Pub/Grub Crawl - Milk District: Mx Taco and Sideward Brewing

I went to these two really new additions on North Bumby (near Stasio's) on Friday night. They are across the street from each other. The cross street is the main street in the area. Livingston?

Mx Taco - I was all ready to employ this foil against Taco Bus and it disappointed. I tried three tacos (of seven). I had a Sikl Pak Bistec from Sonora for $3.50, a Michoacán Carnitas for $3 and a Cochinita Pibil from the Yucatan for $3. The steak was the best. It had some beef flavor. The Pibil tasted of orange, but, was very salty. The carnitas was a little dry. All were served with pickled onions (the best element) and cotija cheese. It is said that they source their tortillas from Mexico. They seemed like the same dry, raw corn tortillas you buy in the supermarket. I was just in Guadalajara and their tortillas melted in your mouth. These caused trench mouth. I'm not one for looking a gift horse in the mouth, but, these tacos were too loaded. They could reduce the portion size by half. They also took way too long to prepare. I think I waited twenty or thirty minutes. I think they have a one person kitchen. They also serve two quesadillas, guac, salsa, chips, beer, sangria and a couple of other things. Tacos al pastor on the weekend. Pozole too, I liked their menu. It has a map that points out the regions from which these tacos are associated with (in Mexico). The place is tiny and sparsely decorated. I remember some framed photos and hanging silver stars. Eight seats inside and eight outside. I think they opened two weeks ago. Not terrible, but, not as good as some dollar taco places in Kissimmee and other authentic locales.

Sideward Brewing - They share a thankfully expanded (yet still inadequate) parking lot with Stasio's. They opened last Thursday. I tried five of their six beers (golden, pale, ipa, citrus ipa and stout). All were excellent except for the golden ale. It was average. A bit yeasty. The ales were very hoppy. Even the pale ale tasted like an IPA. The Irish Coffee Stout was sweet. They charge a bit more for some of the beers, but, it basically ran $3/$6/$7 for a 5oz/10ox/12oz. They also have some snacks like hummus, onion dip, boiled peanuts and potato skins. And five sandwiches. The place seats about ten at the bar and thirty in communal tables behind the bar. A patio fits around that many outside. It was jammed. There is a garage style glass door between the two areas. I remember a lot of dark tones. The bartenders were fast and eager. They had some funny T shirts. A pleasant addition.

Kona Poke, Lake Mary - Closed

If you are reading this then you will probably not realize that what I am about to reference concerns the post beneath what you are currently reading. And because of the way they list these, you should read from down to up to catch up and make sense of the references herein.

I forget who said it. I believe it is a Monty Python quote. John Cleese probably. You hear it "sampled" a lot on the radio. "Now for something completely different". This is in response to my experience here versus Boulay on the same day. I had a spicy tuna poke bowl for $12 at this spot in the new apartment complex on Lake Mary Blvd adjacent to the road that Lake Mary High school is on. It sucked. It sucked so bad I thought I was going to get the squirts. The tuna smelled. Even with the spicy sauce. It tasted off. even with the spicy sauce. It was sinewy/flossy. The rice was a mushy mess. We all know how much I detest these poke places, but, this is the worst one yet. And may I remind you that Koy Wan would serve you unlimited sushi and all the other buffet items and an endless soda for $12. The place seats ten or so. Counter. Open three months. No word on casualties. Another notch in Lake Mary's bed post for worst food town in Central Florida. Avoid.

Boulay, Winter Park

I tried this "build a bow"l franchise (next to Sprouts in the strip mall off Aloma that has Rice & Beans and Melted in it) last Saturday at lunch. I call this area "Winter Poor-k" because it feels more like Casselberry at this point. That reminds me. Who wants to start a bbq place here called "Winter Pork"? Anyway. I tried a small bowl ($8) and didn't eat it all (sampled some) until the next day. It was surprisingly tasty (and that was after steaming in my car and sleeping in the fridge and getting nuked) and a good value. You know my thoughts on these starch or green bowl places. I find them tedious. They remind my of the slog of school room or prison cafeterias. Put that last one in to see if you are paying attention. I don't get the fascination with the trough. And is the "bowl love" a subconscious longing for youth (cereal and ice cream and soup and oatmeal, etc)? A sign of our growing infantilism? Is it a desire to eat like our pets? Is a plate not child proofed enough for us to get to our seats with out spilling?  Back to the tedium of the tedious. They (places like this) usually proffer cheap, bland, spoiled, germy swill at inflated prices. And what is worse, it is often marketed as healthy or dietetic and is often neither. The combo I created here is an EXCEPTION. I tried black rice with some kind of sweet and spicy mojo pork and two hot sides (roasted potatoes and brussel sprouts) and a cold (cherry tomato salad). It also came with a side sauce. I chose pesto. It was good. As you can see it already SOUNDS like more food than the similar type chains I've tried over the last few weeks offer. It is. I couldn't eat a large. The rice was abundant. I'm not that conversant in black rice, but, this was sticky and tasted like honey. A little firmer than white rice. A nice deviation from the norm to start with. The pork was where they started really distancing themselves in my mind. It was fresh and flavorful and cooked properly. I'm not sure if this was the usual portion or if the server liked the cut of my jib, but, it was a huge portion of pork. The potatoes and sprouts were equally fresh, etc. A more sophisticated option than their competitors. The tomatoes were similarly agreeable. I can't really remember the other alternatives, but, I believe the other "mains" were chicken and steak and vegetarian. Extra for the steak. Maybe they had shrimp too? The "bases" were rice or noodles. Maybe quinoa? The other sides? I can't recall. You order at a counter. It seats about forty. It was packed. I remember a lot of light gray wood. It was cute. They also had that giant fan. They even do the eco-friendly bowl thing. I believe they just opened this branch. I saw a few in South Florida this past week. It goes to show you that I'm not inflexible. Keep the price point at $8. Serve decently made food - fresh. Serve enough of it to make me full. Throw in a few novelties. And you get platitudes. All the other franchises are on notice. Mendel's (if you get the reference or not - just substitute Boulay's here) is the best.

Taco Bus, UCF Area - Closed

I tried this two week old outpost of the famed food truck enclave in Tampa today (lunch). It was a total Taco Bust. I was waiting for an Apollos game to venture out here, but, they seem to be on an endless road trip. I couldn't wait. I wish I had. I'm fairly sure that I liked the original (I even believe I reported on it on this site). It was on one of the food shows (probably 3D). If I did enjoy that experience, then I either have really evolved gastronomically or this is one of the worst attempts to duplicate an experience in modern memory. I had three tacos for $9.50 ($3.29 a piece). Although, there is an extra 50 cents on the bills for some reason and I don't see anything I added that is listed as an extra charge of any amount. I had a cochinita pibil, a shrimp and a fried fish (grouper). All of the tacos were too big. I know. How can that be? It can. The tortillas are a mass manufactured joke. No flavor. Served raw. Both the corn and flour. They are loaded with a flavorless cheese and stale pico. I won't even go into the senselessness/artlessness of serving the same toppings on all their tacos. The pork was drowned in "fake" juice and salt. No trace of bitter orange. The shrimp seemed frozen and were a bit soft. And they were the best. The fish was dry and fishy. They also offer other dishes. A rather bland array that you'd find at fast food rival (plus a chimi). They serve four types of chicken, two beef, two pork and four veg. It looks like a fast food place with a fake school bus in front of the kitchen/counter. Black "wood" tables and black steel chairs. It's across from the Knight Library on University. It's worse than Tijuana Flats, etc. I'm going to try another new Mex place in the Milk district next week. Hopefully, it is nothing like this. Whomever bastardized/wasted this franchising opportunity should be added to the menu. What a disaster!

*Not many food changes in the area. I think the Chicken Salad Chick was replaced by Taco Bell and a place called Omelet is in the marketplace closest to the school. Down the "Trail" I think there is a new Indian bowl and a sushi place.

Salata, Lake Mary - Closed

I tried this "salad kitchen" (that replaced the Crispers in the marketplace off 46a) this Wednesday at lunch. I had a mailer coupon, so, the $9 salad plus $2.50 small bottle of soda became $5 off. Before I continue. I'll let it be known that no matter how great the experience could/would be, I will never pay that much for rabbit food (I think Sweet Tomatoes charges that for all you can eat - and tosses in soups and breads) and the only time I foresee returning is when and if the next coupon is delivered to my door/mailbox. That said, the experience was predictable. They serve up what they have in a bowl or wrap (Currito has a "burrito"). Chicken or other meats add to the ticket price. They have some soup and rolls/croissants (you get one and the rest are extra). That's it. They had a mixed greens, romaine, spinach and kale for bases. Vegetables (some not so fresh) you see at the Publix salad bar for $5 or $6 a pound. I'm not sure the weight of the bowls you get here, but, I doubt it is much more than a pound. They have some "esoteric" add ons like sesame sticks. I'll give them that. I think there were eight dressings. You order and pick up and arrange at a counter. They are a chain from Texas. The group that licensed/franchised this one has the go ahead to open 75 more in Florida.  They seem to be displacing old Crispers locations to begin with. Not sure what is up with Crispers. They remodeled the space. It's even more minimalistic now. The look is more antiseptic (white). They have that giant blade (first seen at BurgerFi in Winter Park) fan at the entrance now. I recognized some of the staff from Crispers. That is a mistake. That place was poorly run and the staff was impolite. Hopefully, that was because Crispers treated them badly. If not, then they have some rethinking/interviewing to do. They have been open for a few weeks. Tricking myself into thinking salads are (they can be, but, Americans make them less so) healthy doesn't work on me. I see the fatty dressing and add ons. Neither does overpaying make me feel that I'm getting quality (or spoiling myself). I buy these items. This is just Starbuck's for rabbits. If you are stupid enough to pay for it, I never want to hear you complaining that you aren't paid enough or your taxes are too high or that you just look at something and gain weight. You obviously don't know how to manage your finances or count calories. Now if they drop the prices in half, it would be a different story. I don't love depending on a nasty supermarket salad bar or Wendy's/McDonald's for a change of pace. And I'm definitely not stupid enough to pay 3X retail at a farmer's market and have to eat salad for a week to make it go away. These healthy concepts must be very profitable. They seem to be multiplying like the rabbits the feed. It's alata nonsense to me.

Midici, Maitland - Closed

I had lunch at this Neapolitan pizza chain (from California I believe) on Sunday. It is probably the best of the "chains" and damn good in it's own right. They serve thin crust pizza, calzone, salad, dessert and some small plates. That is where they really distance themselves from the competition. I had their house made meatballs for $7 and they (2) were very good. A meal in themselves. They seemed hand ground. I believe them to be baked and stewed in sauce. They were served in a bowl with a meat sauce. Topped with a dollop of mozzarella and two slices of grilled bread with drizzles of olive oil and balsamic. Very clean flavors. The meatballs are golf ball size. They also offer a meat or cheese board ($11), burrata caprese ($9), burrata with melon and prosciutto ($11) and garlic bread ($4). The salads (6) are around $10. The calzones too. I also had a Margherita pizza ($10) on the house thanks to a coupon they gave me when I stopped by before the opened. It was very good. Plate sized. Thin. Nice chew. Subtle char. Cooked in a wood burning oven. Plain, fresh tomato sauce. Gumballs of mozzarella. They could make the mozz fresher, but, at least they had decent coverage. They have a lot of toppings (some like truffle cream are unique) to offer. The top "pre-determined" pizza costs $15. They also sell wine and beer. The place looks nicer than the competition. They had an olive tree planted in the middle of the space. The back wall houses the big, round, white and ceramic wood fire oven and the display area and the register behind glass. You order. They serve. The soda/napkin area is also smartly dome. Loads of hot pepper. parmesan, etc containers are next to the straws, etc and pizza boxes if you can't finish. The seating area is modern and clean. White backdrop with black accents. It seats about forty. There were around ten people there before noon and it was filling up as time went on. All families. They are in a new development across from the McDonald's near the intersection of 17-92 (S Orlando) and Lake Howell (I think that's it). Near Francesco's. They have been open for around a month. I was first intrigued. Then wary (after I found out it was a chain). And now satisfied. If it was in my 'hood, I would be here once a week. I have something in my notes that looks like "chandelier". It may have one of those.

Itta Bena, International Drive

I finally succeeded in trying this new Southern restaurant at Pointe Orlando on Saturday night. It is on the second level between BB King and Lafayette's. I was told that it is owned by the same group. The name derives from the town where BB King was born (in Mississippi). There are three more of these - Alabama, Mississippi and the original atop BB Kings in Memphis (I believe that is on Beale St). I had a bowl of she crab soup for $9 and lamb chops with sweet pea risotto for $29. I considered some apps like scallops and grits ($14) or tuna tartare ($16) and entrees like grouper ($26) or jambalaya ($22). However, I didn't love the sides with the entrees and felt grits and risotto was a little much and raw fish and lamb was a bit of an odd pairing for my tum tum. I really wanted a rabbit dish that they no longer offer. I also saw a plate of salmon on another table and it seemed tiny, overcooked and poorly plated. The soup was ok. Very sweet. Not enough sherry. The crab could have had more resiliency (old). The red pepper flakes sneak up on you. It came in a cute, white square bowl on a white tray. The lamb (a three bone piece and a two bone piece) was a young/small one. It was cooked perfectly. Not gamey. It rested on the aforementioned risotto. The risotto had a ton of parmesan cheese mixed in and was cooked perfectly(al dente). A large portion. It was even more memorable than the lamb. The one improvement they could make is fresher sweet peas. They weren't very fresh at all. I've had risotto with sweet peas before and you could taste their sweetness. There was also a "level" of garlic sautéed spinach in between the lamb and risotto. It as a pleasant element. Maybe a bit over salted. This was plated on an ordinary white dish. Some jus and a gingery tomato sauce were served in droplets on the side. The rest of menu is smallish. Around eight apps and entrees. Fish, steak, chicken, pork and shrimp. My dish might have been the most expensive. A steak more be a bit more. I thought prices would be more exorbitant.

The room was modeled after a speak easy. They said they are ditching that vibe. I'm not sure how though. It's mostly dark brown wood with a few flourishes of gray. Tables as well. They have celebrity photos on the wall taken by the owner. Circa 1960's and 70's. They reminded me of those popularized by Richard Avedon or Annie Leibovitz. There is a bar and a small patio and a private room(s). It seats around sixty. It was a mixed crowd. About a quarter full. They had a piano man. Service was engaging when engaged. They forgot about me a few times. Parking was a total zoo. They validated.

The place is a notch below a dedicated service type chain like Ruths Chris or a stand alone affair. A notch above BB King's and Lafayette. It needs to formalize the service component and/or curate the meal and wine offerings with more originality to be considered a really posh place. As it is, it is still a really good "corporate" restaurant. Much better than Hard Rock, etc. The prices are appropriate/cheap for their "level". It's an odd positioning matrix for them to aspire to. They could charge the same (and others do) prices and deliver a very mediocre experience. A "B" or less. Or charge an extra $10 a plate and shoot for an "A". They give you an "A-" at "B" prices. They should be thanked for the extra effort.

Not open for lunch and sometimes closed for private events.

Naguara K' Arepas, East Curry Ford Road Area

I tried this Venezuelan restaurant in a strip mall at Curry Ford and South Chickasaw Trail last Saturday at lunch. I saw them last year when I tried Pizzeria Roberti and thought it was a gastro pub. It says that on the window. I was actually glad it was something a little less ubiquitous. I had a Pepito Laurence for $9. That would be a grilled steak and chicken hero. It came with fries and was topped with two types of mayo based sauces, lettuce, tomato, onion and parmesan cheese. It was good. Very large. The steak was probably cubes from a shoulder cut (chuck). The tomatoes were a bit old. The fries were medium sized and fried perfectly. They had a few more sandwiches and some apps and some desserts and some arepas and some platters. The arepas were around $6 and the most expensive platter was in the teens. They also had some great prices on beer ($2.50 domestic and $3 imports). It's a small, square space with a counter. Around seven tables. A mom and pop joint. They said they just took over fifteen days ago from the old owners who had been there for three or four years. Same style of food. Not sure if the menu has changed. I don't run across too many Venezuelan places, so, they still have sex appeal to me. And I think they have a touch of panache you don't see in all South American cooking. Not a world changer, but, a definite value. Obviously it depends on how far you reside from here as to whether it's worth the trouble. The name doesn't translate (according to them), but, it is a phrase they bandy about with each other. I got the feeling it is like "aloha".

Little Greek Fresh Grill, OIA Area

I grabbed a gyro to go from this new (less than a month) Greek fast casual restaurant before my flight last week. It is in that newer development called the Lee Vista Promenade (on 436). The gyro was fine. The usual. A large amount of meat. It cost $8. The most expensive thing is a salmon skewer dinner at $15. A New York looking guy with a Greek beak (so you know he knows his Greek food) said he eats there every chance he gets. It's a counter order type of atmosphere. The size of a Subway. I think they are a Midwestern chain. Just like Krazy Kitchen et al. Fine for garden variety Greek food. I think they close at 9pm.

*There is signage for a Japanese restaurant next door. Not sure if they are open. I expect more options will be filling in the promenade as we go.

Grub Crawl - Downtown: Art's Sandwich Shop and The Ramen (Closed)

I tried these restaurants at lunch over a week ago. The first is on OBT near/under 408 (and the Citrus Bowl). The other is in the corner of that new condo complex on Orange Ave (across from the court house).

Art's Sandwich Shop - They are (must be) a vestige of old Orlando. They have been there since 1972 and I bet it was a very different neighborhood back then. They and a cowboy bar next door seem very out of place. What isn't is the food and prices. I saw it a while back when google maps did their usual bang up job of pinpointing that Grille restaurant I reviewed before the summer. It looked like a fun old timey place. I had a "famous" cheesesteak for $7 (with tax) to go. It was very respectable. A goodly amount of meat and a decent roll. They have a variety of sandwiches and subs and salads and dogs. They have seating inside. It looks like a café, but, you order at a counter. It was packed. Seats about forty. The people were nice. They have parking. It has to be the number one choice for game day. I might even go back just because.

The Ramen - The chef ran something at Disney. Now he's here. I had takoyaki ($4 for 3) and a tonokotsu ramen bowl ($12). The takoyaki was ok. I've had it very delicate and very dense (fritter like). This was in the middle. I'm not sure how it is supposed to come out, but, I wager it is supposed to be delicate. So, gauge for yourself. The ramen had a milky pork broth and pork belly as the centerpieces. The broth was ok. The belly was a bit dry/overcooked. Two pieces. They said this one had thinner noodles. They seemed "normal" size to me. They were ok. The half of a hard boiled egg was perfect. The yolk was almost soft boiled. I disliked the ginger and the pickled bamboo shoots. I think that's what the thin, rectangular yellow things were. I'm sure they are there to provide contrast/brightness. But, they just clashed or tasted bad. If anything the proportion/ratio should be reduced. The place is a boring square that looks ten years old already (not brand new). They were blasting some insipid Japanese language cartoon on the tv. The place probably seats forty. Among the provocations they expose you to is a lack of parking (the meter maid/man was ever present.- maybe he should be at the border - it's funny what we put our energy towards enforcing - maybe that's the solution - you have to pay for a "parking spot" in America - when you stop paying you must leave or you get a ticket) and an early closing time (8pm). They offered a few other apps and bowls. You knew I wasn't going to be too impressed and I wasn't. Small/simple menu, bad hours, bad parking situation, ugly room and average execution. Maybe now I see why he "used" to run a place at Disney. They are phoning it in. That may be enough for you? It wasn't terrible. They have been open for a month or two.

Grub Crawl - Disney Springs: Wolfgang Puck's Bar & Grill and The Daily Poutine

I tried these two places on Wednesday at lunch.

Wolfgang Puck's Bar & Grill -  It is across from the Guy Fieri chicken place near Planet Hollywood. It opened in November. I tried the chicken schnitzel at $28. It wasn't worth half that. The chicken had a spongy texture. Like a tenderloin. It wasn't pounded thin enough. And I don't like panko. The "deconstructed" accoutrements like tomato and arugula weren't exactingly fresh and the cucumber salad  was just along for the ride. The rest of the lunch menu included some salads and sandwiches and pizzas and pastas and a few mains. The dinner menu substituted a few more pricy mains for the sandwiches. Pricing between the two menus was almost comparable. They discount a dollar or two or something like the dinner sea bass went from "whole" to lord knows what at lunch (probably a half). The pizzas looked good, but, I think a personal started at over $15. As did the sandwiches. The pastas were all mid-twenties. The mains were mostly thirty to fifty. My meal ran to $40 with tax and tip. And I just had a $3.50 (non refilled) soda with my entrée.

The place is divided into three rooms. Each has some exposed cooking area in it. To the left (where they seated me) is the pizza oven area. In the middle is the main kitchen (in the rear). To the right is the dessert station that has an open window to the street and sells gelato. The ceilings must be three stories high. The color scheme is white with black embellishments. Lots of photos of Wolfy and food. Mostly never together. They are trying for California farm house, I think. Wait service was a bit intermittent. I was expecting an overpriced, reductive experience and that's what it was. His schtick was powerful when I was an impressionable kid new to Los Angeles and there wasn't a celebrity chef minted every ten seconds. I even supported his first few attempts to branch out of Beverly Hills. But, he lost me when he lent his name to frozen pizza. He's one of those "name" chefs that license their reputation to anything and everything. I'll bet that is what is happening here. I doubt he even knows it exists. I don't blame him. It probably provides him with a comfortable living. But, it is too much for me. I wouldn't have tried this if it weren't for this blog. I don't try his other "chain" type restaurants or packaged food. He's kind of a punch line for me. Maybe not a punch line, but, I know he's too far removed from his projects to really be relevant to them. As such, I really resent paying designer prices for a off the rack clothing created by subordinates. I'm no label whore! Or am I the "john" since I'm paying? I'd advise you to save your "splurge" money for something more dynamic. Even Art Smith's place at Disney Springs seems a degree closer to the namesake than this.

The Daily Poutine - I had a classic poutine for $10. Fries and gravy and cheese curds. Not bad. The fries were actually crispy. Lots of squeaky curds. Ok gravy. Nice sized portion. It is on the right side if you descend the escalators from the green parking lot. They have two or three other poutines.

*Jaleo doesn't look close to being ready.

La Boucherie, Sand Lake Road Area - Closed

I think it has happened once before. A place that made such a bad first impression that I left before ordering. A place that needs a wake up call. A review that can be written without regard to the food. A place that starts the at bat with three strikes. I should have listened to the Universe. I was distracted on my way in and veered off the Sand Lake exit into the Volcano Bay area and then had to get back on I4 on go to Sea World to get back to Sand Lake. I should have kept going and never turned back. BTW who is the idiot that put no off ramps between Sand Lake and the Beach Line? *This all transpired yesterday at lunch.

The offending behavior(s) is not egregious in retrospect. It's an example that betrays a ethos. The behavior(s) in this case were a visually unappealing host (head to toe tats and a parolee/junky vibe), a petulant Puerto Rican reform school looking waiter and some amusing big timing. Now, I'm not sure if the host meant to give me the worst seat in a nearly unattended restaurant or if he was just a poorly trained numbskull, but, that is what he did. Apparently, my reaction to this insult/stupidity must have displeased the bus boy (err waiter) and his attitude towards me was provoking. Throw in the risk of food retribution from the kitchen and a few more critiques I will expand on and I just had to get out of there or challenge someone to a duel.

The place is a chain. The French "Applebee's'. Plastic menus (with pictures) and all. Sticky, grimy, worn menus. I think they have been open less than six months! The selection is also odd and pricy. The rest of staff is equally "greasy" looking. I didn't see one female employee. It just screamed (insert any of the many ethnic groups this applies to) latently homosexual bohunkery. There were two tables seated at prime lunch hour. A waspy couple and a table of three French men. Hopefully, they were there to report on the franchise and understood what transpired. Then again, they are French and probably found it laudable behavior and acceptable business conduct. And why was Latin music being blasted in a French restaurant?

The place is in an inconvenient strip mall that seems to swallow up enterprises. The traffic alone in the area makes it undesirable. To go here you really have to have a reason. The ambiance surely is not one. They can't act like this. In French "fermez la bouche" means "shut up" or less colloquially "close your mouth". I can only hope the Universe will listen to me when I request that they "fermez la boucherie".

*On top of this, my plan b (Chronic Tacos) was far from ready. I had to go to Disney (as the Universe was leading me) as you will read about shortly.

Coco Thai Cuisine, International Drive

I tried this Thai restaurant over a week ago in the afternoon for take out. It is aside some new hotel construction where Wet N Wild used to be. If I remember correctly, it has been open for around a year and is helmed by a chef from Northern Thailand whom has roamed around the planet in search of his perfect kitchen. So, it's not just Tom Yums, Satays and Curried Chickens and rice. His staff is also a bit representative. I remember some talk of Khmer (Cambodian) employees. I ordered some apps because I want to be more aware of Thai cuisine, but, they (other Thai restaurants) usually offer such a limited and redundant selection that I rarely see anything new. I had a chicken larb (I believe I had that at the Laotian place on 50), nam sod pork and curry puffs. All $6. The larb was minced chicken (also in beef) mixed with ground rice and scallions, cilantro, mint, chili powder and served on raw cabbage leaves. It was good. I love ground meats of any kind. The portion is enough for most people for a meal. The nam sod portion was even bigger. This preparation involved minced pork (also in chicken) with ginger, peanuts (whole), onion, scallions, cilantro, chili powder on raw lettuce leaves. It came with a side sauce. I can't remember if I liked it better than the larb. The curry puffs (5 or 6) were little, fried, empanada looking vessels filled with chicken, sweet potato, curry, cilantro and pepper. I'm pretty sure I've never seen that on a Thai menu. They were easily wolfed down. The rest of the menu has a lot you've seen before. I'll point out a few of the specialties instead. Basil Duck. Three Flavored Fish. Basil Mixed Seafood. Volcano Shrimp. Kung Makham (Tamarind Shrimp). Red Duck Curry. Ginger Striped Bass. These all run in the mid twenties. Most of the rest of the entrees are in line (low teens). The place is one big, white, glass, square room with a bar in the rear and open kitchen on the left. It's a new build out. Hard to say how popular it is. I was there at 2pm and it was predictably empty. It was more than I expected it to be. It's worth a second look. Lots of parking.

H Steakhouse, Dr. Phillips Area

I tried this Turkish steakhouse today at lunch. It's more than a steakhouse and more than Turkish. It is one of the most satisfying encounters I've had (anywhere) in a while. It's definitely going to be on the favorites list and is instantly in my top ten in CF (I haven't had the time to be precise yet). I had two appetizers because they don't really chase a lunch crowd (no lunch menu/pricing) and four of the appetizers seemed so scrumptious. I had the steak tartare with marrow bone (planned on having that) and the sweetbread with tagliatelle flamed in a parmesan cheese wheel. I chose the latter to try the pasta that is offered in two forms as an entrée. They make there own. The tartare cost $18. The quality of the meat was evident. If it was adulterated at all, it had olive oil in it. The real accoutrement was the marrow bone. Split in half and char-grilled, it was the best preparation of marrow I've ever experienced. Gone was the phlegmy (when roasted) like consistency and flavor. In place was unctuousness and umami. It created an interesting flavor profile when added to the raw beef. The hot/cold of the marriage was also interesting (if not symbolic). It came with some thin wafers (not sure if that is their lavash) whose exterior was a bit too gummy to be paired with the gummy tartare. An article I read said they were served sourdough bread with their tartare. I received that with the sweetbread. I'm not sure if they changed the elements or messed up or gave the first party the wrong accompaniment. I'm not sure sour dough would have worked. It did work with the "sauce" left over from the tagliatelle. That surprised me. The one criticism I could make is that maybe they over salted the marrow bone. But, it was good salt. The course was served on a beautifully rustic wood board. Which reminds me. They started me off with another beautiful wood board with grilled bread, Turkish olive oil, home made butter and a diced tomato and cucumber "salsa". All were fresh and tasty. They also do their own breads. The sweetbread was cleaned perfectly. Cooked perfectly as well. It was inventively incorporated into the aforementioned pasta dish. The portion size would be enough for most people as a main. I didn't get the table side cheese wheel flame show, but, I saw it done at an adjacent table a few minutes earlier. The rest of the menu blends steakhouse exuberance with recipes from central Italy and beyond. Apps had grilled octopus and a special kind of shrimp as stand outs. The mains included duck, veal, lamb and seafood with all of the choice cuts of beef (ie Tomahawk). The beef is aged in their own Himalayan salt aging room (visible behind glass). They call out their brand of grill. I haven't heard of  (and can't remember) it. I guess it is top of the line. The wine selection isn't "me too". Around 3X retail. The liquor is select. A little pricey (ie a Reserve Glenfiddich I just bought on sale for $32 at Winn Dixie was $30 a "pour" - granted my "Glen" wasn't the "reserve"). A soda was $3.50. They refilled.

The design is charming. A lot of wood. Darkish hues. Beautiful green fabric on the benches. Open floor plan. Exposed kitchen (in the rear). Small bar area in the left rear corner. Some outside seating. Seats around eighty inside and a dozen outside. The flatware and china were unique and stylish. I would try and hide a few eyesores a bit more, but, it is a well conceived dining area. The bathroom was basic and one person, but, nice..The place has been open for seven months. It is where the old Stephano's Trattoria was (near the Publix at the marketplace on Dr. Phillips off Sand Lake). It's named after the common last initial of the three owners. There were only two other diners and one waiter while I was there. That seems to indicate that lunch hasn't been too successful. I hope that isn't the case overall. They have spent a lot of money and put a lot of thought into this endeavor. Even the cooks have natty uniforms. They have hired talent and the menu is ambitious without being impudent. In a perfect world they would drop the prices across the board a bit (at least for lunch) and for some items in particular (duck and osso bucco). However, I'm willing to live in an imperfect world if it allows me surprises like this. I just suggest a price trim to make sure they don't wallow in obscurity. They don't need to set a price point to denote excellence. They are excellent and as such the can only help their brand by having as many people experience it as possible. The only thing they lack is a stunning locale. If they had that, then maybe they could support their current pricing. That said, I strenuously (like Demi Moore in A Few Good Men) recommend them and Valentine's Day is closing in and they are doing a special service in celebration. I didn't see the menu and hopefully it isn't a disappointment. If so, then shoe horn in some other justification for making a visit. You will say "what the H!"

*I tried a good Thai place (Coco) on I Drive on the way home. You will have to wait until I get back from Tahoe for that review. Also, saw that a Chronic Tacos (awesome San Diego beach area icon) opened on Sand Lake. Hope it's the same people.

Grub Crawl - Lake Mary: Currito and Nothing Bundt Cakes

I went to these two new businesses on International Parkway today at lunch. They are in that new strip mall that I have been reporting on lately.

Currito - I had a regular (that is the largest) classic burrito with chicken for $9. I think Chipotle is overpriced and they toss in a soda at this price. Other places toss in chips. It was a lousy burrito at that. 90% rice. The hot sauce was creamy and I believe it was the source of the off putting dish water flavor. I think there is more chicken in a $1 Taco Bell chicken burrito. It was thigh meat too. The soda ($2) cup was a half sizer. They also do bowls, salads and smoothies. All the things women throw their money away on. I would wager that that is their demographic. 90% of the customers were female (or could have identified as such) or people they seemingly dragged there. I can hardly call this a Mexican place since they serve tikka, buffalo, teriyaki, etc burritos. It's a 21st century trash up. The place is modern and clean. White washed. They have opened just recently. A chain from Ohio. I would never go back. Then again, I doubt they'd want me back. I have a Y chromosome. Now that my currit-osity is satisfied, I find it not be a curr-all. Oh-curr! BTW isn't that what Madea (I've never seen a movie) says? Why does that Mini Minaj a Twat get the credit? Not that there should be any.

Nothing Bundt Cakes - I used a coupon (my revenge for stuffing my mail box with junk mail) on a free cake. Praline pecan. It was fine. Too much icing. I think I already reviewed another location a while ago. They sell individual bundt cakes. They deliver what they promise. I'm sure all the "vegans" calorie counting at Currito will make a pilgrimage over here on their way back to work and then claim "I just look at food and I gain weight!"

*3/4/19 - I went back to Currito with a two for one burrito coupon they sent me and made my own concoction. Both helped the cause. I'll pop in every time they send another "feeler". That makes the transaction less onerous.

Grub Crawl - Thornton Park: Big Time Street Food Co (Closed) and Greenery Creamery

I tried these places on Friday night. The first is next to Burton's on East Washington. The second is below a condo apartment building on East Church. They were described to me as being downtown. They are really in Thornton Park.

Big Time Street Food Co - A nocturnal snack food spot. I grabbed a Holy Fried Chicken Sandwich because I wasn't hungry and the menu was nothing I haven't seen before. The sandwich was very large. Twice as large a Chick Fila. It was made of thigh meat. Some like it better than breast meat. Not I. It always has a weird top layer that you can't bite through. This was a good sandwich though. Nice crust. Pickles and a gochu (spicy) mayo sauce. It cost $8. They have three burgers (from $6-$8). A cheese steak ($10). Cubano ($9). Hot dog ($6). Four wraps ($9-$10). 2 fries ($9-$10). 5 snacks ($7-$10). As you can see, I chose the most fairly priced item. A small bottle of Coke was $3. It's a small place. Some seats at the window. Two man crew. Nothing new going on here. They have been open for seven months. Open from 4 pm until midnight during the week. 2am on Friday. Noon until 2am on Saturday. Noon until 10pm on Sunday. Parking is scarce.

Greenery Creamery - Half the ice cream is vegan (coconut water). Half normal. I had the vanilla with olive oil solo for $4.25. Didn't taste the oil. The ice cream melted into milk. I'm not sure if that is a sign of quality or not. Around twenty flavors. Nothing noteworthy here. Parking is less than scarce. I think they opened this past summer.

*Walking around it seems like the place at the train depot closed. A few places opened across from the courthouse. A coffee place opened at that large building on East Washington near Lake Eola.. A "bar" on the same street on the corner by the band shell. I passed an axe throwing place on Robinson. I think it was called Epic Axe Throwing. It was packed.

Grub/Pub Crawl - College Park and Baldwin Park: Blended Cafe Bar, Digress and Tactical Brewing Company

I tried these places last Saturday Night. The first two are on Edgewater Dr. The last is near the Publix in the heart of that community.

Blended Café Bar - I had a crispy chicken banh mi for $7 because I wasn't very hungry or interested in the finger foods they offer. It was really good. The bun was great. Crisp. The chicken was crisp as well. It came with the usual carrot and radish and cilantro toppings. They also serve teas, bao, rice bowls, egg rolls, noodle bowls and samosas they call "pockets". A few specials as well. They are across from the main condo building off of Princeton. The inside is a big empty, white space with a bar on one side and some seats on the other. A few people were at the bar playing Stratego. Feel free to channel your inner Terry Crews while you are there. That's a movie reference. I think they have been open for six months.

Digress - They are down the street in the old Cavanaugh's space. They were supposed to serve food starting in the Spring. Then the Fall. It seems like that will never transpire. What there will be is the current food truck partnership. And even that is intermittent. They weren't on that night (a Saturday). It's mostly a wine bar. The owner was nice and talkative. He seemed sincerely interested in wine. They are a bit pricy. I believe they have been open for about a year.

Tactical Brewing Company - They have been in a "soft" opening for two months. Still only open on the weekends. I tried an IPA and an Oyster Shell Black Lager. Both were good. They seem to be run by ex-military. Marines I think. It is a smallish square room. It was pretty packed. Mixed crowd. Bartenders were pleasant. Dogs were welcome. Nice scene. They even have some good looking merch.

Hangry Bison, Winter Park

I just got back from this Firefly replacement across from the movie theater. The guy from Pizza Vadiamo (sp?) took over the lease and stripped the pub grub menu to just burgers. Sadly they can't even get that right. They may have served me the worst burger I've ever had. And I eat Krystal burgers. The short rib ground was burnt on the outside and raw in the middle. They dust stormed it in some needless salt and spice rub. Drenched!. The grind was bad. It had cartilage and vein bits galore. The patty was formed in that half hand/half mold compromised way. The meat had no taste. The burgers must be "assembled" on a plastic menu with oil marker. The bun may be pretzel, brioche, lettuce leaf or Texas toast. Four clichés. Four things I hate about "gourmet" burger culture. The meats can be short rib, bison, turkey, salmon, and chicken (?). The cheeses were the usual plus beer cheese (melted nacho cheese sauce). The veg were the usual. And they also force several "glazes" on you. I can't imagine how much worse the burger would have been with any of those. They had ranch dressing as a sauce! Is there any greater sign of gastronomic impotence? In Australia I was trying to explain to a guy how some Americans dip their pizza in ranch dressing. Much to his amusement. This may be as bad. I kind of recall a few pithy "extra toppings". Can't recall them now. They add the cheeses are $1.50 more. Not that it matters, but, I had a short rib ($10) with beer cheese and green olives and onion and tomato. It came with a side. I chose fries. They were served in a little fryer basket and that was the extent of their charm They were also over salted. They were another cliché I hate. Those skin on offenders that never crisp up. Sodas were $3. The place looks exactly the same. They even replicated (didn't update) the booze section of Firefly. I recoiled in apprehension when I saw their signage over X-mas. I knew it would suck. I knew I would have to waste both my money and time there. Intuition was dead on. They can't even conjure up an original moniker. Is it Smiling Bison or is it the Hairy Buffalo? No. It is the Hangry Bison. Good one! An interesting (to me) side note. My step brother coined the phrase "hangry" in the Nineties. He also came up with bacne. As well as a host of other acne related (as well as others) words (like nacne) that are derived from where the acne is located on the body. Aside from zed. Which was a dick zit. I have added some words to the English vocabulary as well, but, I doubt you will believe either of the stories I have just told you. It makes me chuckle when I hear them though. You wonder how this game of telephone worked its way through the country. I was also responsible for the "Baby It Is Cold Outside" controversy. FYI.

In any case, this place sucks. The funniest part is that they claim to have "won" the best burger in CF award. I wonder what questionable publication is responsible for that? I love these "fan vote" contests of a dozen or so entrants. These are the same hayseeds that vote Sonny's BBQ best barbeque and Tijuana Flats best Mexican. And those are some of the lesser obscenities. If it wasn't clear, stay clear of here or you will be as angry as a bison getting fucked by Mike Tyson..

1000 Degrees, Lake Mary

I tried this new assembly lime pizza chain on International Parkway (next to the poke place I just reviewed) on Thursday. It opened ten days ago. It's like Blaze (and probably like the California chain Midici that awaits a visit) et al. You line up. You select a size and toppings. You are served. I tried two pies for posterity. A ten inch (also available in fourteen inch and roman) gluten for $9 and classic margherita for $8. I chose the signature marinara sauce for both. Shredded mozzarella with sausage, pepperoni, onion and mushrooms on the first. Fresh mozzarella and basil on the other. They were fine. The mushrooms were a bit grimy. The sauce tasted like Chef Boyardee. The sausage was made up of those goose shit looking pellet droppings. However, the crust was mainly chewy (the first half of my first pie was dry) and the pie thin. The fresh mozz pie was a bit soggy. I was surprised by how much they put on and how much surface area they covered. The pep was Hormel like, but, ok. The onions were fresh. We can all agree that they could source better, but, there is a profit to be made and I don't think we come here for that. I do wish they would attend that sauce. That can be remedied cheaply and effortlessly. it is the preeminent sauce. I stopped at those topping, but, there are no limits. They have eight meats and cheeses and sauces and sixteen veggies to choose from. They prepare eight pies for instant ordering. They are a dollar more. They have five salads ($8) and two types of wings and breadsticks and two desserts. Beer and wine (?) too. The place looks new. It is new. And modern. and clean. They even offer up knives and forks. Fountain and bottled sodas. It's not a bucket list item, but, it is an option. The line was a dozen or so deep for the duration of my meal. HQ is in Galloway NJ.

Poke Joint, Lake Mary - Closed

I had lunch at this fireworks factory yesterday. It is in International Parkway in between AAA and 46a in a new strip mall. The first pyrotechnic display happened fifteen minutes after arrival. The second at 4:30am. And the latest at 2pm today. I'm not sure of the science behind such things. It wouldn't seem possible for something you put into your body to pass through (or push previously eaten items through) so quickly. However, I am assured that the 4:30 showing can be attributed solely to what I ate here. The only undigested scallions I had lately were from here. They came from the tuna poke bowl ($12). Nothing else I've eaten in the past few days had scallions. I know tuna can cause mercury poisoning, but, the Poke Joint seems to be exposing us to Freddie Mercury poisoning. An attack on the immune system.

They serve two types of tuna. One marinated and one plain. The plain looked so pale I had to go with anything else. The tuna was poor in quality. It was soft and flossy. Cheap tail cuts. I detected a fishy taste in some of the pieces that weren't overwhelmed by the marinade and the extra squirt from the piss bottle. If I cared more for my well being (or hadn't figured the damage was already done) I would have stopped eating and demanded my money back. The rice was no better. Dry as could be. I wouldn't be shocked to learn that they make it the day before and refrigerate (dry) it. That or their warming pot is set too high. They also do salmon. This is probably the worst of the six or so poke places I have reviewed in the last twelve months. So, needless to say it was packed. It seats about forty inside and ten outside. Order at the counter. They have been open for five months. It may be up your alley if you don't like the thought of an enema but need to cut weight fast.

*A pizza place (1000 Degrees) seemed to be opening next door on that day.

**Here are some items I sampled while in Australia. I'll put the region in after them if it is known or if not Australian. They have a lot of Asian restaurants there. Feel free to imagine my comments where they should be and then go and research what they are. A "#" will mean they said it was the national dish. Here we go: Chili peas (?), Golgappe (India), Lamb Rogan Josh (Kashmir), Musselman Beef (Kashmir), Barramundi tacos, Crispy Skin and Pork Belly Banh Mi (Vietnam), Ark Shell Clam, Pacific Kingfish, Dusk and Egg Jian Bing (China), Shanghai Noodle Soup with Smoked Fish (Shanghai), Prawn and Pork Soup Bun (Shanghai), Amok Trey (#Cambodia), Crocodile and Snow Peas (China), Sliced Donkey Meat Salad in Chili Powder (Sichuan), Battered Flathead, Crumbed Blue Grenadier, Stewed Pork Belly in Savory Sauce (Singapore), Japanese Fried Chicken (Japan), Hand Torn Noodles with scrambled Egg and Bok Choy (Xi'An), Pork Rougamo (Xi'An), Coconut Ice Cream with Coconut Chips in Avocado Puree (Vietam), Chicken Kottu (#Sri Lanka), Calypso Mango, Scallop Pie and Bruny Island Oysters. I also came across things like stuffed frogs, nitrogen iced coffee. wallaby and a chicken patty the size of your head (Taiwan) that I didn't try. Their McDonald's serves grilled cheese and gravy fries.