Grub Crawl - Azalea Park and Casselberry: CBG and Crab Ocean (Closed)

I've spotted four new places on 436. These are two. I tried them this afternoon. The first is near on the north side of 50. The receipt says Azalea Park. I've never heard that area called that. The second place is at Howell Branch Rd. I'd be surprised if either is with us in a year.

Coffee Burgers Grill - It seemed like it may be a cute chain or something. It was just a boring Puerto Rican café. It opened a week ago. I had the "little" cheeseburger for $2.85 and a chicken philly for $6. The patty on the CB was as thin as a Krystal burger. The odd thing is that the vegetables were the best part. Very fresh. The chicken was the on redeemable part of the philly. The bun was hot dog bad and they used shredded something or other and American cheese. Onions were ok. The chicken was just pounded down, grilled chicken. The place serves all meals. It is oddly brand new yet seemingly dingy. It was empty when I was there. It was a little late for lunch and they are new (1 week), but.... The craziest thing they offer is ribs. Mostly café food. It took longer than it should to come out.

Crab Ocean - It took over the spot that was most recently a Smokey Bones. In a big parking lotted strip mall that has never had anything good in it. It's a by the pound "boil" place. Mostly. I grabbed a fried catfish basket to go from $10. It was better than I expected. I don't usually buy fried seafood, but, I wasn't hauling a pound of boiled shrimp home for dinner. It came with fries. They battered them. But, they were at least fresh and plentiful. They also added some ketchup, cole slaw (tiny tin), and tartar sauce. And a bib, two forks, two sets of plastic gloves and some napkins. Never received gloves before. The portion was four pieces of densly coated catfish. It was fried nicely. Good crust. The lack of oil actually concerned me. Not freshly fried? Or superbly fired? The coating seemed like ground corn flour. I'm not sure if I'll go back. I don't like buying seafood from places that cater to a mass audience. You can't trust the quality of the seafood or the preparation. Although, everything is flash frozen nowadays, so who knows. They sell blue crab, shrimp, crawfish, snow crab, clams, green or black mussels, king crab, dungeness crab and lobster tail (probably Caribbean or Australian). They range from $13 to $34 a pound. They also let you mix and/or choose a "boil" (corn, potato. egg, etc mixed in). I don't like boiled seafood/ I like steamed seafood. Another reason I may not be back. They also have fried shrimp, swai, oystrer, calamari and chicken baskets. All $10. Raw or steamed oysters on the half shell. The place is huge. I would guess the "log" interior is left over from Smokey Bones. They threw up some kayaks and lighthouses to make it "nautical". There is a full service bar in the center rear. A square floor plan. The name is poorly chosen. As is the signage. There was a fancier seafood place down the road that just closed (and the building demolished) and one on Alamo that did too. I'm not sure if they are aware of that. This is a big space and if the lease isn't favorable, I don't see them drawing enough people to make it work.

*I was bemoaning the lack of artistry a few posts back. I'm reading a book now that has it. It's called Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace. It's not new or unknown. Marshall from How I Met Your Mother did a movie about him. All kinds of devotees love this thing. I've almost picked it up several times in my life and got distracted. I'm glad I finally started it. It's impressive. It interweaves multiple stories in a semi-fictional future. Odd settings (and characters) like a competitive tennis academy, AA hallway house, a government agent stake out, etc. It's too bizarre to try and describe. It was written in the mid-ninties and presages phenomena like Net Flix and Celebrity Presidents. I like books like Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and Utopia and Gulliver's Travels that lampoon society. This is in that vein. It's a dense and difficult read at first. You don't understand certain things (like why the dates are "sponsored" by products) and his vocabulary and breadth of knowledge of complicated subject matter is impressive. He writes like Kerouac on a speed high. Few paragraphs. Endless description (but so singular). He wrote his own key word addendum to explain things. It's hundreds of pages on its own. I bought it in an airport for around $20 last April. It was mass marketed for an anniversary. So, it's around. My version is just under one thousand pages (without the addendum). It reminds me of Salinger, Burroughs, Kerouac, Proust, Woolf, HS Thompson and maybe a little Bret Easton Ellis. I dare you to.

Grub Crawl - New Smyrna Beach: Caffe Vesuvio's, Bagel World and Pappas Drive In

I visited these places during the day on the thirteenth. The first two are on 44 after you cross over the intercoastal. The last one is on US 1 before the airport.

Caffe Vesuvio's - I grabbed two slices of pepperoni for $3 a piece. They said the owner is from Napoli. You couldn't really tell by these spongy, American, low cheese quality slices. Better looking were some sandwiches I saw being served to another table. I felt I should have gone in this direction while looking at the menu, but, I thought it was just a pizzeria and I had prepared myself for slices to be eaten on the beach. The thing about the sandwiches was the bread. It looked "baguette-y". They said they bake it there. It looked like it. They have a full Italian menu. It is a a full service restaurant. New. Not bad looking. A 16" pizza is $14. Most things are not above the mid-teens. I should go back and do it for real at some point. I think they said they have been open for a year or so.

Bagel World NSB - This little shack was a bit farther down the street. Near the curve. I grabbed a jalapeno bagel with regular cream cheese for $3. I've had worse bagels. That's about all they have. Some breakfast sandwiches and a few more things. Tiny place. Oldish. Ten or so varieties of bagels. They said they have been there for decades. Like forty or fifty.

Pappas Drive In - There are around five or six places I have to try on US 1. I picked them first because I'm a sucker for drive ins. I'll venture that this is Greek owned. Some of the items were Greek. A huge menu of every thing from prime rib and grouper to hot dogs and milkshakes. I grabbed a double cheeseburger (only 70 cents more), a hot dog and a vanilla coke float. The DCB was $3.25. The HD was $1.95. The float was $2.50. I ate them for dinner. The float and HD were average. The DCB was pretty good. Crinkly patty. Buttered bun. You can order and eat in your car or eat inside. They took credit cards. They also have a full breakfast menu that is served anytime. A little more on the menu. They have Italian dishes. They have seafood platters. They have liver and onions. Like I said, it has almost everything. They even have beer. And cereal. You get the idea. A living compendium of Twentieth Century dining.

* Some things I've seen lately: On CNN in the airport. A special on coffee. Two crazy ones I remember are the Sami people of Sweden putting cheese in their coffee in place of milk and a Vietnamese version with eggs instead of milk (war shortages started it).  I also saw a Canadian Guy Fieri-like show where they go to Rome and the place makes a cacio e pepe pizza by putting ice cubes in the middle of the dough and then bakings it and then adding (see how I'm making the verb tenses agree)  grated cacio to the water. I also ate an interesting porridge in Jackson Hole. It was made with quinoa, granola, soy milk, shredded coconut and fresh fruit.

** Riddle me this - Why does a sub 7oz bag of gold fish crackers fit in such a smaller bag than 7oz of Cape Cod potato chips (or 5oz of others)? It's rhetorical. One scum bag is selling you air and not exactly helping the environment. I don't get it. You would think the economics of stuffing more packages in a delivery vehicle would offset whatever marketing benefits large size packaging must deliver. And a note on the "green" item I cited recently about fashion and the environment. I also just have received confirmation of a theory I have held for years. All you little twits constantly on your smart devices and recharging them at every turn. Inquire into have much electricity is required to quench you addiction. And then chirp about sustainability.

Delaney's Tavern, SoDo

I tried this replacement of Doc's across from the hospital (is it still ORMC?) on South Orange two Sundays ago at lunch. It opened in August. It is now on the ground floor. They have put a nice looking (didn't see the rooms) hotel on the second floor. It's run by the Doc's owner. Doctor something or other. They have a brunch ($40) on Sunday's. I didn't try it. Aside from some meat (prime rib?) carving station, it seemed like a VERY middling hotel spread. They had stone crabs, but, they were so small and hairy (thawed) that you know they tasted like origami. I went with scallop and shrimp grits for $22. It wasn't that much of a hose job. They offered up four "real" (abductor attached), large scallops and four plump, fresh shrimp. Cooked perfectly. The purple grits (I think from some supplier in Jacksonville that they felt we would be impressed by by naming them on the menu) were also what they should be. They also added a lot of tasso ham and I think some kind of cheese. It was topped with a creamy, tomato-y, peppery sauce akin to (and maybe) a remoulade. A nice serving size. The menu had just changed and was diverse and manageable. I remember $13 burgers, $10 flat breads, $10 sandwiches and then some higher priced "structured" main courses. They give every type of shopper an exit ramp. The one peeve they plucked was the $3.50, ice filled soda. Really? They also had a trendy collection of wine, beer and cocktails. The buffet was served in a "back room". I was in the front (bar). There was a smallish "middle" room. The floor plan is rather rectangular. I was across from the bar in an elevated, semi-circular booth. There were two couples at the bar, one in the middle room and four of five couples in the buffet area. It seemed like a mix of hotel guests and artsy locals. The décor was on the trendy side. I seem to recall grays and blacks. More sterilized "farmsy/woodsy" than industrial. All new. Not a ton of light. TVs above the bar. Service was professional and polite. On the weekends you can parking in front on the metered (thanks City Beautiful) streets or they have a parking garage in back (that they validate) or a valet service. I think I liked Doc's. I definitely like Delaney's. I haven't been able to say that about new openings very much lately. So, I guess I have to tell you to make the effort. It's a much better re-do than Julie Broughton's tummy tuck and breast reduction. It should be on the 2020 Favorite's list.

*Starbucks promised to eliminate food waste by 2020. Now they say that they will be 60% NON-compliant by 2021! Remember that the next time you pat yourself on the back for spending responsibly or believing "socially" responsible pr bs. I could also tell you some things about how much fossil fuel the fashion industry uses. But, you wouldn't feel so smug about yourselves then. Would you? I mean, I HAVE to be on trend. I don't have to take a plane to cross the ocean.

Grub Crawl - Mills/50: Chi-Kin and Z Asian

I tried these places around Mills and 50 last Saturday night.

Chi-Kin Korean Fried Chicken - It's run by the King Bao people. They opened December 11th. It's basically Wing Zone meets Chik-Fila. I ordered ten wings for $11. I believed they would be Korean fried (batter). They were just fried in their own skin and doused with gojujang sauce. I forgot to ask them to serve it on the side so it wouldn't make the skin soggy. Why wing people don't just do this for their own benefit is beyond me. The wings tasted like they had been injected or marinated with something briny. I hate that. I also ordered some waffle fries. They were fine. They are open all day every day. They are in the old Noodles and Rice location on Mills near to 50 (7-11 side). They also sell chicken sandwiches, fingers and bibimbap. Very little parking.

Z Asian - As the name implies, this is a Vietnamese Kitchen. I kid. I spoke with the owner and the name is more preposterous when explained. It's not even like when companies try and get first listing in a phone book (or whatever they use nowadays) by putting AAA in front. This puts them last. He said it is for the Z generation. He, somehow, is trying to force them to eat his "traditional" dishes which he thinks they are forsaking. I'll get back to that in a minute. So, I guess he thinks they will see a "Z" and be drawn like moths to a flame and then he sneaks in the same-o lame-o menu. I'll bet his menu is listed online. I guess he doesn't know people can do recon before they leave the house. It gets better. Now, he is now going to change the menu to have more "street" food. Doesn't that defeat the original mission statement? I guess those dishes could be "traditional" But, why not start there? The menu is BOOORING. I used to like Vietnamese food. But, I can think of no other category that is as "me-too" as Vietnamese cuisine. Rice Noodles (with or with out broth). Or swap noodles for the rice itself. And how about a roll. Fried or raw. It's the same dullness in every Vietnamese restaurant that opens. Give me a break. Try something not "traditional". Even if it is just to differentiate yourselves so you can charge more. I'm begging you. If there are no more of grandma's recipes you are hiding from  us - Evolve!

I had a $12 noodle special that they rang up as beef ($2 more) and then made it seem like they were doing me a favor by fixing it after I called them out. It was rice noodles with grilled pork and shrimp and a spring roll. The spring roll was most likely purchased ready made. The pork was good. The shrimp were tiny and terrible. Old shrimp taste and smell married with a burnt taste and smell. This is another thing I'm starting to resent. The quality of the goods served is very poor. Especially seafood. They make $5 Chines take out look particular. You can't even experiment because you know anything "exotic" won't be fresh. The noodles were tasteless (as they must be). The fish sauce (that you have to employ) is a poor major component. It's like the first Vietnamese ate this and then one day said "This is so bland. The fish sauce isn't working for me. Can I at least get the water from the pot with it"? And pho was born. I hope they can come up with some new dishes because there is no reason to come here (or anywhere) as it is. Just pick the closest Vietnamese place and go there, They are all identical. *Another disconnect is that this "traditional" menu has two Thai dishes on it.

The place looks ok except for the misplaced logo and neon sign. The "traditional" décor is at odds with them. The tables and seats are wood. The chair frames are metal. Wood wainscoting. Black ceiling. Gray walls. Some nice art work. It seats about ninety. Bar against back wall. Window views of traffic. Nine people there. They still asked me to move to another table (from the one the host seated me at) even with no dinner rush probable. Unsurprisingly, no new customers came in after me. It opened in May. Not open Monday. Parking in back. On 50. SusHi next door. Obviously I'm not recommending it. I don't know if you saw Rock of Ages. In it, they make a boy band called Z Boyz. with a z on the end. That is the joke. They think the Z makes it better. It doesn't. It makes it worse. Way worse.

The Steer Steakhouse, Belle Isle - Closed

I tried this steakhouse in the old German restaurant location (Baern Steuben?) on South Orange and Sand Lake on Saturday at lunch. They are closed Sunday and Monday. They opened in May. It was a good value. Way better than any chain steak restaurant. I had the daily special because it was so amazingly inexpensive and then threw in an app for curiosity's sake. The special cost $9 and was comprised of salad, bread, prime rib and side. The salad was a little "American". Iceberg, cherry tomato and cucumber. The veg and bowl were cold, so, it was pre-prepared. That killed any flavor it would have had. The veg were all fresh though. The blue cheese dressing they buy had big chunks of cheese in it. The bread was pressed and buttered and cut into strips. The spread was a little off. Either butter stored uncovered in the fridge (absorbed odors) or margarine or something. The prime rib is something I usually avoid because I find it fatty and slimy. They grilled theirs with a rub and that was something I approve of. (and never have seen). It was a long, thin cut. The only problem was that it was one third total fat. All of one end. You couldn't trim that? Probably why it was on the special menu. It came with a sauce it didn't need. They called it Hunter sauce. It was a dark gravy topped with fried onions and cauliflower. For a side, I chose mac and cheese. It was a huge bowl full. A little bland and thin for my taste. Maybe they used skim milk? Or they didn't drain the pasta well? They put some cheese on the top. That helped. It came in a metal tin. The app I settled on was chimichurri beef skewers. They cost $8. I thought they would be strips of flank. They (2) were cubes (4) of a better cut. I couldn't eat them there (too full), so, I tried one cube and then wrapped them up and nuked them the next day. They were good. Even after a wait and an x-ray. No fat. Sauce was good. The menu is small enough to be managed. They have T-bones and filets, etc. They have sandwiches and burgers. They have other meats (ie gator). They have soups and salads. The wine selection was better than I expected. They have a wine display area in front. They have flights of beer. You know that's fancy. Prices are in line. Service was fast and polite. It seats about sixty. Only four others were there at lunch. It is an open floor plan with room between tables. It has a Western motif. I believe a piano man performs nightly. Parking was ample. Informal dress code. I wasn't sure if it would be have "airs". It doesn't. It isn't STK, but, it isn't Texas Roadhouse either. If that is the scale from one to ten, then it is like a seven on the fancy meter. If they lose things like the Hunter Sauce and used fancier salad greens, it would make them more "respectable". However, I'm sure their target market would rather not see that. I enjoyed what it offers and loved the value. Let's see that more than the average viewership of this blog is seated by the time I return.

Shaka Donuts, SoDo

I tried this debut donut shop on Michigan, one block east of Orange, yesterday in the morning. They opened on January 1. Although it sounds Polynesian, it is a CF ideation. I had a Samoa (Caramel icing with toasted coconut and chocolate drizzle) and a Black Sand Beach (Oreo Cookie "sand" on vanilla icing). Both cost $1.65. Bargains! They serve a "cake" (unleavened) donut underneath. The fluffy kind is in the works. They spit them out of a machine into oil before your very eyes. This means they are super fresh. And warm and soft. They also "top" them to order. This slows things down. The work space and work force may be too small if they blow up. Worth it though. Maybe they can redesign? They have a host of "fun" donuts. Six icings (chocolate, vanilla, caramel, cream cheese and two others I'm flaking on). They also top with peanut butter and cinnamon. They all have nick names. There is a Buddy Dyer. I stayed away because I thought it would be slimy and/or have pock marks in the dough. Maybe a trendy gray sand coating. Toppings are things like Reese's Pieces and Fruity Peebles. They also have breakfast sandwiches and coffee. A soda was only $2. The place is small. Modern. It was full. I checked in because traffic on I4 scuttled plans to go further west. I'm glad the Ultimate Lifetime Employment Project did it's thing and rerouted me here. It will be the first to be on the 2020 Favorites List. What was that thing Ali G used to say? Shak-shimas? Anyway. Shaka Khan (I know that's a mis-spell). Shaka Zulu. And shaka your ass over here for same damn fine donuts. I Just Can't Shaka My Love.