NYPD Pizza, Maitland - Closed

I got a personal pizza to go at this pizzeria in Maitland on 17-92 on Saturday night. The cashier lied and said it would come out faster than the pie they would have to make to give me a slice (not on the menu) because of course that had not been made yet. She lied. It took 25 minutes not 5. It also cost about 2x as much as two slices would have cost (same approximate serving of pizza). The pizza was alright. It was thin. It just wasn't great. The specialty pizzas are ridiculous. They have some combinations that should be forbidden and are anything but traditional. The place looks like a chain. They have NY Sports memorabilia and hastily painted murals on the wall. Some douche bag croons 90's hits to a mostly empty restaurant (seats about 80). Is this Pizza-bucks? Your vibe is closer to crayons and place mats with mazes on them than to a hip night spot. They have some sandwiches and other things as well. I guess if you are taken there don't freak out, but, don't make an effort to find this place.

Trey Yuan, I Drive

I got an order of shrimp, fried rice to go at this Chinese restaurant near the Skydiving attraction last Friday. I scarfed it down when I got home (no lunch and a small steak dinner left me hungry). It was fine. They used little shrimp. I would have used real ones. They didn't fry up the shrimp in soy sauce. Anyway it was fine. The place looks like a real, stereotypical Chinese banquet hall. It seats about 120. It had about 10 people there at 7pm. I'm definitely going back for the Dim Sum they serve every afternoon. Then I'm going to finally do that Skydiving ride and then I'm going to throw up in it.

Shalimar Tandoor, I Drive

I got an order of vegetable samosa to go from this Indian restaurant last Friday night. They (2) cost $5.50. They weren't bad when I had them on Saturday night. They were mostly potato and peas and came with a bitter, dill sauce to cut the heat. The place is a rectangular eye sore. The ceiling is near collapse and water stained. The windows are cheaply black out. Some of the art is ok, but, this is an establishment that has allocated next to nothing for the dining area. I hope the kitchen is better, but, I doubt it. Indians are not known to part with a penny if they can escape it. The place is all booths. It seats about 80. I bet the food tastes good. You just feel like you might be sharing it with a mouse. And at an average prices nearing twenty dollars per dish, you won't want to share. I wish I could say I'd go back. I won't. There are too many options. I'm also scared that they only do one lunch (on Monday) a week and it is a buffet. Can you say "cleaning out the refrigerator"?

Wild Jack's, I Drive - Closed

I went to this steakhouse for dinner on Friday. I had the steak special with fries for $10. The waitress said it was veal, but, I think I got a sirloin. In any case it was good for the price. It was mostly medium as requested. The fries were fine. It did take forever (30 minutes). The service was fine. I just planned on dipping my toe in because I don't pay to have someone cook me the easiest meal on the planet at steakhouse prices. But, I can't complain. The place is a notch below tasteful in it's cowboy theme - exposed work stations, coin operated carnival games and modern pool tables ruin the experience. It wasn't as bad as I was expecting, but, sometimes that makes you more disappointed for what it could be with a little effort. I guess you have to appeal to the kind of people that dine on I Drive. The place seats about 140. There were five others there at 6pm. They don't do lunch. Most meals came with some sort of potato and cost $17 and up.

Old Spice Classic, Disney

I went to this college basketball tournament last Friday afternoon at Disney's Wild World of Sports' HP Fieldhouse. Tickets were $25 ($10 if a Florida resident) per session (two games). Parking was free. It's the best deal in town. You get to sit where ever you want. You get to see real D1 teams in an intimate setting. The only downer is that they play on Thanksgiving (family commitments) and Sunday (travel day) but not Saturday. This make Friday the only real day you can go.

Tilted Kilt, Lake Mary - Closed

I had lunch at this chain restaurant that used to be a Uno's last Wednesday. I had A Big Arse Bacon Burger for $8.49. It was good. It was cooked liked I asked for. It came topped with thin, fried onion rings and bacon. The barbecue sauce had been flavored with something like nutmeg or cinnamon (something evocative of Middle Eastern cooking). The bun was fresh. The burger was big. The french fries were crisp, but, they came with that ass batter that some people think is helpful. I had been told that the food was average and the waitresses were hot. I think they hd it backwards. The food was way better than the looks of the staff. I felt like I was at a bad strip club. Nothing mixes more naturally than Catholic School uniforms and tats, piercings and penciled in eye brows. However, the service was quick. They were as polite as you can expect from women who have to listen to losers engage them all day. They switched off on tables. There were about ten of them. The place seats about 200. It has a bar area and a table top area and a dining area. It has high ceilings. The floor plan is open. It has all manner of cheesy faux Celtic and sports decoration. They have a lot of flat screens showing sports. However, it's not as dark and depressing as most fake Irish pubs. It's a Chili's with the bare minimum of Irish fare (are Nachos really Irish?) and decor to differentiate it as something else. It's was packed. I don't really go in for this thing. Too generic and in this case sad. It's aimed at married men looking over the wall at what now qualifies as freedom and their single friends who haven't mastered the art of asking a girl out on a date. If you one of the aforementioned groups, and you don't mind or realize that these trailer trash girls are just there to help fleece you, line up for an adequate meal. At least you get that out of the exchange. And if you are lucky - Herpes and a step child!

Club Crawl - Lake Mary : Friendly Confines, Tilted Kilt, House Of Beers, Carlos and Charlies (Closed), Dexters

11pm-11:05 pm: Friendly Confines - This place is officially toast. Even more empty than on Halloween. The party has moved on.

11:10pm-11:15pm: Tilted Kilt - I thought the crowd may have moved on to this new spot. Wrong! And a guy a met said they have the hottest waitresses. Wrong!

11:20-11:25pm: House of Beers - Dead. I predicted that the female staff would quit in a matter of weeks when I attended the opening. Guess what? I was right. Looks like the crowd quit too.

11:30-11:35pm: Carlos and Charlie's - Back to this warren of trizzash where you can't get a drink. A little better than the rest. Still bad. They must have reclaimed some of Fall deserters.

11:40-11:45pm: Dexter's - Usual dude-fest and bad cover band.

11:55pm: Put gun in mouth and wondered how a town with a Hooters, Jax, Tilted Kilt, Friendly Confines, Stonewood, Dexter's, Carlos and Charlie's, House of Beers, Westin Hotel and other offerings can not attract any chicks or young people. Is this Nome, Alaska?

Genuine Bistro, Debary

I had lunch at this "bistro" on 17-92 and Beall Blvd on Wednesday. I say "bistro" because it's hard to see what dishes qualify it as a traditional bistro. I had a Muffaletta sandwich for $9. I should say I had a half of a Muffaletta because that's all they give you. It gave with kettle chips. Not withstanding the penurious portion size, I have to report that the sandwich was excellent. It had quality ingredients. The service (3) was good and more than adequate for the crowd (10). The place seats about 20 inside and 40 outside. It's smaller than it looks from the road. It's a mostly wood structure and a little dark. They have a small bar. The menu is mostly american classics. It's more of a gastro-pub. They don't or can't wow you with their creativity. I found the prices a little high for the area. Apps were close to entree prices. It's not the best value for this type of fare, but, it wasn't bad by any stretch. It just had nothing to separate it from the multitude of similar choices. They need to make the menu more challenging or drop the prices by a third to be a recommendation.

SSC, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum

I saw this production last Sunday afternoon for $10. I thought they did a fine job. The script is an uprorious farce about a boy in love with a courtesan who has been sold to a Roman Centurion. The girl who played the "Wild" Courtesan was beautiful.

India Palace, Disney

I had dinner at this Indian restaurant on Palm Parkway (2nd street off the Downtown Disney Exit on 535) yesterday. We all know what that means. It was awful. The worst Dish I've had at any Indian restaurant and the worst Indian restaurant in Central Florida. I had the Chicken Dansak for $15. It was 6 small pieces of dark, thigh meat cooked with Dal Makhni (lentils). It tasted like the black beans' backwash from the bean container at Moe's. The only taste was the bitter insult of Bay Leaves and Cardamon. Now I can't say the rest of menu is bad, but, this dish has to go. I'm permanently scared away from this place. And at that price, the profit margin must have been $14. It came with basmati rice that didn't help the dish at all. The place seats about 90. It's ugly and cheap. Only one other person was there. Tables were not cleared from previous patrons. The worst part is how far I traveled to be afflicted by this mess. They advertise with upscale restaurants! Now that is a joke. If. If you must go, do the lunch special to limit your losses and stay away from the Dansak (Dan must mean Balls).

Barducci's, Winter Park (Closed)

I had dinner at this Italian restaurant on University on Monday. I had a slice of pizza for $2 and a Meatball Sub for $7. The pizza was god awful. Hopefully (for them), it was just old. It had the consistency of a cracker. It reminded me of an overcooked Red Baron pizza from the frozen food aisle. They tried to compensate by sprinkling Parmesan on top. It didn't help. The meatball sub was better. The meatballs were huge and properly made and cooked. The sauce and cheese were authentic. It came with properly cooked fries. The place seats about 80. It looks like typical, no frills Italian restaurant. Cheezy decor. Run down appearance. The service was friendly. Only 2 others were there at 9pm. Not a bad joint, but, not haute cuisine.

East Buffet, Longwood - Closed

I had lunch at this Asian buffet on 434 (in between 436 and I4) on Saturday. I had the lunch buffet for $6.99. Are you kidding me? What a value! A most worthy successor to Crazy Buffet (out of business) at half the price. They took away all the lame items at CB and kept the best. There were 10 types of sushi rolls. They were always replenished regularly. Thai food. Stir Fry Noodle area. Chinese. American. Desserts. I had the following. California Rolls, Salmon CC Rolls, Spider Rolls, Mango Rolls, East Rolls, Spicy Tuna Rolls, Tataki Rolls, Tempura Rolls, etc. I had Chicken in - peanut sauce, thai style, tempura nuggets, pepper sauce. I had pork dumplings. I had edamame. I had tempura. I had more. I just can't remember what. I almost had a food coma. The place seats about 100. It was pretty full. They did a great job refurbing this old Roadhouse. It is all stained wood inside. Lots of booths and an Asian feel. They have lots of staff. Question - Why do buffets have more staff than a regular restaurant? You do most of the work. I guess they can find alot of people who want the job because it's a cinch to do. All the staff was Asian (EEOC anyone?). Anyway. I highly recommend it even if they don't give you a receipt or take AMEX. A soda was only $1.49.

Club Crawl - Baldwin Park & Downtown : Uptown, Red Star, Blank Space (Closed)

Friday

9-9:30 pm: Uptown Park Wine Bar - Tried out this new bar in Bladwin Park near Seito Sushi. A fine, small spot serving wine and micro brews. The bar area was full.

9:30-10 pm: Red Star Tavern - Tried this chain bar on 50 outside the Mall. Empty.

10pm-3am: Blank Space - Tried this bar/art studio on Central on the lake side of the library. A limited selection of beer, wine and sake. But, a mellow spot where you can talk and relax. Downtown was dead anyway.

Lago, Baldwin Park - Closed

I had dinner at this Italian restaurant on Friday. I started with Lumache for $8 and finished with Grilled Pork Loin with White Beans for $20. The Lumache (I believe that is an area in Italy) consisted of snails and assorted mushrooms in a red wine, cream, etc sauce. It was superb. The sauce was savory and sweet. The snails were a tad overcooked. To be honest the snails could go. The mushrooms were enough to make the dish. It had a plasticene piece of foccacia in the center. That could go as well. The main course didn't work. The taste of char from the grill overpowered/ruined the balance of the dish. A dish that was too bland to compete with the starter. The pork was all over the place. Some pieces were cooked ok, some were overcooked. I don't think it was a quality loin either. It seemed to have that plumped/watered up mouth feel you get with agro-products. The beans were mostly tasteless and dry. There was some heat on them, but, it didn't really gel with the compote on the pork. I would roast the pork and add some heat to the compote. The portion was large. That may be because the place can probably seat 200 and there were maybe 6 people dining (36 if you count two tables of ten in the back area). It's a shame because they have spent money on the place. It's a tad generic-modern, but, what isn't nowadays. The place has really high ceilings (although you are forced to stare at the exposed duct work). It has serpentined booths in the middle of the room (half face the exposed kitchen). The front has a bar area. The tables are liberally spaced. They have a large exterior patio area that faces a lake. The decor is modern. The service was great (after a small wait at the hostess table). The clientele was natty but not formal. The main courses were reasonably priced. the apps and wine were a little high (that's how I know this was an Italian restaurant). I suppose the have desserts, but, you are fat enough America. I would recommend it. The most curious thing about the place is that it can break even without a lunch service. I must have really been in on a slow day.

Crave, Orlando - Closed

Last Wednesday I had lunch at this "American" restaurant on Conroy Rd off I4. I had a Sashimi Special for $11. It was very good. I was apprehensive to make my indoctrination on a "non-American" food category, but, they do raw fish better than most Japanese restaurants. They served 3 large pieces each of Tuna, Salmon, White Tuna, Albacore and Yellowtail. All were fresh. The YT was even wild YT (black tipped). It came with rice (well cooked) and Miso (vinegar scented). The service was good. The place was clean. It's a large open room that is bisected from the bar area by a wine storage room. It's done in Bellagio mock-art deco style. Think Chilloully glass and maple wood. The prices were high on most items. I recommend only going for the lunch specials. The wines were even marked up more than the usual 3x retail. It seats around 200. They can expand to serve outside. The rest of the menu has what you'd expect in an "American" restaurant. I had heard some mixed reviews about this place, so that is why it took me so long to go there. However, for what I ordered, I couldn't have been more pleased. The $3 Coke was excessive.