Thursday, April 23, 2015

R.W. Blue, Lake Mary - Closed

I ate lunch at this new (two weeks) American bar and grill today. It wasn't satisfactory. Let's start with that horrendous name. It just smacks of banality. Beef O'Brady's, O'Charley's, Duffy's. I've been dreading this visit. These places make me nauseous before I sit down. They are like a joke name on the Simpson's. They don't even reference anything commensurate with excellence. What is the point? Why not R.W. McQuarter's ? - the old DB from the Niner's. You could piggyback on that obvious (sarcasm) Irish gastronomic allure that the others see and there the "quarters" angle. The beer game. Get it? Plus he's an athlete if you are thinking sports bar. I know it's probably some patriotic ploy and the owner is an ex-Marine (that would explain alot), but, give us something for the soul. This isn't Deltona. You don't have to consult a BA in the Humanities, but, don't ask your buddies at the VA.

Ok, then there was my inability to get a parking space. I had to park at the supermarket across the street and play human Frogger. Then lets go on to the near $3 sodas. Then the whole menu that is around 50% too expensive. Then the apps that are as expensive as the mains. It's like they tried to hit all my buttons. I settled on a Wild Heat Pork Sandwich although I knew it would suck. I didn't feel like spending $14 on the similarly sucky owner's "recommended" burger. Recommended because it will separate a rube from the largest portion of his savings the most quickly? The sandwich cost $10 and came with a side. I chose a flavorless tomato and cucumber salad over french fries with fake truffle flavored oil among other options. I usually expect a little vinegar at least with that type of salad. The pork had the opposite problem. It was soaked in a cloying sriracha, berry sauce. Either reduced to long under heat or over thickened by what must be a jam that supplies the berry flavor. It was too spicy for most and too evident for all. Maybe they thought it necessary to hide the quality of the pork. What I could make of it made think it was dry and probably not fresh. It came on two pieces of "Texas" toast. The plating was bare. It could have been good (idea was sound) if it was ... good.

They also have things like a cheese steak, chicken or medium quality fish. Nothing iconic. The place is just a working man's Stonewood (right next door) if you don't already consider that "working class". I think the prices are even close to even. Maybe Applebee's is a better comp. They evince no refinement. It was so hard to hold my tongue when I was continually asked how I liked this or that. A shame because I think they care. It's just like watching black people try and ski or white people try to dance. You know it's pointless. It is new, so, there is some leeway there. But, I don't think it is about the intangibles. Sure they can clean up the the clutter and have fewer plastic tables acting as counters, but, it would still be a place with cooks not chefs, a blase/derivative menu and a pricing strategy that is unsustainable. This type of place has been attempted before and it appeals to no one in the area. It's too expensive for the proletariat and to gauche for the hoi poloi. In case you are anxious to see for yourself, I will let you know that I think they recycled some of past tenants design features. They have a wood accent on some of the walls that I swear I remember from years past. They brought back the booth/table layout. Unfortunately, most of the seating up front is raised. They maintained the open kitchen. It is still a long rectangle. They added some TV's (not enough to cover all wall space). The wall paint is a poor choice. Puke-y. The back walls are too bare. It was about 1/3 full. People were asking "bloggy" type questions, so, I wonder if it was under review.

This place is another cursed spot and I feel bad for all those who wrestle with it. Especially those who didn't have the foresight to see almost everything on their menu is available at the three established competitors around them. Have you heard of due diligence? And even if they were to find a niche, there is nowhere for the customers to park. People! Do not listen to the land lord/real estate agent that tells you that this space is a gold mine because of trail traffic. They all just go to Panera because they are hot and sweaty or just dumb ewes (That's a female sheep crack). I can live without going back (and fighting for parking). I suspect you will too. Why does no one consider the strip mall across for here? It has a crappy Irish pub, a crappy Italian restaurant and a crappy chain sandwich shop. And PARKING!

No comments: