FHSAA Championships, Citrus Bowl

I saw Palm Beach Dwyer (or Matt Elam) destroy Niceville at the Citrus Bowl yesterday afternoon. Some kid with an Irish last name was also all over the field. He even punted. I spent some time in the Niceville section (wish I lived with all those beautiful people - it's near Destin) and some time in the endzone (actual seats with backs). I got a sun tan, saw some great players and only spent $10 (park downtown on the street and save $10 and get some exercise - day games only). I won't reveal where you can get $5 parking. My secret. They said 5000 were there. I doubt it. PB brought nobody. I hope Niceville makes again next year. I heard it had been 20 years. And I hope they can their QB who rotates the ball so the fat side is pointing towards his target. Maybe that's why all his passes fly out of the reach of his receivers. And does anyone teach footwork any more. These kids need to know that the shoulders follow the feet and the shoulders determine where the ball will end up. His one TD was a under thrown, dead duck heave that his reciver stole from double coverage. I would also like to warn OU that their RB commit was begging to come out during the last drive. He had quit. Potential attitude problem? And can the Niceville coaches run more than 7 plays? It wasn't like they were working.

Pesca, Downtown - Closed

I had an early dinner at this sushi/seafood restaurant on Lake Eola next to Starlight Lounge yesterday. It was an uneven meal. The good - happy hour rolls ($2 off), great booth view of the lake, nice service. The bad - not all seats overlook the lake, the decor is a mish mosh, they gave me Coke instead of DC, the sushi rice was old and coarse, the fish didn't have much flavor (probably hadn't defrosted yet). The rice was the big let down. I know it should be al dente but I really think it was just old not undercooked. If it was warm then maybe they could argue cooking preference. The place definetly strives to be first class. But, I would wager that they can't pull off the extensive menu. When I see one of these Cheesecake Factory like menu's, I start to worry. It's hard to be an expert at all these dishes at the same time. They did sound good though. The restaurant has a sushi area, an ugly middle room and the expansive lake side room with bar. This room has high cielings and some type of artistic ambition. The bottles of wine on wine crates have to go. You're not a steakhouse or cheesy Italian Trattoria. I would also try and cram more tables into the main room. It looks a little empty and no one should be taunted into sitting in that Siberian middle room. It's like having a seat at the children's table when the adults are sitting in the main dining room. I'm sure they say it's for private functions, but, even they will feel screwed when they see the lake view room. It's not open for lunch - a waste. I hope it means they are doing well enough that they don't need to bother. But, why waste that view when it can be seen. I'm sure it isn't as nice at night. It seat 100+. It was mostly empty at 5pm. And that is another thing. The sign on the door says 7pm-11pm, but, another sign outside says 5pm-11pm. Which is it? The wine list was good.

Piper's, Downtown - Closed

I had lunch at this sports bar on Orange and Church under the movie theater yesterday. I had a turkey sandwich with Apples and Brie on a Croissant for $9. I know not typical sports bar fare. It was ok. The Croissant was a bit old. The Brie must have been cut by the guy who cut the garlic in prison in Good Fellas. It was almost see thru. They also included 22 fries. I know it was 22 because they were visibly scarce. I've never had fries that didn't form a pile. The place is decorated disjointedly. Probably because it used to be a UK themed pub. Now that pub decor is blended with sports objects. And those two themes are set against the original build out that must have been searching for a trendier tenant. The black backdrop and floors make it somber and show all signs of wear. It must seat 100. They have a bar. Six people were eating or drinking with me. The price range averages just under $10. It was one of the few restaurants open for lunch. It took a little while to get served.

Hoops With A Heart Tournament, Oviedo

I attended the Oviedo Hoops With A Heart Basketball Tournament on Saturday night. I saw Oviedo beat Liberty and Winter Park beat Montverde Academy. Cost = $5. I don't know how WP won. Montverde is an all star team. Actually, I know. They don't care to rebound the ball. The gym was about half full. More people should care. They had teams playing all day. This was better basketball than I saw last year at Rollins. Austin Rivers needs to learn how to shoot. His form is atrocious.

Mings, Colonial

I attempted to recover from my Azteca experience at this Chinese restaurant just one block behind 50 at 17-92. I had Har Kow (Steamed Shrimp Dumplings). They were great. Large quantities of real shrimp. Properly cooked noodle coating. They serve Dim Sum all week. Thank God they do it right because we don't have many options and usually only on weekends. The place is typical Hong Kong drab - monochrome. Glass chandeliers over round white clothed tables (covered with glass). Gross fish tanks with today's catch. View of the kitchen. There is no real (any) effort given to sartorial splendor. It cracks me up. It's so unappetizing but so ubiquitous. Throw in the cranky owner/cashier and you've got your unintentional franchise strategy. They seat about 100 in mostly large tables. It was about 1/4 full at 2pm. It doesn't seem to be an absolute insider secret. I can't wait to try the rest.

Azteca D'Oro, South Orlando

I had lunch at this Mexican restaurant on South OBT on Saturday. It was not worth the effort. It's almost at 417 and SOBT. I had the Borego for $13.95. It was lamb shank with rice and beans. The shank was tiny and tough. I've had larger pig knuckles. It was also gamey. The beans were served in their own liquor. They made me naseous after three bites (ok before that). The rice was Mexican red rice. Typically flavorless. The one slice of avocado was abused. The salsa was rubbery and old. It came with tortillas. Why? Oh yeah, to hide the taste under a canopy of spicy mole. The best thing they served was half of the bowl of tortillas. Why some were hot and others not is a mystery. The salsa with the tortillas was probably canned. They even had the audacity to charge $2+ for a soda. No refills. The service was fast and polite. The silverware had dried cilantro on it. The place looks like a hacienda from a Anglo-cartoon depicting Mexico in the Fifties. It seats over 100. It was pretty full. It is a chain. Much better options than this. Don't let their ads in My City Eats fool you. This is not high end Mexican. Which means it's...well you know.

Ali Baba, Longwood

On Friday I had lunch at this Middle Eastern restaurant on 434 in between I4 and Ronald Reagan Blvd. I had the lunch buffet for $11.95 ($6.95 with coupon). $9.95 M-Th. It's a bargain at either price. They offered a huge assortment. Most of the items were fresh and flavorful. Let me try and remember most of what was on offer - Persian Soup, Chicken Soup, Hummus, Tabouleh, Babaganoush, Garlic Dip, Sesame Paste, Tzatziki, Feta Cheese, Cucumber Salad, Salad, Minced Chicken Kabob, Minced Beef Kabob, Chicken Cooked with Tomato, Tandori Style Chicken, Linguini, Lamb, Beef with Tumeric, Beef Saudi Style, Beef in little pieces, Pita, Baklava, Rose Water Cake. The Persian Soup was bland (noodles and beans). The Chicken Soup was not as tart as I've had (thankfully). The Tumeric beef was tasty. The dips were good (garlic will stay with you for days). The Baklava seemed a little stale. The Rose Water Cake tasted like soap (it's supposed to). The service was good. Quick on refills and dirty plates. The place was clean. The decor was culturally appropriate. They played Arab music. It seats about 80. It was 1/4 full. All types. They have belly dancing at night if you go for that. They sell Arab products. The buffet went the extra mile. They didn't just serve the basics you can find anywhere else.

Four Rivers Smokehouse, Winter Park

I had "dinner" (brought it home) at this BBQ restaurant on Fairbanks near I-4 today. Now I know you know my penchant for attacking bad experiences immediately, but, this time I had to log on because it was soooo good. I had a Angus Beef Brisket Sandwich with 2 sides (Smoked Jalapenos and Baked Cheese Grits) for $7.49. Outrageous. Outrageously good! I was full half way into it but I powered my way through. The Brisket was so smokey, so tender, so good that the roll (although good) had to be discarded. I eventually put the bacon wrapped, cheese filled jalapenos in it for another sandwich. The grits were served in a square like Polenta. So cheesy. So good. And let me reiterate. I nuked this for dinner and it was still amazing.

The place is brand new so it is clean. They have picnic tables outside. The place must be called Four Rivers because that is what the line to get into this place looks like. People were parking on neighbors lawns! But, the line moved quick. The servers were knowledgeable and polite. They explained where the Brisket is on the cow (front leg/shoulder). They explained how they carve it. They explained the sides. No lip or frustrated sneers. They took AMEX. They serve Pork and Chicken and Turkey and Sausage and Ribs and Quesadillas and Salads and Wings and 15 sides. They are open until 8pm (9pm on Sat). If I lived near here I would go for a week straight - check my weight - and if I hadn't gained 5 lbs, I would come back every day. They even have desserts and froo-froo beverages. High end, high quality BBQ. Outstanding. Will be on National Best Lists soon.

Uncle Henry's, Maitland - Closed

I had lunch at this Country Kitchen in between 436 and 17-92 on Howell Branch Road today. I had The Country Boy (3 eggs over hash browns, sausage lumps and smothered in white gravy with toast) for $5.95. It must be called The Country Boy because you will never become a Country Man if you eat this regularly. It wasn't bad, but, it was covered with sooo much gravy that I couldn't will myself to finish it. I picked at it. I tried to scrape away as much gravy as possible, but, it was impossible. Now let me re-iterate. It wasn't prepared badly and the other items are probably cooked with equal care, but, this plate in particular was the wrong order for me.

That said. The place is a cute southern country restaurant. You will know it's Southern by the whisky voiced waitresses and good old clientele. This place makes Cracker Barrel look urbane in comparison (not that there is anything wrong with that). It has a very homey appeal. It looks like a Granny's sun room. It even has a sun unbrella at the bar. It seats about 80. It was 3/4 full at 12. It's only open from 6am to 3pm (2pm on weekends). It's cheap. They serve big portions. It was pretty clean (plastic glass was a little sticky). The service was fast and polite. The cashier was hot.

Caddies Pub, Lake Mary - Closed

Last Wednesday I had lunch at this Pub off 46A in between Sanford and Lake Mary. It has been Harvey's Bistro and Spice Modern Steakhouse (maybe others) in the past. They haven't changed much. They added video games in the back, golf themes in the front, and furnished spartanly. All but one long table and a 4 seater are high tops (for the inner child longing for their high chair). I find high tops bad for the back (even in non-codgers). There is no art work in the ravine-like middle dining area. They have TVs instead. It must seat 40 in the middle, 20 at the bar and 20 outside (the patio area was always great). I had the Bogey Burger for $9. It was a Deluxe BBQ Cheeseburger with bacon and fries. To be honest, the burger had so much going on in it that I couldn't really tell if it had any flavor on its own. I think it did have some sort of rub on it (not a plus). It was mostly Medium (some Well Done). The fries were those awful battered fries that BK made famous (it supposedly tastes good to their target demo). The service was good. They had two cute waitresses and a bartender. All were friendly. They serve typical pub apps and entrees. Nothing too fancy. I'm not a pub type of guy. I don't get places like Chili's or Applebee's that load you up with empty calories. I'll succumb if I'm watching a game and have no choice. If you have read Eat This Not That places like this scare you. They specialize in 1500-2000 calorie meals. There is also nothing fanciful on the menu. You don't feel transported to a different place or time. I guess I'm more Player than Caddie. That being said, there was nothing wrong with the execution if you are satisfied with this type of establishment.

Nico Globos, Lake Mary - Closed

I had lunch at this European style restaurant on Monday. Don't try and predict anything from the name. It is made up. I had the soup and sandwich for $8.95. I felt as if I had pulled out a gun. The Lobster Bisque Cup of Soup looked like a bowl to me. It came with three slices of bread. The soup was a little thick and I don't recall any lobster per se, but, it was passable. The sandwich was a Chicken Waldorf. It was huge. It came on artisinal bread that had a touch of sweetness to it. The chicken salad wasn't too mayonaised. It had the expected apple and grapes. They also added pine nuts. I love pine nuts. They are always welcome. On anything! I'm serious. It also came with half a basket of kettle chips. I stumbled out of there simultaneously proud and ashamed of myself for finishing my plate. The place is cute. It has four booths, 3 two seaters and some outdoor tables. It was almost full (mostly women). The table tops are shadow boxes layed on their side. The walls are brick. It has a wine cellar feel if wine cellars had windows. They had 5ish people pitching in. Service was good. The silverware was clean. It is located near The Sweet Shoppe near City Hall. I thought That Deli fed you. This place out does them on that front and destroys them on ambience. They make crepes too (but only in the morning - for now). The Delano has some stiff competition (these guys even take AMEX).

Passage To India, I Drive

I had a late (10:30pm) snack at this Indian restaurant on the Fun Spot side of I Drive. It is the oldest of three locations in south Orlando. I just grabbed some Whole Wheat Naan ($2) (for variety) and a Vegetable Samosa appetizer ($6) for the road. It was ready before I signed my name to the bill. Not that this meant it wasn't fresh. It was. The samosa's were mostly potato and not greasy. The bread tasted like bark, but, I expected it to. I used it and their dipping sauces to make Indian fish tacos last night. The place looks like ass from the outside. Really scary. But, inside it isn't half bad. It is a little worn in, but, I will call that "character". It has the expected Indian flair. The owners couldn't have been nicer. They even threw in a free soda. Who says Indians are skin flints? We are fortunate to have so many good Indian restaurants in the area. This one is certainly no exception. It must seat 90. There were still about 10 people there at 10+pm on a Sunday. I had to read A Passage To India in high school. This was a much more enjoyable experience.

Old Spice Classic, Disney

This was the bargain of the year. $10 (1/2 off $20 if a Florida resident - not mentioned in the ads) got me the runner-up game and the finals last night. Parking was free too. I could have had almost any seat. I chose the second row, three seats to the right of center court. I had no one next to me! This venue is called The Milk House. I saw Alabama win at the end against a horrible Michigan team and FSU win at the end against Marquette. Some lady kept screaming Jeremy Butler for one of their players. Too bad for her that he was Jeremy "Takes It Up The Butt-ler" as he missed about a dozen free throws to cost them the game. The place must seat 2500. I would guess 750 showed. They did their best to create some excitement. It still cracks me up how much old women from the mid west support their mediocre sports teams. They even wear uni's! This session started at 5pm and ended at 9:45pm. Session 1 started at 10am. They played 2 sessions a day on Thursday and Saturday. They have seats not benches. If you are in town and you do not go to this next year, you are depriving yourself of a real treat. They have 8 D1 teams every year.

Taco Maker, Winter Park - Closed

I had dinner/snack 2 at this chain on Friday. I believe they are a western chain. My only encounter with them was in Park City, Utah. I had a regular ground beef taco ($.75) and a chicken soft taco ($1.29) . The chicken was better. I found the beef taco to be flavorless in Utah and here. It tastes like a Jack In The Box taco (that's not a compliment). Almost any other chain is better for ground beef tacos. It was clean and new. It was totally empty. It's on Fairbanks half way between Rollins and 436.

Palmano's, Winter Park - Closed

Last Friday I had dinner/snack at this annex of the similiarly named deli on Park Ave. I tried their individual pizza (Christie) for $9. It was a whole wheat dough with artichokes and pepperoni. The toppings were of a good quality but I wish they would eschew my health and do away with the tree bark. They have a limited dinner men (pasta/sandwichs). Most offerings are just under or over the pizza price range. It seats about 12 inside, 5 at the bar, and 12 outside. They have wine and espresso and gelato. Unfortunately, they have perpetrated the soft Italian crime of distributing tiny, beaker sized servings of soda. I feel like Zoolander looking at the tiny school (model) when I see one of these disappointments coming. It's not like they charge half the price. What is the point? They must be harder to get. They aren't that cute. Anyway. The service was good. The place is cozy. It looks like an italian gelatoria. The owners seemed to be minding the store.

Club Crawl - Tastings, Ceviche, Ember

Forgot to add this one last week. Most places were dead because the FAMU-BC fans scared people away from downtown. Is it my imagination or are the performers at Ceviche going through the motions? And did they wall of the back of the hall? It looks different (and by different I mean worse). Update - Tastings is closed. 11/18/2013

Gurtzberry, Winter Park

I had a chocolate yogurt at this frozen yogurt place off Park Ave. It tasted like rasberry. I tossed it after 2 bites. It cost $4 for a small which was large. You can add fattening candy, etc which defeats the purpose of yogurt btw. On the plus side the cashier was hot.

Seito Sushi, Winter Park

I had dinner at this sushi restaurant in the Winter Park Village  on 17-92 last Saturday. I've been here before, but not since blogging. It was top quality as usual. I had urchin, salmon, snapper, scallop, and yellowtail sushi. Most were $5 for 2 pieces. The urchin was not perfect, but good. I believe the snapper was not talapia. The cuts of fish were large. The rice was ok (a little chilly) and packed tight. The place looks like a sushi restaurant should. The service was attentive. It seats about 80. Parking is a problem.

Jax, Lake Mary

I had lunch at this pub on Lake Emma Rd last Saturday. I've been here many times and only ordered wings or drinks. My loss. I had a bagel with salmon and avocado cups with shrimp. You're saying big deal. The bagel was large. The salmon was good. They topped it with caviar. The tomatos and onions were fresh and not just cut in a hunk and dropped on it. It came with a plentenous side of chips. I think it was a scant $7. Take that Einstein's. I also had a shrimp cup because I didn't think the bagel would be enough. It was. This was no mere tiny shrimp out of a can in pitted avocado halves. They scooped out the avocado and mixed it about with real shrimp and put it back in the shell so the shrimp were coated with avocado. Everyone should do it this way. It also came with chips. I must have left a bag full. I think it was $6. The service was good. For those who don't know, the place looks like a Swiss chalet. It seats 150+. It's usually mostly full on game days. They have many beers on tap and in the bottle.

Black Olive, Downtown - Closed

I had dinner at this Mediterranean Italian restaurant on Pine St last Friday. I had the grilled octopus for around $10 (I lost the receipt) and the scallops for around $24. The octopus was served in an attractive bowl/dish with some microgreens. The octopus was a tad overcooked. The scallops came on a plate with swashes of yellow sauce at the edges and bean hash below the 4 crustaceans. The scallops were plump. The hash was a bit bland, but, at least it was an original accompaniment. It also came with a slice of fried proscuitto which was why I ordered it, but didn't add much to the course. The place has an operatic feel which reminded me of an Austrian restaurant David Bouley used to have. The cielings are high. The decor aims at being received as high end. They have a glass enclosed wine room/private room. They have a piano with chanteuse. The service was attentive. It seats about 100. It was half full at 9pm. The crowd was foppish. It was good, but, just missing something. It didn't feel lived in. It didn't have an aura or personality. I find that I feel that way when I frequent a restaurant that is part of a chain. This is not so I don't know why I picked up that vibe. It's the difference between the show room of a rental property and one that is actually lived in.

Loving Hut, Colonial

On my way home last wednesday, I had to stop at the giant hot dog that used to be in the Chevron station to see if it had changed. I thought that it was attached to a building now and renamed Loving Hut International Restaurant. It is not. Loving Hut is a cute vegan restaurant that has everything from sushi to burgers. I ordered a little snack to go to be polite. I was well pleased. They served me a hot bowl of vegetable soup while I waited. It was very good. And not very good for a vegetarian restaurant. They serve this - gratis - as a matter of course. The steamed tofu dumplings that I had at home were also very good. I believe they were a scant $2.95. They were filled with carrot and ginger, etc. The place was a Vietnamese restaurant around a year ago. They have maintained the physical structure and painted the walls yellow. I believe the tables and chairs are new. They exude a modern vibe. They have framed posters of famous vegetarians on the wall as well as big screen tvs. The place is small (50). It is cheery and light like their food and service. There were two other people there at 2pm.

I would suggest that they get a larger sign that makes it more clear that they are Vegan and not associated with the hot dog stand.

Pho Vinh, Colonial

Last Wednesday I had lunch at these Vietnamese restaurant on 50 near Total Wine on North Primrose. I had shrimp and pork in vermicelli rice for $8. It was fine. I was a little scared when the waiter ran back to the kitchen with the sauce and then returned too soon for him to have poured out the old bowl and refreshed it with a new batch. I swallowed my reserve and thought back on all those occasions in foreign countries or sketchy curb side vending carts and ate as if I was blissfully unaware of what ever critter of human debris had fallen into that sauce cup. The shrimp (3) were over grilled (burned). I should have gone with one of the soups with french bread accompaniments, but, I wasn't very hungry. The service was good otherwise. It seats about 120. It was pretty empty. There is a small bar in the back. the cielings are low. It has windows on the street side. The art is conducive to this type of food. Not all the furniture matches.

Club Crawl - Paddy Murphy's, Odin's Den, Shakers, Wine Room

8:30-9pm: Paddy Murphy's - Almost empty. Big space. Clean. New. More of a sports bar/restaurant than club. It's in Baldwin Park.

9-9:30pm: Odin's Den - Almost empty. Dirty, smokey, head banger bar. Although they started playing Rihanna and country as I left. Had to try it once. It's on Howell Branch Rd in Casselberry.

9:30-9:31pm: Shakers - Didn't want to deal with valet service at a spot that used to be a Bennigan's. Note to owners. If you don't have a congested parking situation we don't want some druggie fiddling around with our nice automobiles. We don't want to wait to get our cars either. It's on 436 in Casselberry.

10-11:45pm: Wine Room. Usual suspects. Everyone left at 11pm like clock work. Wish they could do something to keep the crowd. It's on Park Ave in Winter Park.

Colibri, Baldwin Park

Last night I ate at this Mexican restaurant in Baldwin Park. I had the Chicken Mole Cajete for $15.99. Interestingly, the wheezer Rick Bayless just did a show on Mole this morning. Mole is a paste made of many ingredients and comes in many varieties. It's base is usually peppers. It's turned into a sauce by adding stock. This was a red mole. It was a portion fit for 2 served in an earthen pot. The 4 cutlets of chicken were well cooked (grilled). The mole was tasty if a bit salty. I wonder if they use salted chicken stock. It was infused with melted cheese. It came with the usual sides - beans and rice plus the sides used in crafting fajitas. It didn't really need the tortillas. It was good as just a chicken dish. The guac and sour cream competed with the mole. They provided chips and salsa gratis. Both were good. The service was excellent. The place seats about 60 inside and 40 outside. They overlook the lake. The decor was urbane - big celings, fresh colors, lots of windows. The inside is broken up into a bar section with tables and a main dining room. There is even a private nook with a booth. It was about half full. They have an extensive tequila and marguerita menu. Most dishes were in the low teens. They are also open for lunch. Very hip. Poor wine menu.

HS Football - Seminole v Lyman

Last night I went to see Lyman v Seminole. Lyman has some poor facilities. The game was horrible. Two players on the field were worth watching - Toby Durham and Erik Farkas of Seminole. I left after the first half due to boredom and indegestion from the cheeseburger at the concession stand. Lyman is across from the Seminole Dogtrack off 17-92.

Halloween Party, Downtown

I tried the party at Wall Street last week. It gets crazier every year. I went in the Jack's entrance (smallest line). The only downer was that aside from a beer tub in the rear, it was impossible to get a drink. Oh, and they traffic. The costumes always crack me up. I wish every day was like this. I want to know where all these hot girls are the rest of the year. The only downer is the trash that pours over from Parramore sans costumes. Why don't they dress up as non-criminals? It's a no-brainer. I wish they would barricade all of downtown. It would keep out the riff raff and give you room to breath.

Thai Cafe, Downtown

I bought a take home dinner at this Thai restaurant next to Philly Style Hoagies near the Comerica building yesterday. I tried Drunken Noodles for $7 for the first time. I usually don't love Thai noodle dishes such as Pad Thai because of the calories and the consistency of the noodles. I have to say the same about this dish. The flavors were good, but, even these broad flat noodles didn't do it for me. They are just too pasty. The noodles were steeped in the sauce. They came with some carrot slivers, sweated onions, and chicken. I ordered it medium spicy and it was hot. The portion size was good. It came with a side 'salad" (hunk of iceberg). The place isn't stylish. The decor is sparse. The room is rectangular. The kitchen is semi open in the middle of the floor plan. It seat about 50. Two people were there. They served quickly. It's now open for dinner.

Philly Style Hoagies, Downtown - Closed

I had a sandwich at this sub shop near the new Comerica building yesterday. I had a Tino (turkey, pepperoni, and pepperoni cheese) for $6.09. The place is a chain and this franchise is nothing more than a garage with a meat slicer. The only decorations are Philly area sports signage (I refrained from asking them their thoughts on the WS loss). The sandwich offerings are inventive. The Tino I had was a mixture I had never tried. I didn't even know they made pepperoni cheese. It was ok. The pepperoni (one thin layer) was poor quality (I mean Hormel makes a better product). The turkey loaf wasn't as awful as the loaf the serve at Chuck's, but it was loaf. You got about three layers of it. The bread was a nice attempt at a baguette, but it was not fully baked. It's a take out place with a slightly different spin than Mike's or Subway or Quiznos. Of course they make a cheese steak. They even have Whiz.

Breakfast Club, Downtown - Closed

After years of arriving past closing or forgetting it existed, I finally had a meal at this diner. It always piqued my curiosity because of it's referential relationship with an 80's movie and pop band. It's on Pine St across from Napasorn. I had something called Buttered Buttons because of its unfamiliarity. It cost $7.95. It was your basic choice of eggs (2) with choice of home fries, hash browns or fruit and and english muffin. The buttered button part was a portion of mushroom caps (10) covered with cheese. It was ok. The caps were wet and bland. Wet didn't exactly compliment the cheese or eggs. But, dry, stale caps would have been worse. The dish doesn't really work as a whole. The service was great. My over-caffienated waitress threw a glass of water in my face so quickly I decided to save 2 bucks and bypass my usual Diet Coke pick me up. The place looks like a coffe shop/diner. It's split into two rooms with the kitchen open in the back. The menu listed breakfast items, but, I saw a whiteboard with some sandwichy possibilities. It seats about 100. It was about half full with all types. Now if we could only get them to work a full day.

Pho Pasteur, East Orlando

I had dinner at this Vietnamese restaurant south of 408 on Goldenrod Rd on Saturday. I had the Curry Soup for $2.75 and the Thit Nurong, Bi, Cha, and Trung for $7.50. It was 4 types of pork with rice and cold pickled vegetables (pork pate, grilled pork, pork skin, and shredded pork). The grilled pork was kind of Mongolian in preparation. It was stir fried in a paste. The pate was like a quiche (warm and delicious). The soup had chicken in it. It was a large portion. Either selection could have been a meal on it's own. Service was good (although only 1 person was on call). The place had that 70's Chinese restaurant feel. The antiseptic, white tile floor feel. The decor was a few patoral paintings from the region. I really liked the food. They have big, laminated menus that are more functional than attractive. It seats about 80. 8 people were there on Saturday.

Tony's, Mills Avenue - Closed

Last Wednesday I had a snack at this Middle Eastern restaurant up from Chuck's. I had a chicken shwarma for $6. It was ok. Thin, crepe like wrapper. Nice amount of chicken. The place is small. It's very white. It has some bad murals. It was pretty busy though. I think you can have take out or sit down and eat it there. I didn't get the sense they had table service. The younger girl had an attitude. Don't ask me why they don't advertise the type of cuisine in their moniker. When I think Tony, I think pizza. You'd drive by it anyway. Poor signage. They did have some of those best of award plaques. Although, it seems like everyone else has them too.

Chuck's, Mills Avenue - Closed

Last Wednesday I had lunch at this coffee shop on Mills North of 50. I had a club sandwich for $7.50. It was made with really bad turkey loaf. And the fact that it is English themed does not excuse the quality. The place is a dive or a front. It's dirty. The decor is a few maps of merry old England. They have one waitress who I think made the meal. Around 5 people were dining.

Club Crawl - Mills/Downtown: Peacock Room, Stardust Lounge

9-9:01pm: Paradise. It's a gay bar. Who knew? You did. You know it. (Renamed)

9:01-9:30pm: Peacock Room (on Mills). Really cool spot. No one was there yet. I just stumbled across it.

9:30-1am: Stardust Lounge. Empty until after 12. Older crowd. DJ played radio play music from across the decades. Will wait another year before I try again here. Good spot but weak crowds. I think the bartender padded my tab. Got to remember to get a line item.

1am-1:01am: Mansion. They wanted 10 bucks for a club that was full of dudes, trying to attract a following, closing in an hour and basically the same club that was already weighed and measured and found wanting. They must think they are at Mansion in Miami - a reputation they are obviously trying to glom off of even though it stinks of CHEEZE. (Closed).

Steak & Salad, Mills Ave - Closed

On Saturday I had lunch at this Steakhouse (?) on Mills Ave (17-92 in b/n Winter Park and 50). I had calamari for $5.99 and the Seafood Pizza for $5.99. The calamari was packaged I would guess. It had a burnt taste that I would ascribe to being reheated in a microwave. At least it wasn't greasy. The Seafood Pizza was better. I usually hate cheese and seafood but I already had steak this week. It came out looking like Baked Alaska (which was cool). It had fresh tomatos, and just a little cheese and some real shrimp and fake crab . The fake crab actually gave it some sweetness, but, I would remove it and let the shrimp talk. The place was nicer on the inside than you would expect from the outside. From the outside I was expecting a place that serves cold mashed potatos to octogenarians at 4 in the afternoon. It's small (30) seats. They have a bar by the kitchen with a flat screen above it. The owner seems to do the cooking and although it was empty at 8pm, they were fielding a lot of take out orders. Their main fare is meat - pork chops, steak, fish and chicken. The price point for these options was around 9 dollars and they came with sides. I bet they are far superior to Sizzler or IHOP at lower prices. They had limited parking.

I would offer one suggestion. Jazz up that sign. It doesn't reflect the inside effectively or positively. You are next to a gay bar. Ask them for some advice.

The Sweet Shoppe, Lake Mary - Closed

On Friday I had a dinner/snack at this space on Lake Mary Dr in the Town Hall Complex. I had a hot dog for $1.89 - huge but bologna like and gelato for $2.59. I had half Amaretto and half Pumpkin Pie. Both were good. I even had a taste of Tiramisu (good). The place is clean. Lots of parking. They also serve sandwichs and other snacks.

HS Football - Seminole v Lake Brantley

Friday I went to visit the home of State Champs. Parking was free (unlike at Brantley). Tickets cost $6 (paying for HS football still cracks me up). I still can't get over how many band dorks and football parasites there are. They do realize they're just riding the players coat tails, right? They would have no audience if they didn't force themselves on us and the team. The play was pretty bad. The band loud. The cheerleaders shrill. The Seminoles' dance squad dress up like Liza Minelli in bowler hats and black stretch pants - ridiculous. Well it's an excuse to see what they waste our tax dollars on. I mean how many Patriot costumes should we be on the hook for?

Nature's Table, Lake Mary

I had lunch today at this self described health food chain outpost in the former AT&T office down and acroos from Jax on Lake Emma Rd. I had a Roast Beef wrap that was done in some sort of southwest style (basically cheese and some sort of mayo that didn't really taste of jalapeno). The only reason to go is if you love what they offer at all their other locations. The only reason I went was to track down this mysterious location. It is basically this office park's snack shop. They close at 2:30pm. It's breakfast and lunch. I guess I'll add it to my fast food filler rotation. It was cheaper than Subway. Parking was plentiful in the back.

Citrus Bowl - UFL Tuskers v Redwoods

I attended the United Footbal League game last night. I paid $15 (plus $5 for parking. $10 in their lot) for a second tier seat on the 20. However, I easily moved to the 45. Could have had any seat I wanted if it mattered. The quality of play was good. Few penalties. On the down side TV timeouts lasted an eternity. The halftime show was kind of good. It had an old school feel that I found superior to what most pro teams try and cobble together. Just a high school marching band and some low trajectory fire works. The half time was also short (maybe the length of one of those TV timeouts). The best thing was the price (although I think I was the only one who actually paid for his ticket). The worst thing(s) were the parking that cost as much as the ticket for a beta version of a league and the fact that this joke of a stadium can never accept credit cards. Also, the merchandise (I think outsourced) was reasonable. I bought a sweatshirt for $35 (was $65 for the XFL) and a penant for $10. Food was the same ridiculousness as usual. $10 for a corn dog with fries? I got sushi for $10 at Yankee Stadium this summer. Citrus Bowl anything should be half price. You should be glad we risk our lives and our cars by coming to this ghetto at all.

They say 12, 000 people were there. I counted about 10 sections on each side with around 100 people in them. That's 2,000. That being said, I hope they come back next year. It was worth the effort. Tusker's Rumble. How about a Squeal? You got a purty mouth.

Pho Hoa, E. 50

Last Night I had dinner at this Vietnamese restaurant on N.Primrose and 50 (near Total Wines). I had Ga Xe Phay which was shredded chicken with cabbage in a lime, pepper and corriander dressing for $9.50. It's served cold. It was excellent. The service was good. The place was clean for an Asian restaurant. It seats over 100. It has a bar. The decor was Asian (although it looked more Chinese than Vietnamese). It has an enclosed patio area. It was peopled with Vietnamese customers. The menu was large. The portion was large. The quality was good. Could be the top Vietnamese restaurant in the area.

Va Ma Nos, Lake Mary - Closed

On Wednesday I had lunch at this new Taqueria on 46A in Lake Mary. It's aiming to be an upscale Chipotle. And while different and pricier, it really doesn't have the potential to be much better (even when they get the bugs out). The menu is conceptually like Chipotle. You choose tacos (soft only = mistake), burritos or tostados (difference) and then the meat that goes into it. They try and make it sound fancy, but, it's basically chicken, beef and pork. The also offer fish and pork chop meals. But, both are chopped up so it basically just falls into the cat food category with the others. How one offers a pork CHOP without the bone is a head scratcher. You can choose lettuce, pico de gallo, tomatos, onion, crema, and 2 types of cheese as toppings. Guac is extra of course. They have an interesting salsa bar (probably the best thing about the place). The place seems like an Angel's diner (white walls). It seats 80-ish. It's self serve. The people behind the counter were nice. Although, the mexican guy who starts you out is a mumbler and a low talker so you can't understand a word he says. The music was also very loud and made it hard to order and gave me a headache. Additionally, they try and relate that you can adjust the menu to your liking, but, this just makes a confusing experience worse.

Back to the meal. I had the tostadas tinga (chicken) for $6.50. The tostados (3) were tiny and burnt. The chicken was luke warm. It was shredded chicken which is far superior to diced. It was all white meat. If they want to be the top of the fast food chain they need to execute better. They have the opportunity because they offer more than Chipotle and Qdoba at around the same price point. Moe's gives chips (a huge plus) but, their meat is so salty it gives you 5 pounds of water weight with every meal. Tijuana Flats also gives chips and has hard tacos, but is less authentic. I still say Taco Bell for value and Taco Riendo in Sanford and on 436 past 434 for the real thing for $1.50. All these $8 taco places leave you hungry.

Best part about this restaurant is that they don't put that damn tip line on their receipts. It's self serv bitches. Stop making us feel uncomfortable for not tipping at a fast food joint.

PizzaAroma, I-Drive

On my way to lunch on Monday, I had a slice at this pizzeria while I stopped to get a paper. Suprisingly it was pretty good. It had a very crisp consistancy and the cheese wasn't half bad. I've been getting such awful pizza lately (Diginos, Gio's, etc) that this was a revelation.

Sizzler, I-Drive - Closed

On Monday I satisfied a life long curiosity and ate at Sizzler. In my defense, I was looking for Punjab but it has been torn down. I had a Sirloin for $10. Unsurprisingly, medium was well done. But, otherwise it didn't give me diarehea. A little grey. No fat. The meal came with access to a huge buffet and a baked potato (why this just isn't part of the buffet is strange). Almost everything on it was prison food (taco section was particulary bad) but, I did go to college so I wasn't scared away from it. If you want to gourge yourself on poor imitations of classic snacks and a mediocre piece of meat then this is the place. The service was good although unnecessary (it's a buffet). The place was as clean and exciting as any aforementioned cafeteria.

Cafe Murano, Altamonte Springs

I had lunch at this Italian restaurant an Monday. I had the cheese steak lunch special for $7. They also had burgers, sandwichs, and pies for $7. The sandwich was a little tiny. But, the bread was good and oiled. The inards were meek but tasty. The services was great (4 refills). The place is in the old Gina's by the lake (retaining pond) in "Uptown" Altamonte. It has a very open floor plan. It must seat over 100 (inside and out). It has a hotel banquet hall feel mixed with a touch of sports bar. Only one thing on the menu (dinner too) was over $20. I suspect it will become a much more defensible alternative for the Chili's/Golf Club type diner.

Gourmet Burgers, Longwood

Last Friday I had lunch at this burger restaurant in Longwood. I had a Pineapple/Swiss stuffed burger for $7 (Soda and Fries were an extra buck fifty). The reason you inwardly stuff the toppings in a burger is to keep it moist. This technique is frustrated when the cook presses the life out of the burger. It was burnt and dry. The stuffing was oozing out of the meat. A few things saved this meal from being a complete waste. The cook seemed well intentioned. I think he was just trying to acellerate the laws of thermo-dynamics to get the burger to the customer. Also, the fries were good and the waitress had a good personality and was nice to look at (in fact I believe she's the only reason the 5 other customers were there). The place seats abot 20. They said they were going to stay open until 2am to feed the drunks from a nearby club that is opening today. There's no decor. I guess the burgers ate up all the "gourmet". The "poor country" style AC units couldn't keep up with heat. They also served dogs and some latin themed entrees. They still have a way to go before they earn their name. A burger is not "gourmet" because you create some odd (actually pretty cliche) combos and print them on a menu. Little things like ingredients and preparation define the term.

Pollo D'Oro, Orlando

I had dinner (actually take out) at this rotisserie yesterday. I had the 2 piece meal for $3.59. Good chicken. Good slaw. Iffy fries. A steal at this price. Hear me Aobe? I would recommend they switch to shoe string fries or cook the ones the have longer. It's in a fast food type location on W50 before the fair grounds.

Soong Thai, Ocoee

Lunch 2 (The Make-Up meal) happened at this Thai Restaurant on W50 before the Mall. It was the anti-thesis of the Aobe debacle. For a scant $6.95 I was served a large portion of Garlic Pepper Chicken in Vegetables with a soup and an egg roll. Now I usually don't like my Thai mixed with Chinese, the egg roll was good. The soup was a chicken stock with chicken and scallions. The pepper chicken was good. The service (4) for a 40 seat restaurant (mostly full even at 2pm) was excellent. The one flaw was that they served things right on top of another. The place had authentic decor that included Thai panels. Like I said, they seem to blend non-Thai dishes into the menu.

Aoba, Ocoee

I've been waiting to write this one since I got in the car. Yesterday I went to this Japanese restaurant in Ocoee. It's in a decrepit shopping plaza on Maguire Rd. It fits right in with it's surroundings. It has horrible roll around wooden chairs from the eighties. They would be horrendous in a work station let alone a restaurant. The place may have the most expensive prices in all of Orlando. Which is ok if you are explaining them through the logic of the bizarro universe from Superman. It is the worst Japanese restaurant I've been to in Orlando. Not just on quality, but, on price to performance. I could see it was going to be a rough meal when the 3 piece sushi plus Ca Roll lunch special started at $10. I decided that if I was going to be hosed for $10 I would at least get something bordering on exotic. I has the conch for $4 and an escolar roll for $4.50. The cheapest things not grown in the ground. The conch was limp, mushy and paper thin. The sushi rice was mush. The wasabi was dry. The escolar was actually tasty, but, it had the girth of the owner's ding dong (I'm guessing) - straw like. On top of this, they charged $2.50 for a soda (and no refills). The service was ok because only 3 other numbskulls like me were being grifted at the time. The owner bemoaned how much longer he could stay in business. Baby, you're all ready out of business you just don't know it yet.

Epcot

I went to the Food and Wine Festival on Monday. I don't see why they don't keep many of these kiosks year round. It would balance out the regional representation and pass as an addition to this stale and crumbling park. It's not like they have excess capacity at any of their better restaurants.

France Bakery: Sacristan $3.25. It's like a chocolate chip croissant flattened out.
UK Pub: Chips $2.99.
Poland Kiosk: Pork Shank $3.50.
Spain: Red Snapper Escabeche $4.50 and Poema Cava $3.25
South Africa: Mealie Soup $3.25 and Goats do Roam White $2.50
Argentina: Bodegas Norton Char $2.50
Brazil: Miolo Char $2.25
Australia: Rosemount Tram/Ries $2.50
NY: Lieb Merlot Blanc $3.25, Dr Frank Riesling $3.25, Lakewood Riesling $3.25, Red Newt Riesling $3.

Pork shank was the best bite. Mealie Soup was the worst (corn chowdery). The Norton Char was some kind of Late Harvest blend. It was the most watery wine I have ever tasted. I hope the staff ruined this somehow. It was the worst. Merlot blanc was a close second. The best were the NY Rieslings.

Rice Paper, Sand Lake

I had lunch at this Vietnamese restaurant on Turkey Lake (in an older shopping cluster on the other side of the new Whole Foods) on Monday on my way to Disney. I just had a summer roll and soup because I wanted to check the place out. The summer roll (pork and shrimp) was $3.75. It was fine. Nice slice of pork. The meatball soup was $3.95. It was fine but I'm still not sure how the Vietnamese make these things so dense and rubbery. The place seats 24 on one side and probably the same on the other (it was hosting a private party). It was almost full. It was clean. It had some decor heralding the region it was representing. The staff (2) was quick and polite. I had read some posts about it being bad and rude. I found it very good.

Jack's Steakhouse, Baldwin Park - Closed

Today I had lunch at Jack's Steakhouse in Baldwin Park. I had a Kobe Burger with Cheddar for $8.95. It was well cooked and came with field greens, red onion, tomato, pickle and truffle oil fries. Can't complain about a thing. Service was great (3 refills). Price was right. Atmosphere was steakhouse clean. Parking was easy. Put it this way, the 5 Guys Burgers down the block start at $4.50 (w/o fries I think) and it's not half as good. Put down the fast food and treat yourself for a few dollars more. Be civilized.

Club Crawl - Bar Louie and Circa (Closed)

9:30-10pm: Bar Louie. I had a drink at Bar Louie on Sand Lake Rd. They have one in PB too (I'm sure many other places). A bad band was playing hill-billy tunes to exhaustion. Pool boys and cougars. Question. Why do semi-wealthy girls down here all were satin tops from Dillard's? You all look like Kate Gosslin. Do you ever read (look at) a fashion magazine? Place was boring. But, it was only 9.

10:30pm-1am: Circa. I had a drink at their upstairs club (Winter Park). I was told by the owner that they get Rollins girls here. No they don't! They get fossils here. It was like a bad wedding reception. Same shitty tunes. Same guests.

Best part of the evening - late night snack at Pancho's on 436 and 17-92.

Ocean Prime Orlando, Sandlake

On Saturday I had dinner at this New American restaurant on Sandlake. The prices were steep and I had a sneaking suspicion that they couldn't deliver at that level. Therefore, I ordered 2 appetizers. I actually tried for the chicken at $24 but they were out of it (I wonder if it's because it's the only reasonably priced thing on the menu?). I had the French Onion Soup for $8 and the Surf and Turf for $16. The soup was ok. The broth was fine. The cheese was flavorless (ie cheap) and not browned enough on top. The Surf and Turf was braised short ribs (a little gamey) on top of scallops (2). They were large but fishy (not fresh) and one was laced with sand or shell or grit of some kind. The service was great. They gave you a whole loaf of sour dough bread that looked great. The decor is very nice but it lacks personality. They have a private (as private as glass can be) dining room, a large bar and an outdoor seating area. The place is fine but not fine dining. It's like Fran Drescher at a black tie affair. You can dress her up and she can look good and say the right things but you still know she doesn't pass the test. Plus these prices are an insult when you have to sit next a bunch of jack asses in shorts and a tee shirt. Either lose your pretense or enforce it. I have a feeling that people try for a table at J. Alexander's next door (1/2 the price) but can't wait 40 minutes for a table so they suck it up and go to Prime so their fat wife and screaming kids will stop complaining. Interestingly, Prime was about half full (60 tables) and Alexander's was totally full. But, Prime is 2X as much so they probably earn equal amounts. Funny how the economics play out. I would reservedly recommend this place. It's like Salt Island or Capital Grille - expense account dining for hicks who think Ruth's Chris is as good as it gets. I was told it's run by a man from Ohio. Make of that what you will.

Positano, Ocoee

Last Wednesday I ate at this Italian restaurant on West Colonial (50) near the West Oaks Mall. I had the buffet for $7.95 to test out as many dishes as possible. Verdict? Pizza = good. 4 types. Thin. Salad Bar = good. Fresh. Had 3 cold non-vegetable selections as well as the veggies. Sausage Lasagna = a little bland but ok. Rigatoni a la Vodka = good. They also had two seafood oriented pastas and Eggplant Parmagiana = untried. Service was good. Clean. The place had a more formal area, a pizzeria and an enclosed patio. I wish I was hungrier that day, but, who can complain at $7.95. Get in there and stuff your fat faces.

Papa Tony's, Winter Springs - Closed

I ate at this Italian restaurant on 434 last night. The sign at the door says "Orlando's best kept secret". It should read "This place is best kept secret". First of all it's in a gas station. This would be cute if it was good. But, it's appropriate given have bad the food was. I ordered a veal parmigiana hero because I was not about to throw $15 down the toilet on this long shot. That was the median price for about everything (I think spaghetti is about 89 cents a box). They didn't have veal. On a Friday. The start of a weekend. Their busiest time of the week. I settled for the chicken at $7. Do you know the Italian Chicken Sandwich at Burger King that they drag out every once and a while? Then you know the Chicken Parm Sandwich at Papa Tony's. Same size. Same quality. The place is aged. There was a guy singing at a piano. They offered specials and a salad bar. Too scary for me. Maybe they're good. But, I'd be too scared to try. And I'd be to smart to pay what they expect for it. Another sign said the original cook or owner was back (I assume this wasn't a threat). I can't imagine how bad it was under previous ownership. The one good thing was the service. I even watch on as a waitress took the time to try and help out some deadbeat/person off his meds looking for a free glass of water read the menu before we all realized he was just taking advantage. I would also check the menu against your check. I think some things on the menu are listed lower than they appear on your check. If you don't know this place is bad, you don't know what Italian cooking should taste like.

Hayashi, Sanford - Closed

I had lunch at this Japanese restaurant on 46 on Tuesday. I had a short rib lunch box for $8.95 and a two roll sushi lunch special (yellowtail and tempura chicken) for $5. Sodas were $1. It was ok. This place was run by a Japanese man when it was called Gyosai. I had the impression that it is run now by a Chinese owner (drop in quality and Chinese items on the Menu). On the plus side, I applaud the larger menu, the prices and differentiation. The Chinese hot items will bring in less adventurous customers. The prices will bring in the poor (most of Sanford). The different items will bring in people like me. The short ribs had a gamey taste. I'm sure the quality and age of the meat was bad. But, it was fun having something to pick at other than the usual Chinese dishes. Think thin skirt steak on the bone. Or that crap they serve when you order pepper steak from a take-out place. The spring roll was ok. It was not really filled with anything at all (mostly an empty shell). The potstickers were fine. The Japanese style salad was all iceberg lettuce. The watermelon squares were fresh and seedless. The miso soup was fine. The white rice was a little overcooked. And that was the lunch box. The rolls were ok. The yellowtail was fresh. But, I hate when they give you those tiny rolls wrapped in seaweed. It's like they section a straw. I didn't care for the chicken tempura roll. I'd never had one before and I don't think I will again. I'm not a big fan of land animals and sushi. The service was good. Two and a sushi chef for about 10 tables (3 were occupied and they had takeout orders). They asked for re-fills. The food came quickly. The place is pretty much the same as the old place. I think they did something to the sushi bar and added a TV. They have $1 sushi on weekdays from 5-7 (larger selection than Samurai). It's not high end sushi but you can put it in your rotation if you live near by and enjoy a sushi fix at reasonable prices.

Eola Cafe, Downtown

On Wednesday I had dinner at this American restaurant in the Embassy Suited Hotel on Pine St. I had a Cab Burger for $11. On the plus side, the bun was good a toasted to perfection. On the don side, the hamburger ws awful. It was grey, pre-formed and lacking in flavor. It was alterately overcooked on the edges and raw in the middle (a sure sign that it wasn't defrosted enough before cooking). The homemade chips were great. The place is in the lobby of the hotel and you get a great floor to cieling eating aboreteum. The service was good. The wine selections were good and resonably priced. It was clean. It seats about 90. The menu was typically over priced (business accounts and hotel hostages). I would go for the ambiance.

Brick & Fire, Casselberry - Closed

On Wednesday I had lunch at this Italian restaurant on 436. I had the Greek Chicken and Pasta Salad with beverage for $6.95. The greens were good. The chicken was awful. It was that chicken Spam they use at BK. The pasta was stuck together. I don't think the cook ladled the water while boiling it. They haven't changed the decor from the Mexican themed darkness of the establishment that preceeded it. They added a pizza counter. That's it. The service was ok. 2 servers for 3 tables seated out of twenty or so. No re-fills on the drinks. The dish I ordered was a summer special. The rest of the menu was over-priced (a 20$ pizza for example). Another woefully mediocre Italian travesty at premium pricing. I wouldn't go back. Plus they didn't take AMEX.

Pio Pio, Orlando

On August 13th I had lunch at Pio Pio on 436 on my way to the airport. It's a Latin style restaurant. I had Pork Belly with Arepa for $3.50. Now, in the last month I've had braised pork belly in the Hamptons and a Pork Belly Taco in Pacific Beach, CA. Both were far superior to this pork belly in different ways. The braised pork belly was nearly 100% eatable. Only a thin membrane in between the two halves of the pork belly was dicardable. The fried pork belly in the taco was 100% eatable. Pio's belly was 90% ineatable fat. Now I don't know if it is their style of preparation or poor execution, but, I found it too fat-centric for my taste. But, it was cheap so no harm done. I also had a steak sandwich for $5. It was monstrous. It came with lettece and tomato on a huge roll. I couldn't finish it. The prices swing wildly at this place. Some entrees are in the high teens or higher. I wouldn't pay that for peasant food. But, if you order smartly it's a good choice. The place is nice. It has a few sister establishments. It seats about 70. It was half full. The service was good. It was clean. It had appropriate decor for a Latin-themed restaurant. Give it a go.

Limoncello's, Sanford - Closed

On Monday I ate at this quasi-Italian restaurant on that little island in Sanford. It's in the old Oscar's localtion and retains most of its elements (except for new photos of Italian-Americans on the wall). I had their lunch buffet because I wanted to sample as much of their fare as possible. It ran $9.95. They had a salad bar. Not huge and mostly iceberg but acceptable. They had corn chowder (better than the porridge they serve at Panera's). They had roast chicken. It was flavored with a rub that reminded me of Old Bay and was dry (but I like it that way). They had ziti in a tomato sauce baked with mozzerella. They had farfalle in a cream sauce. They had sauteed squash and zucchini (a little greasy). They had really fried hashbrowny potatos. They even fired up a pizza for me. It wasn't half bad. Unfortunately, for them there were only 3 others eating dining when I was there. I think they had some take out orders, but, a not half bad buffet was probably ignored. If you going to eat in Sanford, I have to believe this is the best value. They have most of Oscar's old dishes and many Italian staples. The view is killer. The service was great (she was even doing windows while I was there). The place is clean. The decor is above average. It mostly wood with fish tanks thrown in. It seats about 60 and has an outdoor deck. For 10 bucks it beats the 2 pieces of mis-cut salmon sushi and beer I had at Fish Bones on Friday.

Conquistador, Winter Park

I had lunch at this Puerto Rican restaurant in a strip mall on 436 on 7/1 on my way to the airport. As I recall, I had some sort of salted pork special for $7. While the pork was a bit salty (as previously stated), I enjoyed it. It came with a momofongo that had little bits of pork in it. The portion was large. The sauce was good. The service (1 guy) was good. Only 1 other table was taken. But, it was early and the take out orders were flying in. The decor is sparse. It seat about 40. They have a flat screen toggling through Puerto Rican images. I would try it.

Club Crawl - Lake Mary : Carlos and Charlies (Closed)

10-11pm: Carlos and Charlies: You know a place sucks when I immediately go home and slam it. This place was peopled with the same crowd that probably went to it on Spring Break 1990. What a disater. It took forever to get a drink (The 4 bartenders couldn't keep up). As if it's not bad enough that they young girls in Lake Mary are fat and ugly, the cougars that prowl this enclave are pawful. I can't wait to leave this cesspool for a real city in a couple of days. I will be on leave for a month. Good riddance social oblivion.

3 6 9, Casselberry - Closed

Today I had lunch at this Chinese restaurant on 436 near Rachel's. I had the Brocolli with Chicken for $6. It came with rice, tea, water, and wonton soup. The wonton soup was rich and chickeny. Two large dumplings in a thick coat. Question. Is Chinese food salty because the need the salt for manual labor or is it how the preserve things? I'm not complaining. It was salty but good. The entree was enormous. I felt guilty being charged the same amount I usually pay at my local fast food Chinese place for half as much. The chicken wasn't overcooked. Very moist. The sauce was a bit cloying. They need to learn that less is more. The rice was well cooked. The service was good. But, I have to learn not to make eye contact because they think it means I want something. The place is done up with black laquer tables and chairs. Chinese art adorns the walls. They have a little section that offers Chines items for sale. It was clean and empty. A great value. I think they have another place closer to Apopka.

Hu Hu Hot, Florida Mall

I had lunch 2 (the real object) at this Mongolian restaurant outside the Florida Mall on Wednesday. It's an all you can eat buffet for $9.79. You choose your meat, veg and sauce and they cook it on a big, round, metal grill. What can I say about it? It's a value buy. The results depend more on your ability to match ingredients than their culinary skill. It is a chain so the restaurant is clean and new. It was mostly empty. There's not much service beyond the clean up. They have a bar and flatscreens (tuned to CNN). Question: why do restaurants choose a political channel to show? You're going to piss off half your clientele.

Salsa, Florida Mall

On Wednesday I had luch 1 at this Mexican restaurant near Macy's in the Florida Mall (John Young and Sand Lake). I had a steak quesadilla for $7.99. It was kind of tiny. The steak was kind of hamburgery. It was topped with a little guac and some strings of sour cream. This was one of the cheaper things on the menu. I would say it's overpriced for a mall restaurant. While the place is modern and clean, I wouldn't recommend it. It's part of a national conglomerate that runs Samba Room, etc. You are paying big boy prices for McFood. The staff was nice. Try authetic Mexican at realistic pricing at any eyesore over this. Unless you think Outback is a good steakhouse and non-gringos scare you.

Grafitti Junction, Thornton Park

I had dinner at this bar in a tent past Dexters on Friday night. I had a cheeseburger with avocado for $8.50. It came with a lot of fries. I was surprised when it came close to medium rare as requested. All seemed well until about 10 minutes after eating. Can you say indigestion? I think it was the spicy rub they put on it. I would lose it. The service was good. The place is trying to channel Austin, TX. It is a fenced in "porch" with grafitti all over the place (including the servers). I bet it gets a fun crowd (Zooey Deschanel not Emily) later on. They have Widescreens and video games. I wouldn't be surprised if they have live music. A good place to get annihalated and puke up that shitty burger seasoning in the corner. They probably just hose it off.

City Diner, Downtown

I had breakfast at this diner behind the court house on Friday. Let's just say I think I overpaid for a one egg on a muffin with cheese and a DC for $5. I asked for no grease on the muffin. Got it. The egg must have been from a quail. The cheese wasn't melted. The DC tasted like rust (no re-fill). The waitress had on a wig. The place has shitty parking. It closes at 2. I feel bad for all those cons and lawyers who have to eat here before trial.

District Five, Downtown

I had lunch at this hotel restaurant in the Crowne Plaza on Friday. I had a turkey club for $7.99. It had only one slice of turkey and two pieces of bread but it was tasty. They served it on some thick whole grain type bread with a spicy mayo. It came with a side of potato salad and chips. They were both above average. The service was pretty much order and delivery (no check). But, that may be because they were serving a seminar at the same time. The place is very modern. It has windows for good light. The whole hotel (which was a condo) was very nice. I would stop by (before a Magic game or Carr performance) for at least a drink at the bar and a look around. The parking was free too.

Golden Thai, Longwood

I had lunch at this Thai place on 434 in between 1-4 and 17-92 on Tuesday. I had the Masaman Chicken for $7. It's white meat with a yellow curry with peppers and white rice. Everything was good. No surprises. The place is small (10 tables). It was full. They have a small staff (3 including management). The service was adequate. The decor was authentic Thai with lots of bling. It's a fine spot for a casual Thai meal.

Club Crawl - Longwood & Sanford : Harmoni (Closed), Mulligans, Route 46 (Closed)

10-11pm: Harmoni. Had some nice wine but the scene was slow. One foursome of New Yawkers and 2 couples on dates at the bar. Should have stayed at Hurricanes. At least they had eye candy. I call the brunette.

11-11:30pm: Mulligans. All dude-fest. How do people in non-club towns every get laid?

11:30-11:59pm. Route 46. Went to the new Garage Bar. Two married girls at the bar. Maybe five non-descripts outside. This is the second time I've been to this multi-space vortex and the second time it was beyond suck. I think it's out of mind until I get a Harley and start day drinking in my leather vest.

Hurricane Grill and Wings, Longwood

I had dinner at this Surf themed American restaurant in that strip mall right at Wekiva Springs Rd and 434 on Friday. I had the Mahi-Mahi Platter for $10.99. It was a grilled rectangle of fish with fries and a mini-cup of slaw. The fish was actually well prepared (not dry). Although the shape screamed frozen, it was fine. It wasn't hidden under any rub or sauce. The fries were very good. They were covered with a salt and pepper rub. The cole slaw had a lot of fennel or coriander seeds in it (I forget which is which). The place was packed. They had adequate staff (all girls) for the traffic. People seemed to move in and out quickly. It was full throughout the night. They have a bar. They have flat screens. Surfboards and surfing murals provide the visual stimulus. A family friendly place. Especially for Dad (see the line about all girl staff).

Circa, Winter Park (Closed)

I had lunch at this what they call American Classic (I call it themeless) restaurant on Park Avenue on Wednesday. I had the Tortellini in a Tomato Chianti Cream Sauce (very American, right?) for $7. It was delicioso. It came with sweet english peas. The portion was large. The pasta was well cooked. The sauce was savory. I laughed to myself when I looked across the street and saw those saps getting a Panera sandwich for the same price. The service was good. Although, it better have been since only two others were in attendance. The staff was all dressed in costume. The waiter gave me a good table and refilled my drink without provocation. He was always attentive. They served a little unleavened cracker in lieu of bread (very cost conscious). The butter was a little stinky. It had either been melted and reformed too many times or tainted by something in the refrigerator. The place is art deco. They have fresh flowers. There is a mirrored bar, piano and an upstairs night club (all white). They have a banquet room in the back and a pub next door. The food ranged from meatloaf to alligator bits to seafood. The place was clean and has good views. They have put a lot of care into this operation. The value is great (especially at lunch). Let's hope they can succeed where many others have failed.

Club Crawl - Tastings and Ember

10-11pm: Tastings. Mostly empty except one table of girls there for the $20 ladies night tasting. I was only there to try some wine and watch the Magic.

11pm-1am. Ember. Very full. Mostly guys (because of the game). Good atmosphere (because of the game). Back bar smelled of puke the whole night. Someone should be accountable for this mess (literally). I can't believe there could have been a manager on duty and this escaped them. Can I also request that douche bags don't take ownership of a bar stool when the whole crowd is looking to get a drink. I know you dragged $4 out of you bare trap like wallet for that beer you've been nursing for half an hour but some of us who came to spend money on real man drinks would like a drink too. You probably tell the girls that you're a high roller too. Don't ya? Left early because of that damn DUI law and the wisdom that you don't play when the odds are stacked against you. Live to cruise another day. No use fighting over the fat chick and the cougar. Orlando Tip - their boyfriend is at the bar and just trying to get out of paying for their univited and undesired company.

Nagoya Sushi, Sand Lake

On Saturday I had an after-thought second meal at this Japanese restaurant. I was in the neighborhood and wanted to kill time before clubbing. I had some conch (fresh and meaty), baby octopus (same), sea urchin (rich and served with a sliver of lemon), surf clam (cut in two for easier nibbling), and a grilled half of a baby homard lobster tail (a new one). All but the lobster and urchin were under $2,50. $5 for the urchin and lobster (and once again that's real Maine-style lobster not frozen langoustine or Australian "lobster"). Unbelievable prices. Urchin is usually $8. The owner had promised that they serve more fish than rice and she wasn't lying. The rice was even properly vinegared. The staff was great, young and cute. The owners were attentive and knowledgeable. Even the house sake was good enough to be served cold ($5). It's great when the establishment gets it. The place is small enough to allow attention to detail. It's not a sushi factory like Amura (also good but impersonal and expensive and sometimes impolite). The decor was Japanese casual. It was about half full. It probably seats 50. Parking was free and close. I would ask you to find this little gem tucked in an alcove behind Christini's. You'll become a fan even if you stick to your California Rolls and Tuna Sushi. They even had Toro.

Tang's, Sand Lake

On Saturday I had dinner at Tang's restaurant on Dr. Phillips. I had the Red Curry Chicken for $14. It was unlike any Thai dish I've had before. An uncut, grilled chicken breast was placed atop length-wise sections of carrot, squash and zucchini in a pool of red curry. It was decorated with strings of carrot and an orchid. The waiter came by with jasmine and curry rice and portioned out contents in a separate ritual. The meal was excellent. Extremely tasty! The service was great. Every member of the staff (including owners) aided in the task. They showed great care in my satisfaction. They were stylishly dressed and reverent. The waiter even went as far as to replace the orchid on my plate before serving because it had moved slightly on its way from the kitchen. The restaurant itself had the requisite Thai decollatage. But, they added elements that made it thoroughly modern. They even had booths (which struck me as funy because I just saw a Chris Rock special in which he observed that girls always want a booth. They were indeed peopled with women). The wine list was great. Not the usual best sellers and distributor influenced dreck. Someone has taken this upon themselves. The place was immaculate. I was given a good seat. Everyone dining (aside from one table of yokels) was dressed well. The place was about half full, but getting fuller as the night went on. They had alot of courses that you won't find on a traditional Thai menu. All improvements in conception. Parking was easily found across from the entrance. An unbelievable surprise. I can't understand how anyone wastes their time with greasy Chinese take-out when you can do Thai or Vietnamese. It's so cheap. I order you to realign your sensibilities. Thai is the new (always was) Chinese.

Spice Modern Steakhouse, Downtown (Closed)

On Wednesday I had lunch at Spice Steakhouse Downtown on Lake Eola. I had the cheddar burger with fries for $9. The burger was plump and pefectly cooked at medium rare. The chef even refrained from leaning on the spatula in the false hope that it would cook faster, therefore, it was moist. Good job. The burger came on a rectangular piece of with china in what is referred to as a deconstructed state. It was appointed with a fresh slice of tomato, onions and lettuce. Catsup and mustard were provided in steel tins. The bun was large, artisinal and fresh. The cheese was well melted. The french fries were mostly crispy (I still don't get how some fries can fry limply). The service was excellent. Even the hostess didn't ruin the experience with an insulting table placement. The place is styled in a modern deco motif. Very clean and enervating (in a pleasant way). The space is broken up by booths, etc so that most have a private area. They have an outdoor patio that overlooks the lake and two bars. The space was very clean. I can suggest no improvements. You can even find free parking on the street.

Tuscany's, Winter Springs

On Saturday night I went to this Italian eatery on Winter Springs Rd. I had the special for $14.95. The special was four cutlets of chicken covered in ham, mushrooms, provolone, goat cheese and a sherry reduction (I thought the waitress said Cherry. Now that would have been creative). It came with a generous bowl of angel hair on the side. It was not overcooked. The main dish was enormous. I walked out like a pregnant Buddha. It's hard to complain when they serve you so much that you wonder what their margins are, however, I must disclose that it was a bit rich at these levels. I must have received two ice cream scoops of goat cheese. That said, it's better than the alternative and I could have pushed away the plate at any time. The entree came with a Caesar Salad (a little pasty) and warm bread. Did I mention that I think I ordered the most expensive dish? The prices here are great. Most pasta entrees were under 10$. I saw mammoth sandwiches coming out of the kitchen. The owner was gregarious and seemed to have a lot of regulars. They had 4 or 5 waitresses for about 15 tables. The service was prompt and communicative (although another victim of the correct pronounciation of the dish - chicken francese). The decor is bad. Plastic vines, grapes and plants. The place was a little loud. A drunken party with kids and low ceilings combined to assault my temples. The owner was overhead discussing expansion plans. I'm not sure if that will close them down so call before you go. The one negative was the small selection of appetizers and their cost. They are almost as much as the entrees. But, who needs two courses when one is more than enough here. Don't ever think Carrabba's or Macaroni Grill if you live anywhere near here. I curse you if you do. But if you do, you are probably already cursed with a small brain. You know how I feel about most mid-level Italian restaurants. This place is the antithesis. Even the liquor was below the usual mark up.

Takeyama, Oveido

On Tuesday I stopped by this little sushi restaurant at the end of Red Bug Lake Rd and Lockwood. I had the sushi lunch for $8.95. It was a tempura roll and 4 pieces of sushi (Red Snapper, Tuna, Salmon, White Tuna). The roll was penuriously filled with CC and tuna. Fried kind of defeats the purpose of raw food. The other sushi was adequate. The place seats about 40 in a narrow setting. There is one big mural. The rest of the place is sparsely decorated. There were two other customers dining at the time. The service was prompt (it would have to be wouldn't it) from the solitary server. They didn't take AMEX.

Numero Uno, Orlando

Today I had lunch at Numero Uno on S. Orange (south of the city and before Kaley). It's a 30 year old Cuban restaurant. I had the Asopado de Camarones for $12. It was a stew like dish with rice, shrimp in a tomato/beef stock broth. It reminded me of a wet risotto. It came with fried plantains and a garlic/vinegar dipping sauce on the side. The asopado was tasty. The shrimp were fresh 24's. There were six of them. The portion was large. It came in a cute wooden bowl. It could have used a little more chopped fresh onion for texture and taste (in the summer fresh vegetables would probably give it more life). It was very savory. The plantains (4) were not too oily and weren't essential to the dish.

The place seats about 40 and was packed. Nevertheless, I was energetically ushered into a table for 4 in the middle of the restaurant without complaint or flippancy. The food did take a little longer to come out than the waitresses seemed to care for. I thought it was fast, but, they must really keep the kitchen on its toes. All the waitresses were friendly and had each others back. The ball was not going to dropped at this service (at any table). They were constantly delivering updates or inquiring as to my well being. An additional bonus. You have to go to see a true vision of the feminine form. It seemed like many of the men were there to do just that. The Ford Modeling Agency should send a scout. The place is lacking in decor and parking, but, the experience was great. They had many cheap sandwiches and lunch specials. The bread was a little boring and the silverware a little worn, but, it deserves its fine reputation. They were quick, timely and proactive with refills and accepted Amex. The place drew all kinds. No one should feel as though they wouldn't be accepted.

Paxia, College Park - Closed

I had lunch at this Mexican restaurant in College Park on Wednesday. I had the Chicken Soup and the Enchiladas Lunch. The soup was a tomato based broth with vegetables and shredded chicken. It came in a tiny cup (the same one they use for salsa) but was mostly chicken. It was only $3. The enchiladas (2) were full of chicken and covered in melted cheese. It came with beans (black or refried) and rice. It was $7. They seem to be trying for a nuevo-Mexican feel. The place is hipsterish and the prices reflect that sensibility. I ordered off the lunch menu. Most of their entrees are in the mid-teens. Appetizers can reach near double digits. I wouldn't flinch at those prices if the experience was vastly superior. However, the place looks hastily constructed (bad caulking and paint). It's not terribly clean for a new place (the ceiling already looks worn and the floors were dirty). There is a bar and a lounge on the right. The place is done in burnt oranges and muted reds. The floor is black. There are walls that break up the dining area into two sections. The service (2) was good. The chips were not greasy and plentiful. They were served in a funky cone. The salsa was mild. Still don't get how you are ok giving what is basically an appetizer away for free yet go on to expect one to order say a $9 tostada. Why would one do that? But, I'm not complaining.

I would advise them to sweat the details. It's so easy to go from upscale to average if you aren't meticulous. The food was good. The outside was good. But, if you want to charge big boy prices for peasant food, make sure I'm eating it in a fastidious setting. Get a toothbrush and start scrubbing. You want to be better than Don Pablo's, right? The place has to be the draw if you serve this food at those prices. It's tortillas and cheap cuts chicken and beef for christ sake.

Oh Que Bueno, Orlando

I had lunch at this Columbian restaurant past 50 on 435 last Monday on my way to the airport. I had Carne Asada y Arepa con Queso for $9.95. The flank steak was not overcooked, tough or dry. The arepa was crunchy. Eating it all together was the way to go. It actually felt like more of a breakfast than a lunch. The place must be a reconfigured bar. They still retain an enclosed bar up front and an open patio out back. The decor is sparse. It was about half full (30). The service was quick and polite. The place was clean. They took AMEX.

Wilfredo's, Orlando - Closed

I had lunch at this sh-Italian restaurant on N. Orange on Monday. It was one step forward two steps back the whole meal. $9.95 for anything off the dinner menu - forward. Dingy little place and waiter who tried to seat me in between a bar and a storage closet - two back. Waiter who was perceptive enough to gauge my unhappiness with his evaluation of my seat worthiness by non-verbal cues - forward. Bringing me chicken instead of veal and boring salad - two back. Nice portion of cutlets - forward. Taste of egg wash and limp and congealed sauce - two back. Free (I think. I didn't have it.) garlic or regular bread - forward. $2.50 soda and not refilled - two back. You get the drift. The place is cramped. Everyone is sitting on top of each other in what looks like a Italian grand mother's tea room. The veal (chicken) francese was three pieces. I think the generosity was based on it's expiration date rather than largesse. I smelled funk on the ends of some of the pieces. The egg wash was misapplied so I experienced the pleasure of fried egg on some of the pieces. The sauce was cold. It reminded me of an association dinner. I wouldn't be surprised if the cutlets were cooked the night before. I can tell because the capers didn't have enough time to soften in the sauce. I almost forgot. It came with limp rigatoni in a tomato sauce. Mmmm. Just what compliments Francese - tomato sauce. It was just thrown in because they didn't want to prepare another dish to go with it. I think some of the problem stems from the owner. She isn't Italian (not that that usually matters anyway). She is Asian. And as such has the Asian penchant for thrift (see who waits for the choicest cuts to be purchased before weighing in at a meat or seafood market). This translates into poor ingredients, assembly line production and poor understanding of the types of cuisine they are trying to recreate. It's like Mexican Chinese food. They just don't get it right. I can't imagine how infuriated I would have been if I had paid full fare. And get some damn field greens or arugula for that salad. It comes in packages in the supermarket! Iceberg lettuce is for pets.

Club Crawl - Winter Park - Eden, Red Fox, Wine Room

9-9:30pm: Eden. I had a beer at Eden. It's an outdoor bar next to the Enzian theater where the restaurant (burned down - who knew) used to be. It's now owned by some Austrian royal couple. They should show up. It would have doubled the occupancy. They have some cool beers and really old and expensive bottles of liquor and wine ($125 a shot). I just can't imagine it being tolerable past this time of year. Too hot.

9:30-9:35pm: Red Fox Lounge. Horrid singing. Tiny venue. Weird collection of geezers and hypsters. Served some well whisky in a Maker's Mark bottle. Had too see it for myself. Now I know what the here after holds for me. I'll be in the front row next to Hitler!

9:35pm-1am: Wine Room. Full. Rollins students and their parents. How many times can you play Lady GaGa and Flo rida? Double check those tabs. 1 drink will become 2. 3oz will become 5oz.

Seoul Gardens, Winter Park

I had dinner at this Korean restaurant across from where Melting Pot used to be on Friday night. I had a stew/soup with beef broth, rice cakes, clear noodles, egg and beef dumplings for $11.99. It came with 8 of those appetizer cups (fish cake, bean sprouts, kim chi, potatoes, dried beans, etc). I found it tasty. And I think I finally accepted the cavalcade of flavors argument. These things really work against each other. However, I think if your stomach is strong enough to jump from spicy to sour to sweet to whatever and back it can give you quite a satiating ride. It's like a game. Oh, that tastes like crap. What should I do to cover the taste? The place is in what must have been a French restaurant a one time because the decor remains. The place is large (60 people). However only 5 others were dining with me. They also only had one waitress. It was clean. The tableware was clean (had to mess up chopsticks and a spoon). There was no language barrier.

Punjab Palace, Winter Springs

I had lunch at this Northern Indian restaurant in Winter Springs on Friday (a slovenly strip mall on 434). I had the lunch special for $6.99! Again. I curse you - assembly line fast food enterprises and you mid-quality slop dispensers. It came with a green lentil, butter soup, rice, naan, rice pudding and choice of about 10 entrees. I had the butter chicken. It was like a tikka masala except extra creamy. It was very good, It had about seven sqaures of chicken breast. You can have it mild, medium or spicy. The soup was very rich. It came in a cup. Very nice. The naan was a little more crisp on the bottom than I've had before. But as I am not an Indian cuisine expert, I will just leave it at that. The rice was fine (maybe a tad over cooked and stirred - shredded skins). The rice pudding (I usually refuse dessert) was sweet and a little more cottage cheesy than a european rice pudding. The one criticism of the food would probably be the penurious serving of unrefilled soda at $2. The place is small (probably 20 seats). It has a strange orangeish colored interior and just a few Indian posters and some faux silk vines. It was clean. The service (1) was conscentious. They have a large dinner menu. On the downside I think I gained 5 pounds (there's a reason you don't see many skinny Indian women). The best secret about this place is that it is owned by the family that runs Punjab on I-Drive. Please try and find this place as the door knobs on the town's council has forbidden them from erected signage that would ultimately attract business. It must be because it's in such a great part of town that said signage would offend the aesthetic sensibilities of the inhabitants.

Mi Cafetal, Altamonte Springs

I had lunch at this Dominican restaurant in Altamonte Springs (436 and 434 near Pilin Thai) on Thursday. I had the house special for a ridiculously low $4.99 (now granted it's probably undeclared but how is it Subway, etc that you can't do a lunch for under $8?). Thursday's special was either Ropa Vieja (shredded beef) or Chicken Stew with rice, salad and a soup! Did I say it was $4.99? The soup was a chicken stock with beans (lots). It was savory. The beef was not overcooked. The rice did have a metallic taste that I've experienced in a few Latin kitchens (not sure of the cause). The salad was a little unimaginative (part of a head of Iceberg cut in large juliannes and topped with a tomato. I'm not sure if it was dressed but if it was it was light. It wasn't like I had room for it anyway because I had to go sampling an empanada for $2.50 that I thought came with salt cod and crab, but that I am now thinking was cod or crab. I had the cod. It was fresh, non greasy and ok. The service was attentive (not much of a language barrier). Although it was service singular not plural. It may get backed up if there is more than the 3 that were there on Thursday. The only criticism (other than not taking Amex) was the loud island music. It's a little much when you have to shout your order to the waitress. This is a restaurant not a nightclub (especially at noon). The place is small (probably seats 25). It is aethetically challenged. But, if your looking for variety and value this is a great place. They do ambitious and varied specials every day (I'm talking pigs feet people)! The regular menu is quite large (I don't know how the poor cook keeps up with the demands). And how often do you do Dominican. I mean "come on". You know you want to.

Patio Grill, Sanford

I had lunch at this American eatery today. It's just past 417 on 17-92. I had a "corned beef" sandwich for $7. I inserted the quotation marks because this wasn't corned beef. It didn't even look or taste as good as the meat you get in those 33 cent packets from the supermarket. It looked like ham. It tasted like nothing. It came on the poorest excuse for rye bread that I have ever seen. It must have been white bread that they jammed rye seed into. The swiss cheese was as flacid as it was extraneous. The worst "corned beef" sandwich I have ever had. If they asked the most non-jewish person in the world to recreate a corned beef sandwich this would be it. I'm suprised it didn't come with mayo. Take this off the menu. It came with a large bowl of Shrimp Bisque. This was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because the bisque was quite good. A curse because they put those little canned shrimp in it. Little shrimp? You couldn't even buy and expiring shrimp cocktail tray from Publix? Talk about cheap. And that's the problem with this place. They have no respect for the building blocks of acceptable cuisine - ingredients. It's a shame because I think they could have received a good review if they didn't dig themselves such a hole to begin with. I feel for that chef (unless of course he is buying the food). Aside from that, this place is a little cleaner than their 434 location. Although, it was decorated from the Buy Direct or Home Depot collection. The service was ok. Although, she did forget to run a couple of errands for me. The tableware was clean. It was fairly crowded with a Sanford crowd. I'm sure they love this place and eat here every day. I need a little more.

Rivership Romance, Sanford

On Wednesday I had lunch aboard this cruise ship for a little over $40 (with $7 coupon that basically negated the tax and port fee). They served some cheese, crudite and sweet rolls as appetizers (all you can stomach). We then had some time on deck. Then there was a typical salad with some sort of Italian vinagrette and rolls. The main course was cornflake and panko dusted Celery City Tilapia with roasted potatos and a medley of vegetables (yellow carrots again - is it a conspiracy?). All in all it was better than I expected (I'm rating it as a 20 dollar cruise with a 20 dollar meal). The fish was large and well cooked. Unfortunately, it was covered with too much of an unecessary mayonaise based sauce. The potatos were a little over buttered. The vegetable were ok for unsteamed. The served a brownie for dessert. The service was good. Although, I still don't know why they call everyone down from the upper decks if they're going to make you wait as they serve stewardess style. I hope they have more than two servers on the other cruises (we only had about a half full tour). Ice tea, coffee, or water are complementary. They have alcohol, beer and soda for a charge. You are offered a chicken or beef or vegetable or fish or pork entree. The two specials were fish and beef on the day I sailed.

The boat is a little seasoned. It has gold trim, red pleather booths, fake Tiffany lamps and a plentitude of mirrors. I would guess it seats 100. It's air conditioned and mostly enclosed. It was bigger and more enclosed than I thought (so don't worry about sailing in the heat or rain). The silverware and glasses were a little worn . The table mats and napkins were paper. Ask for the right side of the boat. It had the better view.

All in all this was a fun experience. I did the shortest tour (3 hours). You had to be at the dock by 10:30. We left at 11 and returned at 2. It's a cheap getaway and the food will be better than expected. It's not the Queen Mary but I think it's exactly what their demographic clamors for . It was mostly an older crowd and their young relations who boarded with me. Most were celebrating some kind of anniversary or birthday. They had an MC who furnished some good info (who new the St John's is black because of tannins from Cypress trees). We probably could have done without his karoake on the ride back. We saw alligators, snakes, manatees, birds and other flora and fauna on our ride. It may not live up to the expectations of some snobs, but, I found it a decent value and I ask the snobs of Central Florida to slum it for an afternoon or evening and I think they will be secretively satisfied. Where else can you get this experience locally? Unique(ness) is hard too find.

Club Crawl - Longwood : Liquid Scrips

Don't ask me how I wound up there. It's a psuedo-biker bar with go-go dancers and shot girls. There weren't many girls there, but, the drinks were cheap. It's in the spot on 17-92 where McGinty's used to be. I decided to leave early before I ended up in an apartment complex trying to keep it down so the baby wouldn't wake up.

Hugo Joe's, Oviedo

I had lunch at this restaurant on West Broadway on Friday. I had the French Dip because I didn't feel like carbs or grease. It was the special and it was $6.99. I was astounded by how much I liked it. All the ingredients were fresh. I was a little suprised to see melted cheese on top of the beef. But, it didn't ruin the sandwich. It came with mixed vegetables (my choice of side). Only the brocolli was over cooked. It had yellow carrots! Pretty atypical for such a place. The service was prompt (and cute). The decor was a little bar roomish. They had some interesting Swiss entrees and some seafood (oyster po boys!). I believe the spot used to be Frankies and more recently - Victorio's (that what the receipts still say). The crowd was very local.

Club Crawl - Brix (Closed) and Sky 60

9pm-12pm: Brix. Nothing new. OK crowd. They all left before 12. *They are no longer on Rewards Network.

12pm-1:30am: Sky 60. Pretty empty until 1am. I only stayed because while walking around Orange I saw that this night was a lost cause. I chose this spot because it had been a while and it's outside. I didn't want to waste one of the last cool nights we have left. The place reached it's usual quota of beaners early on. They love that Miami Beach linen cabana exterior. It became more mixed later on. I think there was a high school reunion of girls from Lakeland or Winter Haven going on. You can always spot the trailer park hair and clothes. It was uncomfortable to see the needy prom queen running around taking photos with everyone (even the dweebs who seemed uncomfortable to finally get an audience with the mean girls). Not that the girls were pretty. Just "Winter Haven pretty" I guess. The (1!) bar was a complete joke. It took over 20 minutes to get a drink when there were only about 20 people there. I didn't dare try once it went past 21. It's a sin that they can charge a cover for this place. But, I think it's the only incentive you have to stay so they must need it. My favorite patron was the aging Latina in knee high boots (have they been out so long that they're back in?) doing a tranced out, waving her arm behind her back like she was dispersing fart odor dance. She was doing the requisite left right dance that seems to be the only sanctioned move that her race allows. Tune into Univision or imagine some shitty trumpets playing a polka if you want to experience what I'm talking about. It makes the white man's overbite seem inventive in comparison.

Gargi's, Orlando

I had dinner at this Italian restaurant on Saturday. I had the Strachiatelle (sp) for $6. It's Italian Matzo Ball soup. It's chicken broth with noodles and lots of egg whites. It was very satisfying. I had Lasagna for $14 as an entree. While visually appealing (not cut from a pan), the pasta was way overcooked. It was pastey. I think it may have been re-warmed because it was overcooked without arriving hot on my plate. It was also bland. I don't think they spiced the dish at all. The meat was grey so I originally thought it was veal but, it might have been beef that had the blood boiled out of it from it's own juices during baking. The cheese was flavorless too. The service was polite. Although, it was subject to an unfortunate criticism that I'm having to assign more and more of these days - understaffing. There were only two waiters for the dinner service.

The place is on a lake and it was a beautiful setting for this time of year. It's on that lake in between Princeton and 50 on the good side of town (N.Orange). It serves about 30 tables. The place was about 1/2 full. The crowd was eclectic. Yokels, bourgeosie, gays, women who booze, and a some kind of youth church group were there on Saturday. The best story I overheard was a yokel lionizing the comedy and intelligence of Jeff Foxworthy. The gay couple next to him were forced to put down their cancer sticks for a second in order to savor the moment. The place is clean. The silverware is clean. The decor is an afterthought. I would recommend it for the view and hope that your muse just ordered the wrong thing on the wrong night.

That Deli, Lake Mary - Closed

I had lunch at this sandwich shop on Monday. I had a curried chicken salad sandwich on wheat with a side of mac and cheese and a DC for $9. The place has a hippie dippy feel. Lots of autographed photos of soft rock artists. The sandwich was fine. It came with alfalfa sprouts, onions, cucumbers and tomatos. They all were fresh. The mac and cheese needed salt. It's in the spot that was Nick's Pizza then some other sandwich shop. It has a counter that seats about 8 running perpendicular to the entrance and about 4 tables to the front of the shop. The staff is a bit cloying (but at least it's not a false enthusiasm like a "welcome to moe's). It is very clean. It's self serve.

Stone's Throw Bistro, Sanford - Closed

I had lunch at this restaurant where Da Vinci used to stand on Wednesday. I had a cheeseburger with home made chips and a beverage for $9. The burger was well cooked and came with field greens, gouda cheese and fried onions. The meat was sort of meat loafy (which we agreed was caused by the Worceister marinade). It wasn't bad or good - just different. It came in a large, fresh roll. The place has obviously not been washed since the days of the Pony Express (which is what one imagines when one enters this saloonish environ). The only decorative change is the local art pimped out on the walls. There is no underlying message with the decor. It's dark and eery. The service though extremely polite and working at full capacity, needs some attention. One person can not handle 30+ patrons. I waited almost an hour. Other tables had to ask for their meals to be wrapped up because their lunch hour had come and gone while waiting. Hopefully, they can add people as business picks up. It feels like friends and family now.

All in all this is a foodie place. The chef/owner obviously cares for nothing except the food. I would try his impromptu wild game nights if you can stomach the $60 entrance fee. They are probably good. They also have a nice selection of obscure micro brews. Let's hope they get enough patient devotees.

El Rancho de Anibal, Sanford - Closed

This supposed gem of an Puerto Rican restaurant on Sipe Ave (that was only open on the weekend) has closed. Thought I'd save you the trip.

Bella Vita, Lake Mary - Closed

I ate lunch at this Italian restaurant in Lake Mary (where Mario's used to be) on Saturday. I had the Chicken Parm sandwich for $7. I know you are waiting for the pain to come (mid-price Italian), but, I actually found the sandwich to be among the best, if not the best, I've ever had (and I lived on them in my teens). So how can this be? It starts with the bread. A large, wide, flour dusted, artisinal loaf. Light and slightly crusty. The chicken was real in taste and form (not pounded flat chicken spam) and not drowned in sauce. The sauce was light and fresh. The chicken was not oily or over breaded. The mozzerella was pulled over the chicken like a thin bed sheet. The service was perfect (although it was sadly empty). They have redecorated the place with a rustic (autumn colors) sensibility. It still suffers from a hallway-like floor plan that looks out on the working elements of the restaurant (even the bathroom area is visible from most of the restaurant). They tried to break up the flow with half wall, but you can only do so much with what you're given. They seem to have a wide if not imaginative menu. They keep a fair selection of wine and beer (most on tap). It goes to show you that I'm right about shitty Italian frauds. The prices are the same as Marios, but the food and atmosphere are infinitely better. They said they have an outpost in Deltona too. Tip - slices only at lunch.

I would suggest that they figure out a way to make the open kitchen a curiosity instead of an eyesore. Maybe dress up the kitchen or frame it with some decoration. Same with the other exposed doors on the kitchen side. I would also try and hide (curtains) the rest room area. I might also trade in some of those grand ma, reproduction Italian type signs and decorations for some real Italian point of purchase collectibles. It would give it an edge and make it look less like an American chain's idea of what an Italian restaurant looks like. I would also push the contractor to get me my sign and figure out a way to draw people in (a pusher on the street, a placard, music). I would also contact the sheriff and start towing all the bike riders that steal my customers spaces on the weekend.

* I went back recently and the pizza was atrocious. Not baked long enough and too much flour in the dough. The cheese was also salty and didn't melt well.

Journey's, Longwood - Closed

I had lunch at this highly esteemed restaurant in the Boston Market strip mall in Longwood on Friday. I had the Duck Confit on a bed of rice for $12. The duck meat was good if skinny drum and thigh (must be free range). The skin was not crisped at all. The chef said he was taught to do it this way. I don't eat the skin so it wasn't a problem, but, I've never seen a confit prepared this way. The rice was nutty in taste and texture (though not wild). It was paired with bits of lightly warmed vegetables (asparagus, squash, carrot). It came in a orange citrus sweet and sour sauce that had a little kick. I would advise eating the duck on it's own as the sauce overwhelmed it's flavor. The place surprises me for such a darling of the foodie circle. The menu was about 8 deep (4 salads, a burger, steak sandwich...). Nothing intruiging. Even the special was just a fried fish sandwich. The room at the entrance is always kept as if it is a store room. It makes it seem like they're constantly moving in or out. The place is small. There is nothing spectacular about it asthetically. Yellow walls with pictures of famous edifices (that I guess you would see on a "journey") and a black cieling with track lighting. The service was good and pleasant (2 for 32). The silverware was clean. The bread was fresh (served with tapanade in olive oil). It was fine not amazing. It was about 1/3 full. Mixed clientele.

I would suggest they clean up the space and push the envelope gastronomically. I like the fact that you turned the speakers away from the guests.