Mama Louise, Sand Lake Rd Area

I had plenty of time and free mileage on my rental car on Wednesday, so, I decided to drive down here and scratch these guys off the list. It is where Carriera's was on Dr. Phillips Blvd. I really wanted a pizza, but, I did Chicken Parmigiana with Spaghetti for $8.50 because I didn't want to wait. All the lunch prices are about half of the dinner prices. I think I know why. You get half as much. They lost my order. Only three parties in the restaurant at the time. The chicken part was mostly breading. The pasta was soggy. Probably pre-cooked and warmed in a bath so it becomes even more overcooked. Sauce was au naturel. It's a shame because while I waited I read some nice article on the owner and saw a table eat a nice looking pizza. They are trying to do a New Haven style experience here and I've been to some of those places like Frank Pepe's. The menu here runs from $10 apps (really sides) to $15 to $18 entrees. It makes no sense. A pasta dish is almost as much as steak or veal or chops. Pizza starts at $15. They opened in December. It looks the same. It seats well over a hundred. It has a band area and a patio. The bar was nicely stocked. If I ordered something else maybe I would be a little more enthusiastic. But, as these guys like to say - "It is what it is". At least it's not a chain and at least the worst you can get screwed for is $18.

Maddey's Craft and Cru, Downtown - Closed

If you are a assiduous reader of this journal then you will know that they and I got off to a rocky start. Three times I tried. And three times they weren't open. I really was loaded for bear (is it bear as in I'm going to kill a bear?). I tried them at lunch on Wednesday. They are behind Hamburger Mary's on Church Street. I had the Angus burger because I had been in the UK for three weeks and I wanted something home spun. Plus the pulled pork didn't seem like it would tell me much about how they cook on the fly. It has to be made ahead of time. The burger came on a pretzel roll with a green tomato jam and white cheddar and a side of Parmesan fries. It cost $14. A little steep. The roll wasn't very pretzel-y. That is a good thing in my book. It was kind of brioche-y. Fresh. The cheddar was cheddar in a Vince Vaughn slangy 90's compliment way. I couldn't taste the jam. The meat was good. A wide grind. Seemed lean. Beefy flavor. Good color. I ordered it medium rare and it was rare. That made it hard to review the flavor. The seared coat was beefy tasting though. The patty was big and hand made. They didn't push down on it while grilling it. It broke the string of bad burgers I was on. The fries were thin with a touch of skin on the ends. They timed the fry nicely. They gave me two portions worth. The grated cheese was an unneeded touch of flare. They served some home made catsup that was more of a tomato sauce (no sugar). I liked the effort. Tells you something. Soda was $2.50. They use crushed ice. Sometimes that stuff stinks worse than cubes. Not here. Hopefully, they will keep the ice machine mildew free. The menu is limited. Burgers, salads, apps, pizza and pasta is most of it. They add a steak and fish ( I think) for dinner. It's pub grub and pizza. The theme seems to be NYC. If they can do the Italian side of the menu as well as the American, then I think we have something here. Nothing to get crazy about. My brother used to get all these hard core porno magazines and one (Hustler I think) had a movie review scale with erect penises. Not sure why I'm telling you this, but, I'm sick of the usual rating devices and this seems unusual. The best was "fully erect". These guys are "3/4 erect" based on what I've seen so far. It's not new. It's not progressive. It was just one slightly under cooked (but acceptable) burger and some fries. I still hate the layout (as always) in this location. It still looks like a work in progress (ie wine cellar area isn't operational and full of junk). However, it seems like they are taking this seriously. Service was good. It was clean. The menu seems manageable. Prices are ok. They said they have been open for three weeks. The place was almost empty at 1pm. Maybe the lunch crowd had already passed. Maybe the dinner level prices at lunch scared them away. Maybe nobody who works downtown goes out for lunch when it is 95 degrees? It's just an observation. Give them a whirl.

Urban Crave, OIA

I'm not sure if it is worth it (rating an airport kitchen), but, it will give me a chance to to slam two deserving miscreants. I ate here on my way to the UK three weeks ago. I forget which terminal. It is the one with the Chili's (or some chain that serves Mexican). We'll get back to them in a minute. I had a Cobb Salad for $13. It was ok. They had some ok wine and beer choices. It took forever to get a salad that seemed pre-prepped. Now to the meat of the article. The first slap goes out to the dimwit at Chili's that didn't seem to know how to seat people in a half empty dining room. She just kept adding names to an unnecessary waiting list instead of filling tables. Perpetrator number two gets its own paragraph.

Norwegian Air. Where do we start? Let's start with their (probably illegal) policy of requiring a return ticket or they won't fly you out. I asked immigration officials in London if this is their policy (maybe a terrorism issue) and they said "No". They claim they state this on their web site. I didn't see it and they let people buy one ways. I'm researching this and the complaint letters are already written in my head if they are lying or violating the law. So, I had to "cement" my plans at the counter and buy a higher priced ticket than I would have had to or I would have not been allowed on my flight. Not to mention all the pre-booked stuff that would have been lost. They also quoted the price before tax while representing that it was an after tax price. Then the red eye (already late night) flight was 90 minutes late. Because of incoming delays. It is their plane that was late (and my 4pm back from England was 90 minutes late as well). On the flight, only water is free. Not even a soda! And that is only served sporadically. Headphones, pillows, blankets all cost. Getting a confirmed seat costs. a carry on over 10 kilos costs. I didn't catch the weight limit, but, checked bags over a certain amount (like the guy in front of me) costs. The crew was all from Thailand. They barely spoke English. I'll bet that is some union run around. They don't have shades on the windows. The movie selection was sparse. I'm all for paying ala carte, but, they push the boundaries of acceptability.

Loudmouth Burgers, Orlando

I tried this three month old burger restaurant today. In part to contrast it with the last post and in part to get it over with. You would think this place was right up my alley. It is on John Young just past Sand Lake. I saw it when I went to the Ritz a few months ago. It was offal. In that, that is what the meat tasted like. Offal. Pure liver. I don't know how you achieve that. If it is what is put in the grinder or if it is sign of age or contamination. It's not the first time this is happened to me. I guess there may be some logical explanation. I just wouldn't accept whatever it is. I had a mac and cheese burger because it sounded the least lame. It cost $8 and came with bacon bits and a chocolate chip cookie on the side. The mac had no flavor. Big tube pasta. Overcooked. The bacon was hard as rocks. The bun was ok. The patty size was big. It was machine made and probably frozen at some point. They served it very well done. It is a shame because they seem to want to be more than a fast food level restaurant. Even though they took over what was obviously a fast food locale (complete with drive thru) and the still make you order at a counter. The menu is five burgers (a spicy one, an egg one, a veggie one, etc), five chicken sandwiches, five-ish salads and french fries and onion rings. If you contrast them with SQ1, I paid what I should have paid there for a slightly worse burger. But, they added french fries for the four bucks difference. Here that would have been an extra $2. Still $2 up here. This place has less pizazz. Spartan and modern. But in an old fast food space. I remember white and black and maybe gray colors. They have one other outlet in Ohio. It seats about fifty. I had an ok sized crowd at lunch. Young'uns. I'd still pass unless you live close by.

Now it may be a few weeks before you hear from. Having strawberries and cream at Wimbledon and then....wouldn't you like to know. I hope I make it safely to the airport. I saw (on my way back from lunch) that the I-4 widening project had murdered some more people today and caused a log jam. Next time you see one of our illustrious leaders, ask them (for me) who has killed more people this year - them (through the widening) or the Pulse killer. I bet they wouldn't like to think of themselves that way.

SQ1, Winter Park - Closed

I went to this burger bar on S. Orlando (near Marlowe's) on Saturday for lunch. I think it is just a few weeks old. Let me start by saying that most of the my criticisms will be of an Existential variety. Like whether burger bars/pub grub should continue to proliferate (or exist at all). The same with chains and their corporate structure in general. This is case of both. These guys are out of Tampa. With owners from Oklahoma. I wanted a Cobb Salad, but, I got a BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger for you people. Hard to report back on the raw salad when you go to a burger bar. It was ok. I didn't like the beef mix or the grind. No flavor. Stringy and pellet like combo of grind. They said it was Angus, but, they also said they serve Kobe (see my Doghaus rant on that) and I'm not sure how closely the people they buy the beef from follow the law or if the law has teeth. I believe I've seen/heard things that say they do not. They did cook it medium rare as requested. And that is what hurts me. THEY did nothing wrong. It is the corporate decision makers that hand cuffed them in this case. By GIGOing them. Who knows? Maybe this was just a bad batch of meat. I, also, don't like that they use a mold to craft the patties. The veg were fresh enough. The bacon was a tad under cooked. But, it is often soooo teeth splitingly overcooked that this wasn't such a negative. The cheese was cheddar. I don't remember it, so, it must have had little flavor. I, likewise, don't recall the bun. It came with fries. Once again, I fault upper management. I just don't like these starch coated, skin on fries. I even have a fear that the skin is painted on after they form them from mush. They don't get golden enough and taste like instant mashed potatoes inside. Lots of places use both this kind of beef and fries and that is why I ask the "Existential" question. I'd like MORE for a specialty shop. This was the same burger (minus inked incest survivors) I can get at Tilted Kilt. It was actually worse. The meal cost $12. And that is another HUGE issue. Their whole menu is about 50% too high. They have burgers that you could legally have sex with if dollars were years. The menu has "diversity" at the app level. Pub grubby type stuff. The main course level is almost all burgers. Granted they have them in chicken, lamb, pork, salmon, etc. It's that and some desserts. The space is also poorly laid out. They have a too big a bar area and then most of the tables are in a "moat" around it. Most of the table where I sat were one table away from the john or the kitchen. A lady next to me asked to move. In her words "I don't want to look at a wall".  I thoroughly agree. My table had a choice of walls to look at. Both sides of the table were at a disadvantage. The decor is also odd. It is plush and faux costly, but, it is if one of my old bohemian, prep school girlfriends took her bare footed, sun dressed ass down to SoHo and bought up whatever the gay guy with the queer eye said was in fashion at the time. It's bird's nest lamps and bull horns and bovine skins and pictures of food porn. I know it is Boho chic. It's just overdone. Even for this burb. Even for an equally tired trend (ie burgers). Plus upper management screws them again by making the bar area clash. It's a molded serpentined, recessed ceiling that you see at a food court or airport restaurant. And they painted it red. They probably think they are color blocking (like that was ever anything but lack of taste). The overall color scheme is grey and black with brown wood accents. Look. This is a slight riff on what you've had before. It is Demi Lovato in a Selema Gomez world. Do you want more tattoos and drug laden skeletons in the closet? Do you want the fat ass? Do you want the Bieber residue? Does it matter? The service and management were very hospitable and really want to please you. They want you to respond to their effort in "ALL CAPS!". I can only go lower case with a period at the end. Maybe they can convince the real decision makers to up their game? Maybe this post is the start?

Casey's Sports Bar, Lake Mary

I stopped in at this take over of Finnegan's last week at night. It's in the Winn Dixie shopping center. I opened the door and closed it. They allow smoking. It stunk. It didn't look any different. It was full (six people) of white trash. Now you know.

Avanti, Lake Mary - Closed

I had an order of lasagna and an Italiano Panini wrapped up to go from this take over of Ravalia's on Thursday. The lasagna ($9) was better than I expected. A huge portion. I tried a bite (it was to be dinner) and kept on eating. It is a non-traditional lasagna. They substituted a bechemal type sauce for ricotta. The filling was ground pork. They double sheeted the bottom of the lasagna. It was a two level lasagna. The reason for this may be that the owners are Colombian. It was good regardless. The tomato sauce was fresh. the pasta was cooked well. The mozzarella was good. The sandwich ($8) came on great bread. A sesame roll I would eat plain. They could have parted with a slice or two extra on the three cold cuts. The quality of the meat (cap/salami/pro) was middling. Also in the mix was mozzarella and red peppers. It came with fries. They could have used thirty seconds more in the fryer. Close though. I dipped the fries in the leftover lasagna goo. Lasagna fries have to be the next rage. Believe me. All in all I was impressed. Ravalia's got worse every time I went back. These guys didn't seem to have cleaned or upgraded anything, so, I expected the same poor execution. Ravalia's started out well too. Hopefully, these guys don't shoot their wad/lose their passion too quickly (or at all). Like I said, the place needs a bath and some botox. They just took over last week,so, I'll give them a pass. Though, I would have addressed that BEFORE I tried to lure people in. Maybe they are on a shoe string? They said the menu is a "new direction". It looked nearly the same as Ravalia's if you ask me. The place was full at lunch. The owner is the son of the guy who ran Wilfredo's on Lake Ivanhoe. I forget what I thought of that place. * Just looked. I hated it. Called it Sh-Italian. Man I'm funny.

CJ's Italian Kitchen, Longwood

I got a slice and a chicken parm sandwich to go at this Italian restaurant near Grafitti Junction on Wekiva Springs Rd last Thursday. I was going to eat there, but, it was empty and dark and the Ac was barely working. The slice ($3) was ok. It was a short and fat. The sauce was spicy. The cheese was odd. Probably a blend. The parm ($8) was under cooked and the chicken was not pounded at all. You could feel the fibers of the meat in your mouth. More of an American chicken sandwich type cut. The breading fell off easily. It seemed like it was hastily thrown together by a guy playing all the instruments. I'm 99.9% sure the owner was that one man band. He disappeared with my order and came back with the finished meal. The cheese and bread were good. It came with some decent fries. The owner said he used to run Juliana's (his wife's name I guess) in College Park. I'll have to look, but, I think I found them mediocre too. His last name sound more Romanian than Italian. If that matters to you. Or explains the non-traditional elements of the food. The menu is a greatest hits menu at fair prices. I'm surprised this type of banal effort isn't really popular around here. I take it it isn't by how quickly the owner tried to convince me it isn't always empty. The decor is very black. It needs a wash. It actually seems more like a bar. Now you know. They have been open for one year.