Urban Cafe, Lake Mary - Closed

I had lunch at this Breakfast/Peruvian/Greek (huh?) restaurant on Lake Mary Blvd (near Blockbuster) on Sunday. I had a pita wrap of scambled egg, sausage, potatos, and chesse for $5. Great value. Great flavor. The authentic pita made the dish. The place is nothing to write home about and the Peruvian selection was limited (and Peruvian spaghetti?) but Lake Mary doesn't have a diner (let alone a good diner) so this place has a monopoly. Nice people too.

Club Crawl - Tastings, Lodge and Ember

9pm-11pm: Tastings. I tried this new wine bar on Washington near Lake Eola (in what I call the Lipstick Building) that lets you take sips and pay via a card. It's like a smaller Wine Room of Winter Park. It was clean and new. It was nice. It was empty. Only for wine experimentation so far.

11pm-12am: The Lodge. Typical current and aged Frat/Sor clientele listening to 80's music.

12am-1am: Ember. Back into a pumpkin City of Lights. Last week's sexy crowd was replaced by the fat, the ugly and the poor. A slice of pizza seemed like a more satisfying alternative. Let's hope some hard bodies from Arizona show up next weekend. Pittsburgh trolls please stay home (or go to Central Station).

Hamburger Mary's, Downtown - Moved to Kissimmee

I've been itching to write this review since in entered this burger joint and sat down onto a cushion full of crumbs. I just hopeful that the Church Street malaise will claim this atrocity shortly. I had the BJ Burger for $9.95! It was a burnt (supposed to be medium rare), tasteless, anemic patty that some moron had pressed all his weight into (no juice). Did I mention it was 10 bucks! I know it was abused in this fashion because it came split in sections. It had guacamole (teaspoons worth) and two strips of bacon. The side of potato salad originally came as a side of slaw (Sounds alike, right?). It was delivered in about 25 minutes (needed to overcook it) by a second waiter who was called upon to replace my original waitress disappeared into the kitchen for the said 25 minutes without ever checking in or delivering my much needed beer. The place was almost empty. Needless to say, I ate the meal in apprehension that they had given my food some extra attention. The place is also so very gay friendly that you get a weird vibe. Now I have nothing against men who love men or women who love women, it's just uncomfortable being in that environment. It's like a Felini film for us hetero's. As noted earlier, the place was dirty under it's veneer and the service was bad. The place relies on it's design, theme and it's gay delineation to the detriment of management, quality and value. I would never go there again.

*2/25/2025: Took over Capone's space in Kissimmee

Salad Creations, Altamonte Springs

I had a large Heart healthy Salad for $6 at this salad bar on Friday. It's in the Uptown Altamonte complex. This salad was terrible. I'm still tasting the toxic raw onions. The tomatoes were tasteless and resembled salsa. Even the ranch dressing tasted weird. It made me physically disconfited. The place is nice and clean. They have oldnewspapers and magazine to read. The portions are enormous. They just need better produce.

Cafe Positano NY Pizza, Sanford

I had a regular slice for $1.50 and a deep dish slice for $2.50 on Wednesday at this Italian restaurant where the old Vivona's used to be. The slice was good (reheated). The deep dish was excellent. Fresh out of the oven, it had fresh basil on it and didn't resemble the usual grease sponge that usually can describe a deep dish pizza. It's not fancy and the rest of the menu is probably average, but, it is definetly the spot for a slice or two.

Club Crawl - Stardust Lounge and Ember

9pm-12am: I started at Stardust Lounge around the corner from Spice. It was a cool club. Nicely appointed clientele. Typical of that area. The drinks were cheap. They has $2 beers. $5 Stoli's. No cover. It was pretty full by 12. It's on the list now.

12am-2am: I ended up at Ember. I rarely make it to closing time. Too depressing. But, this was the finest night in Orlando history. I had to drag myself out before I became breathalizer bait. I don't know where they shipped in these people, but, they were hot. They were young. They were sophisticated. Everyone was dressed well because of the cold. The club is half indoor and half outdoor. It's well laid out and decorated. I know I'll go there next week and it will suck. But, for one night Orlando did not induce thought of suicide.

Bravissimo, Orlando - Closed

I had dinner at this Italian restaurant outside Thornton Park last night. It's a good thing for you that it's almost impossible to find. I had an antipasto plate for $10 after viewing the sliced nova they try to pass off as carpaccio. The eggplant and mushrooms were so saturated with balsamic vinegar that they ruined my glass of wine with they after taste. I had the Penne della Casa at $13 for an entree. It took them an eternity to bring it out. Which makes sense since the penne was wiltingly overcooked. The sauce (peas, pancetta, onions, tomatos, cream) was alright. The service was uneven. The place has no parking. It looks like an old tavern that they tried to gay up with art (not Italian art either). The clientele was a nightmare. I sat next to a group of Jewish women who could not shut up about their children or infirmities. Are any Jews not health obssessed? I thought you went out on Friday night with your husband to forget your domestic duties? On my left was a group of bears in which one of the table said he hadn't had a good meal in Orlando for 7 months. He felt good about this place after trying his Caesar salad (followed by Lasgana). There's nothing as depressing as a uncultured, pedestrian gay. Across from me was a family birthday party. Complete with noisy children and old people. I had such a headache after I left this dump that it took 3 vodka shots to recover.

I advise them to go out of business.

Copacabana, Apopka

I had lunch on Friday at this Cuban restaurant. I had a shredded pork panini for $5. The half of the pork (huge serving) that wasn't salted to death was tasty. The place is kind of drab. It's a self serve kind of place. They did seem to have an interesting selection of entrees. It's in the Piedmont Plaza.

Los Portales, Casselberry (Closed)

I had dinner at this Peruvian/Columbian restaurant this Thursday. I had what was suppossed to be steamed sea bass with fried cassava and a Peruvian beer. I got grilled sea bass for $13. It was simultaneously under and over done. It had almost no flavor. I should have tried some of their more ambitious dishes. They seemed well prepared. The place is light on ambience. It looks like they dancehall it becomes every Friday and Saturday. The owners were very nice. The service (same) was quick. Although, there was only one other table eating at 9pm. It across 436 from Patsio's.

Internet seems to think it re-opened or never closed. I could swear it did.

Mima's, Winter Park

I had a beef empanada at this Cuban restaurant for $2. I was expecting a little more flavor. The beef seemed kind of boiled. It was a very clean and had a modern feel. It's next to Carlucci's.

Negril's, Winter Park

I had a chicken empanada at this Jamaican restaurant on Wednesday for under $2. It was tasty. The place was clean and the managment seemed nice. It's across from Bubbalous.

Saigon Gourmet, Oveido

I had dinner at this Vietnamese restaurant last Friday. I had the Chicken Claypot for $11. It had chicken cutlet pieces simmered in a fish stock with brown sugar, pepper, and green onions. It came with two piles of white rice (supposed to be jasmine) and some steamed broccoli. I was a little disappointed that it came in a metal bowl and not a claypot. It was tasty. The place looks like half a fifties diner. There was one other patron. The owner operator was polite. The service was good. It was clean

I would suggest a little more Vietnamese ambiance.

Sho Gun, Oveido

I had a yellowtail roll at this hibachi restaurant on Friday for $5. It was pretty good. The rice was warm and firm. the yellowtail was fresh. I do hate the nori though. The place has some hibachi tables. It's decor is a little sparse.

Chuck Wagon, Apopka

I had lunch at this greasy spoon last week. I had the chicken fried steak with eggs and toast for $6. It was your typical greay breakfast. The service was OK. The place was drab.

The Ravenous Pig, Winter Park

I had lunch at this gastro pub last week. I had the Pub Burger for $12. It was a nice burger. Although the ham handed cook couldn't resist pressing it on the griddle. Note to all burger preparers - Alton Brown proved on Good Eats that searing a piece of meat does not seal in juices. Leave the poor thing alone and it will cook properly. You are squeezing out all the natural goodness. This burger was topped with sauteed onions and blue cheese. It came with truffle oil infused shoe string fries. The place has a bar area (that they always try and force on single diners), a middle room and a kitchen room. The servers were attractive and attentive. The silverware was modern (the knife was balanced so you couldn't lay it sideways). The decor was bricky modern. The place was clean. It was mostly full. They have an annoying valet service (but you can find your own parking if you try). It suffers from what seems to be a decade long muncipal street improvement project outside its doors. The dinner menus seemed alluring (lots of game). I was told it changes regularly.

*10/31/2016 - Moving to Cask and Larder location.

Funky Monkey, Orlando

I ate at this Asian inspired restaurant on Mills on Friday night. They started me off with some free Edamame that was ruined with lime juice and raw garlic. It killed my taste buds for the rest of the night. I next had a shrimp and scallop dumpling for $8 that was a textureless puree that somehow ended up red. I had the rice bowl with Ahi tuna for an entree at $14. It had a cucumber bottom, seaweed and two layers of tuna between the rice. The rice was al dente (but I think this was because it was old rather than cooked right). I thought it was a success until I got home and had to run to the toilet. I had a cheese plate to end the meal for $12. I was a boring plate of boring Wisconsin cheeses that took forever to arrive. It is decorated like an Asian/Bayou whorehouse. They are about 50/50 with relation to table tops versus tables. They have a 5 seat bar. They have all the pretense, but, I think the execution may be a bit beyond the chef's skill level. The service was good. The place was full at its 7 table max. I do have compliment them for having one of their better values at the lowest price point (Rice Bowl). Although, this does remind me that most of the entrees were overpriced for the talent level of the chef.

I would suggest that they leave Japanese cuisine to the experts and choose something more in line with the vibe of the place (like their cooked fish dishes). I would also move the table tops to the back of the space so that the line of sight doesn't stop at the middle of the room. I would also have a few more hands in the kitchen. I would have actual pieces of what you advertise in the dumplings (Chinese style not the red headed stepchild dumplings that the Japanese make). I would roast or lose the garlic. I would make sure my ingredients or cooking surfaces don't cause irritable bowl syndrome (or don't "spike" the food).

Udipi, Longwood - Closed

I ate at this vegetarian Indian restaurant on 17-92 on Wednesday night. Interestingly, I saw a Globe Trekker episode on the region (southern) that is home to the city of Udipi. It is an area mostly devoid of protiens, so everyone eats veggies. It is in the old Clay Oven space. I had poori (deep fried dough that puffs into a bread balloon) for $2. It was very oily. I had a fried "crepe" made out of semolina and filled with curried potatos, green chiles, and onions for $7. It reminded me of the most fried hash browns I've ever had. The portion was enormous! I can't say I enjoyed the experience because I had a sleepless night of indigestion because of it and I think I gained 4 pounds. However, it was very cheap for a sit down restaurant and it was a change from the norm. The service was polite. The place was clean. It had four other couples/families dining.

I would suggest some more ambience. Better (more eye catching) signage.

11 12 Sports Lounge, Winter Park

I watched football last night at these sports bar with a separate night club on Lee Rd. It was clean and smoke free. It was cheap ($2 beers). It had nice flatscreens. They found my obscure game and put it on. It was nearly empty. It had plenty of parking. I know it's in a rough neighborhood but I could watch games here any time. It's also on the Network.

Korean Kitchen, Winter Park - Closed

Last night I ate at this Korean restaurant on Lee Rd. I had a mix of steamed dumplings (beef, seafood, kimchi/egg) for $12. Let me tell you that I find nothing more challenging than Korean cuisine. It's part of its appeal. It's the most quixotic food in the world. It scares you. It transports you. You seriously feel like you are a caveman eating pot luck around a campfire. That said, the dumplings were ok. They stuck to the paper at the bottom of the steamer. The beef ones were a little oily. The real meal/surprise was the vast amount of "amuse bouches" that came with the plate (18 plus a cauldron of bubling goo that became scrambled eggs and a whole fried mackeral). I can recount - kimchi, bean sprouts, eggplant, green beans, sweet black beans, papaya, sweet mashed potatos, dried shrimp, water chesnuts and nine other things I can't remember or define. The veggies were either spicy, salty, sweet or sour. At least one for every taste bud. They also served free cold barley tea. It seemed to be family run. The service was good. The place is a little hard on the eyes (very bare and a little water damaged). It smelled like soap and water when I entered. I though I had made a mistake when I was the only one seated, but, four other families (mixed race) came in after me. They have table side fires. It was clean.

I would suggest replacing some of the ceiling tiles and adding some decor. I would also hide the kerosene tanks that feed the table fires. I would landscape the front and add alot of lights to advertise that you are open. It's a little dark around the building. However, it was a good value and a (still) exciting cultural experience.

Graze, Thornton Park - Closed

I ate dinner at this retaurant on S. Eola Dr on Friday night. I had the soup of the day - a creamy potato soup infused with cheese for $6 and the crispy fried chicken for $17. The soup was delicious if a bit penurious on the portion side. The chicken was a re-imagining of a typical chicken fried steak. The chicken was served atop of mashed potatoes with barbeque sauce, a white gravy and garnished with ground pork. It was as good as this meal could be. All the elements (even the barbeque sauce) worked off each other. The restaurant serves fish, etc but I tried this hearty duo because the chef is supposed to be some kind of soul food empresario. While she was not in the kitchen that night, the meal was prepared well by the chef on call. The best part of the experience was that these signature selections were the cheapest on the menu. Nothing is better than getting the house specialties at rock bottom prices. The place was techy-chic and clean. It was mostly full. The wait staff was attentive and knowledgable. They were well dressed. They served fresh baked bread. The wine selection was well chosen. The dessert menu looked tempting. They had cheese courses. They have outdoor seating. The plating was good.

I have no recommendations. It was a thoroughly pleasant experience.