Grub Crawl - Lake Mary: Lawless Subs (Closed) and Krazy Greek Kitchen

I went to these places near City Hall today. The idiots at the Sentinel said there was a food truck gathering here on the last Sunday of the month.

Lawless Subs - I had a white hot dog and a roast beef sandwich at this spot where a sweet shop and a cupcake place used to be. They have been open for one week. They have another shop in Altamonte. The dog cost $3 and was great. A Syracuse area dog - Hofmann's (which coincidentally I just saw in Publix for $5 for a pack of 6). The bun was fresh. The dog was more of a weinerwurst (veal/pork). Great snap. The roast beef (they roast the beef themselves) was tender and rare. It came on a "in house" baked sub roll. They have a 7" and a 11". I had a 7" with swiss and their horse radish sauce. You could have filled it with greenery too. The meat volume was way more than you get at any chain sub place. I think it was supposed to cost $5, but, it totaled $5.75. Maybe cheese was extra or I mis-read. They have most kinds of deli meats and they'll put anything on a dog. They also have a spicy one (and a think a regular one). They also have salads and serve a small breakfast. The owner was there and was very cordial. That Deli finally has competition. This place is cheaper and has hot dogs. They have an Atlantic City motif.

Krazy Greek Kitchen - This place is also new and took over the Delano spot. It is an offshoot of Zorba's in Longwood. I was a little disappointed that the Pork Souvlaki pita ($7). It had only had 4 cubes of what seemed like reheated (dry) pork in it. The to go stuff, at least, seems not to be made to order. They also seemed to be a little pushy on the up sell. The place looks the same. They have a pretty large menu of Greek food. The prices seem typically over reaching. I'll never get why they think their level of gastronomy deserves these prices. For example, a 1/2 of a chicken cost $10. I think the supermarket sells a whole chicken for $6. It's just a mechanical roaster. Lake Mary now has two Greek places and two (they opened a Whitewood a few days ago) Mediterranean places. It will be interesting to see if they can all survive.

Russell Athletic Bowl, Downtown

I went to the Russell Athletic Bowl at the Citrus Bowl last night. Louisville crushed the U. The Miami side was full. Louisville left their upper deck mostly empty. Good to finally see more than 5k people there. Our idiot politicians scheduled road work on the streets between the bowl and downtown. A great way to exhibit the city. The stadium is still a dump, but, they served 25 ounce beers.

Pub Crawl - Downtown: Magnolia, Church Street Tavern and Kasa (Closed)

I went to these places last night before and after the bowl game

5-5:30pm: Magnolia - The place was until recently called On The Rocks. It's one block towards the lake from Orange Ave on Magnolia Ave. I'm not sure if it has the same owners, but, the receipt still had that bar's name on it. It was empty because it was so early. It seems to be one of this new trend of themeless bars. They just played early 90's trip hop and was devoid of hipster beers or glitzy faux-Miami chic. They said it draws well. A young crowd.

5:30-6pm: Church Street Tavern - It's another new "regular" bar. Supposedly it has a "Pittsburgh" theme if you need to assign one. I saw no visible evidence. It was packed with Louisville fans watching the basketball game. They serve food. It's next to Hamburger Mary's in the old Dessert Lady spot (another one of the suckers our politicians conned into opening in an area that must be the only one to see a Five Guys fail). I don't think they changed a thing.

9:30pm: Kasa - I had a crudo (raw) plate of salmon. My friend had a cheese plate. They were ok. My crudo was just a bland cut of salmon with no oil or citrus bath (just some flavored sea salts). It was basically like 6 pieces of sashimi. Nice presentation. It cost $8. My friend's cheese plate was supposed to be manchego, aged parmesan and something else. He got a "brie-like" cheese, aged gouda and goat's milk. He said they were good. They came with sliced baguette toastees, almonds and some kind of sweet shmear. Not sure what it cost. The place is the old Urban Flats on Church and Orange. It looks great. They have ice cube like, raised and bottom illuminated sinks in the bathroom. The inside is mostly Ikea chic. It was fairly full of what passes for the glitterati of Orlando's young society. It emptied early (after din-din). The service was polished and attentive. It's run by the people who own Bento. If I didn't think tapas was a greater rip off than sushi then I would love the place. However, I'm still more conditioned to pay out the ying yang for Japanese elegance than Spanish rusticity. However, I see their need to diversify. The menu is way smaller than Ceviche and probably a little more fusion.

Grub Crawl - S. Orange Ave : Gnarly Barley, Tartini, Old Dixie Fried Chicken (Closed) and Middle East Market

I ate at these locations on Tuesday. The first three are on S. Orange at the border of Pine Castle and Belle Isle. The last is on OBT a little south (one strip mall) of Sand Lake.

Gnarly Barley - I had a whole wheat panini "veggie monster" of cucumber, cream cheese, tomato, cheese and some kind of spread or dressing that I can't recall. I know. Who goes to a place like this for rabbit food? But, if you had eaten as much southern fried and barbequed mess (see how Southern I got on my trip) as I had in the last six days then your body would also be keen on anything green. Not that this bomb was any less fattening. However, it didn't protein stress my metabolism. It cost $7. It was fine. It needed a foil to the savourinness. I employed hot sauce. Anything spicy or piquante would work. I suggest they add it to the makeup. Very one note as is. I combo-ed it for an extra $2. That meant a drink and a side. I chose mac 'n cheese because of course theirs is legend - wait for it - dary. It was good. The sandwich was big. The place is small. It seats about 30 inside and 30 on a patio. It's really a shack. They do the whole pretentious beer thing and have what I'm now going to refer to as a hipster menu (since it is becoming so cliche). Thankfully no burgers. The menu is small. Around a dozen items. Mostly sandwiches with fattening accoutrements. It's perfectly quaint and appears to be actively managed. The twist here is the hipster is a girl. Grab your free trade bicycle with the one big wheel in front and a small wheel in back and the girl from the Haverty's commercial and comb out your 1850's beard and be the locavore you were born to be. Service was good. The place was near capacity at lunch.

Tartini - I had a pollo parmigiana panini with a side salad to go for $8. It was very good. It really was more of a sub than a pressed panini. They julianned the chicken. I have never seen it served that way. It allowed the chicken to lay in the bread and absorb the sauce and cheese better than a whole piece does. The cheese "blend" is a combo of fontina, mozzarella, provolone and parmesan. BTW - did I tell you provolone is just old mozzarella? I also just learned (not for here) that fruits and vegetables grown at the northern most sections of their growing area are always the best. Back to irrelevant nonsense about where I eat. It came with a side salad of romaine, cherry tomatos, red onion. Basic, but, crisp. The place is brand spanking new and kind of an oddity in this run down industrial neighborhood. Well every waterfall starts with... The owner is Slovenian and for those of you brought up in the public school system, that is not part of old Czechoslovakia. It's the northern most part of old Yugoslavia on the eastern border of Italy. A beautiful area. He has created a very modern and clean space. Very steely. The man loves his grey. And glass. The menu has a little Northern Italian feel, but, more like American Italian. Small selection of greatest hits. I hear the specials can bring some excitement. The big draw (I think) is wood fired pizzas. It's a little closer to downtown than Gnarly

Old Dixie Fried Chicken - A relic. 50 years + old. A great old sign. I had a two piece for $3.45. Small breast and wing. Gave me a little stomach noise. Hardly breaded. Could have been fried a little longer. They have a dine in area. Go for nostalgia. A little closer to downtown than Tartini. On the other side of the street near where S. Orange forks for a little.

Middle East Deli - Threw this in because I had to get some stuff at IKEA. Had a great falafel pita for $7. And I'd like to preface this with the admission that I don't love falafel or pitas. Just couldn't do meat as I've previously explained. This may be the best falafel in the city. The one negative was a little too much raw garlic in the falafel. But, the hummus was great. They added a bunch of pickled items (an actual tiny gerkhin and some kind of root vegetable - maybe jicama) that set it off. The falafels were freshly fried. They give you five or six golf ball sized nuggets. The people were nice (Lebanese and Egyptians). The meny has a few more things than most of these places. They have three rotating spits. They sell Middle Eastern consumables and trinkets. Once again, the first place I've seen represent Egypt. The place is basic and seats around 40. More of a deli.

Grub Crawl - Clermont : Robata, Crooked Spoon, Uncle Kenny's BBQ, Akina and Lakeridge Winery

I ate at these restaurants in Clermont on my way to New Orleans last week. They are all near or around 50 and the 27 interchange. None is really a destination spot, but, maybe a combo like I did or as part of an outing to the area.

Robata - A aging hibachi/sushi restaurant in a strip mall on Oakley Seaver Dr. Although at least some of the staff seemed Japanese, the place had the run down, satorially challenged feel of a Chinese restaurant. I ate small because I was eating often. I had the Maki Roll Lunch Special for $8. The tuna (really ahi tuna) was ok. The yellowtail had no flavor. The rice was gummy and dry (an accomplishment). The rolls were cigar sized. The place has six, arced booths and tables that seat around twenty more on the sushi side. The other half of the space has the hibachi tables. I didn't really take notice of how many they seat. Not worth ferreting out.

The Crooked Spoon - The pumpkin turned stage coach or food truck turned restaurant was a little less ambitious than I expected, but, I found a good meal at an acceptable price - $18. I had a quail stuffed with (oh my God I'm going to forget because it had so much stuff in it) black rice, sun dried tomatos and chorizo on a parsnip puree. It had a gastrique of figs and something else and a compote of I forget. In any event, the bird was cooked well. The puree was nice and the stuffing was not wet or dry and had nice flavor. I didn't love the gastrique or the compote. Just unnecessary. I know chefs are bullied/brain washed into developing layers upon layers of flavors, but, sometimes just pick a trio and let them shine. It's easier to conduct a band than an orchestra. This one felt as if a few instruments were out of time. I didn't need the sweet elements. The place (an old Friendly's) has a nice gastro-pub veneer. They recessed the low ceilings in places and added alot of Pottery Barn-ish iron fixtures. It must seat 100+. They have a bar area and a patio. Nowhere feels crowded. The menu's appetizers were more interesting than the entrees. They haven't abandoned the gourmet burger or hot dog nonsense yet and bacon is still chic here. The staff was great. It is very polished. They even have a multitude of flatscreen TV's showing sports. It's right at the intersection of 27 and Citrus Tower Blvd. Look for the giant Citrus Tower ($6 to enter the tower if you were interested). I could be pressured into advising you to find this one.

Uncle Kenny's BBQ - This place is in the Citrus Tower parking lot. It was on 50 in Winter Garden when I first tried it. They gave me a rib to try. I was ok. It had oregano in the rub. The brisket sandwich I had for $7 was flavorless and tough. Not sure how they are winning awards. The place is narrow and seats around thirty.

Akina - A sushi restaurant. I had two pieces of conch nigiri for $2.60 each and two pieces of salmon for $2.70 each. The conch was crunchy but not sweet. The salmon was bland. The rice had too much sake (sweet) in it and was overcooked and not properly washed (starchy). The pieces were big and the wasabi was fresh. A much newer and cleaner spot than Robata. The vibe and look here is more modern. They had cooked meats and noodle dishes. The menu is small, so I hope they have it down backwards and forwards. Not really a destination spot. A little south of 50 on 27. A strip mall after a big expanse of abandoned land.

Lakeridge Winery - A nice, free tour with a huge, free sampling at the end. The wine is iffy, but, it is interesting to see all the ways the try and adulterate the wine. It's a little north of town on 27.

Louie and Maria's, E. Colonial

I ate at this Italian restaurant on 50 in between UCF and 417 after Thanksgiving vacation. I had a personal pizza for $7 and a side of spaghetti for $4. They were fine. The pizza (never as good when shrunk) seemed to have decent mozzarella and the sauce was just tomato. They coat the bottom with corn meal. The spaghetti was was thin and came with the similar unadulterated tomato sauce. The place is fine. They get points for using quality ingredients and caring enough not to cheat. They lose points for a basic, unambitious menu and grubby location and aged environment. I'm sure they have the business side down and the menu is a result of their experience with their clientele. It just makes the allure small for people like me. I prefer what they are attempting at Peperoncino. This is NY "goomba" Italian in the best sense. The gnocci look great. It's just not what you get in Italy. Which is fine. Just be aware. It's quantity over delicacy. The place seats about 80. It's in some sort of old carousel? building that they added a dining room to. The decorations make it look like something at a theme park. But, the service was good. It felt non-professional in a good way. In a "this is a family run place" kind of way. The portions were huge. They aren't phoning it in. And the prices were reasonable. I think the most expensive thing was $20. I wouldn't seek it out (maybe from UCF), but, it's a good asset to the neighborhood. There really is a Louie and a Maria and they are still in the trenches.

Hot Krust Panini, Sand Lake

I grabbed a panini on my way out of town before Thanksgiving at this sandwich shop near Whole Foods. I had a special sandwich (a something something Ruebini) that replaces corned beef with steak or some kind of beef for $7. It was delicious. My two year old nephew even loved it. The beef made it less cloyingly savory than the pork does. Every element seemed fresh. The beef was tender. No pulling at it with your teeth. It came out quick and the owner was nice. The place seats about forty. It's clean and new. It seemed to be doing brisk business. They have about a twenty regular sandwiches and half a dozen gourmet salads. Wings and soup and fries too. I think the most expensive thing was $9. Good option if you want something easy. And this is the price point for assembly line sandwich shops? They should be shamed by comparisons to places like this.

Peperoncino, Sand Lake

I had lunch at this Italian restaurant on Via Dellagio off Sandlake before Thanksgiving. It has been a while, so you'll forgive me if I am a little forgetful about the experience. I had a weekly special that was a soup (Zuppa Maremmana from the Lazio Marenma region) and Pollo alla Crema for $12. You could have chosen from two soups or two salads and four entrees. It was a great bargain. I didn't even talk about the two courses of freshly baked bread that accompanied it (dough from NY). The soup was made up of red wine, pecorino, veggies and egg. Tasty. Seemed to have been made to order (or at least finished to order). The chicken came in a cream sauce that was a little thinner than I was expecting, but, all the better that you didn't have all that fat sticking to every bite. The pasta was expertly cooked rigatoni. This also seemed cooked to order. The kitchen was (wo)manned by the owner (in blue) and her Venezuelan assistant (in white). The owner is Italian if that comforts you. The menu changes every day. Somebody is really trying here. It's a pleasure to talk about. The place is narrow and seats only about thirty five. As I remember, the kitchen takes up one half (open) and the seating area is faux marble tables with clear plastic 70's chairs. The walls are decorated with mirrors in gilded frames. It's a little thrown together. I remember some red tones. They have a small bar area with non-distributor suggested mass appeal wines and beer. Prices were a little on the high end if you didn't do the lunch special. I don't think they had pizza. If restaurants have an artisan grouping like food stuffs do, then this would be a special member of that classification. Don't waste a seat on yourself if you like Bucco de Beppo or other phoned in Italian slop houses. Come here if you appreciate effort and artistry. It may not be the highest caliber Italian in Orlando or around the world, but, you can bet they would die trying to be. The only dump in the punch was a $3.45 soda. It's like they (Italians) can't exist without hustling you a little. The name is a little "fast foody" too. And you thought I was turning soft.

Grub Crawl - Mt Dora: Windsor Rose, Pices Rising and The Goblin Market

I ate at these restaurants around the main street (Donnelly) in the afternoon on Sunday.

The Windsor Rose - I had chicken and leeks which turned out to be a pot pie. I thought I read the description close enough, but, I guess I did not. It was a ramekin pot pie with a pastry top. I usually find this short cut to be off putting, but, the pie was good. The vegetables were fresh and the "gravy" wasn't too salty. The pastry wasn't raw or burnt. The portion size was adequate. I didn't love that they used pre-shredded commercial chicken. It was way too perfectly and uniformly shredded to be home made. It came with an acceptable field green salad. The place is an English Tea Room. It's mostly girls who have traded their dolls for real people. Some were even reliving the pantomime by donning "prop" hats they provide their patrons. No fear of lice? The decoration is composed of culturally appropriate photos, signage and curios. Lots of "royal" love. They serve "high" teas, sweets and mostly English styled meals. My meal was around $12. The service (4 or 5) was good. They all switched in and out. They are in costume. The place is on 4th in between Donnelly and N. Alexander. They have a Sunday breakfast that I was too late for. The place actually got more crowded after 1:30. It seats about 70.

Pices Rising - I was going to just save this place for another time because it has a nice view of the lake, but, I accepted that I don't come here as often as I say I will and they baited me with a boast about having the best fish in Florida. After perusing the composition and prices on/of the menu (barely any fish on it/slightly high prices) and consulting my watch (past two), I decided the best course of action was to just get something at the outside bar. I settled for a crab cake for $9 (plus the price of having to listen to a live entertainment). I figured it would give me some indication of their ability with fish and they were also boastful about how this had no fillers. Predictably, the cake stunk. All claw meat and half cooked. I knew they were full of it. However, if you want a nice-ish view and some nice-ish food then buy into the hype. Maybe they do deliver if you take the time to dine inside. I'm just not wasting my money or time to find out. The service was polite and the meal did come out quickly. It's on 4th after N. Alexander. It seats over 100.

Goblin Market - The place I wanted to eat at all along. They were full (seats around 80) and I should have just taken the bar seat offered. However, I did wind up with a very good Kurobutas (aka Black Berkshire's in Japan) porkbelly sandwich to go. The bun was good. The pork was good. The orza salad was good. The flat sided french fries were good. The sauteed rhubarb green topping was good (and a first). And this was after it survived a car ride home and some time on the counter. They even wrapped it intelligently with a tin foil cover to keep the food warm. The only downer was that they charged me $13.50 instead of the $12.50 on the menu. That and that I didn't get to eat in this cute, little place. It has two cute patios. I will be saying cute often. One in the front and a cuter one in the back. It has two, cute, first floor nooks. It has a cute second floor dining area and a cute bar. It's a converted home. Lots of charm. Very B and B. The menu is smart. The food came out quickly. They said it has been around for 17 years. My guess is that it is the best place in town. It will be fun finding out if my hunch is right. En vogue/urbane food without pretentiousness. It's in an alley between 3rd and 4th and in between Donnelly and N. Alexander.

I also suggest that you consider a lake tour. They have a $28 one that is two hours and a one hour that is $20. That was at the pier off 4th. They had others at the Inn.

Club Crawl - Downtown: Saddle Up, Don Jefe's, Schumann's Jaeger Haus, Vixen and El Budare Food Truck

I went to these locations on Saturday night. It was an ok night despite the threat of rain. Alot of people were dressed up as gangsters from the 20's for some reason.

10-10:30pm: Saddle Up - A new country themed bar on Orange and Washington that takes up two or three commercial spaces. The girls here were the hottest. It makes it a prisoner's dilemna whether to stay and have your brain tormented by purile lyrics and infantile melodies or leave the most "normal" looking prospects in the area. The fact that most of the hip hop places offer the same but different conundrum makes the choice a little easier. You have to choose between Hannah Montana Cyrus and Twerky Cyrus. To me there is nothing more pathetic than Spring Breakers-like white trash, so I guess it's Hannah. The place doesn't charge a cover and I hope most of the "average" people who now go to Wall St come here. Save the ten bucks. They have three bars and people (mostly girls) were line dancing in the back. They have a patio. They weren't showing my football game so I had to leave. Came back later though.

10:30-10:40pm: Don Jefe's - I walked through the old Antigua's on Church St. They did an ok job. Seems like the same crowd, yo. Took to long to get served. Two of the three bars were bartender-less. 10:40-11:30pm: Schumann's Jaeger Haus - I caught the end of my game here and had a beer. The bartender had painted on eyebrows. It's the old Dragon Room on Church. They did a good job making it look like a German beer hall that would be at Epcot. I don't know why the didn't take the Bliss space. It already looked like a beer hall. I have to go back and try the food.

11:30pm-12am: Vixen - I can't remember how long this spot has had this name (or theme). It's a little, narrow spot on Orange across from Corona Cigars. It's so narrow that it is cut in half by the bar. It looks like the owner of the club next door kept getting bugged by his lower twenty something RISD girlfriend and gave her this spot to shut her up. It's a female empowerment bar. The manifestation of that message is sexually charged and confused women on canvas. The walls are covered with sluts. Not that there is anything wrong with that. Just get ready for that type of night. Friendly service. The hottest bar (by line size) is two doors down. I just can't see waiting on line in Orlando.

12-1am: Back to Saddle Up

1am: El Budare Food Truck - Hot Dogs, Hamburgers and Arepas. I went to a Chicken Arepa for $5. Large and very good. They are on Pine on the highway side or Orange.

Grub/Pub Crawl - College Park: Hangar Bar (Closed), Soda Fountain, Alfonso's and Ollie's

Here be (I feel like speaking like a pirate) three resturant/bars that have changed ownership since I last went to them (must have been pre-blog because I couldn't find mention of them when I searched) and one new ice cream shop that are all on Edgewater Dr. I went there on Friday night.

The Hangar Bar and Grille - Two things don't fit here at this unremarkable franchise wannabe - the snippy host(ess) and the well crafted food. I wish I could have been more of an acolyte for the menu, but, the aforementioned queen soured me on the place almost immediately. Not because he she was "born that way", but, because this average working man thinks gay means class or means not ostentation and vulgarity. You must know that you aren't even skilled enough to be a server. This is where the manager puts the high school girl with no job experience that he wants to bang. Dial down the pretentiousness. You have nothing to be pretentious about. My first piece of advice to management is to explain the pecking order to this fop. This is not an en vogue New York club. This is a sports bar, that by the looks of it, is barely scraping by. Look up obsequious and adjust. On to the food. I would have ordered the $25 mixed grill if not for Fruity Peebles and the fact that they didn't have the chorizo (25% of choices) and they offered chicken, but, it wasn't on the menu so I didn't know what kind it would be. The waitress couldn't clear it up and didn't seem to understand why this would be an issue. I wasn't going to trust a sports bar with steak or tuna (the remaining options). That may have been a mistake because the pulled pork sandwich I did order ($9) was really good and came out hypersonically. The fries they were paired with were also good (if starch coated) and plentiful. I did eschew the soda refill because I was scared Fruity may have tried to have it adulterated. So, nah nah nah if you did. Like I said, the place smells of theme envy. I wouldn't mind so much if I just didn't feel that they were going for something that could be reproduced mechanically. The place is where the old Harmoni and Wildside were. The layout is similar. I'm not sure if they expanded to another room or not. I wasn't here when it was Wildside. The corner section has the bar and window seating. The "inside" room has booths, tables and house the open kitchen (where they wanted to inconvenience me in an empty, unreserved dining room). It's clean and wooden and full of aviation themed wall hangings. The menu was gastro-pubby. It has flat screens that were tuned to sports. I'm not going out of my way to come back here, but, I wouldn't discorage you. Lunch is especially sensible. Most of those meals were under $10.

The Soda Fountain - I had a Banana Foster's single scoop cone at this gourmet aspiring dessert shop that cost under $3. It was delicious. You know I don't even like sweets. Great flavors and texture. Made with expertise. The place is cute too. They just opened two weeks ago. You really shouldn't be getting your ice cream anywhere else in the area. I think they change the flavors regularly.

Alfonso's Sports Bar - I wish I could remember the Irish Pub this was and the thing it was before then. I can't. McSorely's? Any way. Nothing has changed except the menu. Instead of predictable American fare with some Irish to it, it is now predicatble American fare with some pizza to it. Take your fat American family here and wallow in your own fecund crapulence or lower your insulin levels with pitcher's of beer and then accept anything that is put in front of you. That's what places like this are for. Of course they had to have an annoying band of forty somethings. We don't want to watch you play pick up basketball and we don't want to hear you play The Heat Of The Moment.

Ollie's - Hopefully occuping a higher level on the bar food pyramid is this old Jax (from the people who brought you FinnHenry's Downtown). I didn't eat here, but, the beer and liquor selection (and patron's promises) makes me believe they care more about what you put in your body than Alfonso's. The beer was cheap. The selection was varied. The place is cute. They still have the patio. It looks similiar to the old Jax. Maybe a little nicer. It's near the high school.

La Casa de Las Paellas, UCF Area

I had the seafood paella for lunch at this grossly misnamed Caribbean/Latin restaurant on 50 near UCH/434 on Saturday. It has two paellas! The Valencian ( I think they misspelled it on the menu) which I ordered, but, didn't get. It was made with four legged ingredients. And a seafood that was made with frozen and canned water breathers. A full portion is $35. Ridiculous, but, not unheard of (why I usually never order it). A half is $17.50. I would reiterate that this place is more of an islandy mofongo and tripleta place. They have no justification for tricking you into thinking it may be Spanish food. Not that that should be enticing enough anyway. I should have done a two entree meal for $20 or just a sandwich for $6. I could sense that this place wouldn't know what it was doing. But, we all have to be so open minded these days. The place itself is also underwheming. It must have been an old Long John Silver's (it still has a drive thru) that they didn't redocorate. And on top of those fishing nets and shell diaramas, they hung Asian fans. Makes perfect sense. The chairs are all mix and match. The tables are covered with plastic. They have exposed wires and dusty glasses disturbing the eye. A real mess.

Back to the "paella". As I said, the shellfish (3 mussels, 3 clams, 3 shrimp and a lobster claw) that came with their unis on were obviously frozen. The meat had freezer burn or just tasted rancid (clams). The mini mussels, squid, scallops and clams they added to supplement the decorative pieces were straight out of a can. They were salty and desicated. They added some some chewy calamari rings, but, they had no flavor. Which is probably good because flavor must mean salt where they learned to cook. I would bet they even chintzed on the saffron and used turmeric. The rice was probably not even bomba rice. You know you are in trouble when you are experiencing the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) during your meal. I'm not sure if I ever got to number five. My bargaining was to just not get seafood poisoning while out on the town later in the day. The waitress said the food was (at least in part) Dominican. That explains it. It's like trusting an Asian buffet to prepare your sushi. They just don't know how to do it and don't know that they don't know because they have never seen it done right. This place also serves to expose Bite magazine and the fat lady at the Sentinel as the charlatans that they are. If they refuse to retract their opinions on this place (paella in particular) then I suggest that they be relieved of their duties. Only the most generous of untraveled yokels would find this acceptable. If you don't believe me, book a flight to Valencia and see for yourselves. The place seats 120. All the more unfortunate because they can disappoint greater numbers. Happily, the place was almost empty when I ate there and the ones who were there were probably brought up on these bastardized versions of European staples. The one good thing was the service. The poor one woman show was polite. I felt bad for her that her task masters fed themselves in front of her until I received my meal. It was actually an act of kindness. Huge miss. The worst part is that the preparation took a long time. so, either they were cooking their own lunch when they should have been cooking mine or this travesty was freshly made. I suggest you leave this place to the ex-pat day laborers that come here for the "back of the plantacion" make do's.

Pub Crawl - I Drive: Twin Peaks and Dave and Buster's

I stopped into these place on I Drive on Friday night.

Twin Peaks - How could you not add this to your to do list after seeing the billboards? It's, predictably, a pale clone of Hooters. The theme is Ron Swanson hunting lodge. All the fake bric a brac you can counterfeit. The one "differentiation" is 29 degree beer. I ordered Guinness and someone should inform management that 29 degrees doesn't work for all brands. This needs to be served "warmer" to allow that cascading action to take place. A large-ish mug was $7. The bimbos were artificially flirty (as expected). A little less marked up than Tilted Kilt girls, but, still too trashy for guys who believe tattoos are for sailors. All in all a perfectly uncomfortable, artificial experience conjured up to franchise a by the numbers assortment of fattening food. But, maybe you are a loser enough to want ogle single mothers and highschool drop outs yet so meek that you are intimidated by a strip club.

Dave and Buster's - Talk about yin and yang. The only oversized, artificial breasts were on the video screens. A really impressive arcade. I had never been to one. Part arcade and part carnival. I just walked around, but, I could see coming back to while away an hour or two. They had a restaurant and bar too.

Atlas House, Sea World Area - Closed

This will be the first time I get to write a review and then close the page in the same post. I went to what is now no longer the regions only Uzbek restaurant just past where I Drive meets the CF Parkway. It's "transitioning" into a Mediterranean restaurant that I won't be trying out. For no other reason than I don't want to go this far out of my again. I settled for one of the two Uzbek dishes they must not have sold out of. It was a rather unspiring dish of steamed beef dumplings called Manti. And no they didn't have an imaginary girlfriend. It cost me $10 for a plate of eight. They were ok. I wasn't really expecting grastronomic excellence from this region of the world. It came with a really thick sour cream. Hopefully that was authentically ethnic. It's sad. The place looked nice and clean and appropriate. I guess they just couldn't make that menu work. It's basically Middle Eastern and Russian style foods (including all the regions and ethnicities that have been represented in them over time) with some Indian mixed in (ie Non bread). It makes sense. The country was in the middle of the spice route. Not sure who influenced who. They even had spaghetti/noodle dishes. I wanted a rice dish/stew called Palov (saw it on Rudy Maxa in Uzbekistan), but, you read above. And so ends a perfectly pointless exertion of effort. They say they will try and keep a few Uzbek dishes, but, the name (which means something about rugs or tapestry) will be different so I'm not sure how you will know.

Deland Museum of Art, Deland

I went to see the exhibit at the museum at 600 N. Woodland Blvd on Friday and was given a free pass to the exhibit at 100 N. Woodland. Woodland is the main thoroughfare that runs through town.

600 - They were showing a Florida artist collection of permanent and "on loan" pieces on the first floor and a Latin/South American collection on the second. The Florida collection had more breadth than depth. The show cased some jewelry artist. Check out the bronze that resembles a found art piece. you won't believe it's metal. The "Latin" collection - I was going to say had more depth, but, it also had photography, paintings and sculpture. I especially liked an arist (I think Mexican) called Jesus Leuus. Some creep eyes on his figures. Very evocative. There was also an interesting Costa Rican sculpturess. Cost = $5. Ends January 5, 2014.

100 - They were showing a collection of "small" paintings from the Butler Institute of American Art (Youngstown, Ohio). I think the earliest piece was mid-century 1800's. It was mostly artists from the North East with some South West and a few local (Ohio) boys tossed in. It's always nice to focus on lesser known artists and schools that you usually pay little attention to in the bigger museums. They did have Lichtenstein, Warhol, and Motherwell for you contemporary nuts. And Grandma Moses and Edward Hopper for you historians. I'm not sure when this ends.

Grub Crawl - Deland: Santorini, Mr. Bill's Donuts and Pat & Toni's Sweet Things

I cobbled together a food adventure on Friday after I learned that Cress is too successful to service the lunch crowd. I really should call ahead.

Santorini - I ordered a pork souvlaki to go because I always do chicken and most Greek dishes are over priced in my estimation. I've been watching this hairy munchkin named Yannis' The Cooking Odyssey cooking program and he must have subconsciously crept in. It ran me $6. The pork in these sandwiches is usually sinewy and full of fatty, chewy nonsense. This was all palette pleasing white meat. It wasn't even dry/overcooked. The portion was enormous. Usually you get to the bottom of the pit "cone" and it's all rabbit food. You usually have to save a few pieces that have tumbled out of the front of the sandwich and stuff them into the last bites. Not so here. It was pork to the bottom. The tzatziki was nice too. Just a hint of Horseradish. The apologist who commented on the Meditteranean Blue review should encourage his homeboys to drive up here and learn a thing or two. The pita was fresh and spongy. The lettuce and tomato could have been a little fresher, but, they usually could. I had the sandwich to go because the place (though small) was packed. It's a usual Grek menu with some interesting specialties. A bit more seafood than the Greek places around here. The service people were friendly. The food was ready in an acceptable period of time. The place is small and not too appointed, but, it's a good representative of Greek cooking.

Mr Bill's Donuts - I just had a $1 regular donut because I was stuffed and I wasn't convinced by the cover of this book that the sandwiches, etc they serve would be judged delicious. The donut (almost out of everything) was freshly made and respectable.

Pat & Toni's Sweet Things - Two bites into my chocolate bacon strip I asked myself - "How long does cooked bacon stay eatable"? Doesn't really matter because I won't be having it again. At least without a better quality of chocolate. To me it's a bad marriage. And one that gets worse the more you see of it. Maybe as an accent. This caprice cost me $2. I also had a little cluster of chocolate covered potato chips that some how came to $3. I should have asked the same question of this as I did of the bacon. The answer would be - not as long as they offer them for sale. These things were rancid. The started giving me stomach cramps. I also tried a cluster of chocolate covered frosted flakes. A little better than the chips, but, I think they were turning too. I'd advise you to avoid the chocolate covered "naturally occuring" items. Stick with science experiments like twinkies and gummy bears. The place has a lot of candy. I think their questionable milk chocolate is a remnant of amother era. An era of ignorance. Don't settle for this poor relation.

Grub Crawl - Downtown : NY Deli, What's Your Beef, Big Wheel Provisions

NY Deli - Orange Avenue - I had a grilled cheese at this non-descript cafe across from the Suntrust building. Everything looked average at best and I had bigger fish to fry so I settled for this bland excuse for a grilled cheese made in a panini press. I don't even think the bread was buttered. It's a small shop that survives because of it's proximity to the office workers above it. They must be easy to satisfy.

What's Your Beef - Washington St - I had an Italian Beef sandwich at this deli/cafe a few blocks north. I didn't grow up on these things so I guess it was a good representation. I just think all Mid Western fare is unimaginative and boring. This was warm roast beef slices in a roll and dunked in broth. Yawn. Maybe it will bring back childhood memories for you? The place is small and rectangular. It's mostly counter. They serve a variety of hot dogs, sandwiches, salad and breakfast.

Big Wheel Provisions - Washington St - Right across the street from Beef, this food truck is really interesting. The menu is all over the place and the portions are small, but, it delivers flavor. I had a sopprassetta (it's like salami) sandwich on a baguette with field greens, cucumber slices, shaved white asparagus that was sweetened and pickled, mayo and some sort of cheese. It was wonderful. I actually felt better after eating it. Is that what freshness can do to you? It was $6.50. They had about half dozen entrees and a few amuse bouches. They said they change it up regularly. Check it out.

I have no idea why this post was redated when I edited it. I went to these places over two years ago.

Renting A Car in Europe Tutorial

I rented a car in Europe this summer and found out the following things:

1. Your credit card doesn't cover your deductible (unless you have Amex Gold or above).

2. Your auto insurance doesn't cover you at all in Europe (probably). You need to buy some from the rental company.

3. You still need an international driver's license. I'm told you can get it at any local AAA office for $15 and a one hour class. A joke of a class.

4. Rates vary wildly by city. If you are driving to a few countries, check the car rates before you make an airline reservation. It might be cheaper to fly into city A than city B.

5. Gas is expensive there. You have to use a 98 octane at a minimum. Don't put in the wrong stuff. Ask before you pump. Credit cards won't always work or they pretend they won't. A real problem if you run out of gas near a station with no attendent. You will learn why they have 20% unemployment. It's all machines.

6. Some countries have bizarre rules about breathalyzers or toll passes, emergency equipment, etc. Check that you have what is required in each country you will visit. And always check you have a spare and jack, etc. A cel phone is nice to bring along. 7. Alot of tolls have no collector. Make sure you have enough change or credit cards that are on their system. I had some that were supposed to be, but, didn't work when the time came. Make sure you get in the right lane if you want change, want to use cash, etc.

8. They are installing alot of robotic speed detectors with cameras (even on the non-highway roads)! The rental company will charge you credit card for them weeks to months after you have left. Use that time to replace your cards (new number). For some reason they can't find your new number later on even though they have all your other contact info.

9. If you get in a crash, the cops will take forever getting to you and then tell you that you could have just filled out a form with the other driver. If you do crash and ask the rental company to replace your car, they will charge you for the tow (even if it was the other guys fault) and tell you that they aren't. You will see the charge when you drop it off. they will also try and stick you for a full tank of gas. take a picture of the gauge before you release the car. They will also charge you for the repairs immediately and then never chase down the guilty party to indemnify you (or they pocket that $). Call you credit card company and then dispute the charge. Then replace the card. They will be too lazy or disorganized to respond by the date they are issued. You will get a letter in the mail later. Just ignore it a remember not to rent from them the next time you go to Europe (it didn't effect my renting domestically from the same company). Hopefully, you won't have a warrant out for you. Haven't gotten that far yet.

10. Triple check the car, fill out the form and photograph it and things like the fuel level. They still play games. I wasn't allowed to inspect my car before they gave me the keys. I wasn't offered the inspection form. The guy who was supposed to go through it with me and sign it never could be located. I kept having to run back to the counter.Not what you want to do at six am after a red eye.

11. Rent from the local website not the US .com one. Supposedly better prices. Also, check out some European rental companies.

12. Almost everything the US agents will tell you over the phone will be wrong, inconsistent or ignored when you go to the counter. There they have you by the balls and you will agree to anything.

13. Don't say you are coming in by plane or give them that info. If the flight times change, the computer changes your rental times and can put an extra day (for example)on your bill that will change the quoted rate. You will be confused as to why the bill is more than quoted. You don't want too many issues when the counter person can pretend not to speak english well.

14. You will be hassled in countries that are different from you license plate. They even do breathalizer checks in areas around booze producers. I'm not sure if it is legal, but, they pull you over randomnly.

15. They have tolls everwhere ($!). Try the smaller roads.

16. They are jerks about bringing the car in early or late.

My Experience -

I started getting quotes around a month before I left. The rates were outrageously low without insurance. I kept calling in to inquire about the insurance protections and prices and got a different story everytime. Everything was included, theft was extra, you only need collision, it's this price, it's that price. It turned out they have a "super insurance" that covers everything with no deductible. It tripled the price! The next one down had a $800 (they told me $500 over the phone) deductible and doubled the price. Collision only was slightly less. Theft and personal property protections were about half the rental price. Theft was about 2/3rds of PP ins. I didn't want to buy them a new car if it got stolen. I took the one with the deductible. A kid rear ended me and they charged me (not over the deductible) to fix it even though I waited to get a police report that exonerated me. They did get me a tow truck and took me to a different city to get the new car (was a hassle). They didn't seem very thankful that I didn't try and keep driving the car around and damaging in further. I want to reiterate that they quoted me a different insurance price everytime. I think they knew I was going to have to buy it and they tried to take advantage. Some of it could have been lack of lead time (price goes up), but, it happened in the same day.

Summary - Don't get fixated on the non-insured price. Get the full insurance and don't speed. European roads and parking spaces, etc are tiny. You will probably have some sort of damage to the car. Pick the right city to rent from. Prices fluctuate wildly.

Air Conditioning Tune Up Tutorial

I had a home inspector over a few months ago and he said my A/C was blowing low so I I had someone come and look at the system a few weeks ago. I compared a few offers that I received in the mail.

Top Quality - $49 (Diagnosis with one free pound of freon) Certified - $59 (Diagnosis) Sears - $39 (Diagnosis and filter) DBK - $69 (Diagnosis) Harell - $29-$49 (Service call extra) Home Depot - $38 (25 Point Diagnosis)

I went with Home Depot (outsourced it to ARS) because they described what they were going to do the best (over the phone and in the store). Plus I believed I had a leak after reading up on this stuff (will cut and paste the best article at the end) and knew it would be pointless to get the free freon.

A few tips before we get to the service call. 1. Freon or R22 will be outlawed by the end of 2014. The price has jumped from a few bucks to almost $100/lb in some areas. ARS quoted me $69. I probably have a 6-7 lb unit. Some of these guys were touting a free filter. They cost around $2 each in a package of three at Home Depot. By far the lowest price. Don't even think about buying them in a supermarket.

Service Call - He (pleasant fellow) came 1 1/2 hours late. He checked the freon with some kind of pressure gauge. Said I needed 75 lbs and was at 45 lbs. He couldn't add the freon because the added pressure would just force freon out at a greater rate than it does now. Logical. He then did some more stuff around the outside unit and unscrewed the cover to the inside burner. He scraped around the inside, but, did none of the heater inspections or servicing promised by HD. I didn't complain because I know it is fine. He then went back outside and attached a wet vac to clean out the drain pipe. He said he drew out dirty water. I didn't see the wet vac before he used it so I hope it wasn't a slight of hand. I didn't really care at this point because I had just wanted to confirm that I was low on freon and have a leak. The whole process took about an hour.

Impressions - I think this service is a waste of money even if they do what is promised. If you have low output, you have a leak and need to schedule a leak search. They offered one for $280. I have to shop around for a better price. The search doesn't include a repair. Lord knows what they quote for that. The inspection (if done properly) was supposed to help a little (see cut and paste below). My tech said I would see no difference. It made me wonder if he did all the things that he was supposed to. He also said that those commercials for cheap units from Appliance Direct only are sold to commercially licensed customers. I'll have to check on that because they were advertising units around 2k and all the other ones either don't list or I think list around 6k and then give a rebate.

Helpful Article from the Internet...

Air-Conditioning Tips, original prior to 1990?? Edited 07-17-2010 Edited 03-25-12 Edited 07-25-13 The information will help you stay cool and save money by keeping your A/C running at peak performance. It will help assure that your Air-conditioning is keeping you as cool as possible and working and cooling as efficiently as possible while saving you money. And help you decide if you need a professional to service your Air-conditioning system.

(1) Air filter(s) MUST be clean. Filters are located in the return air duct adjacent to the air handler or in a return air grill(s) in your wall or ceiling. Check your air filter every 30 to 90 days to make sure it is clean. Depending of the house, i.e. if you have animals you may need to clean or replace the air filter(s) more often. (Go clean them now!)

(2) Flip the switch or push the button on the thermostat for the fan setting to FAN ON, not AUTO. This will run the indoor fan nonstop. The outside A/C unit will still cycle with a call for cooling from the thermostat. The constant air moving will keep you cooler. You can probably keep the thermostat a degree or two higher than normal and still feel comfortable. You will also maintain a more even temperature between upstairs and downstairs. This will SAVE you MONEY because the outdoor condenser will not come on as much!

(3) Make sure that you wash the outside condenser coil once a year. If it's dirty the A/C will run hot and inefficient. A sign of the coil being dirty is the small exposed copper pipe (tubing) line, usually 3/8" O/D connecting the inside unit with the outside unit will be HOT to the touch.

(4) If the small exposed 3/8" copper pipe connecting the inside unit with the outside unit is hot to the touch there can be several reasons why; (a) A/C is low on refrigerant. (b) The outdoor condenser coil is dirty. These are the two most common reasons for it to be hot to the touch.

(5) "Warm Rooms" on the lower levels of the house where it is cooler cut back / partially cut off some vent registers (Diffuser) but do not close them off all of the way, doing so could interfere with the static air pressure (air balancing of the system.) Make sure that all the ones on the upper floors where it is warmer are open all the way! Also, see paragraphs #2 & #9.

(6) "Doors" if you close the door to a room make sure that there is about a 3/4" gap between the bottom of the door and the floor. You may have had carpet put down on the floor and now there is no gap. This is necessary if you have a central return air duct in the hallway. The return air ducts need to pull the warm air from the room.

(7) Never leave the house and turn OFF the A/C. then come back home and turn it on and expect it to cool the house anytime soon. Doing this will not allow the unit to cool down the house for several hours. You can set the temperature up five to ten degrees but NOT OFF. This is because of Latent heat buildup in the walls and furniture in the house and will make the A/C work harder to remove the heat, this takes a long time.

(8) Never turn the A/C off than back on in less than five minutes, this will short-cycle the compressor and can trip breakers, blow fuses, or cause permanent damage the compressor. You should have a time-delay install on the A/C to prevent this during power outages! Most digital programmable thermostats have a time-delay of 3-5 minutes built-in. Having a start capacitor and relay is a good idea. This will increase the life expectancy of the compressor by starting faster thus keeping motor electrical windings temperature down, using less electric to start.

(9) Keep blinds closed, curtains drawn, window shades down. A working attic fan would be a good idea. Plenty of insulation in the ceiling & walls. Air tight storm windows. Keep outside doors and openings close, etc.

(10) Ceiling or other fans are a good idea, they can keep the air moving and make you feel cooler. Ceiling fans also help with keeping the temperature more even between the floor and ceiling. Note: during the summer ceiling fans should be blowing the air in the downward direction, but in the winter you would reverse the air direction to blow upwards and at a much lower speed.

(11) "Icing of the indoor coil or the large insulated covered copper pipe. There are two main reasons for this, lack of air flow or low on refrigerant. Lack of air flow can be a dirty air filter, dirty indoor evaporator coil, dirty fan blades, damper in duct restricting air flow.

(12) "Water inside around air-handler." The condensate line is a drain pipe coming from the indoor evaporator coil to an indoor drain or to the outside. This can become clogged and cause water to backup and can produce about five gallons of water an hour. This is where all the humidity and moisture from the house goes. This is usually a 3/4" white PVC plastic pipe.

(13) You should NEVER need to add refrigerant (Freon) to a system, if you are adding refrigerant this means that there is a refrigerant leak in the system that NEEDS to be fixed! (Why KILL the Ozone layer?) and running your system low on refrigerant can cause damage.

(14) Checking the cooling with a thermometer. There should be a 15-20 degree (Delta-T) temperature drop across the indoor coil at the air handler. Check the temperature drop in the duct close to the coil, if air coming into the coil is 75 degrees than the air leaving the coil should be 60-55 degrees. If it is higher or lower there is probably something wrong. Too high of a drop, IE more than 20 degrees drop, could mean lack of air flow or low on refrigerant. Less than a 15-degree drop could mean too much air flow, dirty outside coil or low on refrigerant.

(15) Never cover the A/C (Outside unit) with plastic or an air tight cover; this will cause it to rust.

(16) Do NOT let animals (Cats) (Dogs) etc. Urinate on the outside coil. This will cause it to corrode (rust) and then leak refrigerant.

(17) Keep grass, leaves & weeds from blocking air flow on the outside A/C.

(18) Do NOT build a deck close to the top of the outside A/C or anything else that could cause the warm discharge air to re-circulate back to the unit.

(19) Fuses, Circuit Breakers and wires should never be hot to the touch; if they are hot you may have a sizing problem or a loose or bad electrical connection. (20) You can stop hear, the rest may not interest you.

When you need to have your equipment repaired/serviced make sure you use a licensed contractor who should be insured and obtain permits from city/county officials when required/necessary. Or a member of the (PHCC) Plumbing, Heating, Cooling Contractors Association. PHCC contractors are professionals who adhere to a published code of ethics that improves the industry and protects your health, certified by the State Board of Contractors. They also have licenses, bonds, insurance and obtain permits when required by local municipalities. The PHCC logo is your assurance of quality in this profession! Isn't your health & safety worth it? It should be! Call 1-800-533-7694 for more information about the PHCC.

Air-Conditioners DO NOT add cool air. What they do is move warm air from the inside and transfer it outside. R-22 & R-12 ETC.. Refrigerant is a manmade product invented by DuPont and given the trade name FREON. Warm air travels towards cool air. So saying close the door I am trying to keep the heat out would be correct. Warm air rises.

The temperature of refrigerant is directly relate to the pressure it is at and vise versa, ie. R-22 at 0 psi is -40 degrees below zero or at 60 psi it at 32 degrees. This is misleading; the temperature change is NOT related to pressure really, but almost totally tied to the change from a liquid to a gas. When liquid Freon is expanded to a gas it gets really cold (latent heat of evaporation) and when the warm gas is compressed to a liquid it gets hot. The temperature change in say compressing liquid Freon to a higher pressure (adiabatic compression) is small. You see the same effect when you crack the valve on a CO2 or propane bottle for example. You will get a smaller effect with a pure gas, like when you fill a Scuba tank it gets warm or drain it quickly the valve gets cold right at the expansion point, but this effect is not great enough to run an AC system.

The physics of phase change from a gas to a liquid and vice versa drives most weather as well, for example.... With water it takes as (I recall) 560 (or was it 590...) times as much energy to boil water from 100c liquid to 100c gas as it does to raise the same amount of water 1c in temperature. Freon is less dramatic than water in terms of this energy amount, but it boils at a much more convenient temperature for human AC units than does water. If you wanted the inside of your house to be 100c you might want to run water in your AC.

FYI only. ***************************************************** Keep in mind that heat goes toward cold and not cool to heat. All the A/C compressor does is pump vapor to create a high and low pressure, ie. A low pressure at the inside coil for a low temperature for the refrigerant to absorb the heat in the house and a high pressure at the outside coil to give off the heat the refrigerant absorbed from the inside coil to outside. Over sized A/C will run short cycles and not remove the humidity and moisture from the house, an under sized unit will not be able to keep the house cool on a hot day. You MUST be careful to get the correct size A/C for your house. A/C's are sized by tons; there are 12,000 BTU'S to a ton of cooling. ("Ton" means 12,000 BTU'S of heat is needed to melt one 1 ton (2,000 Pounds of ice) You need to move 400 CFM of air per ton of cooling across the indoor coil. 450 CFM for Heat Pumps. Each CFM (Cubic foot per minute) of air will carry 26.7 BTU's of cooling. You need a heat-gain calculation done per room to get the proper (CFM/BTUs) to be delivered to each room and the total (Tons/BTUs) needed to cool the house based on designed weather conditions in your area.

The above is my personal opinion and advice, please feel free to obtain other opinions as I may have got something wrong. (I am sure if I did you will let me know)

Food Truck Bazaar - Sanford: La Empanada, Caro-Bama BBQ and Swededish

I ate from these food trucks on Saturday night. They were near the harbor.

La Empanada - I shared a trio of empanadas (chicken, beef picadillo, mac and cheese)for $9. All were great. Pastry was light and non-greasy. Probably egg roll wrapper. Made to order. A great start to the night.

Caro-Bama BBQ - I shared a brisket sandwich with Alabama white sauce (vinegar and mayo) for $7. My first white sauce. Fine, but, classic is better. Nice smoked brisket. Good second step.

Swededish - Grinding halt. Let me start by revealing that I'm half Swedish and I went with my full Swedish first gen cousin. We both hated it. Agreed that it was a piss poor representation of Swedish cooking. I had a Leif (meatballs, mashed potatos and cucumber salad) for $9. The meatballs were dense as gob stoppers and tasted like the salisbury steak you can buy frozen for $1 from Banquet. I had one and through the rest (5) out. Mt mother is a terrible cook and these made me long for her meatballs. The potatos were watery (not buttery like The Bite opined). I thought they might be mix in the bowl powdered, but, I think they were just poorly made. The cucumber was ok. My cousin had a Odin Sandwich (roast beef)for around the same price. It came with nothing. She took a bite or two and threw it out. I think she only ate what she did because I was so pumped to finally find this truck. Once again I apologize for my people. Swedish cuisine is trying to shake a poor reputation and this truck set us back decades. The menu isn't even a good representation of Swedish food.

Grub Crawl - Antiques District: Santiago's Bodega, Cindy's Tropical Cafe (Closed) and The Hammered Lamb

I ate at these restaurants around the Antiques district on Wednesday.

Santiago's Bodega - I was sitting at this tapas restaurant on Virginia (between the antiques district and downtown) preparing a diatribe against tapas in general and this place in particular, when the food came. I had a Spanish Board for $12. I was expecting some yellowfin debris and some greasy potatoes and a grisely piece of pork and an unsatisfied tummy. I received a nicely marinated yellowfin ceviche, an unbelievably tasty pot of potatos and a superb piece of pork loin. The ceviche was done correctly with citrus juice. The pieces were lightly seared. Not drowned in caustic liquid. The portion was huge. Around ten ounzes on fish cut into three large junks. It was complimented with onions, avocado, mango and herbs. The potatoes had some heat and worked to balance the ceviche's brightness. The pork (pincho) came on a skewer and added savouriness. It came with a chutney (with mango pieces on top) that added sweetness. It was cooked perfectly. A fully rounded, smartly conceived meal. I've talked to others who have eaten here and the staff and they confirm the portion sizes here redeem the name of tapas. I find they usually charge you post-sushi level prices for hors d'oeuvres. Some just picked from a can. A real curiosity and a possible explanation for their continual fiscal incompetency. It's just too much for what they barter in exchange. Not here though. Each dish is a meal unto itself. The selection is less than Ceviche downtown, but, they have a fair selection and serve much larger portions. They even throw in some Greek elements. The place has an outdoor patio that seats around thirty, a bar that seats about forty and a skinny main room that seats fifty. The place has that Spanish ranchero feel. It's a little gypsy-ish with its bric a brac and chandelier melange. The ceiling is brown. The walls are burnt earth tones with yellow and red elements. The wall art was a bit odd. Like a modern El Greco collection. The service was responsive enough to handle the other rooms and myself. I had been waiting for them to open for a while and I'm happy to say I was not disappointed. Worth finding.

Cindy's Tropical Cafe - I had a small Cuban sandwich to go for $5 from this cafe on Virginia. I ate it for dinner. Pefectly fine. The place is kind of a dump. It has been under this ownership for thirteen years and around forever. They serve some special Cuban meals on Tuesday and Thursday. The rest of the time it's menu is basically cheap deli fare.

The Hammered Lamb - I had a lamb pita to go for $10 from this pub looking spot on North Orlando. It was unbelievable and capped a good day of eating. The lamb was served pulled pork style in a pita. They must have cooked it in all spice or cumin. It had wonderful flavor. The pine nuts added another element. It came with an ok cold penne pesto salad. I should have ordered ten and frozen them. I'd go back just to try that again. Since it's the only pulled lamb dish I have encountered in the area, I would recomment you go just for that. They seem to also have a perfectly acceptable bar as well. It has an outdoor patio and plenty of games of skill inside. The menu is limited (ten items or less), but, some it had some interesting combinations. Good find. They have been open for just under a year. Parking is a pain. Try the park lot across the street if you get desperate.

Oblivion Taproom, 50

I stopped in here for a beer and ended up supplementing the meger dinner I had just had. The place answers the question - what would happen if you combined a Dungeon and Dragoners den with a Heavy Metalers garage and served alcohol. I had a Seaside Tony for $13. It was nasty. It's my own fault. I had to try something called pork roll that they had on another sandwich for $10 and I decided to try out their burger for you for the extra $3. They originally brought me out another burger that had pulled pork, onion rings and bacon. It looked phenomenal. It was a foot high and beautiful. My slop had the pork roll, cheese whiz and a fried egg on it. Pork roll is salty spam (or was it sperm). The burger was disappointing. It split horizontally. I think they are of the school that says smush it to get a good crust. I say it dries it out. In any event, it wouldn't hold together. Maybe the mix (brisket, pork and something else) is not fatty enough to bind it. It came with some decent french fries. I also tried a lager from Cask and Larder. It sucked. Makes your mouth pucker. Way too much hops. This seems to be a popular flavor profile among small batchers. I don't get why. It tastes like herbal tea not beer. The service was good. The crowd was interesting. The girls had more tattoos than the guys and more than a european soccer jersey. A group of people in fox costumes meandered in. The TV's showed sci-fi/horror shows not sports. It is an intriguing alt option with some decent food. They have a lot of microbrews and imports and even more cider. They (not the bar) say it's going to be the next thing. so I guess they are ahead of the curve. The place is near 436. I'd go for the bird watching.

Kabooki Sushi, 50

Run by the son of the owner of a sushi restaurant (Bangkok Square) in the now torn down strip mall across from UCF. I had 2 orders (2 pieces) of salmon for $4 each, 1 order of scallop for $5, one order of wagyu beef for $7 and one order of baby octopus for $4. They were out of conch. The salmon was fresh and fatty. The serving size was a little small. It was a short cut and not as thick as a cut that length should be. The scallops lacked flavor. They had not lost their chill from however they were stored. The wagyu was a lark. I think I've only had beef sushi once before. It could have been any breed of cow. One piece was ok - one was a little gristly. Both were cooked medium rarish. The baby octopus was a sub for the conch and ended up being the best. Very fresh. The heads had a snap. The rice needs some work. All the nigiri pieces fell apart to easily. Maybe water the fingers more or press a little harder. The place is smallish. It probably seats 60. They have a big open kitchen that takes up half the area. There is a sushi bar between it and the dining area. There are four booths on the left, a bunch of tables on the right and some in between. The decor is Japanese modern. The way they hang the art is perplexing. Some are hung real high. There are blank spaces that could fit a canvas. All in all it is clean and acceptable if not inspiring. The prices are in line. The service was good. There were eight others there eating at 9pm. They have some Thai dishes (Mom runs Thaitanic Sushi so there must be some Thai relationship). The appetizers have entree prices. The menu doesn't really have any unique, signature draw. And that is the draw back. It doesn't wow you by its look, execution or location. It needs a reason besides proximity for people to trek here.

Grub Crawl - 50 & Mills: Gigi's Cupcakes, Thuyen Vien, Chewy Boba Company, Noodles and Rice and Bubbles and Ice

I ate at these place that are around Mills and 50 last Wednesday afternoon.

Gigi's Cupcakes - Although a chain of over 70 storefronts, they produce like an artisinal shop. I had a daily special Chocolate Bourbon Pecan cupcake for $3.50. It was very good. I could have lived with out the extra layer of mousse-like frosting, but, I'm sure others will shoot me for suggesting it. They do around ten types of cupcakes a day. The to go box probably costs them 50 cents (but don't trust me because I've never worked in the industry, so, I can't be trusted) and has a nice molded cup for it to sit in. It's at the back of the strip mall that houses Total Wine on the right side.

Thuyen Vien - I had an order of summer rolls to go (3) at this vegetarian spot with an affiliation with an order of monks who live nearby. It cost $3. They were ok. The had faux chicken in them and came with a peanut sauce. The rolls were large. They said they are playing down the religious affiliation and have recently refurbed the eating area and the kitchen. I think I had eaten there once before, but, it looked much different than I remembered. They really just serve a few apps and noodle bowls. Friendly. In the alcove in the middle of the first set of shops off Mills - on the southeast side. It seats about 20. Not a destination spot.

Chewy Boba Company - Another place I had been before that had a slight remodel (the entrance way). I had a regular boba tea for $4. It tasted like coffee water (like it's supposed to). They now serve macaroons imported from a chichi shop in NYC. They also serve teas and slushies. One shop closer to Mills than Thuyen Vien.

Noodles and Rice - I had lunch at this most unimaginative sounding hot pot restaurant on Mills (closer to 50). They have other things, but, hot pots are the draw. It's like a fancier Hotto Potto without the offal. I had chicken/shrimp/straw mushrooms/wood ear mushrooms in a miso broth. The broth was $4.50 and maybe a little bland. The chicken was $3 - nice portion and quality. The shrimp was $4 - 3 nice quality and 1 mushy served head on. The straw mushrooms were $2 and seemed overly washed and were tasteless. The wood ear mushrooms were $1 and were julianned and tasteless. I tried to add a layer of flavor by adding an element between every half bowl I ate. I never achieved it with the elements I selected. I tried to supplement the main components with things from their condiment bar. I used aged soy, pickled cabbage and hot chili oil, but, I failed. It was fun anyway. Most components cost under $3. They have 7 broths. It seats about 90. It's nicely decorated. I believe they use those Nuwave hot plates. I'm not sure if it is destination worthy, but, it's fun if you live reasonably close by (ie downtown or Winter or College Park).

Bubbles and Ice - This rhymed dessert sister (same owners) of Noodles and Rice serves liquid refreshments and desserts from $4-$8. It's next door. I had a red bean slushie for $4. It melted before I could try it. The melted concotion was not potable. It seats about 40. It has a modern look.

Tabouli's Grille, Altamonte Springs

I had a greek chicken pita to go for $7 from this Middle Eastern grill in the Uptown Altamonte project (near WOB) last Wednesday. It was repulsive. It was supposed to be shwarma (piled up chicken thighs on a skewer) style, but, the pieces were already in a metal box. They just reheated some stuff that tasted and affected my digestive system like it had been there for a long time. Maybe it was the gross tatziki or the vegetables. The pita even fell apart. The place looks unispiring. It's in a location that I think had a Nature's Table or some other fast food occupant. They just added some signs that define what these "foreign" words mean. Not that they have much to describe. It's like 5 salads and pitas or platters of the same stuff - gyro meat or chicken. I would avoid.

Kiko, Winter Park

I had a spicy tuna roll to go for $6 at this former Gizmo's last Wednesday. I wasn't about to re-visit a copy cat sushi restaurant that replaced another that I had been to in the same location. The roll was ok. A decent amount of acceptable tuna positioned in the front of the roll to appear more generous than it was. The defect of the roll was the kind of hot pepper paste they use. It was sriracha. I just don't think it works with raw fish. The place has removed the fish tanks and much of the character of Gizmo (which wasn't much). It's a pretty bare bones effort and they need to keep their paperwork out of site. This is not your office. It is our dining area/fantasy world. The menu crossed out the two things that could have made it step away from being just another sushi trap. They had an all you can eat option and they delivered. No more. So what we have left is a typical array of fish, teriyaki, tempura, katsu and dombura and stir fry. The prices are high and per one piece (ie YT = $3). I didn't eat enough too recommend or not, but, it would be an all food play. And it better be supremely fresh and largely portioned to compete with the host of other places that are even below their price points.

Tex Mex Evaluation

I want to compare five Tex Mex places that most of you probably have in your town. The hope is that the weak points of each place will be addressed. I'll do it by their daily special days. You should probably avoid them on other days. A tad expensive for what they provide. They think they are in a class above KFC, BK, Mc, but, they aren't. Chipotle and Qdoba think they are above discounting. They should be avoided as much as possible. They don't even include chips in any of their meals.

Monday - A big day at Moe's and Lime. It's a burrito brawl all day long. Moe's weighs in with the bigger portion size and since it is prepared in front of you they seem to give you more. They also allow pork or steak. Lime has a tiny burrito and only lists ground beef and chicken as choices. I talked with the cashier and she said steak was also a possibility, but, I don't like that they are either too stupid to have clear menus or they are trying to pull one over the customer by hiding it. They also have sour cream on the menu and then they ask you if you want it because it's not programmed right in the computer. Get it fixed. Both come with chips and salsas. Both could do a better job with regards to fresh salsa. The fact that everyone cross contaminates the bowls with their own germs makes me reach for the bottled stuff every time. At least then my only worry is what the ass clowns at the dirty factory did to it. Both places charge $5.99 (Lime is now $6.99 and Moe's is $6.49) and include a soda. Moe's cup is bigger. Lime's usual small price for a soda is over $2. Lime's steak is more tender than Moe's. Both have salty, nasty ground beef. Moe's chicken seems more real. Less Spam-y. Lime's is similar to Qdoba's.

Tuesday - Now it's Lime versus the inventor of Taco Tuesday - Tijuana Flats. Lime tries to match the two tacos and chips and drink for $4.99 (now $5.99). Lime's tacos are smaller. I forget if they pull the "hide the steak" manoeuver here. I like Flats by a nose here. Better ingredients. Slightly bigger servings. Usually hotter waitresses. Lime is less packed. I think Flats is now up to $5.69.

As you see, you should get your Tex Mex jones on Monday or Tuesday. Go to Taco Bell on the other days. Moe's wins Monday (even if they need to reduce the salt in their meat). Tijuana Flats wins Tuesday. Chipotle has good Barbacoa. However, its lack of chips is penny wise pound foolish. Same with Qdoba. I'm always still hungry when I leave those places. Qdoba doesn't even have a hook like good barbacoa. It is the worst value of the five. Lime, at least, is in the game. They just need to be a little less stingy and fix the bugs and make the menu intuitive. Moe's needs to compete on Tuesday and reduce the perservatives/salt in their food.

*went back to Lime a couple of times. They fixed some things and screwed up others. Burrito was bigger. Steak was now over cooked. Another time, chicken was now thigh meat and under cooked (caused digestive issues). Or maybe it was the corn salsa that did it. Also don't like the grilled flavor of the chicken versus the flat top at Moe's. I would have Moe's add a heartier salsa to their mix (ie corn and bean).

Florida's Seafood, Cocoa Beach

I had lunch at this seafood restaurant in Cocoa Beach (on 520) on Monday. I had a dozen and a half white shrimp for $10.99. They were supposed to be a specialty and more sweet. I asked for them steamed since any other cooking method for most seafood is a sacrilege. They wanted to broil them. They came to my table butterflied, so, I think they were prep-ed for broiling and they just put the plate in a steamer or some steaming device. The results were common place. Some were sweetish. Some were ammonia tasting. Either not so fresh or some kind of contaminant polluted the chain of evidence. They wanted you to dip them in melted "butter" (some chemical/oil substitute). I tried once and predicatably it negated any of the natural pleasnatness of the food that was dipped in it. If you use butter for shellfish you shouldn't be allowed to have it. The meal came with a wilty salad and a choice of vegetables. I chose a baked potato with sour cream (in pre-packaged servings) and dry, pre-cooked bacon. They also served some (4) fried sweet fritters dusted with powdered sugar. I don't get how these are supposed to compliment salty seafood, but, they were fresh. The menu is pricey for what it is. These places are the equivalent of mediocre Italian restaurants. Even though the ocean is right there and the place has little allure, they still charge way over $20 for most entrees. It's like living in Normandy and paying a euro for an apple. I don't get how the working class people they rely on to cough up forty bucks a person come up with the money. Everyone there looked like they were on social security, unemployment or food stamps. It's the same all over the seabord. I guess that's why they're poor. The place is a time capsule. It looks like it stepped out of the Fifties. It even has a tiki hut section. It seats about 100. There is a front bar area, a middle area with booths and that tiki area. The decor is mostly light wood surrounded by bad murals and fish tanks. It has every ironic cliche, but, it's not trying to be. The service (2) was fine. It is a little understaffed. The help is more on the recovering addict side of the scales than the Engish butler side. But, everyone needs a second chance and they were polite and professional. I would definetly NOT make a trek out here just for the experience. They advertised in My City Eats and I think that was a severe case of overreach. They are not of the caliber of most of the places they take advertising dollars from. It's a seafood joint. It's not a value. It has cooks not chefs. It is far away. It isn't even on the water (another place has the spot next to it and that "it" is an inlet not an ocean). All it has is fresh seafood. Go to your supermarket. Purchase something. Put it in a pot with an inch of water and wait 6 or 7 minutes. Or slap in on the 'cue or fry it up in pan. Hell, broil it if you must. You'll get superior results. FYI - I think Google improperly maps this place. It's all the way at the end of 520 on the right after the hospital (that is on the left). It's before A1A. Don't stop at Cocoa or Merritt Island.

Tortas El Rey, OBT

I had lunch (it's a drive thru) at this Mexican ex-Checkers location in between I-4 and Sand Lake on Tuesday. I had a chicken soft taco for $2 and a carnitas soft taco for $2. Fine. A little plain. Should have stopped there, but, I was starving after trying and failing to find another place and the place said it was the "king of Tortas". The Torta al Pastor I had was disappointing. I liked the roll and the toppings (mayo, lettuce, tomato, beans, etc), but, the "sweet pork" was mostly absent and tasted like bad Chinese food. They have a nice menu of sopes, hurraches, tacos, burritos, etc for a little place. It did take inexplicably long to get the food (you slap a scoop of pre-cooked meat on a bun). It's authentic. It has that going for it. Which is nice. They said it was Tijuana-style (insert donkey joke here). I wouldn't make a day of it, but, if you are in the area looking for crack whores and the crystal meth (or that new one - Molly) hasn't silenced your appetite, then by all means go for it.

Woodlands, OBT

I had a Mixed Vegetarian Pakora to go from this Vegetarian Indian restaurant in between I-4 and Sand Lake Rd on Tuesday. It cost $6. It was fine. It's fried veggies. The frying was ok. The portion was small and further disappointing because half of it was peppers (I don't eat) and half potatoes (boring). The place gets very good reviews so I'm not telling you to avoid it. I'm just saying what I had was average. I wasn't expecting to be blown away (why I didn't sit in) and it was about what I expected. A mostly Indian crowd in a re-purposed, old, cafe like environment that saves the extra penny by not taking AMEX. A food only play.

Hotto Potto, Winter Park

I had dinner at this Chinese "hot pot" restaurant at the intersection of Aloma and 436 (old strip mall with Friendly Confines) on Monday. I had: meat stock for $3.50, pork slices for $2.50, pork stomach for $2.50, duck feet for $3 and cuttlefish for $3. If you are wondering what goes down here, this is how it works. You order a broth (3 types) and then some animal parts to boil in. You can also get veggies and noodles too. You get a little bowl full of the aforementioned and drop them in the boiling stock. It's like The Melting Pot or Colorado Fondue Company (at a much lower price point). As you can deduce by my "unusual" melange of tidbits, they have a large variety of components. They are good for timid and ambitious appetites. You can replicate most of the standard Asian hot pots with a little creativity (they have a Tom Yum broth for example). So, it should appeal to any Asian "undocumented" immigrant and/or those who want to eat like them. No need to run to the eponymous section of town to partake. I won't bother listing the options. Go and get your mind blown. It's an episode of Bizarre Foods. I had never had duck feet (duck tongues, yes). They turned out to be fine. Alot like the delicate cuttlefish (the webbing) with extra crunch (the toes). And cuttlefish are basically squid. The pork stomach (had only had cow stomach to my knowledge) was predicatably chewy. The pork was fine. Thin slices of pork (not sure of the cut). The broth was good. It changes in taste as you add elements. I was confused a little by the suggested cooking times. I personally believe they are way too long. You'll turn all the meat into rubber. But, I guess they are worried about lawsuits. I was told - when it floats, it is good to go. Consult your nearest Google task bar to see who is right. I bet they say divide the baby in half (like all indecisive ajudicators). The decor is bland. I've yet to see a compelling disciple of interior design emerge from Chinese roots. It's all silk and gold and a nauseating obsession with a roccoco past. The orange seat covers instantly told me this place was Chinese. And if it wasn't that, it would have been their lack of awareness of what is appropriate and what is not. Industrial fish tanks - inappropriate. Children's high chairs - inappropriate. Etcetera. Hide that junk. Your dining room is not your store room. This isn't your home. This is a place of business where people want to escape from the troubles of their day. Don't ruin the illusion. The place seats about eighty in an older space (old strip mall). Most tables are tables of four with a hot plate in the middle. They have a bar up front and a private room down a hall that has a door that should remain closed. The crowd was mostly hipsters with their frumpy girlfriends. There was one table with Asian Dragon Ladies and another with muscled up, small time Korean Gansters and their white, stripper girlfriends. The service (2) was ok. A little slow (it's raw meat on a plate) and scatter brained (they brought me beef and forgot the cuttlefish and had to be asked for a soup ladle and bowl). All in all I liked it. Good pricing and variety. I think I can categorize it as a destination spot. But, only for the novelty of the experience. It's like a freak show. It's not high art, but, you know you'll leave with a queer look on your face and a smile in your heart.

Dylan's Deli, Winter Park - Closed

The final stop on my tour today was this "deli" near The Ravaneous Pig. It's another oversell by Bite magazine (so were the places in the preceeding blogs). The owner bragged about how eagerly his brisket was received by expert palettes. How the owner of 4 Rivers came to learn how it was done. I hate to be (actually don't mind at all) the bearer of bad news, but, it was dry, had no flavor and could have been regular roast beef based on its texture. He said they smoked it. No smoke flavor. He also "warmed" it for the sandwich. That turned the pieces exposed to the griddle into beef jerky. The french roll had the little "braille balls" on the bottom that you get from machine made bread. It was probably bought at Publix. Just amateurish. It came with some cheese and grilled onions. The high lights. It cost $7 and came with nothing else. It's a shame because the guy seemed nice and talked a good game. He seems to know what he should be doing. I guess that being French doesn't ensure you will be good behind the stove. Maybe this was an aberration. But, you can't talk such a big game and then "come weak" like that. The place is a little drab. It's like a dirty pub. Maybe it was because there were no lights on. It was empty at 2pm. It's really more of a sit down spot than a deli.

Yalaha Bakery, Antiques District - Closed

I bought two desserts at this German bakery near the ballet on N.Orange today. The "levain" store is in Yalaha (bakers will get the reference). I had a pecan square for $5 and a "sinkhole" for $4. The pecan part of the square looked like a rice krispie and was good. The pastry shell bottom was a little stale and unnecessary. The "sinkhole" was a circular brownie with a ganache/frosting puddle in the center. It was ok. A little stale too. The place looked promising. They had German preserved meats and bread and all manner of pastries. I just question their obsession/commitment with freshness. I would wager they don't toss out merchandise on a daily basis. Maybe you will time it right (or not notice).

Grub Crawl - Michigan Street: Mediterranean Blue (Closed) & The Sandwich Shop (Closed)

These two restaurants are on E. Michigan about a mile off 1-4. It's kind of a run down part of town that I doesn't have a restaurant that has ever knocked my socks off or been worthy of destination status. These two were not outliers. I ate lunch there today.

Mediterranean Blue - Everytime I have Greek food I lower them down a notch on the worldwide tennis ladder. It's a travesty that they are associated (diners) with food in so many parts of the country. Who encouraged this? I tried to go off page (Gyro is really the only thing they can do) and ordered the daily special. It was a Mahi Mahi "sandwich" in a pita. I was assured the fish was fresh. It wasn't It was frozen. It had freezer burn marks and tasted like bait. It didn't even look like Mahi. It must have been a baby based on the filet widths. Lots of people are accused of substituting this fish. We may have found proof. They put some unseasoned raw cabbage on it and an awful, pungent, salty tapenade. It accentuated the burnt residue of the pita. This thing was poorly conceived. The flavors they did offer didn't compliment. There were no levels of flavor. Sad. The pita was good. I ate a few pieces. Didn't want to ruin my appetite by eating more than I had to. It cost $8. The place is equally unassuming. It's a run down, square, low celinged remenant from the 70's. I've heard they "modernized" it. That means a coat of paint, some signage and a few framed photos. The menu is small (single digits) and basic. They have some "Italian" sandwiches (thinks cold cuts or caprese) and a "French" sandwich. That is the tour of Europe. I'd never go back. I can get a Gyro at Miami Subs.

The Sandwich Shop - They, sort of, salvaged the trip down here. I had a half of a Steak In The Grass sandwich for $6. It was roast beef and sauteed spinach and maybe some cheese (I had it to go and wasn't really paying attention as I wolfed it down driving away from the area). It was served warm. The sandwich did have levels of flavor (some garlic butter too). The portion of beef was large. I was going to question the pricing until I saw the portion size. A half is a real sandwich on its own. It came with an acceptable red potato salad (a little cup). The egg salad you could also choose from looked a little "filmy". The place is drab. It is part of an old strip mall complex. It is mostly kitchen. They have an alley space that seats about eight and another small space in front that may seat four. There is no effort given to interior decorating. It's a "business card on bulletin board" sort of place. They try to be creative with the sandwiches, but, most are staples given pithy names (and not to many of those). It's fine if you live in the area. 

Grub Crawl - Downtown: Benjamin French Bakery & Hyppo Gourmet Ice Pops (Changed to Pop Parlor)

I went to these two places around Lake Eola last Friday.

Benjamin French Bakery - This place is on Washington near Grafitti Junction in Thornton Park. I had a Tarte Chocolate and a Cannele. Both were very good (and I just came from Dominique Ansel in SoHo, Francois Payard and Maison Kayser Uptown). They used a nice bittersweet dark chocolate in the nice sized tarte shell. They added an artistic flourish to the top. The cannele was a little dense, but, it was my first one ever so I have no reference. I think they described it to me as a bread pudding. It looked like a mini Bundt cake. The place is small, but, they have a lot of dessert and non-dessert items crowded into the space. There is room to sit. The owners are from Bordeaux. The cannele was $1.89 and the tarte was $4.

Hyppo Gourmet Ice Pops - Thought I would roll my eyes at it, but, THE BEST POPSICLE EVER! I had a Riesling and Pear Pop for $3 (maybe $3.50?). Lots off pear shards. Fresh. Excellent. Great insouciance. It's after Metro Pizza acroos from Publix on the south side of the lake. Much better than the paletas I had in Nashville. *7/2/14 - now called Pop Parlor. I'm not sure what else changed.

Marsh Hammock BBQ, Downtown - Closed

I went downtown Friday after lunch because I had a rental car until 5pm and I hate driving my tank around there looking for a parking spot. On my way to my intended location (next blog) I spotted a new place on Orange. It turned out to be another barbeque place, so, I doubled down. I had a pulled pork sandwich for $7. It came with a side (I chose potato salad) and a drink. Excellent deal. Less than that shit hole Subway (you've got to see Jim Gaffigan's concert dvd on that topic in Mr Universe). The sandwich was good. A little over cooked/dry. The pork was marinated in sweet sauce. A big serving. Although, my spider sense did seem to think it may be prepared off site and served here. If that sort of thing bothers you. If it does, I hate to break it to you what most food trucks do. The potato salad must have been made with yogurt instead of mayo. It was too bright. It also had a lot of dill. The Diet Coke was fantastic. A real triumph. They should call this place 4 5 6 because they have 4 salads, 5 entrees (chicken salad, turkey/swiss, BBQ chicken breast, chicken legs and the PP) and 6 sides (beans, cole slaw, chips, broccoli salad, corn salad and PS). It small. It seats about thirty. It's counter service. It's clean and new. It's near Leo's Diner in the strip mall near the courthouse. It is a perfectly adequate substitute for any sit down meal option and a step up from any usual take out place in the neighborhood. I wonder if they have a place near Oviedo based on the name.

Cave Inn BBQ, Winter Garden - Closed

I had lunch at this new (June) barbeque spot on Old Winter Garden Rd at the southern end of Winter Garden last Friday. I was a bit apprehensive since it is so far from where I live and I didn't want to waste a day searching for bad barbeque. I'm glad I didn't chicken out. It's definetly a destination spot. Maybe my new number one barbeque place in Central Florida. 4 Rivers is still excellent, but, it traditional. This place is boundary pushing. Like an iron Chef judge, I give extra points for that. First off they don't smoke. I've only heard of one other place that doesn't sport wood (doesn't mean there aren't others) and that is Maryland. The owner isn't from there (Massachusetts) so we'll have to chaulk it up to ignorance or prejudice. I'd wager it's a life style choice. A preference for this style. You'll be questioning your own barbequ-ality after you try this. You might just turn bi (smoked and non-smoked). The brisket sandwich I had for $9 was delicious without the smoke taste. Just a cleaner beef taste. It came with a coarse chopped, vinegared, red cabbage slaw on Naan bread. The soft Naan wrapped itself around the slightly firmer meat like a pillowy blanket. It's charred sides competed a little with the meat, but when you dipped it into the bright jus they provided (can also get sauces), it was a perfect sum. The jus and slaw negate the char residue. The bread is also better than a roll because you can rip it into pieces and make small little finger sandwiches/gorditas that dip easier. They give you 8-10 centimeter thick pieces of meat (compared to 4-6 in some places). And it came with a side. I chose a baked potato. They serated it with a knife all over the top half. It looked like a bouquet of potato chips in a potato boat vase. The potato was a little under cooked and I'm not sure if toppings were extra, but, it made the asking price go from slightly expensive to a total bargain. The service was great. It seats about fifty. There were three others there. It looks like a barbeque place/hunting lodge. They have a bar and host live music. The menu has things like pulled pork and turkey drumsticks. It's small, so they have every opportunity to repeat a successful lunch or dinner service. It's the real deal. Inventive, unique dishes served well at reasonable prices. The one problem is that it is hard to find (in a strip mall behind a Walgreens) and it is small. Hopefully, that means they will have to open up additional locations across the county (or country).

Carmel Cafe, Winter Park - Closed

I had dinner at this oddly named Mediterranean chain from Tampa (it is at least not the first one) across from the old Houston's on 17-92 on Thursday. They opened in June. I had a small portion of beef short ribs and polenta for $11. I think the full portion was $17. The beef was very flaky and moist and the polenta was ok (a little loose). The portion WAS small. One little sqaure of beef and a coaster sized, centimeter high puddle of polenta. They have a range of African and European coast dishes. The most obvious ones. Prices stray towards the twenties. The parking lot and most of the restaurant was full. I had to sit at the bar. I probably could have sat at what looked like communal tables, but, I didn't see them until I sat down. The place seats about ten at the bar, thirty at the communal tables (in the middle), fifty in the back and sides and twenty on the patio. The place is reductive modern. You've seen this floor plan in a factory show room. It's from the chain restaurant handbook (modern section). The service was fine. The food came out really fast. They did the old "wait until the check comes before offering a refill" move. Not that I wanted one. It was a an ok "date". No sparks, but, no complaints either. Maybe we can be friends. They just opened for lunch a few days ago.

Grub Crawl - I Drive Area: Pizza Extreme and Giordano's

I bought pizza from these two restaurants on recommendations in Bite magazine. I'm starting to think that they pander to businesses that advertise in it or are not that discerning.

Pizza Extreme - Thank God I just bought a slice and not a whole pie here. The cheese was a salt flat. The dough had a 30 degree slope. Never have I seen a slice have such a discrepency between crust height and tip height. If it were a road, a semi would have run off its terminus. It would have suffered the extent of my wrath had I not then gone to the next place rated. In its defense the slice was only $1.75. The place looks like the American Pie type place I took for (and avoided) all these years. It's in a strip mall past Santo's before Universal (road not park). Pass.

Giordano's - Or should I say Red Baron's. This $13 small pie is an insult to Italians everywhere. A worse blot on Italian dignity than The Jersey Shore. I know they can't do thin crust in Chicago, but, this was bottom of the barrel bad. Refrigerator case bad. Places that use a conveyor belt hide their heads in shame when they talk of the G spot. The guys at Domino's and Papa John's point and laugh. It didn't help that they probably rushed it and it could have used a few more minutes in the ? - microwave? I tried it hot. I tried it warm. I tried it cold. The one thing I can say for it is that the cheese was better than Pizza Extreme's. Maybe they can share recipes and come up with a mediocre entrant. Or band together to battle the world for The World's Worst Pizza. The place looks ok in a parodical sort of way. I hesitate to tell you it's where Sand Lake and Universal meet. Deep dish pies take 30 minutes. Ignore it and hope it goes away. I'm going to put the pizza in the freezer for a month and hope it gets better.

FYI - they are doing a ton of rebuilding on I Drive. Should be a lot of new places on the horizon.

Santos, I Drive Area

I had a buffet lunch at this eponymous Brazilian restaurant on Kirkman (the Wet 'n Wild side). It's owner/chef is Ailton Santos. The meal far exceeded expectations. I had originally come down for an Indian meal at a restaurant I saw in Bite magazine called Shamiana. Watching Michael Cook's History of India on PBS had put me in the mood. Unfortunately for me, (as the office park manager related) it has been closed for years. Nice job Bite. So I audibled and decided to retry Santos to knock it off my list. I tried to try it a few months ago, but, they closed at 9pm. And I thought Brazilians start then. I'm glad I persisted. The buffet only cost $11. The other Brazilian buffets are two to three times that. Now the place is a little rattier, but, choose here if you don't care about faux ambience. That's for the faux rich anyway. The buffet had a cold, salad area. I ignored that. It had a hot area. I tried half of that. And it had a churasscaria window. I was force fed that. In the hot area they had rice, beans, etc and ribs, chicken in a creamy tomato sauce, chicken in a yellow sauce, and beef stroganoff as well as a left over type stew called fajouado, etc. I tried the ribs, the chicken and the beef. The ribs were tasty (no rub or sauce) and delicate. The chicken and the beef weren't over cooked (rare for a buffet) and I think shared a similar sauce base. I think the three sauces started with a roux and cream and then sour or sweet or nothing was added to develop the three options. All were good. Who knew Brazilians knew stroganoff? After changing plates, I ventured to the meat window just to sample a sausage. The man acted like Sam the Butcher giving Alice the meat. He gave we two sausages (a tad overcooked), three strips of sirloin, two top pieces and four pieces of top sirloin. So much for my recently unimpacted colon (thanks to yesterday's ass curdling meal from Thai Thani). I felt I had to finish to be polite. Thankfully, it was mostly medium-ish and had good flavor. In addition to the food, the service was good. Plates were bused and soda refilled lickety split. I chatted up the owner nad his wife and they were amiable. You could see they really care about putting out a good product. The place seats about sixty. It was about 3/4 full of countrymen. I'll bet this is the call for real Brazilian ex-pats. As I said, it's not a looker, but, they recently invested in a new, big sign out front so you can tell it is in operation and it's clean. Like most places that are run or cater to a foreign clientele, they eschew American Express. I recommend the value here over all other Brazilian restaurants in the area. Great find.

*2/27/2016 - I think they are just remodeling, but, they knocked the old structure down and it is not serving now.