Saigon Gourmet, Oveido

I had dinner at this Vietnamese restaurant last Friday. I had the Chicken Claypot for $11. It had chicken cutlet pieces simmered in a fish stock with brown sugar, pepper, and green onions. It came with two piles of white rice (supposed to be jasmine) and some steamed broccoli. I was a little disappointed that it came in a metal bowl and not a claypot. It was tasty. The place looks like half a fifties diner. There was one other patron. The owner operator was polite. The service was good. It was clean

I would suggest a little more Vietnamese ambiance.

Sho Gun, Oveido

I had a yellowtail roll at this hibachi restaurant on Friday for $5. It was pretty good. The rice was warm and firm. the yellowtail was fresh. I do hate the nori though. The place has some hibachi tables. It's decor is a little sparse.

Chuck Wagon, Apopka

I had lunch at this greasy spoon last week. I had the chicken fried steak with eggs and toast for $6. It was your typical greay breakfast. The service was OK. The place was drab.

The Ravenous Pig, Winter Park

I had lunch at this gastro pub last week. I had the Pub Burger for $12. It was a nice burger. Although the ham handed cook couldn't resist pressing it on the griddle. Note to all burger preparers - Alton Brown proved on Good Eats that searing a piece of meat does not seal in juices. Leave the poor thing alone and it will cook properly. You are squeezing out all the natural goodness. This burger was topped with sauteed onions and blue cheese. It came with truffle oil infused shoe string fries. The place has a bar area (that they always try and force on single diners), a middle room and a kitchen room. The servers were attractive and attentive. The silverware was modern (the knife was balanced so you couldn't lay it sideways). The decor was bricky modern. The place was clean. It was mostly full. They have an annoying valet service (but you can find your own parking if you try). It suffers from what seems to be a decade long muncipal street improvement project outside its doors. The dinner menus seemed alluring (lots of game). I was told it changes regularly.

*10/31/2016 - Moving to Cask and Larder location.

Funky Monkey, Orlando

I ate at this Asian inspired restaurant on Mills on Friday night. They started me off with some free Edamame that was ruined with lime juice and raw garlic. It killed my taste buds for the rest of the night. I next had a shrimp and scallop dumpling for $8 that was a textureless puree that somehow ended up red. I had the rice bowl with Ahi tuna for an entree at $14. It had a cucumber bottom, seaweed and two layers of tuna between the rice. The rice was al dente (but I think this was because it was old rather than cooked right). I thought it was a success until I got home and had to run to the toilet. I had a cheese plate to end the meal for $12. I was a boring plate of boring Wisconsin cheeses that took forever to arrive. It is decorated like an Asian/Bayou whorehouse. They are about 50/50 with relation to table tops versus tables. They have a 5 seat bar. They have all the pretense, but, I think the execution may be a bit beyond the chef's skill level. The service was good. The place was full at its 7 table max. I do have compliment them for having one of their better values at the lowest price point (Rice Bowl). Although, this does remind me that most of the entrees were overpriced for the talent level of the chef.

I would suggest that they leave Japanese cuisine to the experts and choose something more in line with the vibe of the place (like their cooked fish dishes). I would also move the table tops to the back of the space so that the line of sight doesn't stop at the middle of the room. I would also have a few more hands in the kitchen. I would have actual pieces of what you advertise in the dumplings (Chinese style not the red headed stepchild dumplings that the Japanese make). I would roast or lose the garlic. I would make sure my ingredients or cooking surfaces don't cause irritable bowl syndrome (or don't "spike" the food).

Udipi, Longwood - Closed

I ate at this vegetarian Indian restaurant on 17-92 on Wednesday night. Interestingly, I saw a Globe Trekker episode on the region (southern) that is home to the city of Udipi. It is an area mostly devoid of protiens, so everyone eats veggies. It is in the old Clay Oven space. I had poori (deep fried dough that puffs into a bread balloon) for $2. It was very oily. I had a fried "crepe" made out of semolina and filled with curried potatos, green chiles, and onions for $7. It reminded me of the most fried hash browns I've ever had. The portion was enormous! I can't say I enjoyed the experience because I had a sleepless night of indigestion because of it and I think I gained 4 pounds. However, it was very cheap for a sit down restaurant and it was a change from the norm. The service was polite. The place was clean. It had four other couples/families dining.

I would suggest some more ambience. Better (more eye catching) signage.

11 12 Sports Lounge, Winter Park

I watched football last night at these sports bar with a separate night club on Lee Rd. It was clean and smoke free. It was cheap ($2 beers). It had nice flatscreens. They found my obscure game and put it on. It was nearly empty. It had plenty of parking. I know it's in a rough neighborhood but I could watch games here any time. It's also on the Network.

Korean Kitchen, Winter Park - Closed

Last night I ate at this Korean restaurant on Lee Rd. I had a mix of steamed dumplings (beef, seafood, kimchi/egg) for $12. Let me tell you that I find nothing more challenging than Korean cuisine. It's part of its appeal. It's the most quixotic food in the world. It scares you. It transports you. You seriously feel like you are a caveman eating pot luck around a campfire. That said, the dumplings were ok. They stuck to the paper at the bottom of the steamer. The beef ones were a little oily. The real meal/surprise was the vast amount of "amuse bouches" that came with the plate (18 plus a cauldron of bubling goo that became scrambled eggs and a whole fried mackeral). I can recount - kimchi, bean sprouts, eggplant, green beans, sweet black beans, papaya, sweet mashed potatos, dried shrimp, water chesnuts and nine other things I can't remember or define. The veggies were either spicy, salty, sweet or sour. At least one for every taste bud. They also served free cold barley tea. It seemed to be family run. The service was good. The place is a little hard on the eyes (very bare and a little water damaged). It smelled like soap and water when I entered. I though I had made a mistake when I was the only one seated, but, four other families (mixed race) came in after me. They have table side fires. It was clean.

I would suggest replacing some of the ceiling tiles and adding some decor. I would also hide the kerosene tanks that feed the table fires. I would landscape the front and add alot of lights to advertise that you are open. It's a little dark around the building. However, it was a good value and a (still) exciting cultural experience.

Graze, Thornton Park - Closed

I ate dinner at this retaurant on S. Eola Dr on Friday night. I had the soup of the day - a creamy potato soup infused with cheese for $6 and the crispy fried chicken for $17. The soup was delicious if a bit penurious on the portion side. The chicken was a re-imagining of a typical chicken fried steak. The chicken was served atop of mashed potatoes with barbeque sauce, a white gravy and garnished with ground pork. It was as good as this meal could be. All the elements (even the barbeque sauce) worked off each other. The restaurant serves fish, etc but I tried this hearty duo because the chef is supposed to be some kind of soul food empresario. While she was not in the kitchen that night, the meal was prepared well by the chef on call. The best part of the experience was that these signature selections were the cheapest on the menu. Nothing is better than getting the house specialties at rock bottom prices. The place was techy-chic and clean. It was mostly full. The wait staff was attentive and knowledgable. They were well dressed. They served fresh baked bread. The wine selection was well chosen. The dessert menu looked tempting. They had cheese courses. They have outdoor seating. The plating was good.

I have no recommendations. It was a thoroughly pleasant experience.

Cedars, Sand Lake Road (Universal)

I ate at this upscale Lebanese restaurant on Saturday night with some friends. It's in the shopping complex with Roy's. We shared a tasting menu that had cold appetizers (hummus, baba ganoush, taboleh, feta cheese with tomatos, and tatziki), hot appetizers (spinach pies, meat pies) and a main course (kebabs of beef, ground beef, and chicken) with rice and vegetables for $25 a person. There was probably dessert but we couldn't even finish the meal as it was. The appetizers were very well executed. The main course was cooked perfectly (especially the beef and even the vegetables). We sat outside on the patio and enjoyed the belly dancer (first non-fat one I've seen plus she didn't grab you to dance with her) and the customers smoking hookahs (even though I hate smokers and smoking). It was a transporting experience. The place was full. It was clean. It had nice tableware. The service was prompt and attentive. It was a little crowded inside (their problem). Overall, I find it hard to find anything to criticize. They had more variety (fish, etc) than the traditional dinner we had. They had free traditional entertainment and not so traditional (football game on a HDTV). Dress code was casual. They even bagged up the left overs. It was as good as this kind of experience could be.

Yen Yen, Winter Springs - Closed

I had dinner at this Chinese restaurant on 434 last night. I had the Pumpkin Chicken for $12.95. It was supposed to be a specialty. Whoever created it should lose their chef's hat. It was chunks of dark meat that you only find at a chinese restaurant and make you worried that the stories about rat meat are true. Veins and cartlidge and sinews - revolting. It was smothered in a gooey sauce that was part sweet and sour and part black bean. They added those putrescent mini, dried shrimps and chunks of pumpkin that were so sweet I thought they were carrots. This added no depth of flavor and just added to the sweet distastefulness. Do you understand how to make a dish with layers of flavor? Do you understand textures? Do you understand quality ingredients? It came with a bowl of rice - the high light. The place was nice (if in the middle of no where). The service was good. The silverware had dish water marks. They seem to want to be a high end chinese option. Which, leads me to another aphorism. Middle range chinese is like middle range italian - over priced and underwhelming. And, why did you choose this location? I advise anyone out of area to ignore it.

I would recommend that they lose this dish and probably any dish made with this type of goopy sauce. Learn to add layers of flavor. I would not make my location selection based on rent. Winter Springs (and especially the part you are in) is not a high end neighborhood. You spent too much on decor for this spot and this type of peasant food. It's a disconnect.

Taco's Don Pepe, Apopka

I ate lunch at this Mexican restaurant on South Park Avenue on Friday. I had the Combo 1 for $4.99. It was an chicken soft taco, chicken enchilada and quesodilla. The chicken in the taco was reminiscent of the curdled dark meat you get at a bad chinese take out. It was stewed with tomatos and onions. The quesodilla was stuffed too fully with bad queso that settled at the bottom of the crease into a rubbery mess. The enchilada was ok but I didn't taste the chicken. There was one other person eating there. It was mildly clean. It was decorated as a greasy spoon. The waitress was pleasant and spoke English.

Lazy Moon, UCF Area - Closed

I grabbed a slice here after the football game on Saturday. It cost $3 but was wide. It was fine. The place seemed like a real university favorite. It was very crowded. They served many frou-frou beers. It's probably always a good people watching perch.

I also grabbed a portion of "special" Nan from Anmol in the same strip mall for $5. It was supposed to be infused with chicken. It was barely discernable. It was the only empty place in the mall.

I also grabbed a chicken pastry from Millies Jamaican Cafe in the same strip mall for $1.95. It was a curried delight.

I also grabbed a beer for $5 at Underground Bluz in the same strip mall. It was a smoked drenched bar with a large import section. Very piercy.

I tried to max out the UCF experience as I never go there. I had intended to review Mindaneo on 50, but those dicks closed down there impossible to find Filipino restaurant. Update - All these locations will soon be dorms. 11/18/2013

Bangkok Square, UCF Area - Closed

I had lunch at this Fusion restaurant on Saturday. I had a California Roll for $4.95 and a Philadelphia Roll for $6. These were the cheapest on the menu. I went that way because I had a feeling they couldn't pull off sushi and over priced things because of their proximity to students with Daddy's charge card. The rolls were mostly rice. The rice was mostly flabby and over vinegared. The presentation was respectable. They place must be a converted bar. They tried to lounge it up but they haven't thrown any real money or care into the decor. The service was a little snippy. There were about eight people at the restaurant on a football weekend. They also serve Thai, etc cuisine.

I would suggest that they drop prices or improve portion proportion and decor.

Carlucci's, Winter Park - Closed

I had a few slices at this restaurant in the K-Mart Shopping Center across from the Winter Park Mall on Friday. The pizza was $2 a slice. It's your typical pizzeria with baseball decor. The pizza was quite good. It was thin. The slice I tried with mushrooms came with fresh mushrooms. The service was fine. I would say it's above average for a pizza fix. And it's on the network.

Hollerbach's Willow Tree Cafe, Sanford

I stopped here today because I had business in the area. I had the pork loin with potato salad and sauerkraut (which they let me switch to the cucumber salad) for $12.60. The loin was more like honey baked ham. Three slices and cloud of dull. The potato salad was stewed in a sugary vinegar - gross. The cucumber salad was sliced too thick. I think the waitress said it was watered down ranch dressing. Now lets get this straight. I'm part German and I accept that German cuisine is near the bottom of the barrel, but, they can't even get it to be authentic grool. The clientele is always the ugliest in the county. The setting is ugly. No thought is given to aesthetic concerns. They let people blow smoke in you face. The prices are high for their lunch counter quality fare. The wait staff was courteous, but, not exactly effusive with the advice or attentive. I would say it was beyond explanation why this is the number 1 restaurant in old town, but I've learned not to underestimate the stupidity of locals.

I would advise them to drop prices by 20% or improve quality and execution. Do something with your atrocious patio area. You have walls spliting the view and horrible furniture.

Patisserie, Lake Mary - Closed

Today I tried the newly opened Patisserie in the Marriott shopping center on 46A. It used to be an ice cream place. I had a tuna salad on a baguette for $5.60 (the only lunch option). The baguette was good (not terribly crusty though). The tuna was good (not fishy or over mayoed). It had a little lettuce and tomato on it. Not much more to say about this place. The "patisserie" selection was small (some muffins, cookies, and tart-like things). It has about 5 tables. It was clean. The staff was nice (but of that cloying "we just opened and are too eager too please" variety). There were 6 other people in there.

I would only suggest that they widen the variety (the quality of the pastry also appeared to be more toward German standards than French) and down play their affiliation with Shan. First of all nothing says bad pastry like Asia. Secondly, Shan has low quality food at high quality prices. They probably need more signage too.

Wine Down, Lake Mary - Closed

Tuesday I tried this restaurant in the shopping center near the Marriott -46A (where Urban Flats was). It's an interesting (and by interesting I mean pretentious) concept in wine bars. They make therir own wine from purchased grapes. No other wines are offered. While it is becoming less surprising to have a seperation from grower and vintner, it seems like every egoist that couldn't cook thinks that he can extract magic from a grape. You'll have to let me know how this part of the experience executes. For every Sine Quo Non there are ten ham fisted failures. I'll stick to the food.

I had the lobster tacos for $12.99 (the most expensive lunch offering). The lobster was tender (shockingly so for something that was likely frozen and Australian). They gave you about a tail and a half of a pound and a quater lobster. It was fried in a tempura batter (not greasy). Jicama, red peppers and some kind of white sauce were included in the taco (2 soft shelled wheat tortillas). It came with a avocado aioli that was tasty but a bit extraneous because it was already "sauced". It also came with a field green salad (for some reason undressed) that was exactly the same as the appetizer salad that preceeded and came with it. I was pleased over all with the offering. The place is long and narrow and decorated with French advertisement posters and wine bottle wall paper. There is a glassed off (but door less) back room. The bar is on the left. The place was filled with mostly women of the Real Estate looking variety. There were two people on the wait staff (on the verge of being under staffed). The table ware was clean. The staff was friendly but not professionally bred. The room was clean.

I would only suggest some more signage. It must have been there for weeks and I only noticed it because Spice was closed down and empty. I also hate plus $2 sodas. It's 2 cents of syrup. And good luck with wine monopoly thing. It worked for Steve Jobs.

Gyosai, Sanford - Closed

Today I tried the newly opened Gyosai from Tokyo by Japanese on 46. I had the Sushi Bento Box for $9.95. It consisted of a 4 piece California Roll that was a little vinegary. A 4 piece Chef Roll (tempura something bits). A piece of salmon, white tuna, tuna, shrimp and snapper. The fish were all good (the tuna was fading) and the rice was not soft, vinegary nor cold. It also came with a rather gooey interiored, vegetable spring roll , an iceberg lettuce salad with japanese dressing and a pinch of seaweed salad. The place had nothing on the walls (looked like a stir fry Asian take out) and a Japanese stone reflection garden in the front. It seemed to have only 3 employees (service was not fast for the 10 or so customers). I think it has promise. I think the quality here will be better here than in the Chinese run Samurai. I hope they're Japanese run if they say "...by Japanese". However, Samurai will leave you fuller. I think the loser in the Lake Mary/Sanford sushi wars must be Yokohama and Fuji. Gyosai will probably have the better quality and Samurai the better quantity appeal. I don't include Amura because it is too full of itself. Chains that act like boutique restaurants - for shame.

I recommend that they "pretty-up" the place and get some more staff. I have every confidence that they will. Then I'lll really get picky.

Roma, Apopka

On Tuesday I was taken to Roma Ristorante Italiano on 441 in Apopka. I had the Lasagna with salad for $9.50. The salad was a typically uninspired iceberg, onion circle and tomato wedge (all cold from there imprisonment in the refrigerator) insult. The house dressing was an alright Italian dressing. Can't believe I'm talking about salad. We're talking about salad!? The Lasagna was edible. The portion was average. It had no accoutrements. It was served in a metal (are we dogs?) bowl. The bread was pre-packaged and sliced something. The place was dull with low ceilings. It could have been a coffe shop or an old women's home. The server was pleasant. The food was delivered promptly. It was clean. It was about 1/3rd full. It's everything a road side Italian restaurant in the middle of Apopka Florida would be. At least they weren't loud and rude. But, the meal should have cost about half of what they charge.

Pei Wei, Baldwin Park

I'm not sure a chain (especially a PF Chang associate) should be rated, but here it goes. On Friday night I stopped in at this restaurant on 50 (near The Roxy) after an unsatisfying encounter at Pho 77 Vietnamese Noodle Shop on 17-92 (only took MC and Visa - I boycott non Amex supporters - and the Spring Roll was supposed to have pork and shrimp but only had tasteless shrimp). I had the Dan Dan Noodles for $6.95. It was noodles in a spicy red sauce (flew all over the place when you ate it with chop sticks) with ground chicken, zuchini, nuts, and garlic. I'm not a noodle bowl guy, but, I liked it. What I liked even better is not having to tip. You order at the counter and get your own beverage and they bring the bowl to you and you bus it. You get in and out fast and a $7 meal stays a $7 meal. The place was clean and well decorated for a chain. The staff (who you hardly interact with was not noticeably unpleasant). The place was full. And no, I was not hungry an hour later. I recommend this place for a quick, no-nonsense asian fix.

I would recommend a few more menu offerings, especially appetizers that don't cost as much as the entrees. We see your web of avarice. It doesn't endear you to those who would do more than sample your establishment.

Samurai Sushi, Lake Mary

Today I tried the newly opened Samurai Sushi in the Winn Dixie shopping center. I had the Sushi Lunch Special for $9.95. It's a Bento Box of one piece of white tuna, tuna, salmon, crab stick and shrimp, miso soup, salad, clear noodles, cucumber squid salad, fried rice and a california roll. That's right. The salmon and white tuna were good. The crab stick was actually not a dry tube. The tuna was a very washed out pink (old - no blood). The shrimp seemed as though it came from a supermarket shrimp cocktail platter (wet and fishy). The cali-roll fell apart at the seams. The salad was roughly ripped into overly large pieces. The salad dressing was a mayo-ie deluge. The cucumber salad was similiarly drenched in the pink mayo-ie mess (but this time spiced up). The noodles were served cold with seaweed and a sour, brothy dressing. The fried rice was fluffy (not sure if that's a compliment). Overall it was average for quality and great for quantity. You usually leave hungry or in the poor house when you go for sushi. Not here. The place was fairly well layed out and appointed. They have a bar and a flatscreen. There are many booths. The staff (of 2) was courteous. I received a re-fill about 3/4 into the meal. The place was clean. It was about half full. It's what you would expect from a Japanese restaurant run by what I presume to be Chinese immigrants. They also do Tempora and Teriyaki. They even had some innovative starters.

I would suggest that you: cut the lettuce into smaller pieces, add less dressing, buy fresher tuna and shrimp, and become obsessive about the rice. In Japanese cooking the rice is the star. Your rice is average. It might be acceptable in China, but, it's not in Japan.

Terra Mia, Lake Mary

Today I had lunch at this offshoot of the Longwood father off 46A in the Fishbones strip mall. It was my second visit (had a very good pizza at the opening) to this branch and third overall. I had the Pollo Milanese (fried breade cutlet) and mixed green salad for $7.50. The breast was pounded thin and covered with panko. It was sliced into strips and placed on the salad. It was a bit fried for my taste (maybe it's second time in the fryer) and it had a bitter taste. I think it was the oil that did it but, possibly they treated it with balsamic or lemon. The salad was fresh, but overseasoned with oil. There may have been some balsamic on it, however, I saw little evidence (purple coloring)/ The place is clean, well appointed and small (7 tables and a counter). The wait staff is courteous and well dressed. It's always packed. I'll be back to try the multitude of lunch offerings at the same price.

I would only suggest the impossible - more seating. This is an Italian restaurant that redeems its imitators. They are also on the Rewards Network.

Limena Chicken, Winter Park

I continued my string of success on my way back from the airport last night. I stopped in at this Peruvian restaurant on 436 about a mile from Aloma and had the 1/4 Chicken with fries for $5. The chicken was a roasted masterpiece (so much better than Boston Market and cheaper). Every bit of skin was crisp and eatible. The wings were golden and jerky like. The breast was white and juicy. It was infused with a bittery rub. The fries were crsp and golden. The place was undecorous but clean. The staff was courteous. The place was empty (but it was only 5pm).

I would only suggest a little more signage (you'll miss it unless you know the area) and maybe some more thought into the decor. This definetly should be your stop for chicken.

Caridad, Orlando

I stopped into this Dominican establishment for breakfast last week on my way to the airport. It's on 436. I had the Desayuno of two fried eggs, ham, casava (a root vegetable similiar to a potato), and pickled onions for $6 (although it said $3.95 on the menu). It was surprisingly inspired. The portion was large (5 hunks of casava). The eggs were well cooked and yokey (over easy). The casava was boiled. The ham was lean and was flavored with the bitter pickling juice on the sauteed onions. I'm not sure if it was cooked in it or absorbed the flavor on the plate, but, the bitterness helped cut all those savory elements. I really liked this take on breakfast. The place is clean. It was empty (but it was 10 am). The service was quick. The price was right. Open your mind and try something new yet familiar. Embrace the variety Orlando's many cultures provide you.

I could suggest some decor work, but this is just a small mom and pop immigrants restaurant, and I'm not sure you go there for that.

Two Blonds and a Shrimp, Sanford - Closed

I experienced Two Blondes and a Shrimp on Staurday afternoon. It's on First St in Sanford. It's in the old Blue Dahlia space and frankly I don't percieve much difference. They've done nothing with the decor. They've kept the same cook (not a chef). The menu is more Paula Dean now (which I don't consider a selling point). I had the Southern Belle BLT for $8 and an Iced Tea. I was leaning towards the the Shrimp and Grits but I just had it at Bobby Flay's Bar Americain and the thought of BBQ sauce incorporated in this recreation turned me off. The other factor in the BLT's favor was Fried Green Tomatos. I've never had the pleasure. These were lightly breaded and pan fried (aren't they usually deep fried?). They had no taste. It was like eating a soft ice cube. It wouldn't have mattered anyway because to make up for the blandness they served this in a spicy remoulade sauce that overpowered everything else in the sandwich. It was a shame because the bacon seemed well prepared and the bread was well toasted and Pepperidge Farm thin. This is a theoretically superior creation. In practice it doesn't work. I still have indigestion. It came with a half plate of Ruffles. The place is boho chic (your crazy aunts living room) and girly gay. They tie the steelware with a little twine. The service (3) was a little overwhelmed by an occupying force of 15 patrons. It may well have been the eponymousers that were doing the serving too (I did have a pleasant blond as my waitress). Now I shouldn't complain about a sandwich that cost me as much as the Turkey Sub at Subway the day before, but, that's what I do. If I lived in Sanford I would go back (I would have to since Hollerbach's is the only thing left open in this ghost town), but, I'm not sure I'd make this the destination in itself.

I advise them to taste the menu. Funky menu items get you noticed, but, heart burn gets you blacklisted. You're walking a difficult line with your cholesteral inducing reginal cuisine choice. You really have to get the balance perfected or you kill the flavor and the customer. I would also suggest you move. Sanford can't seem to get out of its own way of potential (case in point - that tasteless condo project on the lake - it already looks like an aged dump).

Yokohama, Sanford - Closed

Today I ate lunch at new arrival Yokohama near the Seminole Mall. I had a bento box $8. It came with a salad (why can't a culture like Japan do more than iceberg lettuce and orange goop?) miso soup (watery), 3 shumai (why can't a culture like japan do better than fake crab paste?), 4 pieces of California Roll (actually might not have been prepared the night before- ok), and chicken curry (why can't....you get it). I had never had a Japanese curry and now I know why. They are incapable of incorporating any other Asian country's specialty. They whiff on the dumplings. They whiff on the curry. I could go on. This was thick and viscous and not at all appealing. It was garnished with a tasteless chunk of carrot, floret of broccoli, and tiny corn. The chicken was white meat and acceptable (about 7 pieces). It came with some rice (pasty). Now I know they just opened (because they've "coming soon" since the Spring), but, the layout wastes space (hibachi's on the right half and seats on the left) and is non-descript (huge, harrowing ceilings and bare walls). It's not going to featured in any design rags. There is a little bar area (5 seats) that I forsee being forgotten and a tiny sushi bar. The kitchen is in the rear and open. The service was a little over eager. I was scared to put down anything for fear they would ask me if I was done. I checked the menu and saw little that you couldn't get at any other Japanese restaurant. The prices were similiar. I hate to even say this (since my last visit was a disappointment - cold hot things and dry, vinegary rice) but, Fuji Sushi in Lake Mary is a better value for sushi/sashimi platters and lunch specials. The un-hibachi side was full.

I would suggest they work on the decor, give the waitresses a chill pill and try and be the first Japanese chefs to properly fuse other recipes into their repetoire. This place is no worst than many other Japanese restaurants, but it's no Hanamizuki.

Emilanoz, Altamonte Springs - Closed

Today I tried Emilanoz on 436 west of 434 in the old Steak in the City location. I had the Burrito Sahuayo for $7.49. It's a flour tortilla stuffed with carnitas (shredded pork), onions, peppers and covered with a light cheese sauce. It was a little bland and probably a fat bomb. But, it was huge and fresh and new. The chips were good (nice and tan and ungreasy). The salsa was gentle and on the unchunky side. The service was efficient and theme appropriate. The place is a notch above (on a retention pond/lake). I always liked what Steak in the City did with the place. They added some flare and replaced the buffet area with a fountain. The place was about 1/8th full. The crowd was surprisingly young and appealing. The menu is Michoacan (north Mexico) influenced. The 20 or so options range from your typical American-Mexican staples to more authentic fare. They had a huge selection of tequilas. Glad I came.

I would only encourage them to keep track of the drinks. We Gringos can go through a lot of sodas when we eat spicy food. Oh and there was a smell of barf when you entered and left the restaurant. It dissipated when you entered the dining room. I'm not sure of the source and don't want to implicate anyone or thing.

Pub Crawl - Funky Monkey, Brix, Lodge, Cheyenne Saloon

9-10pm: Started at Funky Monkey (thought it was a bar not a restaurant with a bar). It's a small spot on 17-92 before 50. They had an expansive wine list, 4 local beers on tap (you have to try the Miami Weiss) and a six person bar. It was me and two women. I'll expound on the place when I go back for dinner.

10-12am: Brix. It was ok. Mostly guys. About 1/3 full. Just a time waster anyway. Watched Olympics.

12-1am: Lodge. Sausage-fest. Full. People watched outside.

1am-2am: Cheyenne Saloon. 10 people total. Nice place. Watched some Patrick Swayzes teach line dancing to drunk girls.

Julie's Waterfront Grill, Orlando

I ate dinner at Julie's last night. It's a lakefront seafood shack. I had the mixed grill with scallops and mahi-mahi for $16.99. You could also choose from shrimp and salmon. I chose tabouli, mixed vegetables and a side salad. You could choose cole slaw, baked potato, or fries. The mahi-mahi was a little dry (either overcooked or frozen). The scallops were good (5 larges). The tabouli was flavored. The vegetables were surprisingly unwilty. Now this isn't fine dining, but, it was commendable. It was a friendly if non-descript little establishment. Tank tops and shorts might have been encouraged. I didn't ask. The salad was american mixed (iceberg lettuce). It was more of a source of energy than an artistic commentary. The place was not spotless and the service (in general) seemed like it could go awry at any point. But, it should have a place in your rotation when you need an effortless sunset dinner and a beer.

I would only suggest a little re-organizing of the inside dining room. It seems like it's a store room. I mean alot of things need to be changed if it wants to reach a different kind of clientele. But, it doesn't, so that kind of advice is out of place.

Elephant Bar, Altamonte Springs

I had lunch at the Elephant Bar at the Altamonte Mall today. I believe it's a chain (I once had drinks in one in the San Diego area). I had the Seared Ahi Tuna appetizer for $9.95. It was fair. The tuna had a little dental floss (what I call the cartilege) and was moist in some slices and dry in others. There were a lot of slices (about 12). This is going to be the theme - adequate prep with huge servings. The tuna came with a field greens salad with julianned zuchini and seaweed. The dressing was on the side (which is good if you can't trust you chef to season properly). The wasabi was dry (even happens in Sushi bars) and the ginger was acceptable. I should have stopped there, but, I was intrigued by their menu. The next course (which sits in my refrigerator) was a Jamaica Mojo Side Salad of greens, cranberries, walnuts for $3.95. I received a full salad by mistake. It's huge and looks good. I also ordered a 1/2 portion (regular is TWO lamb shanks!) of the braised lamb shank (even though I don't love lamb, I like variety) for $7.95. Yes these prices are right. It was covered in some sloppy tomato/lamb reduction sauce. The lamb was cooked properly and was an actual unadultered lamb shank. It came on top of garlic mashed potatos that were airy (kind of like TV dinner mashed potatos, but, I actually like that. I just expect they were from a box). An edamame, broccoli, zuchini, and asian cabbage steamed melange was the veg side. I think I loved that the most. I was like a free bowl full of edamame. Now 2 of the 3 plates were served with sloppy drippings from fat little fingers and the presentations were a notch short of fine dining. The first course took about a half hour to arrive and seconds on soda didn't happen until the meal was completed. But, the staff was friendly (hostess and waitresses). The manager actually made rounds and seemed concerned. The value was huge. the restaurant was appointed nicely in modern style with an open kitchen. The place was clean and packed. The mood was casual. I think it's better than say a Seasons 52 because it's so cheap and you leave stuffed like you've been to a greasy spoon. Many other dishes were interesting. Although the Asian dishes looked like they would be better in an Asian retaurant, the other items held promise. Goodbye Ruby Tuesday (the "restaurant" that used to occupy the space) and good riddance.

I would only suggest a little oil in the food prep gears and a little more attention to detail and artistry. Just because the exec chef is German doesn't mean you should plate like a barbarian. You never know when a patron with a big mouth is watching every step. Great job. It sounded like you already have a loyal following of happy customers.

Frosty Mug, Mount Dora

I went to lunch at the Frosty Mug on Wednesday. The place defines itself as an Icelandic restaurant but there are only about 6 Icelandic/Scandanavian options. They include a fish pancake, shrimp soup, gravlox, herring, stew, and fish ( I think it was Halibut). The rest of the menu is American pub fare. I had a special. Half a cornish hen with cabbage slaw and sweet potato mashed potatos for $9.95. The hen was seasoned with a barbeque sauce. It was fine (maybe half a chicken taco's worth of meat). The potatos were fine (I don't love sweet potatos). They were served skin in. The best thing was actually the large square bowl of slaw. It was pickled slaw with a little mayo. This made a nice light broth for the cabbage. The setting was quaint - open wooded coverd porch on Donnalley St. The waitress was attentive and nice. The place was clean for a pub (and decorated like one). It was about half full. There is also on indoor seating room with the bar. Kind of a Key Westish place.

I would only suggest some more Icelandic appetizers (although they probably don't sell well) like smoked puffin or whale. Maybe a little more fun with salmon. Maybe some more Viking paraphenalia. Thanks for trying. All nationalities need to be represented.

Memories of India, Lake Mary

I had lunch at Memories of India on Tuesday. I've been here many times before and appreciate the value. I had the Lamb Kada Masala (I've had everything chicken) for $8.95. The lamb was tough (old or overcooked or both) and scarce (4 cubes). I would stick to chicken. The sauce is a masala (tomato cream) with scallions and some other additives. It's good here. It came with nan, basmati rice, that green tomatillo looking sauce, chutney, yogurt and that peppery flat crisp. The flavors are all good and plenty. Although, I still am not sure what to do with the condiments even after having it (attempted) explained to me a couple of times. The place is a little dingy (old sandwich shop). The service was good. The presentation was usual (metal buffet plate). The place was clean and about half full.

I would only suggest a little more ambience and ingredient quality. Though what do you expect for $8.95.

Beacon, Thornton Park - Closed

Let me start by saying that I had high expectations for Beacon and it may color this review. You find this place by going down Central to Hue and making a right. Although, I can't really recommend that you do that. The place is loungy, chic and the staff is cute if not expeditious or obsessive compulsive (rice left on the seat to my right). But, who can fault them for omitting the details when management obviously doesn't have a grasp of them. The seating is ridiculous. Backless chairs, pillows, stools? Note to art student/interior decorators - function over form works sometimes. My original seat was a little card table sunk into the wall which required a pillow to put you at table level. I changed to a booth. But had to ruminate over the curved, backless bench that some poor souls would have to sit on later that evening. Unfortunately, I was already depressed because I had looked at the menu. Totally blase. They serves sliders! I don't care if they are good. I don't care if they are kitsch. They sound repulsive and should be shot off the planet (if not menu). Boring salmon, jambalya, 1/2 a chicken, shrimp and fettucine, you get the picture. There is no theme. Just the most boring parts of every other menu uninterpreted. I settled for two appetizers. Guacamole at $6 and Steak Tartar at $15. The avocado in the guac was fresh and the portion was large, but, it was limp and over salted. No pop, little onion and no salsa. Did I mention it had salt? Lots of salt. And not granular fleur de sel either. The chips were pretty oily too. Speaking of which, I turn to the tartar or more pointedly the garlic toast. It was over seasoned. I had to wash my hands. So overseasoned that it over powered the meat which seemed ok whenever the taste of garlic would receed from my taste buds so I could experience it. It had capers, maybe onions, no egg, possibly raw egg as binder (it wasn't prepared tableside so I can only hope). The portion was large (entree size). It came with a generous salad of field greens, yellow and red tomatoes, and boiled quail eggs. The salad was pleasant if not over seasoned like everything else.

This place isn't the worst but it in no way deserves a reputation as a top tier Orlando restaurant. Definetly middle tier and not something to search out. To fix that I would start in the kitchen. The chef has to go. That menu is not challenging. It's not coherent. It's not worthy of the investment. And if he prepared the meal and not a sous, he can't execute either. Unfunkify the seating (at least for dinner - then bring in the statement pieces for cocktail hour). Pay more attention to the wait staff. Decide if you are a club with a mediocre restaurant or a restaurant with a mediocre club. Now you are a double med.

Marios, Lake Mary - Closed

I popped in for a quick spaghetti and meatballs jones, but when I saw that it was $11.25 for what costs $1 for a box of spaghetti and maybe $2 for a pound of meat, I settled on a meatball sub for $6.50. Now let me say that it tasted ok (yet skimpy) if eaten as served, but if you tried the meatballs seperately you would have tasted the following. The meatballs (maybe two mediums sliced up to fill the whole sub) must have been 1/2 breadcrumbs. They disintegrated. What was left tasted like Alpo. The sauce and cheese were meager. So meager that I can't really comment on the quality. The roll was nice (best part). Just add this place to the support column of my previous tirade against all non-high class italian eateries. If Subway used their bread they would trounce this place. They still win (even with the horrible bread).

I would suggest that they lower their prices by half to get in line with their place in the quality circle because we know they won't improve the restaurant. The atmosphere is drab (horrible frescos in a hallway like footprint). The menu is boring. The ingredients are sub-standard. The execution is poor. I usually wouldn't even condecsend to review a place like this, but, it was so bad I felt I needed to warn others.

Seito Sushi, Baldwin Park

I also popped into Seito Sushi while I was in BP. I've been to the one in WP so I didn't feel I needed an extra trip here to assuage my curiosity. I ordered a yellow tail roll. The yellowtail was good but at $6.25 I believe it was a little thin (about the width of your thumb). It took a little longer than expected as well. The place was typical neo-japanese. Nice. Clean. About half full. The hostess seemed a little uppity (but I think she just has that high school Lolita confidence that will fade after her first child - in a year).

I would recommend a little graciousness and urgency. You're just one of dozens of similiarly suited sushi spots in the area. You're no Nobu.

Chi Pan Asian, Baldwin Park

I tried Chi Pan Asian in Baldwin Park yesterday. I had the Kan Shaw Beef for $8.25. It was stir fried flank steak in a spicy brown sauce with julianned onions, scallion, and celery. It came with a mixed salad that was covered with a balsamic and that orange japanese salad dressing mix (best course) and rice. It was fine (not over cooked). The place was fine. The service was fine. Nothing remarkable. Typical emulative neo-asian experience. The decor was loungy modern. The bare table was clean. It was about 1/3 full.

I would only suggest what I propbably suggest to all restaurants - hide the kitchen/bathroom/staging areas. No one wants to see them. They ruin the design of the interior. They are generally odious.

You get there by taking 50 to Bennett Rd (The Roxy) and making a turn onto Broad St. It's behind Jack's Steakhouse.

Club Crawl - Brix & Bliss

Brix 9-12am: The rain may have helped keep Brix populated last night. The place was about 1/2 full (big improvement over last week). The staff also seemed to explode in size. The blond was absent but the brunette was there in a great skirt that showed off her ample breasts and suprisingly firm ass. There were two guy bartenders who were cool. Another slender, hot brunette who seemed a little uneasy being flirty. A boozy brunette with boobs bobbling out of her dress. A southern asian girl who may have been a trainee. A non-descript brunette. The staff was very comfortable with each other and the patrons (probably friends outside work). It gave it a summer camp type coziness. Shots were flowing. Staff was mingling. They even included the kitchen staff (never done). The DJ didn't show, but, the music they played was good and contemporay club. The crowd was preppy and attractive (for Orlando). The place didn't lose people until 11-11:30. Perfect for pre-partying.

Bliss 12-2am: Some of the same people from Brix. Started turning sausagy about 1 am. The $10 cover is so Orlando uncool. But, if it keeps the wrong people out I guess it must be done. The bartenders at the bar I chose were this unusual Eastern-European brunette who I find sexy (just wish the finger print on her hamstring didn't break my fantasy of her availablity) and a platinum blond American. Curiously, I paid $7 and $10 for the same drink. I won't say which charged which but one got a nice tip and one got air. It was about half full as usual. Most were dressed nicely.

Roccos, Winter Park

Illustrative of my thesis that you need to go high end Italian is Roccos. I didn't even want italian after the Positano disappointment, but, they overcame me antipathy. Tucked into an armpit of space of 17-92, is a well appointed restaurant with a courtyard and a bar with potential. While it wasn't quite hopping, I was told it can. Maybe the rain kept it from realizing its potential. I started with Funghi Ripieni alla Jo Jo for $9. It's mushroom caps (4 mediums) filled with sausage, red pepper, shallots, and mascarpone cheese. I enjoyed it very much. It had a savory character. The entree was Vitello ai Carciofi at $24. The veal was milky and nice cooked (about 3 pieces). The artichokes seemed canned as they always do (vineagery) and were quatered (about one artichoke for the plate). The sauce was a veal reduction (thick) of capers and white wine. It came with pan roasted potatos (about 5 wedges). They served a slice of lemon with a large caper as a garnish. The crowd was respectable. The seating was about half capacity. The host and hostess were attentive. The wait staff was as well. The linen and cutlery were clean. They provided a basket of warm foccacio with garlic infused olive oil. Refills on soda were complimentary. I can't wait to go back and try the wild boar.

My only advice is one that I could give almost every restaurant in this area - move. It's amazing what shitty hovels some really fine retauranteurs accept in this town. The font for their logo is also a little pedestrian for such a sophisticated restaurant.

Caffe Positano, Lake Mary - Closed

Ordered the Ravioli Bel Paese and a slice on Wednesday. I usually just get the pizza here and it's good when fresh (thin). This time I got some leftovers cut small at a weird angle (like the guy couldn't give a shit). Which leads me into my tirade. Never go to these mid-priced trattorias. Italians all think they can cook and very few can. The ingredients are always cheap and they pay no attention to detail. Either go high end Italian or do Fazoli's. Take this meal. The pizza is priced well here at $1.95 but listed at $1.75 (typical Italian move). It was average. But, the $10 Ravioli was overcooked, served in a child's bowl (too cheap to wash?), and covered in soggy broccoli and leftover chicken spam (it was like fast food grilled chicken - that stuff has to be molded chicken goop). The topping was just plopped on the ravioli without a care. Get it out Vinny! It was also supposed to have peppers (which is good cause I hate them) but didn't. It had too many sun dried tomatos (yes you can have too many). It came with a mixed salad that was a tad more sophisticated than your typical steak house abortion. It came with a pot of jism that they said was italian dressing but looked like grey french dressing. I went with oil and vinegar. The vinegar came in a re-used oil bottle - of course. The service was good except for the grinning imbelice that served the food. Note to grinning imbeciles - stop, it makes us think you deflowered the meal. Which maybe you did because I had to muddy your toilet half way through the meal (although I'm placing the blame on the previous night's Winn Dixie turkey). Another waitress actually picked up the slack and checked me out. Very cool. The decor is typical Italian two star worthy. The ambience was ruined by your typical daego commotion in the kitchen. Imbecilic macho men screaming inanities at each other in an attempt to create self-esteem. All in all this meal was like the people that produce it - peasant fare. Overpriced peasant fare.

El Potro, Oveido

Lunch on Tu. Ordered Plate Number 3 which is 2 tacos and a quesadilla for $5.19. Only could choose from shredded chicken and ground beef. I chose the chicken. It was pretty full of real chicken meat and came with shredded cheese, lettuce and grilled tomato and peppers. Fine. The quesadilla was overloaded with some kind of gringo cheese. It tasted like a grilled cheese sandwich. The chips and salsa were fresh. The decor - typical thrift shop Mexican. The service was fine, but, at 3pm I was the only customer. The one sin was that they didn't take AMEX. Unforgiveable. Charge me 2% extra if you must.

Cafe Panuzzos, Oveido

Just stopped in for a snack on Tu. Ordered a 6' Supremo for $6. They served it open faced. It was unremarkable. The place was unremarkable.

Club Crawl - Wine Room, Brix, Wall Street, Independent

Friday July 19, 2008

9-10pm: Wine Bar on Park Avenue in Winter Park was about 1/4 full. It had a mix of ages. The average attractiveness rating was about a 5. The selection of wine was rather weak. They were pimping Mike Ditka and Nick Faldo wines! I don't care if they rate a 100. It says alot about what kind of hayseeds they are catering to. They have a cute little blond behind the bar and some sweet cashiers.

10-11pm: Brix on E. Central Downtowm. Nothing like the old place. The menu is Applebees with fondue. The place was dead. Maybe 15 people. The DJ was spinning nice 80's smashes with dance beats. The bar tenders were hottish. One peroxide number with a athletic bod and a tramp stamp. One big breasted brunette with a light brown streak in her hair that screams trouble (fun, crazy trouble). The crowd was young and acceptable.

11-11:10pm: Wall Street Downtown. Waste of $6. Looked crowded. Awful crowd and about 1/4 full.

11:10-1:30am: Independent on Orange Downtown. No cover! I love this spot. It always delivers. I'm usually the preppiest guy there. They only pass judgement passively. It's good to know you can take down the whole emo coalition if you needed to. The music and videos are great. The people are down to earth and a little strange. The competition is weak. The drinks are cheap. It's as close to the East Village as you can find in Florida. The place was full and everybody was having fun. Some had so much fun that they tired themselves out and had to yawn and take water breaks. The only negative is that I still stink of smoke and they serve drinks that give you a hangover.

Orchid Thai, Winter Park

I had Chicken Dumplings and Green Curry Chicken at this Thai restaurant on Park Avenue in Winter Park last night. It was an open-topped steamed dumpling. I think they used dark meat in the dumpling. I'm not sure if they are trying to make use of all the parts of the bird or think the gaminess is a pleasureable taste sensation, but, I think it made them taste rancid. It came with a soy dipping sauce. It cost $6. The chicken curry was good. You can order two sizes (I think for one or two persons). I received the smaller portion for $14. It was enough for dinner. The chicken was nice and white. The vegetables (carrots, zucchini, squash, red peppers, green peppers) were sliced, quartered into chunks and the skins were carved for affect. They were not overcooked. The sauce was nice. Kafir leaves, lime and curry. The white rice was prepared properly. Soda's were $2 (re-fills).

The waitress was nice. Execution was fast. The decor was acceptable (loungy). The room and table settings were clean. The value was good. The place was about half full.

My only suggestion would be for them to communicate their service a little more emphatically. The sign on the window is subtle and doesn't say that it is a restaurant. If you passed by quickly you would probably miss it or not immediately seperate it from the clothing and furniture stores that surround it.