They have the items I mentioned already. They offer red velvet, banana walnut, chocolate chip, sweet potato and butter pecan waffles to name a few. But, it's not just that. They have a big menu. Pasta, beef, pork chops, steak, ham hocks, short ribs, ox tails, turkey wings, stews, fish, crab cakes, shrimp, crabs, bbq, burgers and breakfast items are just a sample. I won't list the sides. They have many. They have 12 items under $6 for lunch specials. The selection is voluminous. Entrees top out at the low twenties. Many things are under $10. I encourage you to seek this place out. It's bomb-digitty. It's perfectly safe too. They also have a surprisingly good wine. I think they said they have been in business for three years. Three years that I wasted in ignorance. I hardly have to say that I suspect everything is made from scratch.

PSA - Instant Stain Removers

They do not get rid of mildew in your caulk like home remedy "experts" on TV claim. At least not the mildew I have ensconced in my shower's caulk. The mildew it may eradicate must be recently grown. And a wash cloth gets that.

Grub Crawl - Longwood: To Duc Pho and Pizza 2 Go

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Grub Crawl - Caselberry: La Terraza Bakery, 8-8 Panda and Joann's Kitchen (Closed)

I went to these places today while you people were stuck with your family pretending that you won the lottery in the Mother sweepstakes.


La Terraza Bakery - This place is across from Buffalo Wild Wings on 436 near Red Bug. It has been open for a while. I just always ignored it. Small Latin Bakeries usually are nothing to write home about. This place wasn't bad. It was very Latin. I mean - barely spoke English Latin. I forgot to ask from what country they draw inspiration from. I had some kind of giant Munchkin for $1 that I thought they told me was a potato or yuca croquette. It was good. I also had a $1:50 chicken and either potato or yuca empanada. It was in a corn wrapper and very fried. If it was homemade I give it a good grade. If they buy them in frozen packages then I deduct points. I couldn't tell and now I'm paranoid about pre-prepared foods. It looked kind of too perfect to be hand made. Points for the dipping sauce. Habenero? They serve breakfasts. I saw a couple eating chicharon. They have savory and sweet option. It was clean. Glad I stopped. Price was most certainly right. It may be hard to learn what they sell. They had no menu.

8-8 Panda - I went to this place on the advice of the Orlando Weekly. The owner said they reviewed it years ago. I just read the blurb in the last issue. You go for Peruvian Chinese food. They have straight up Chinese and an alternate menu that serves a style of Chinese famous in Peru. I had a combo that had Won Ton Soup, Chaufa (Peruvian Fried Rice) and something called Chi Jau Kay. The owner said Kay is chicken in Canton. Gai (as in Moo Goo Gai Pan) is chicken in Mandarin. The soup had a good broth. The won tons were obviously store bought. The Chaufa had lots of roast pork. The chicken and/or the oyster sauce was way too salty. Sadly, it was a huge portion. I left half of it. It was mostly skin and dark meat though. It was very fried. I thought the oyster sauce was a bad pairing. It made the chicken soggy. The place is very unkempt. I reviewed it once when it was a straight Chinese play with the name like 1-6-8 (had some numerical serendipity to the Chinese). It looked so similar from the outside that I didn't realize it had changed names and owners three years ago. The owner was very nice. There were three other tables there at 3pm. They all came there especially for this type of food. All had traveled farther than I. That's the draw. There aren't that many places around where you can get this. They had a number of other dishes of this style. Alot of shrimp based ones. I would go out of curiosity and then just don't order what I did. It's in a strip mall that I believe was the one that has Holly and Dolly's on 436. If not that one then close. That's in between Rachel's and Red Bug if that makes it clearer. And explain to wife why that is.

Joann's Kitchen - This place is across from the new Sun Rail station on 436 and Ronald Reagan next to a gas station. It has been at least two other places that I have reviewed. One was a Cajun. One was a Puerto Rican. There is another latin place next to it that has made it for a while. It's Puerto Rican again. The owner is a recent Le Cordon Bleu graduate. I just had a pernil (roast pork) and maduro (sweet plantain) empanada for $2. They were tapped out from a catering gig and I didn't want/need to push. I saw her hand make it. She showed me the pot she roasted the pork in. Sadly, the pork was a little dry and I didn't love the mix. a little dry too. It needed a sauce or dip. It was wrapped in a white flour dough. Definitely not machine made. They do breakfasts and had sandwiches and more empanadas and hand held dishes. I also had a coconut flan ($2) that I haven't tried yet. I'd bet that the food will get the proper attention you'd expect here. You just get that vibe some places. And if you need more a better argument - the owner just graduated cooking school. She still has to have the passion that life has stripped from the rest of us so expertly. Right? It has been open for six months. Give it a try.

Pub Crawl - Sanford: Nemo's and The Quiet Man (Closed)

I went to these places on Friday.


Nemo's Bar and Grill - This place is on that island in the marina. It was called Wolfy's for ages. I had thought it had been closed for years, but, I guess it just looked that way. It has been this for two years. I mostly went to waste some time before I went to the next place in this report. That place doesn't offer food. I had a plate of alligator tail for $10 here. Mostly because the rest of the menu was boring and I didn't really trust them to deliver on the eatable side of things. I agreed to have them grilled. There was so much seasoning on them that I really couldn't tell if they were pork. I don't know if alligator is expensive and someone would try and pass pork off as alligator, but, I did have my doubts. I tried to pull the chunks apart to see if they had the flesh of a water animal. My analysis was inconclusive. The place a straight up honky tonk (if anyone other than my father knows what that means). It could use a thorough washing. The view is good though. This is definitely a place that hasn't kept up with the trends. I found their beer prices a little steep for their type of customer. But, as I've written before, I guess this is one reason why poor people are poor - they aren't discerning purchasing managers. They charge $5 for most non-Bud beers. I wouldn't really mind if those beers were special. But, I read some of the labels and even the "imports" are now brewed in the US. I can usually get a craft beer at these prices. Killian's Red isn't a craft beer. It's a made up thing. Not even Irish. The place is a large. open, lofted wood structure. They had a band and sports on TV. They had six young waitresses/bartenders. I was swarmed by mosquitoes when I left. It's a place to go to if you want a "Bayou" experience. The sort of place you could probably talk your way into a rendezvous at the end of the night with one of staff or clientele at their trailer. I would have loved this place when I was in college.

Quiet Man - Now that I'm no longer a prisoner to testosterone and recounting crazy tales born of poor life decisions, I go to places like this where there is no chance of hooking up. A perfectly quaint, little bar with craft beer. It's not bursting with options, but, they have enough and I was promised that they change it up alot. The owners were great. It's on Second St (the one to the right of the main street) at the first block of two story buildings. It's smallish. There were around twelve people there. I went because of an article in the Sentinel. I think the guy who wrote it was there. It has been open for a year. It was the Bad Monkey Tavern before this. Sanford has some nice little bars now. Too bad it doesn't attract women.

Coleman's Sports Design Pizza, Lee Rd

I went to this Italian cum Sports Bar on Lee Rd on Monday for lunch. If you are wondering why I've been frequenting this arm pit of an area lately, it is because my mechanic is near by. This place is another reason to avoid the area. It's (how can I say this non-Sterlingly) what you get when a "differently created" segment of society tries to cook Italian food. I had a 12" Italian Sub for $7. They put mayonnaise on Italian meats! ALOT of mayonnaise. Then they served it warm. Mmm. Warm mayonnaise. And I did ask for it cold. That wasn't the only mis-communication (easy to explain since there were three others there at the time). I wanted the large soda on the menu. They (in actuality) only have one size and it's a small. They charged for the large. I asked for no ice. They put in gross looking ice. They said refills. I wasn't offered one. They also added some grated Parmesan on the sandwich like they do in all the Italian places. I forgot to add that they buttered the roll because obviously it wasn't fattening enough. And we wonder why certain demos are that overweight. The place also didn't have the AC on. I'm not sure if they were saving money or it's broken. There really isn't table service. The places seats about fifty. It's done up with sports memorabilia. It's an old building. It was Spiro's a while back. They said they've been open for a year. They have a pizza buffet. However, it looks like Cici's pizza and they only had a pie and a half in the mix when I was there. They don't take AMEX.  I wouldn't give this place a sniff if I was you. Thank God you have me to take the bullet for you.

I have heard this concept has been so successful that they are going to mix two other incongruous cultures in a Polish Sushi place opening nearby.Their signature dish is going to be raw sausage. Would raw schnitzel have been funnier? Should I have said it comes with mayo?

Bonfires, Oviedo - Closed

I had an order of potato skins with brisket at this old Woody's location on 434 near Red Bug Lake Rd on Friday. It cost $6. It was composed of  two (supply store prepared) hollowed out skins with packaged cheddar cheese and (most likely) pre-smoked brisket microwaved and put in a box. You could tell the meal was nuked because it was a thousand degrees and the brisket was as dry as jerky. Totally what I expected from a place like this. It looks like it did when it was Woody's (two years ago). Faux rustic. It was filled with the same class of people. If you just want to get drunk around a bunch of other small town neighbors and eat some familiar bar food, this is the place for you. I'm not above doing that, but, I wouldn't exactly call it pleasure to do so. It would be more about sustenance (or drunkenness) at that point. You may be able to find some non-microwaved items on the entree menu.

*6/13/19 - If this review was for a place on Alafaya Trail then I think they are back at this location. I passed by and I swear the sign now says Bonfires.

Kesh, UCF Area - Closed

I finally hit on one of my choices on Friday. This place (short for Marrakesh - I think) is in the corner of that old strip mall on 50 and 434 (Alafaya). I had a bbq shrimp quesadilla for $7 because my stomach must have been mad at me for going to Jamaica and only eating seafood (snapper) once. It was even willing to accept cheese and seafood in conjunction - let alone with bbq sauce thrown in. I usually hate this combination, but, it called to me on that day at that time. I can't know why. It was good. The shrimp were large and fresh enough and butterflied. Crappy shrimp can quickly kill this dish. Way more than a crappy farm animal can. He got it right. This was important because the bbq sauce could have been store bought. It didn't stand out. I would have used a spicy sauce over a sweet sauce. The cheese also could have been packaged and pre-blended. I would have chosen a less obvious blend. I would guess that although they seemed not to be made from scratch, that they were. The chef/owner seemed to take his role seriously and the other items I saw him preparing all looked excellent. The menu was mostly sandwich type option. I think you could make them platters. He had some fancy hot dogs that I say are overpriced, but, the rest of the menu was reasonable. I remember a fat Cuban sandwich and a Taylor Street (Chicago) Beef sandwich and some breakfast concoctions. The place seats around around forty in a very narrow space. It won't win awards for decoration. There were five, hung over students there at 1-2pm-ish. They were being demanding and the owner evinced enough patience to gain my respect. If I lived around here it would be in the rotation and if I wasn't so tired of blogging about this inanity I would have been more expansive in my report. Time for CSI.