Bambu, Sanford

I had lunch at this new (two months) Vietnamese restaurant on the Mount Dora side of 46 on Wednesday. It's in the old Hayashi spot. I had Pho Tai Chin Bo Vien for $8. It's a beef noodle soup with "eye round" steak, brisket and meatballs. I didn't perceive any brisket and the meatballs were really chunks of half of a meatball. However, it was tasty and large and came with the usual rice noodles and bean sprouts, basil and peppers on the side. Service was good. They didn't do much to the interior. A paint job, I think. The place seats around 30. It was mostly full. It drew a diverse audience (even Mexican mechanics). You wouldn't have to do much more than show up and be Vietnamese to be a success. This is a cuisine woefully under served in the area. It's a smallish menu. They have about eight appetizers, nine soups, eight vermicelli dishes and nine rice platters. The prices are VERY reasonable. The most expensive thing is under $10. Apps start at $3. Most dishes are around $7. They even are not scared to offer tendon and tripe. If you live in the neighborhood, add this to your rotation. Free refills. Takes AMEX. Has desserts, funky coffees and beer and wine. I was sorry to see the last place go, but, I think the area could afford to trade a sushi place. Especially when it added a fresh experience.

Pub Crawl - Sanford: West End Trading Co (Closed), Sapphire (Closed) and Vine (Closed)

I went to these bars after the musical on Friday because I was already there.


9:30-10pm: The West End Trading Company - The bar is on S. Sanford Avenue (the one behind the main drag). It has three rooms. It was slightly patroned. Mostly guys. It stunk of smoke and had those kinds of people there. Not my thing.

10-11pm: Sapphire Cocktail Lounge - This place on a corner of the main drag looked trendier. It was empty (save two others). The sad thing is there was a Arts event taking place this night.

11pm-1:30am: Vine - It's next door to Sapphire. I can't believe I amused myself that long there. It was just one guy and the two owners singing Karaoke. I hate Karaoke. They do a artisan beer and wine experience. Also allows smoking. The name might not be just Vine. They said the changed it from Twisted Vine, but, I'm not sure I heard what they changed it to clearly.

Nights like this is why I don't move to Alaska. I envision this would be the norm.

Nunsense, Wayne Densch Performing Arts Center

I saw this "musical" in Sanford on Friday night. It's not a classic. It started off-Broadway and has that feel/gravity. It more of a series of skits with a preposterous plot that I think the writer thought passes for farce. It's more like something someone would come up with, in a hurray, for a gay cruise or camp (do they have those?). The author must also have been an Altar Boy if you get my drift. The butt of the joke is the Catholic Church. I'm all for taking the piss out of - well anything and anyone, but, this field has been plowed. The jokes are stale and meant for a Greenwich Village type audience. Some references were dated when it was first penned. The creators also tried to be clever (thrifty?) by dressing the stage in the backdrop of the Grease backdrop. It was just incongruous. Unnecessary. There were no songs that stuck in your head. And I said, the plot is pointless. A real look into the lives of the Nuns would have been more effectual. This plot neither served the message (if there was one) nor engaged the audience. The (5) Nuns were all good. I think they (the producers) chose this because of the minimal investment and commitment. I think the actresses chose it because it allowed them all to showcase their talents. They raised the price to $20 for the nose bleeds. I think SSC gives you a better seat at half the price.

The Port, Sanford

I had dinner at this spot on that little island in Sanford that had previously been Oscar's and Efes (as well as others) on Friday night. I had Frog Legs for $11. They came with two sides. I had a baked potato (small) and hush puppies (4). I'm never sure if I can trust any restaurant to serve the fish they promise and I couldn't remember the rule about oysters (don't eat them in a month with a Y? R?). The legs (4 pairs) were fine. More of a lark. They are always kind of bland. I recommend them fried. Everything is better fried. Right? They were obliging enough to let me split my order into half fried and half grilled. The hush puppies were fine too. I think that is the appropriate descriptor for this place. It's fine. Nothing too ambitious. A place that is on par with it's environs. They didn't do much to the interior. It is most definitely not "elbow to elbow" seating. It looks almost like the place is set up for late night dancing. I don't think it is. The place seats about forty (could seat double) inside and thirty outside. It has a black color scheme and some Pottery Barn type light fixtures and wall art. They have a pioneer restaurant in Haines City. It was mostly empty when I showed up at 6pm. It got a little more full by the time I left. The service was good. The food came out in record time. Go for the view (as always). I think it opened right before the New Year.

Grub Crawl - Lake Mary: Taste of China (Closed) and Cupcake Crazy (Closed)

I have to write this one up because Taste of China keeps pissing me off. I know they barely deserve a plug, but, it's more of a warning.

Taste of China - This place has been there forever (near Burger Fi). It used to be good. It used to be packed. I'm not sure if it has new owners or not, but, it has slipped. The empty dining area may be the consequence. I had a chicken dish that tasted like cheese. Isn't this an indication of spoiled chicken? And I only went out of pity. These idiots charge a 20 cent fee to eat in. They hide it on your bill. I'm pretty sure it's illegal to add service fees without posting them (prominently)/ giving notice near the ordering area. Now they probably don't know any better, but, I think they wouldn't stop if they did. Give a discount for take out. I think that is legal. Just don't rip off your customers in this cowardly/ignoble manner.  It seems like this ship is sinking and they are looking for any additional revenue source or savings they can scrape up. They said they only give out fortune cookies at dinner. Getting a plastic fork or not  was a discussion. If they pull these types of stunts on things like these, where else do they "remain competitive"? And do you want to worry about that?

Cupcake Crazy - This place is behind the Japanese (Mikado?) restaurant in the same strip mall as above. I had a Chocolate something something that had a piece of Three Musketters on it for $3.50. Waste of money. Average cupcake. Too much icing and not enough cake. Yeoman like work at best. They have around  12 kinds of cupcakes. I think they have a play area for icing parties. I think they were behind the Panera at one time. I was underwhelmed then too and think that is why I avoided it until today.

Shaan, Lake Mary

I had lunch at this reboot (different owners) of an Indian restaurant that closed down here a few months ago. I think it was called Darbar. It's near the BK in between the Einstein's and the new branch of Jimmy Hula's. It's run by the people who own Kohinoor in Altamonte. I thought the buffet here was better than the last one I had at the aforementioned. It cost $10. It's a little more than the other two competitor's in the area (apologies to Aroma for listing you as deceased), but, there was more selection and the quality was better (at least to begin with). I tried to try everything for you great people. I skipped the salad (just iceberg) and the Gulab Jamun (little puff ball desserts). I tried the vegetable samosa. It had a lot of flavor (filled with mashed potato). The "skin" was a little over fried. They also tossed in a few slices of potato pakora (fritters). They were fine. I tried a mixed vegetable curry. It was full of fresh gourd vegetables, etc. I tried a cabbage mutter that I believe just means cabbage/peas. Not sure why they use the non-Indian word for cabbage. Maybe it's like Japanese where anything non-indigenous gets the foreign name. It was fine. I tried a spinach curry that was sweet. I tried a mushroom mutter (again English word) that had no umami. I had a piece of Tandoori Chicken. I wasn't raw. I had Chicken Korma (almond and cashew based sauce) and Chicken Makhani or Butter Chicken (tomato cream sauce). The Korma had better quality chicken. The Makhani chicken seemed like that packaged/processed chicken they put on salads (soft and oddly textured). Both sauces were good. I had basmati rice. It was a little over stirred (hairy). I had a piece of Naan and a Papadam (cracker). The Naan was a little "dusty". The Papadam was perfect. I had a great chickpea relish (first timer). I had some rice pudding. I still prefer a "nuttier" rice than basmati for this dish. As you can see, most everything was up to snuff. I even liked (maybe preferred) the veggie dishes. I would be a little concerned that they had not refilled anything by 1pm. However, maybe it was a lack of necessity rather than a revelation of thrift. The place looks the same. Not sure what condition the place was left. They were closed for renovations so something went down. The place was full. It's appeal was cross cultural and sexual and age-ical. A soda adds $2.50 to your bill. They will re-fill. It's a small glass, so, it may be important to know that. The menu runs around "tween" prices for veggie stuff and "mid teens" for innocent little animals. They have chicken, seafood and lamb. There is a new king in town. Not a destination, but, a blessing for the locals. It means "pride".    

4/25/14 - I went back today and they have trimmed the offerings a touch. Still good.

Grub Crawl - University/50/Mills: Thaitanic Sushi (Closed), Boston Bakery, Chuan Lu (Renovated/Renamed) and Quantum Leap Winery (Closed)

I ate as these places this Thursday for lunch. The first in on University near Goldenrod. The rest are near Mills and 50.

Thaitanic Sushi - I love a good pun, but, this name really is appropriate. A disaster. I believe this is where half the family that ran that Thai Place around UCF re-emerged after they razed their building. The new location is dump next to other dumps. It's small (thabkfully). I would not suggest anything other than take out orders and probably just Thai take out. I ordered a Thai Bento box (they don't have a Thai word for this?) for $10 after perusing the regular lunch specials and deciding they were all worse values than you get almost everyplace else. I chose (from 3) drunken noodles and a JB roll (because almost all the choices were fish less rolls). The noodles were ok. Probably reheated. It had a fair amount of chicken. The flavors were fine. The JB Roll (Salmon and cream cheese) was a joke. The salmon cut was full of string. I had to pull them from the fish to avoid choking. the rice also proved that they don't know have to make sushi. It was too vinegary and mushy. The miso soup was either very "artisinal" or so old that the curd was like loose cottage cheese. The sea weed was limp as - insert your own joke here. I've never been served miso soup that way so it was either the greatest bowl ever or they just leave it in a pot forever. The salad (if you can call iceberg lettuce a salad - I mean, seriously - you are a culture that obsesses about EVERYTHING and you let that phone in be your national salad) was ok. the dressing was a little sweet and as usual way too pervasive. The place seats about 30. There two white ladies there and a counter of assorted Asian gangsters that seemed to be regulars or family. Avoid.

Boston Bakery and Cafe - I had avoided this Vietnamese place because I had never heard anyone laud Vietnamese desserts and the name just added nothing but doubt to it's potential. I read an article that informed me that they did Bahn Mi so I reconsidered. I had just gone through the Thaitanic disappointment and a subsequent one (Nacho Mama's closed before I could try them), so, I was happy when I got my Number 1 Bahn Mi with pork (really pork roll like chicken roll is to chicken), pate and head cheese for $3.50. I don't love pate and I'm only trying head cheese to please Andrew Zimmern (I'm starting to doubt his palette), so, it says a lot that I loved it. A fresh roll. Good greens. Great value. They have around 8 versions of the sandwich. They also serve some ridiculously cheap pork buns and boba teas. At $3 how wrong could they go? Try it and if you don't like it feed it to the pigeons and try another. It's near the gar station that has the food trucks on the eastern (UCF) of Vietnamtown.

Chuan Lu - This place is a sub-lease of the Ginza restaurant on the western edge of Vietnamtown. Not sure how they are related. I had Shanghai Smoked Fish appetizer to go because I only have one stomach and it was full. It was an experiment and it was kind of gross. I think it was mackerel from the color of the skin and the shape of the chunks. They ruined whatever smoky goodness there may have been in the fish by battering it with some sweet goo. Not a combo this Westerner appreciated. It cost $6. They were generous with the portion size. I almost went with a salt duck, but, they said it was boiled. They also have some "weird" stuff like: smoked bran (the vegetable), stomach, shrimp celery (?), bean gel, etc. They have hot pots, dumplings, pork, poultry (including duck), beef, lamb, seafood, etc. They have lunch specials. Seems like a good play for the adventurous and the timid. Their side only seats about forty. Not sure if they let it spill over into Ginza.

Quantum Leap Winery - I was going to see if the Turkish place on Mills was just renamed or had new owners when I saw it was closed. Just behind it I saw this place. I had been looking for it for over a year. It's a nice facility. I wish I could say as much for the wine. I had a sample of their Venuto inspired white and the reserve version of that. The reserve was good. I bought a Riesling. It was terrible. I've had New Zealand Sauvignon's that were less bitter. Very watery too. It was robbery at $14.

  

Grub Crawl - Downtown: Iza (Closed), Empire Szechuan, Tacos El Rancho and Zilly Bee Cafe (Closed)

I patronized these places in Thornton Park and downtown last Sunday for lunch. The first is in TP on East Washington. The middle two are on Orange closer to the courthouse. The last is on Pine St.

Iza Tapas Bar - This "puerto rican" style tapas bar named after her daughter is in a cute little house that has been a few other restaurants over the years. The menu is limited (12ish items) and predictable. I read where they are great travelers and Scott Joseph thinks they are great. Maybe they are great travelers by Orlando or Puerto Rican standards, but, if the sum result of their travels is this menu then they would have been just as well served by going to Epcot. And if Scott Joseph thinks they are anything but number 4 out 4 in the tapas rankings in the downtown area then his paper should fire him. Oh wait. They did. You can't choose this saturated trend and then deliver a generic take on it. I had Alemjas al Ajillo which is mussels in garlic broth. It cost $13. The mussels were overcooked or thawed out and or old. They were tough to crumbly. Some had a rancid taste to them. The piquante broth was nice and the crostini were fine. It was plated artfully (they stacked the mussels vertically next to each other). The portion was too small for $13 and reminded me why I hate tapas. They owners were very nice and seemed to be trying to bring forth an interesting experience. I just don't know if they have enough to make it work. They didn't even have the common sense to open the doors on a temperate afternoon to let people know they were open. People were just walking by and the "open" sign was off or not visible due to glare. I was the only one in the place for about thirty minutes. Oh yeah, it took too long to get a dish that should steam up in minutes. The place did seem (mostly the outside four patio settings) to be filling up when I walked by an hour later. It only seats about forty in total. I predict that it gets more of a reputation as a bar that serves snacks than a tapas place that serves drinks. And that is best case considering the competition. Parking was a serious pain in the ass due to the Sunday Food Market.

Empire Szechuan - I had the Szechuan (area closer to the western side of china) Chicken lunch special for $6. It came with pork fried rice and a soda. The chicken didn't compare with my favorite place, but, there was a lot of it. They use cheap cuts (probably pounded thigh meat) that has all that nasty gristle. The sauce was too viscous and sweet. My favorite place just adds some starch and red pepper flakes. The fried rice was good. It was yellow so I am assuming they bypass the soy sauce and the hypertension. There was a lot of roasted pork in it. The chicken had a wide variety of vegetables. The place has been open for 10 years. It looks like half a takeout place and half a sit in place. I can't remember if I had been there before. Fine for a fix. Big selection.

Tacos El Rancho - This place is right next door and took over for a BBQ place that last all of six months. It's an off shoot of the place I told you about near the airport in Belle Isle. The same owner served me here. I just had a taco al pastor for $2. It's not the way I like it. it seems there is a cut up pork piece version that is often fried (like this one) and a more shredded one. I also didn't taste the pineapple. In any event, I give them a pass one this one and encourage you to try them at this location too.

Zilly Bee Cafe - The menu and the place looks like it did when it was The Breakfast Club. I just had an Americano because I was stuffed and it didn't look like it could do much more than they place it took over for. They were fine and it's just basic breakfast and lunch fare, so I assume they don't f it up. They are open to 3pm most days now. Not quite so hard to give them whirl as before.

    

Pub Crawl - UCF Area: Sushi Pop, Culpepper's (Closed) and The Library

I had dinner and drinks at these places around UCF last Saturday.

Sushi Pop - This place came with great fanfare and I just didn't think it lived up to the hype. To start with, they didn't have any of the "funky" creativity I was anticipating. Adding sea salt to sashimi isn't inventive. It's crudo. I had one of those salmon belly "crudos" that they call a nigiri special for $6. It just seemed like a normal piece of salmon to me. The yellowtail (I think was regular sashimi) cost $9. Now that I look at the receipt, I hope it was a forgettable special because I think the menu said sashimi was the the same price as sushi and that was only $6 on the menu. In any event it was evidently unremarkable. The conch sushi for $5 (2p) was good. Crunchy. The scallop sushi (2p) was $6. It was fishy and soft. The rice was also soft and too vinegary. The cuts were small. The menu (especially sushi) was tiny. They were out of sea urchin. I sat in front of the guys making the sushi. One guy couldn't even cut the roll into equal pieces. It just seemed "average" to me. The place is small. It has a "manga" feel. They even had anime on the TV. They are only open for dinner and not on Mondays. It's fine as a "typical" Japanese restaurant, but, not in the top ten and not worth a special trip. It's on Red Bug before 434.

Culpepper's - This is a franchise wannabe from the sex boat alumnus from UCF. He has created a me-too menu of American classics in a sports themed (his junk from the garage) venue. Nothing will surprise you. I had a beer. The place was almost empty at 9pm. It's on University.

The Library - $7 gets you free beer and anti-freeze until 12am. It was packed at 10pm. I wasn't sure if it would still be since they moved to make way for jail cells - I mean dorm rooms. It's on University now. At 12am the rapists from the high density housing behind the bar started showing up. Didn't want to see which hayseed had drunk her way into a gang rape.

Grub Crawl - I Drive: Hash House A Go Go, New Punjab and Taj Punjabi

I had lunch at these places on I Drive last Saturday.

Hash House A Go Go - As you know, these guys were on my shit list after big timing me when they opened last year. They are now officially off. Due in part to the food, but, mostly due to my waitress (very polite). They (the hostess) almost fucked up again by only offering a bar seat or a communal table seat (like last time). I could see the little shit assistant's pea brain collapsing into paroxysms of confusion about what to do with a customer who won't accept the treatment he has been trained to give/expect. Lucky for them, the more experienced (and socially non-retarded and financially cognizant) hostess "found" me a table. I had a fried chicken and fried egg platter that came with bacon mashed potatoes and maple syrup for $13. It was an obscenely large chicken breast fried to perfection. The eggs were a little "snotty". The potatoes were fine. I thought the bacon would be in them, but, two strips were just layered on top of them. Oh yeah. It also had a huge, freshly baked biscuit with in house made strawberry preserves. That thing lasted in my cupboard for a week and was still fresh-ish. I saw some ludicrous dishes. A "stuffed" burger that was really two house burgers with some goodness in the middle. A Juicy Lucy without crimping the burgers together. It was only $12 (comes with stuff). A hub cap of a pancake. Everyone was leaving with doggy bags. And they couldn't be happier about supplying them. The menu had about five categories with around six things in each. Salads, pancakes/waffles, hand held foods, knife and fork stuff, etc. The most expensive thing was a steak that I think topped $20. Most things are between $10 and $15. I think they expect to do more business during the day. The dinner menu only adds a few dishes to the possibilities. They started in casinos and much of the crowd looks it. Imagine the people you see in Vegas and you'll understand the "diverse" collection of people you'll be dining with. This place is poised to go global. They appeal to everyone looking for farm fresh, (I think the originator was an Indiana-ian farmer) comfort food. And they deserve the price points. This place will out sell Applebee's, et al as soon as they decide to franchise. If I was an exec at Brinker or any of the other mass market, suburban, food emporium, I would get me bid in now. The place looks cool. Much cooler than an Applebee's or Chili's et al. It has a tractor shed feel. It seats over 100+. The place was packed. They kept the wine room from the old layout. It's monochrome with gray ceilings. They have lots of black and white photo posters on the walls. Just go and see for yourselves. I call it a destination play. If only to be at the forefront of franchise history.

New Punjab - Oddly, New Punjab says it's the first Indian restaurant in Orlando (1981). After my Hash House stuffing, I had little room to try any place else. However, I had to knock out the next two spots on this trip to I-Drive. I had a Chicken Samosa appetizer to go for $4. They minced a fair portion of chicken into the pastry (spherical). It was a little light on flavor on it's own and too salty. Not oily. They gave me three sauces (spicy onion chutney, green cilantro? sauce and a sweet, black tamarind? sauce) that helped.A quick tip - those sauces (especially the chutney) work great at making your frozen hot dogs at home an amusing diversion. A very generous portion. Two, baseball sized samosas. They even were considerate enough to wrap them in an insulated bag to keep them warm. The entrance is on the side of a building on I Drive near another Indian place called Sizler. Across from the CSI and Titanic attractions. The place seats about 50 and has either charm or age depending on your point of view. I may actually go back for a proper meal.  

Taj Punjabi - I think I ate at this location when it was something else. It's a block or two towards Wet 'n Wild from New Punjab (in the middle of a strip mall). It looked way worse. Bare bones. Also more expensive. As such, I just ordered some Naan. It was $3. It was flat and burnt. I did show way past the lunch hour, so, I could have been given a half ass attempt. It didn't inspire confidence. I would put this place at the end of the line if you are prioritizing

Whitewood, Lake Mary - Closed

*I went back today and ordered a Chicken Ibiza Panini for $8 and left it there and walked out even though I paid for it. It was the size of one of those snack items at Arby's, burnt and generally gross looking. An insult. I'm not surprised because the disgusting ape they call a cook was still in charge. I watched in horror the last time I was there (should have edited this then) as he constantly pulled on and off his plastic gloves (you realize they are disposable?) with his infected hands. It didn't really matter because he cross contaminated everything while he had the gloves on (including touching his runny nose with them). This was the last straw. I've been going there occasionally out of pity. Between this and their Chavo debacle, I'm out. One more infidel that has wised up.


Dammit. Now that I broke down and reviewed Osaka, I guess I have to do this. I reviewed their first spot (Downtown) and now they have taken over the spot that was Fish On The Fly. I had a Mixed Shwarma Platter for $12 last week. It was slices of vertical rotisserie steak and chicken with two sides. I chose roasted potatoes and rice in grape leaves. It was supposed to come on a bed of french fries, but, it came on a pile of basmati rice that was much more appropriate. Everything was very good. The steak may have been a little burnt, but, it still had flavor. The portions were enormous. I'm not sure if they spoiled me because it was empty and maybe the food was going to be tossed. If not, you'll be like me and have enough for tomorrow's dinner after making yourself look pregnant the day you buy the meal. They did a nice job refurbing the inside. It's very "open" and modern. The chef says he plans to make most things to order. The menu is Mediterranean. We need a less inclusive word than this by now. It's more Arab-y. Think waitresses with plucked out and magic markered in eyebrows. The owner's are opening the new Mexican spot on the other end of International parkway in a few weeks.

Finally got my spell check back. Only had to download Chrome to do it.

Osaka, Lake Mary

I had dinner at this Japanese Hibachi place (that now passes in their minds as a steakhouse) in the strip mall with the LA Fitness last week. It has been around since fish first walked on dry land. I hadn't reviewed it before now because I don't know how it exists and I choose to pretend it doesn't exist. We used to joke at work that it was better than a laxative. I was roped into going by someone in love with their (massively over hyped) white sauce and only back in town for the week. I'm only reviewing it now because it annoys me to no end that there are five or more of these types of "circus" establishments in this area alone and people need to get a grip. I paid $19 for a portion of shrimp and steak that would barely satisfy a medium sized dog. And it wasn't even good quality. No amount of greasy rice and noodles and vegetables can balance this value proposition. I call these places "circus" establishments because they are a venue that one brings their kids (I hope this is the reason) to be under-tained and overcharged. A circus would offer a hot dog and popcorn. These places give you soy soaked, grease slop. Avoid.

Grub Crawl - Lake Mary: Lawless Subs (Closed) and Krazy Greek Kitchen

I went to these places near City Hall today. The idiots at the Sentinel said there was a food truck gathering here on the last Sunday of the month.

Lawless Subs - I had a white hot dog and a roast beef sandwich at this spot where a sweet shop and a cupcake place used to be. They have been open for one week. They have another shop in Altamonte. The dog cost $3 and was great. A Syracuse area dog - Hofmann's (which coincidentally I just saw in Publix for $5 for a pack of 6). The bun was fresh. The dog was more of a weinerwurst (veal/pork). Great snap. The roast beef (they roast the beef themselves) was tender and rare. It came on a "in house" baked sub roll. They have a 7" and a 11". I had a 7" with swiss and their horse radish sauce. You could have filled it with greenery too. The meat volume was way more than you get at any chain sub place. I think it was supposed to cost $5, but, it totaled $5.75. Maybe cheese was extra or I mis-read. They have most kinds of deli meats and they'll put anything on a dog. They also have a spicy one (and a think a regular one). They also have salads and serve a small breakfast. The owner was there and was very cordial. That Deli finally has competition. This place is cheaper and has hot dogs. They have an Atlantic City motif.

Krazy Greek Kitchen - This place is also new and took over the Delano spot. It is an offshoot of Zorba's in Longwood. I was a little disappointed that the Pork Souvlaki pita ($7). It had only had 4 cubes of what seemed like reheated (dry) pork in it. The to go stuff, at least, seems not to be made to order. They also seemed to be a little pushy on the up sell. The place looks the same. They have a pretty large menu of Greek food. The prices seem typically over reaching. I'll never get why they think their level of gastronomy deserves these prices. For example, a 1/2 of a chicken cost $10. I think the supermarket sells a whole chicken for $6. It's just a mechanical roaster. Lake Mary now has two Greek places and two (they opened a Whitewood a few days ago) Mediterranean places. It will be interesting to see if they can all survive.

Russell Athletic Bowl, Downtown

I went to the Russell Athletic Bowl at the Citrus Bowl last night. Louisville crushed the U. The Miami side was full. Louisville left their upper deck mostly empty. Good to finally see more than 5k people there. Our idiot politicians scheduled road work on the streets between the bowl and downtown. A great way to exhibit the city. The stadium is still a dump, but, they served 25 ounce beers.

Pub Crawl - Downtown: Magnolia, Church Street Tavern and Kasa (Closed)

I went to these places last night before and after the bowl game

5-5:30pm: Magnolia - The place was until recently called On The Rocks. It's one block towards the lake from Orange Ave on Magnolia Ave. I'm not sure if it has the same owners, but, the receipt still had that bar's name on it. It was empty because it was so early. It seems to be one of this new trend of themeless bars. They just played early 90's trip hop and was devoid of hipster beers or glitzy faux-Miami chic. They said it draws well. A young crowd.

5:30-6pm: Church Street Tavern - It's another new "regular" bar. Supposedly it has a "Pittsburgh" theme if you need to assign one. I saw no visible evidence. It was packed with Louisville fans watching the basketball game. They serve food. It's next to Hamburger Mary's in the old Dessert Lady spot (another one of the suckers our politicians conned into opening in an area that must be the only one to see a Five Guys fail). I don't think they changed a thing.

9:30pm: Kasa - I had a crudo (raw) plate of salmon. My friend had a cheese plate. They were ok. My crudo was just a bland cut of salmon with no oil or citrus bath (just some flavored sea salts). It was basically like 6 pieces of sashimi. Nice presentation. It cost $8. My friend's cheese plate was supposed to be manchego, aged parmesan and something else. He got a "brie-like" cheese, aged gouda and goat's milk. He said they were good. They came with sliced baguette toastees, almonds and some kind of sweet shmear. Not sure what it cost. The place is the old Urban Flats on Church and Orange. It looks great. They have ice cube like, raised and bottom illuminated sinks in the bathroom. The inside is mostly Ikea chic. It was fairly full of what passes for the glitterati of Orlando's young society. It emptied early (after din-din). The service was polished and attentive. It's run by the people who own Bento. If I didn't think tapas was a greater rip off than sushi then I would love the place. However, I'm still more conditioned to pay out the ying yang for Japanese elegance than Spanish rusticity. However, I see their need to diversify. The menu is way smaller than Ceviche and probably a little more fusion.

Grub Crawl - S. Orange Ave : Gnarly Barley, Tartini, Old Dixie Fried Chicken (Closed) and Middle East Market

I ate at these locations on Tuesday. The first three are on S. Orange at the border of Pine Castle and Belle Isle. The last is on OBT a little south (one strip mall) of Sand Lake.

Gnarly Barley - I had a whole wheat panini "veggie monster" of cucumber, cream cheese, tomato, cheese and some kind of spread or dressing that I can't recall. I know. Who goes to a place like this for rabbit food? But, if you had eaten as much southern fried and barbequed mess (see how Southern I got on my trip) as I had in the last six days then your body would also be keen on anything green. Not that this bomb was any less fattening. However, it didn't protein stress my metabolism. It cost $7. It was fine. It needed a foil to the savourinness. I employed hot sauce. Anything spicy or piquante would work. I suggest they add it to the makeup. Very one note as is. I combo-ed it for an extra $2. That meant a drink and a side. I chose mac 'n cheese because of course theirs is legend - wait for it - dary. It was good. The sandwich was big. The place is small. It seats about 30 inside and 30 on a patio. It's really a shack. They do the whole pretentious beer thing and have what I'm now going to refer to as a hipster menu (since it is becoming so cliche). Thankfully no burgers. The menu is small. Around a dozen items. Mostly sandwiches with fattening accoutrements. It's perfectly quaint and appears to be actively managed. The twist here is the hipster is a girl. Grab your free trade bicycle with the one big wheel in front and a small wheel in back and the girl from the Haverty's commercial and comb out your 1850's beard and be the locavore you were born to be. Service was good. The place was near capacity at lunch.

Tartini - I had a pollo parmigiana panini with a side salad to go for $8. It was very good. It really was more of a sub than a pressed panini. They julianned the chicken. I have never seen it served that way. It allowed the chicken to lay in the bread and absorb the sauce and cheese better than a whole piece does. The cheese "blend" is a combo of fontina, mozzarella, provolone and parmesan. BTW - did I tell you provolone is just old mozzarella? I also just learned (not for here) that fruits and vegetables grown at the northern most sections of their growing area are always the best. Back to irrelevant nonsense about where I eat. It came with a side salad of romaine, cherry tomatos, red onion. Basic, but, crisp. The place is brand spanking new and kind of an oddity in this run down industrial neighborhood. Well every waterfall starts with... The owner is Slovenian and for those of you brought up in the public school system, that is not part of old Czechoslovakia. It's the northern most part of old Yugoslavia on the eastern border of Italy. A beautiful area. He has created a very modern and clean space. Very steely. The man loves his grey. And glass. The menu has a little Northern Italian feel, but, more like American Italian. Small selection of greatest hits. I hear the specials can bring some excitement. The big draw (I think) is wood fired pizzas. It's a little closer to downtown than Gnarly

Old Dixie Fried Chicken - A relic. 50 years + old. A great old sign. I had a two piece for $3.45. Small breast and wing. Gave me a little stomach noise. Hardly breaded. Could have been fried a little longer. They have a dine in area. Go for nostalgia. A little closer to downtown than Tartini. On the other side of the street near where S. Orange forks for a little.

Middle East Deli - Threw this in because I had to get some stuff at IKEA. Had a great falafel pita for $7. And I'd like to preface this with the admission that I don't love falafel or pitas. Just couldn't do meat as I've previously explained. This may be the best falafel in the city. The one negative was a little too much raw garlic in the falafel. But, the hummus was great. They added a bunch of pickled items (an actual tiny gerkhin and some kind of root vegetable - maybe jicama) that set it off. The falafels were freshly fried. They give you five or six golf ball sized nuggets. The people were nice (Lebanese and Egyptians). The meny has a few more things than most of these places. They have three rotating spits. They sell Middle Eastern consumables and trinkets. Once again, the first place I've seen represent Egypt. The place is basic and seats around 40. More of a deli.

Grub Crawl - Clermont : Robata, Crooked Spoon, Uncle Kenny's BBQ, Akina and Lakeridge Winery

I ate at these restaurants in Clermont on my way to New Orleans last week. They are all near or around 50 and the 27 interchange. None is really a destination spot, but, maybe a combo like I did or as part of an outing to the area.

Robata - A aging hibachi/sushi restaurant in a strip mall on Oakley Seaver Dr. Although at least some of the staff seemed Japanese, the place had the run down, satorially challenged feel of a Chinese restaurant. I ate small because I was eating often. I had the Maki Roll Lunch Special for $8. The tuna (really ahi tuna) was ok. The yellowtail had no flavor. The rice was gummy and dry (an accomplishment). The rolls were cigar sized. The place has six, arced booths and tables that seat around twenty more on the sushi side. The other half of the space has the hibachi tables. I didn't really take notice of how many they seat. Not worth ferreting out.

The Crooked Spoon - The pumpkin turned stage coach or food truck turned restaurant was a little less ambitious than I expected, but, I found a good meal at an acceptable price - $18. I had a quail stuffed with (oh my God I'm going to forget because it had so much stuff in it) black rice, sun dried tomatos and chorizo on a parsnip puree. It had a gastrique of figs and something else and a compote of I forget. In any event, the bird was cooked well. The puree was nice and the stuffing was not wet or dry and had nice flavor. I didn't love the gastrique or the compote. Just unnecessary. I know chefs are bullied/brain washed into developing layers upon layers of flavors, but, sometimes just pick a trio and let them shine. It's easier to conduct a band than an orchestra. This one felt as if a few instruments were out of time. I didn't need the sweet elements. The place (an old Friendly's) has a nice gastro-pub veneer. They recessed the low ceilings in places and added alot of Pottery Barn-ish iron fixtures. It must seat 100+. They have a bar area and a patio. Nowhere feels crowded. The menu's appetizers were more interesting than the entrees. They haven't abandoned the gourmet burger or hot dog nonsense yet and bacon is still chic here. The staff was great. It is very polished. They even have a multitude of flatscreen TV's showing sports. It's right at the intersection of 27 and Citrus Tower Blvd. Look for the giant Citrus Tower ($6 to enter the tower if you were interested). I could be pressured into advising you to find this one.

Uncle Kenny's BBQ - This place is in the Citrus Tower parking lot. It was on 50 in Winter Garden when I first tried it. They gave me a rib to try. I was ok. It had oregano in the rub. The brisket sandwich I had for $7 was flavorless and tough. Not sure how they are winning awards. The place is narrow and seats around thirty.

Akina - A sushi restaurant. I had two pieces of conch nigiri for $2.60 each and two pieces of salmon for $2.70 each. The conch was crunchy but not sweet. The salmon was bland. The rice had too much sake (sweet) in it and was overcooked and not properly washed (starchy). The pieces were big and the wasabi was fresh. A much newer and cleaner spot than Robata. The vibe and look here is more modern. They had cooked meats and noodle dishes. The menu is small, so I hope they have it down backwards and forwards. Not really a destination spot. A little south of 50 on 27. A strip mall after a big expanse of abandoned land.

Lakeridge Winery - A nice, free tour with a huge, free sampling at the end. The wine is iffy, but, it is interesting to see all the ways the try and adulterate the wine. It's a little north of town on 27.

Louie and Maria's, E. Colonial

I ate at this Italian restaurant on 50 in between UCF and 417 after Thanksgiving vacation. I had a personal pizza for $7 and a side of spaghetti for $4. They were fine. The pizza (never as good when shrunk) seemed to have decent mozzarella and the sauce was just tomato. They coat the bottom with corn meal. The spaghetti was was thin and came with the similar unadulterated tomato sauce. The place is fine. They get points for using quality ingredients and caring enough not to cheat. They lose points for a basic, unambitious menu and grubby location and aged environment. I'm sure they have the business side down and the menu is a result of their experience with their clientele. It just makes the allure small for people like me. I prefer what they are attempting at Peperoncino. This is NY "goomba" Italian in the best sense. The gnocci look great. It's just not what you get in Italy. Which is fine. Just be aware. It's quantity over delicacy. The place seats about 80. It's in some sort of old carousel? building that they added a dining room to. The decorations make it look like something at a theme park. But, the service was good. It felt non-professional in a good way. In a "this is a family run place" kind of way. The portions were huge. They aren't phoning it in. And the prices were reasonable. I think the most expensive thing was $20. I wouldn't seek it out (maybe from UCF), but, it's a good asset to the neighborhood. There really is a Louie and a Maria and they are still in the trenches.

Hot Krust Panini, Sand Lake

I grabbed a panini on my way out of town before Thanksgiving at this sandwich shop near Whole Foods. I had a special sandwich (a something something Ruebini) that replaces corned beef with steak or some kind of beef for $7. It was delicious. My two year old nephew even loved it. The beef made it less cloyingly savory than the pork does. Every element seemed fresh. The beef was tender. No pulling at it with your teeth. It came out quick and the owner was nice. The place seats about forty. It's clean and new. It seemed to be doing brisk business. They have about a twenty regular sandwiches and half a dozen gourmet salads. Wings and soup and fries too. I think the most expensive thing was $9. Good option if you want something easy. And this is the price point for assembly line sandwich shops? They should be shamed by comparisons to places like this.

Peperoncino, Sand Lake

I had lunch at this Italian restaurant on Via Dellagio off Sandlake before Thanksgiving. It has been a while, so you'll forgive me if I am a little forgetful about the experience. I had a weekly special that was a soup (Zuppa Maremmana from the Lazio Marenma region) and Pollo alla Crema for $12. You could have chosen from two soups or two salads and four entrees. It was a great bargain. I didn't even talk about the two courses of freshly baked bread that accompanied it (dough from NY). The soup was made up of red wine, pecorino, veggies and egg. Tasty. Seemed to have been made to order (or at least finished to order). The chicken came in a cream sauce that was a little thinner than I was expecting, but, all the better that you didn't have all that fat sticking to every bite. The pasta was expertly cooked rigatoni. This also seemed cooked to order. The kitchen was (wo)manned by the owner (in blue) and her Venezuelan assistant (in white). The owner is Italian if that comforts you. The menu changes every day. Somebody is really trying here. It's a pleasure to talk about. The place is narrow and seats only about thirty five. As I remember, the kitchen takes up one half (open) and the seating area is faux marble tables with clear plastic 70's chairs. The walls are decorated with mirrors in gilded frames. It's a little thrown together. I remember some red tones. They have a small bar area with non-distributor suggested mass appeal wines and beer. Prices were a little on the high end if you didn't do the lunch special. I don't think they had pizza. If restaurants have an artisan grouping like food stuffs do, then this would be a special member of that classification. Don't waste a seat on yourself if you like Bucco de Beppo or other phoned in Italian slop houses. Come here if you appreciate effort and artistry. It may not be the highest caliber Italian in Orlando or around the world, but, you can bet they would die trying to be. The only dump in the punch was a $3.45 soda. It's like they (Italians) can't exist without hustling you a little. The name is a little "fast foody" too. And you thought I was turning soft.